Author Topic: You Only Live Twice - a transjournal  (Read 3409 times)

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Offline madeleine

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Re: You Only Live Twice - a transjournal
« Reply #140 on: July 21, 2020, 06:41:38 pm »
Thank you Maddie!  Thank you Jessica_Rose!

I have heard warnings and promises about boobs and emotions. I want both!

Offline Maddie

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Re: You Only Live Twice - a transjournal
« Reply #141 on: July 21, 2020, 07:41:34 pm »
Let's promise each other to work out our figures and kill this place with our Mad-ness :) : ;)

Offline madeleine

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Re: You Only Live Twice - a transjournal
« Reply #142 on: July 22, 2020, 02:03:41 pm »
haha, I like the pun, Mad-dee!  I promise to work out. I've made that my new moon intention.

Offline mm

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Re: You Only Live Twice - a transjournal
« Reply #143 on: July 22, 2020, 02:13:16 pm »
madeleine, Soon your nipples will become sore from rubbing on your shirt and you will want a sport bra to protect them. Just part of female puberty as every teenage girl goes through.

Offline madeleine

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Re: You Only Live Twice - a transjournal
« Reply #144 on: July 23, 2020, 06:05:02 pm »
madeleine, Soon your nipples will become sore from rubbing on your shirt and you will want a sport bra to protect them. Just part of female puberty as every teenage girl goes through.

Oh and I am like a teenage girl in several ways! I'm looking forward to puberty and whatever is going to happen with my nipples. I already ordered some sports bras!

Does mm stand for Marilyn Monroe?

Offline madeleine

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Re: You Only Live Twice - a transjournal
« Reply #145 on: August 13, 2020, 07:39:54 pm »
Hi everyone! I have not been posting much here because I have a lot going on. My mom has a rare, serious condition and has been in the hospital for days now. Her husband is with her, but of course my sister and I cannot see her because of covid.

I have been on HRT for almost a month now, but I have already seen some physical changes! I hope I'm not imagining it!

I'm getting more comfortable being me in public and feeling more comfortable as the real me in general.  I wear big hoop earrings when I can. Hope everyone reading this is doing well! I'll try to post a little bit more often.

<3 XOXOXO

Offline Maddie

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Re: You Only Live Twice - a transjournal
« Reply #146 on: August 13, 2020, 07:55:11 pm »
Hi Madeleine

Sorry to hear about your mom. It must be so rough to not see her.
This has to stop.

Your changes are coming.  Glad you can feel them already.
Big hoops ❤️

Offline madeleine

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Re: You Only Live Twice - a transjournal
« Reply #147 on: August 14, 2020, 11:11:51 pm »
Thank you Maddie!  So great to hear from you. 

It is hard.  As I'm transitioning to my true self I actually feel things now.  Feel sadness and cry.  But also feel empathy and act on it instinctually.  I'm so glad that I've come out to my mom because if anything happens then you she'll know that I am her daughter and not her son.  She got to see the real me.  And she accepted me as her daughter so quickly, I'm glad I got have that too.  Her short term memory is terrible now, sometimes only lasting a minute or two. But every time she starts over, she remembers me, Madeline, as her daughter.
« Last Edit: August 15, 2020, 01:35:06 pm by madeleine »

Offline Maddie

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Re: You Only Live Twice - a transjournal
« Reply #148 on: August 15, 2020, 01:34:25 am »
Beautiful to cry about

Offline Ellie_Arroway

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Re: You Only Live Twice - a transjournal
« Reply #149 on: August 15, 2020, 02:59:15 am »
It is hard.  As I'm transitioning to my true self I actually feel things now.  Feel sadness and cry.  But also feel empathy and act on it instinctually.  I'm so glad that I've come out to my mom because if anything happens then you she'll know that I am her daughter and not her son.  She got to see the real me.  And she accepted me as her daughter so quickly, I'm glad I got have that too.  Her short term memory is terrible now, sometimes only lasting a minute or two. But every time starts over, she remembers me, Madeline, as her daughter.

It's so wonderful to hear you are feeling those emotions! For some reason, that's something I always felt, and I think it contributes to my gender dysphoria.

It is of course sad about your mum, but as you say, at least you had the opportunity to come out to her, and it's fantastic that she has accepted it so well.
Started seriously questioning: 24 Aug 2019
Referred to GIC: 23 Sep 2019
Full-time female presentation since: 21 Oct 2019, unbroken since 12 Dec 2019
Official name change by deed poll: 11 Nov 2019
HRT: "kind of" started 15 Jul 2020
Most of my story is in the Just another mtf tale thread!
Twitch streamer MusicEllie

Offline madeleine

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Re: You Only Live Twice - a transjournal
« Reply #150 on: August 15, 2020, 01:43:05 pm »
It's so wonderful to hear you are feeling those emotions! For some reason, that's something I always felt, and I think it contributes to my gender dysphoria.

