Author Topic: Just made my first step towards transition (Read 1855 times)

MoniqueChris · « **Reply #20 on:** July 06, 2020, 09:47:04 am »

I am so proud of you, you can do it!

Susannah · « **Reply #21 on:** July 10, 2020, 08:57:01 pm »

Erika, it seems lime you have taken more than the first step now. Now only if I can get my courage up to set up an appointment....

ssjErika33 · « **Reply #22 on:** July 11, 2020, 04:00:55 pm »

Susannah, believe me I understand. It took me months to finally call, and I had gotten as close as typing in the number but couldn’t hit the call button. You’ll get there in your own time.

Erika

Susannah · « **Reply #23 on:** July 12, 2020, 07:34:00 am »

Quote from: ssjErika33 on July 11, 2020, 04:00:55 pm

Susannah, believe me I understand. It took me months to finally call, and I had gotten as close as typing in the number but couldn’t hit the call button. You’ll get there in your own time.

Erika

Thank you. I think it is inevitable. The thought of transitioning is so seductive now even though it will cost me a lot I feel. If I were in my teens or twenties, there is no doubt I would have transitioned already.

SoCal_Holly · « **Reply #24 on:** July 15, 2020, 01:59:48 am »

Erika / Susannah:

You guys are awesome!

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step! One foot forward at a time!

Keep in touch! We are starting about the same time and could use mutually support!

Hugs!

Holly

ssjErika33 · « **Reply #25 on:** July 22, 2020, 04:05:07 pm »

7/22/20 update

Today I am finally at our local LGBTQ center to finally talk to others. Looks like not many people here so I’ll just be talking to the person that runs it. Kind of nervous about it.

Almost the end of July and still no call from the doctor office to schedule me an appointment. Hopefully soon, I’m kind of feeling impatient lol.

Still no luck on getting my own place. Everything seems to be full right now, lot of waiting lists for apartments right now. But I did get lucky last week with no one home where I live so I got to have some fun with some clothes, hair accessories and lip stick.

Nothing major going on but felt like doing an update lol

Erika

Battle Goddess · « **Reply #26 on:** July 22, 2020, 04:13:51 pm »

Good to hear from you!

Jessica_Rose · « **Reply #27 on:** July 22, 2020, 08:05:13 pm »

Erika, it's really hard at first, but it does get easier. Once you know the path you need to take, it can seem like everything goes in slow motion. Eventually you will pick up speed, and a few years from now you will look back and think 'why did I wait so long, it wasn't that bad.' It's a bit like removing a band-aid, do it slow to reduce but prolong the pain, or just rip it off and get back to work. As far as friends, expect to lose an acquaintance or two, true friends will stay by your side. I wish you all the best.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

ssjErika33 · « **Reply #28 on:** August 20, 2020, 11:58:08 am »

A couple of updates:

I have my appointment with the doctor on August 27th. I will at least be gathering info and whatnot and see what the process is like before making a full decision. Something I do struggle with is my anxiety and worry about making the wrong decision so I may need more time before fully committing to the transition.

I am changing over to a gender therapist on September 3rd, which I feel will be incredibly helpful since she is more qualified to deal with transgender patients, spoke to her on the phone yesterday and she seems great so far and is highly regarded for LGBTQ patients.

Finally, I will be moving into my own place on September 15th. I’m excited for this so I can live as a female when I am at home, which I feel is going to be helpful going forward.

So my question for you ladies, have any of you had that voice in the back of your mind that has doubts about going through with transition? I feel like I am female and this is what I need to do but I really struggle with these intrusive thoughts that fear the worse (even in other things in my life)

Thanks
Erika

Jessica_Rose · « **Reply #29 on:** August 20, 2020, 12:11:47 pm »

Erika, congrats on getting things lined up to start your journey!

