Activism and Politics > Discrimination

Discriminated for being Trans for the first time in over a year, feeling down

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Miss Kitty:
Hey guys,

I have currently been experiencing a lot of dysphoria, though I haven't had any one say nasty comments to me over my gender (or misgender me) in around 18 months, I still get the feeling a lot people just "know" that I am trans. People stare at me way too long and some times little things will happen, like a group of people will start whispering when I walk by. I had hoped this was just me being paranoid for a good while, but 2 people have certainly now have worked it out. One co-worker tried to get me to confess for a while (I made a thread about that too, I still haven't told her anything) and one customer I dealt with flat out said "Hey! You used to be a boy!" (I didnt care too much because he went on a rank about protecting LGBT people immediately so I laughed the situation off).

I have been considering jaw surgery because it's the only thing I haven't had altered on my face and the only thing I can think of on my face that gives me away (I could be totally wrong of course, but I have an effeminate body, hair, manner etc).

To cut a long story short, yesterday I was shopping for groceries and despite being dressed well and having my usual makeup and hair done, a mother and her child walked past me and paused for a moment. I had the dreaded paranoia again that they had stopped to look at me. So ignored my feelings. A moment later the child yelled out "EW! That person is trying to be a woman!". I had tried to convince myself I had heard wrong but the mother was rude enough to correct the child and add "No! That's not a person! THAT'S A THING!"

I have to admit I am genuinely devastated at this. I used to receive an enormous amount of abuse from the public every time I left the house, but that was well before the hormones took affect and when I literally looked like a male body builder wearing pink clothes and lipstick. My dysphoria is now at such an all time high I don't feel like leaving home or working at all. It's like I am back to square one of transitioning. I am feeling genuine depression (not quiet suicidal thoughts) which I have not had in well over a year.

I am writing this because I have no idea how to cope without having to fork out absurd amounts of money for more surgery to help (which believe me, I do not have and probably isnt really the answer). Is this some thing I will just have to deal with for the rest of my life? Is it more realistic to aim for passing 90 percent of the time instead of 100? I really never wanted to face discrimination again and had hoped spending my life savings would protect me from it, this is all part of being "baby trans" I'm guessing.

How do you other girls cope when you suddenly, after a good while of being treated like a cis-woman, are called out for being trans? (in such a negative way)

any help is appreciated

Pammie:

--- Quote from: Miss Kitty on March 06, 2020, 02:19:37 am ---Hey guys,

I have currently been experiencing a lot of dysphoria, though I haven't had any one say nasty comments to me over my gender (or misgender me) in around 18 months, I still get the feeling a lot people just "know" that I am trans. People stare at me way too long and some times little things will happen, like a group of people will start whispering when I walk by. I had hoped this was just me being paranoid for a good while, but 2 people have certainly now have worked it out. One co-worker tried to get me to confess for a while (I made a thread about that too, I still haven't told her anything) and one customer I dealt with flat out said "Hey! You used to be a boy!" (I didnt care too much because he went on a rank about protecting LGBT people immediately so I laughed the situation off).

I have been considering jaw surgery because it's the only thing I haven't had altered on my face and the only thing I can think of on my face that gives me away (I could be totally wrong of course, but I have an effeminate body, hair, manner etc).

To cut a long story short, yesterday I was shopping for groceries and despite being dressed well and having my usual makeup and hair done, a mother and her child walked past me and paused for a moment. I had the dreaded paranoia again that they had stopped to look at me. So ignored my feelings. A moment later the child yelled out "EW! That person is trying to be a woman!". I had tried to convince myself I had heard wrong but the mother was rude enough to correct the child and add "No! That's not a person! THAT'S A THING!"

I have to admit I am genuinely devastated at this. I used to receive an enormous amount of abuse from the public every time I left the house, but that was well before the hormones took affect and when I literally looked like a male body builder wearing pink clothes and lipstick. My dysphoria is now at such an all time high I don't feel like leaving home or working at all. It's like I am back to square one of transitioning. I am feeling genuine depression (not quiet suicidal thoughts) which I have not had in well over a year.

I am writing this because I have no idea how to cope without having to fork out absurd amounts of money for more surgery to help (which believe me, I do not have and probably isnt really the answer). Is this some thing I will just have to deal with for the rest of my life? Is it more realistic to aim for passing 90 percent of the time instead of 100? I really never wanted to face discrimination again and had hoped spending my life savings would protect me from it, this is all part of being "baby trans" I'm guessing.

How do you other girls cope when you suddenly, after a good while of being treated like a cis-woman, are called out for being trans? (in such a negative way)

any help is appreciated

--- End quote ---
Well, i’m not sure there is a magical answer. I worry about passing all the time and have had no surgery because I just can’t afford it and my children are really against it anyway.
I get down when I don’t pass and am made aware I don’t (I guess there are other times I don’t pass but I don’t get any comments) but I always write it off against the massive highs of being myself full time for the last 2.5 years!
I guess I mean count your blessings, you have been able to have lots of surgery already so I’d say you are well ahead of a lot of us. Chin up girl, U got this! Xx


I opened the door and the light shone in

Maid Marion:
Hi Miss Kitty

Sorry to hear that.  Appearance is just part of it.  How you walk and your mannerisms also plays a role; how you pass people in the aisle, for instance.  It happens so quickly that you may not have realized what happened.

Marion

Maddie:


That is a terrible thing to say about someone.  What that mother said to her child about you.
I have heard that too.  Same comment.  Monsters make monsters make monsters.

I have not been  read or treated as a cis woman in public for any amount of time, so sorry not able to answer the  the specific situation you pose.
I will consider Maid Marion's reply in regards to my own situation.

Miss Kitty at times I  have experienced a state of physical pain depression you describe being in, so am a little worried for you right now.

Would it  help get you out of this terrible place to look at yourself and see only the things you like, the things you have worked hard, and undergone ordeals/sacrifice to change?  The things that make you happy about being female.  Things about yourself that prove to yourself who you are, without any thought, need, or care for what the cruel zombified masses judge you as. 
You already have this ability because you were forced to develop it before. 
My advice doesn't doesn't really fix everything because I don't know how.   Just trying to help remind you how to survive, since you are feeling genuine depression and not "just" quiet suicidal thoughts.  I don't know you but I very much hope you don't have to feel that way all day today. 
Hugs

Bittydrew:
My biggest thing is why should we have to look like CIS women anyway this is a thing society has created for us I do believe which causes us to seek out surgeries and stuff to help make us look like them but really we shouldn't have to pass ....just looking at things a little different I know its easier to get thru life doing it and have the same thing with clothes and makeup I don't pass yet either ...

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