It is of course sad about your mum, but as you say, at least you had the opportunity to come out to her, and it's fantastic that she has accepted it so well.

Hi Ellie!  The emotional changes I'm going through as I transition have definite effects and they're not all flowers and sunshine.  I can now feel sadness so much more fully and quickly that I could as a man.  But I love all the feelings and the capacity for feelings I'm acquiring (so far) whether the bring rain clouds or rainbows.

Offline madeleine

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Re: You Only Live Twice - a transjournal
« Reply #151 on: August 15, 2020, 01:44:47 pm »
Beautiful to cry about

So much better to feel the sadness rather than ignoring or hiding it. It is beautiful, Maddie.  My life is already a little richer for it.

Offline Ellie_Arroway

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Re: You Only Live Twice - a transjournal
« Reply #152 on: August 15, 2020, 06:28:21 pm »
Hi Ellie!  The emotional changes I'm going through as I transition have definite effects and they're not all flowers and sunshine.  I can now feel sadness so much more fully and quickly that I could as a man.  But I love all the feelings and the capacity for feelings I'm acquiring (so far) whether the bring rain clouds or rainbows.

Even sadness has its place. It is better to be able to feel those emotions than not to, I believe. I think it's more healthy from a mental health perspective.

It's actually one of the things I worry about a little; I am pre-hormones and I'm a little concerned that I may get too emotional, because I'm already rather emotional.
Started seriously questioning: 24 Aug 2019
Referred to GIC: 23 Sep 2019
Full-time female presentation since: 21 Oct 2019, unbroken since 12 Dec 2019
Official name change by deed poll: 11 Nov 2019
HRT: "kind of" started 15 Jul 2020
Most of my story is in the Just another mtf tale thread!
Twitch streamer MusicEllie

Offline madeleine

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Re: You Only Live Twice - a transjournal
« Reply #153 on: August 18, 2020, 08:45:28 am »
Even sadness has its place. It is better to be able to feel those emotions than not to, I believe. I think it's more healthy from a mental health perspective.

It's actually one of the things I worry about a little; I am pre-hormones and I'm a little concerned that I may get too emotional, because I'm already rather emotional.

Ellie, You might get very emotional!  If so, then that is part of you and you can accept that about yourself and figure out how to handle it.  If you feel you might not have the control you want or need, have a good therapist ready.  That's what they're good at.

Just my take on it.

Offline madeleine

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Re: You Only Live Twice - a transjournal
« Reply #154 on: August 27, 2020, 10:52:12 pm »
If anyone is reading this, it turns out my mom has inoperable brain cancer and a very aggressive type of cancer.  She does not have very long with us, maybe days or weeks, we don't know yet.  She forgets my new name sometimes, but she never forgets that I'm a girl now.  We have some wonderful mother daughter moments that we didn't get to have for the first 50 years of my life.  My love for her is much more meaningful because I am transitioning to my true self.

Offline madeleine

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Re: You Only Live Twice - a transjournal
« Reply #155 on: August 27, 2020, 11:03:46 pm »
One bright moment happened last night.  I bought fancy burgers for everyone at mom's house.  On a hunch, I ordered onion rings thinking my mom might like them, though I didn't really know why.  The onion rings are very good at this place. It gave me so much pleasure to see my mom just loving those onion rings!  She hardly ate her burger but she enjoyed those onion rings so much.

When I picked up all the burgers and fries from the burger joint, the girl walked up to my car and gave me the bags and said "Thank you ma'am."  Ma'am!  Wow, my first one!

Sure glad I tipped well. ;)

Offline davina61

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Re: You Only Live Twice - a transjournal
« Reply #156 on: August 28, 2020, 02:30:10 am »
Sorry to hear about your mom, make the most of those moments. Ma'am , yes you will soon not notice as it becomes the norm . Bummer when you get a Sir !!!! Big HUG for you and your mom XXX
a long time coming (out) HRT 12 2017


Jill of all trades mistress of non
Know a bit about everything but not enough to be clever

Offline Maddie

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Re: You Only Live Twice - a transjournal
« Reply #157 on: August 28, 2020, 06:01:16 am »
Madeleine I'm very sorry to hear about your mom.

The fact that she sees you as daughter now is beautiful.
Beautiful moments sustain you ma"am.

Offline madeleine

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Re: You Only Live Twice - a transjournal
« Reply #158 on: August 28, 2020, 10:00:57 am »
Thank you Davina! I am greedy for the mother daughter love times.  I treasure them.  XXOO

Thank you Maddie! Yes, there are beautiful moments mixed with the sad.  XXOO

SO nice to hear from both of you!


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