Author Topic: MTF in need of help 2 (Read 27856 times)

Rachel · « **Reply #420 on:** April 16, 2022, 09:00:16 pm »

So I asked why she never kissed me. I always kiss her when we great and when I leave. She said I am a bad kisser. So I talked to Melissa about it and she said I told he I do not like to kiss woman.

What Erica said is I tense up my lips when I kiss her. I know I do not tense my lips when I am kissed by a guy. Something I noticed about myself.

Rachel · « **Reply #421 on:** April 24, 2022, 06:22:40 pm »

I went to a party by NYC Saturday night. Several guys said I am pretty and one said beautiful. I wonder if they are sincere. They did not have to say what they said. I wonder if I should take it on face level and go with it.

I do know I have been on HRT for 7 years and had FFS. So maybe my body may have been taking some time to respond to HRT or it has taken me time to accept what others say. I have been told my voice sounds female. My head voice sounds very different than my recordings. I guess I just need to accept this too.

davina61 · « **Reply #422 on:** April 25, 2022, 02:49:45 am »

A complement is a complement so take it dear, the voice is like when I play the Cajon and I have to ask is it any good as I cant hear it in the room with the music.

Rachel · « **Reply #423 on:** April 25, 2022, 05:39:33 pm »

@divina61, congratulations on you recent success.

My voice is drowned out in a loud environment too.

Rachel · « **Reply #424 on:** May 12, 2022, 05:24:03 pm »

I have a lot of zoom calls. Many of the meeting are with woman and with large gatherings. I put my frequency analyzer on and pay attention to frequency, age, lip length, orbitals and face. I have seen some very interesting results. If you have the opportunity it may be worth your while to replicate this. I have learned a lot about voice paying close attention.

Rachel · « **Reply #425 on:** May 25, 2022, 04:54:28 pm »

I just ordered a blue tie-dye Tankini on Etsy. There is another baiting suit I want too. I just need to buy the one for this summer and try on my other bathing suit.

Rachel · « **Reply #426 on:** June 09, 2022, 05:44:23 pm »

When something is over let it go. I get another opportunity to practice.

Messaged my NPC to reduce or eliminate the SSRI. I do not think I need it any more.

There is a party this weekend and I am not going to go. Things are not normal and I think it is over. No words, absence of discussion and just a feeling. Three parties and I was specifically not invited. No calls and brisk when I call.

Change is not good or bad, it is what life is about. Even when things seam to remain the same they are not. Our desire to have things normalized creates a false sense of consistency. In reality all around us is chaos and we choose to not see it.

Rachel Lynn

davina61 · « **Reply #427 on:** June 10, 2022, 03:50:40 am »

Sounds like the universe is plotting you a new heading , hopefully to calm waters .

Rachel · « **Reply #428 on:** June 10, 2022, 09:02:50 pm »

@divina61, thank you for your support,
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So I was not going to go to the party tomorrow night. I spoke to M and T and then later E. E was eating with L before the Friday party. Erica handed the phone to L. L (He) said I am surprised you are not here tonight (he is the host). I said I was not invited. He said of course you are invited. Who said you are not invited.

I could focus on the inconsistencies or I can focus on the the positives. In looking at what occurred I could have reduced the amount of tension. I could have been more direct. So I am responsible for the tension.

I am so glad I practice, reply and do not react. I had a lot of things I could say but chose to focus on the relationship and my discontent.

She answered the phone briefly tonight and said she would like to see me at the party tomorrow night.

One of the things I noticed was when I spoke to M and T, I gave them different information. Surprising how what E texted was about the information I shared with M and T. So M and T are conduits to E. T said that E was going to a party tonight.

So big question, what do I want.
I want to explain why I have not gone to E's. Yet, I do not want to hurt E. When I stay over E's there are some things that I have a difficult time with. Her bedroom has little lights from tech. I need total darkness. She uses a bed warming/ cooling unit and it makes a low noise. I find it hard to sleep with noise. I do not like sleeping on the right side of the bed. I do not like sleeping with someone.

When I stay over we do not do anything. I am referencing hikes or walks and going shopping. I want to do something.

