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MTF in need of help 2

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Julie H:
You are more than welcome  :)

I had a session with my therapist today.

I think I am ready for a relationship. Nothing heavy but something more than playing at the hall. I will go to a few munches to just socialize. Maybe I could get something a little more of a conversation going and find someone that I hit it off with. Maybe I am ready.

We discussed stuff that happened when I was younger.

My sister and I were having a conversation over the phone the other day. She dug up some deep memories from when I was young. I had buried it very deep but there it was. There was one part when I was very young about 5 and it made a lot of sense when she put a few parts into the puzzle. I guess it was still bothering my sister. It came from out of the blue.

I think I understand why I was treated they way I was. I think I finally get it. I do not need to make excuses for them. I see them for their actions and motivations.

I am in a pressure cooker of a job but I do not feel stress. I am hyper vigilant and I am very keen to watch others actions, words and body language. Fear and defense is something that I am constantly balancing. I know why now.


Hi Rachel.

Glad I found you again :)
And  that you recieved more understanding of your past and present.  Leading into your future, and possible relationship. Good timing for insights. Inspired by your stress management on the job. Thanks for sharing about the hall.

Have fun.

@Maddie, I am glad you found the thread. Thanks for the support.


I had my 3 month checkup at Mazzoni. My CNP checked the results from the mammogram, which were negative. I had the usual STD tests swabs and urine sample. She asked if I wanted my T tested. I said e and T please. All else good.

I may not go to the hall this weekend. There is a Poly meetup then WrestleFUXX. Last WrestleFUXX I hurt my ribs and was out of commission for a while. I guess I could go and not wrestle. I just think I need a break this weekend.

I will try to go to a munch this weekend and just meet new peeps. My goal is to just socialize.
I e-mailed Jody at Dr. Thomas' office to see what number I am in line for vocal surgery.
I think I understand why things were very rough growing up. I am different and I think it was perhaps resentment or hate of who I am that caused the physical abuse. Perhaps be this way or else this. The sexual stuff was something different. I just say it is in the past and I can only control my actions and behaviors and not others.  I am fine and it is their problem. It is the truth and I know the past is dead, literally and figuratively. So why was it on my mind last night and why could I not sleep?


I am #20 on the vocal operation list for Dr. Thomas. I was #27 January 8th. I need to get a firm date so I can schedule time off from work.

I had a 4 hour electrolysis session today. 14th or 15th clearing of my top lip. The first clearing was 4 hours and this time was 1.5 hours. 1.5 hours for the lower lip and 1 hour on the neck below my chin. I asked how many more times do you think until my upper lip will be done. She said 4 or 5. Each time it takes less time to clear. I did not shave the upper lip from the 4 weeks prior appointment.

Dr. McGinn prescribes my HRT. She said I could put the E cream on my face. She said that e helps with collagen.  She also let me know of a doctor she recommends for fractal laser. The cost is $900 and he is in New Town close to me.



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