We both like guys and we we not have a relationship more then platonic. M and T and I have a relationship more than platonic.

So I need to explain to E about why I am distancing. I love her and love seeing her. I have different sleeping patterns and sleeping needs. I want to do something when there and I want something more than platonic. I just have a lot of difficulty telling someone the truth when it will not be positive.

I have been asked to sleep over peoples houses quite a few times. I just do not like how others sleep and their sleeping environment. This is my issue and not E.

I definitely can not discuss it at the party tomorrow. It will nice to see E, T and P and enjoy in the festivities.

Rachel

Rachel · « **Reply #429 on:** June 20, 2022, 03:35:26 pm »

Two weekends ago I did not go to the parties and stayed home. I had some pretty heavy depression hitting me and I decided to just stay home.

E is banned from now three party venues. She was banned by the third venue last Friday night. She also told L I am post op trans. He did not know. I have asked she not do that before and that really hurts. So next time I am with L all I will be able to think about is the betrayal, again.

E sent T a pic of a post op woman and under it she wrote orchi-plus, a real woman. T had just gotten an orchi. It is in really bad taste to invalidate someone, especially when that say they are your friend. T was crushed.

E and I do not have sex or even kiss. I think she does not find me attractive. She goes on her computer in bed and says, oh this woman is delicious and I would do xxxxxx with her.

I want to be E's friend and I do care about her but not something more.

I need to talk to my therapist, think and reply in a thoughtful way.

So, I did not text M this weekend. I wanted to stop by his house Saturday but not last weekend. Instead I went to E, drove 93 miles to MAWA and fought NYC traffic on 287. Only to receive two texted yesterday basically calling it quite or at least how I interpret it. She does not work and I work and I drive on a Friday evening to her 93 miles. The go home on Saturday at 11:30 to do things like food shop, package an order and practice the guitar and sleep in my own bed.

11:30 AM why is someone in bed anyway. I can not do that.

So a kind response to the two nasty texts will follow when I am in a clear mind to respond.

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I am awaiting inspection at work and they did not arrive today.

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Rachel

Rachel · « **Reply #430 on:** June 21, 2022, 05:49:30 pm »

I stopped taking domperidone last night. One of the things I found out is it is a minor antagonist to the hair follicle. No where as bad a DHT but still hair follicle receptor cell antagonist.

I review reducing my Prozac medication with the goal of eventually going off the medication. I am hoping to cut the dose in half.

We did not have our inspection so I went to Papillion and kept my electrolysis appt. My face is very sore. Upper and lower lip and chin, under chin and Jaws. They use lidocaine injections and I had a 4 hour appointment.

Sunday I went to Costco and and purchase food and some clothing. O got 3 tie-dyed tops and one pair of shorts. I need to get a beach umbrella for my potential beach day events. I will plan them for later in the week incase the inspection occurs. They always start on a Monday.

Karen_A · « **Reply #431 on:** June 21, 2022, 06:03:44 pm »

Quote from: Rachel on June 21, 2022, 05:49:30 pm

My face is very sore. Upper and lower lip and chin, under chin and Jaws. They use lidocaine injections and I had a 4 hour appointment.

Back in my day (mid 90's) the only place I know that did used anesthesia extensively like that was in Texas. TSes traveled there from all over the country... You did (at least for initial clearing) something like 3 full days with two operators at the same time! (My memory is a bit hazy on details now)

Doing that kind of thing one was basically cleared in like 4ish well timed visits (to catch active hairs in the right phase)...

But for a few days after one looked very "interesting"

Amazing long term, most people's skin came though it in good shape!

-Karen

Rachel · « **Reply #432 on:** June 25, 2022, 12:28:15 pm »

@Karen_A, thank you for the information. I go every two months now to Papillion. I am almost there with electrolysis. I might clean up once or twice between treatments. 4 hours does everything on my face. They want me to color my facial hair the night before because I am coming to the end.

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Day 4 off of domperidone. I highly recommend gradual dose reduction if you are on it for a length of time. I am feeling much better now than when I was on the medication. breast milk is drying up.

I am as of yesterday taking 1/2 of my Prozac, with doctors supervision.

I am taking 1/2 of the dose of finasteride as of yesterday.

My goal is to take 1/4 of the dose of finasteride, no domperidone and eventually no Prozac. I hope to continue reducing the Prozac gradually.
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I have not been going to parties in NYC for about a month. I will return in the future but I just need time to be with myself for a while. I will send an email to Erica on Tuesday. I want to remain good friends with her, Tricia and Melissa. I do not know if I will go to some of the venues in NYC in the future. I guess it depends where in NYC.

Rachel · « **Reply #433 on:** July 09, 2022, 07:01:38 pm »

Hi,

I am off domperidone for a few weeks now. I am very happy I am off of it due to the side effects. My breasts dried up and I am no longer lactating. It was really nice to squirt mile out my breasts. Domperidone definitely has some negative side effects.

I am on 1/4 the dose of SSRI and feel really good.

2 kittens rescued this week

. They are so cute

Maddie · « **Reply #434 on:** July 11, 2022, 01:07:40 pm »

Hi Rachel!

Was lost for a while. Trying to catch up now.

Best to you with the meds reduction. Glad you are taking care of yourself.

I’m getting pretty far done with hair reduction now. The most strides occurred for me when I started high volume electrolysis clearings with numbing. Definitely more comfortable!
Plus they had better techs

Courtney G · « **Reply #435 on:** July 11, 2022, 02:22:21 pm »

Hey Rachel,

I was in New Hope twice this weekend. Thought of you. I hope all is well.

Courtney

Rachel · « **Reply #436 on:** July 12, 2022, 04:07:15 pm »

@Maddie, Awesome news about getting to the end of hair removal. I go to Papillion about every 2 months. Dr. McGinn said I am almost there.

After a work inspection I plan on getting a face lift in Mexico and then more fat around my vagina from Dr. McGinn.
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@Courtney G, I love New Hope. I was at Frans with my daughter 7/3. I hope all is well.

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I have a sister that is 3 years older than me. Have you ever wondered if you and your sister would taste the same. Well we had an independent third party investigate that question. Survey says, yes. Just in case you wanted to know

I am going to be with the Major Sunday.

I was told by my friends that guys at parties are asking where I have been. I think I have sorted out things and I will be back.

Rachel

Rachel · « **Reply #437 on:** July 16, 2022, 11:10:10 pm »

I am off domperidone and Prozac. I decreased the dose to 3/4 then 1/2 then 1/4 then 0. So far I am handling it ok. I remember my dreams now, which is not a good thing.
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The work inspection has not happened. I have something in the works for my on-line business, When that is finished I hope the inspection has passed and I am free to travel. The doctor I was going to go to had some recent changes and I think it will take her a while to be fully back to speed in her practice.
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I have not been at a party in 6 weeks. I was supposed to be at a private party today but I cancelled. There were 2 other women there so I am sure I was not missed. There was an Airforce Major at the party and I heard a lot of good things about him. I am a bit disappointed I did not go but is is for good reason.

I am 100% off domperidone and Prozac and I just needed some time to sort some things out.
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I will be rejoining the gym and I will be doing some work on the house. I need to restart doing my morning PT routine too.
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So on the electric guitar I am learning Blackbird, Wish You Were Here, Roundabout and Fur Elise.

The national importer for Ibanez guitars in 5 miles from my house. I think a trip to see them is in order.
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Work is insane.

Rachel Montgomery · « **Reply #438 on:** July 17, 2022, 08:30:53 pm »

I don’t have an Ibanez, but I hear good things about them. Good quality, and exceptional in the price range. I have considered getting one of their semi-hollow body guitars (sort of like a Gibson 335).

Rachel · « **Reply #439 on:** July 24, 2022, 06:37:43 pm »

@Rachel Montgomery, I have 4 Ibanez. The one I practice with is a Ghost Fleet prestige. Ibanez has a thin neck and I have small hands so that works well too.

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Author Topic: MTF in need of help 2 (Read 27856 times)