As far as having doubts, typically you will know the answer after a few months of HRT. In my case, suppressing my soul for decades led to increasing levels of anger and rage. It reached a point when I nearly took my own life, along with the lives of my wife and daughters. On the rare occasion when I question my decision to transition, I just think of that moment, and I know I made the right decision. If I had not transitioned, I doubt I would still be alive.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

sarahc · « **Reply #30 on:** August 20, 2020, 01:41:12 pm »

Quote from: ssjErika33 on August 20, 2020, 11:58:08 am

So my question for you ladies, have any of you had that voice in the back of your mind that has doubts about going through with transition? I feel like I am female and this is what I need to do but I really struggle with these intrusive thoughts that fear the worse (even in other things in my life)

Thanks
Erika

OF COURSE THERE ARE DOUBTS! I mean...transition is a pretty insane process to opt in to. And when your rational mind asks, "Why are you choosing to make your life more difficult?" the doubts creep in.

Except, it's not really a choice. Because we're not choosing to transition...we're choosing to be happy.

For me, these last two years of transition have been hard and disconcerting...but I feel so much more at peace with myself. The value of living an authentic life has been so much greater than I would have imagined coming into this process. It's the feeling of finally feeling true to myself that makes it worth all the money and grief that this transition process has wrought.

And...I know that in 20 years, I won't look back at say, "Why didn't I transition when I had the opportunity to do so 20 years ago?"

Sarah

Susannah · « **Reply #31 on:** August 20, 2020, 09:25:00 pm »

Erika, congratulations on getting your own place. That will be a big relief to be yourself at least at home.

I am still having lots of doubts even though I started with low dose Spironolactone. Not sure if the doubt will ever go away. It is such a huge commitment and a life changing event so that it is only natural.

Susannah

Battle Goddess · « **Reply #32 on:** August 21, 2020, 10:03:42 am »

Quote from: sarahc on August 20, 2020, 01:41:12 pm

It's not really a choice. Because we're not choosing to transition...we're choosing to be happy.

Freakin' brilliant, Sarah. If you don't mind, I'm putting that one in my .sig block.

Hey, Erica.

I think it'd be very unusual not to have anxieties, doubts, and worries about embarking. Can admit to feeling envious of anyone who can jump in full speed, feet first, and fearless, and for all I know, they're faking it.

My own opinion is that you're doing some really smart stuff. You're getting better information by seeking medical support. You're setting up knowledgeable emotional support by getting a gender therapist. You're finding a safe space for yourself by moving into your own place. It wouldn't seem that any doubts are keeping you from taking control of the situation.

Good for you! Giving yourself space to address your doubts will let you weigh them in a realistic light. It's fair to give them a chance to make their case, as long as you get to make your rebuttal with knowledge and support. More importantly, be fair to yourself, and never let them push you around.

ssjErika33 · « **Reply #33 on:** September 13, 2020, 01:58:57 pm »

9/13/20 update.

Saw the doctor a couple weeks ago. She explained everything and was good with my bloodwork. Though I have elected to hold off for a bit before starting so I can see my gender therapist I just started with a bit more and live on my own for a bit so I can explore a bit more. She is extremely nice and helpful. She went over everything thoroughly and even has surgeons she can get me set up with down the road. All I have to do to get started now is email when I’m ready and she’ll sneak me in, no more months of waiting.

My gender therapist is also great so far. She also has connections with surgeons when the time comes. So far so good there.

The last bit of update is that I move into my own apartment in 2 days. That’s going to give me some freedom to explore my style and work on things like makeup, nails and hair. It should be good for me mentally as well.

Until next time,
Erika

ssjErika33 · « **Reply #34 on:** September 21, 2020, 02:21:03 am »

So I've been in my new apartment by myself for a few days now. It's been a stressful event but I'm starting to get settled in some. I have finally had some time to experiment a little. It's been nice.

Kind of embarrassed to share this, but this is the first pic i've ever taken in girl mode and first time ever messing with makeup. I have a lot of work to do, didn't turn out great at all lol.

Erika

davina61 · « **Reply #35 on:** September 21, 2020, 03:20:08 am »

If you get your brows shaped that will make a lot of change , highlights on cheeks as well . Keep practising , look online and it will come naturally. Less is more , subtle is the word .

Pammie · « **Reply #36 on:** September 21, 2020, 03:50:36 am »

Quote from: ssjErika33 on September 21, 2020, 02:21:03 am

So I've been in my new apartment by myself for a few days now. It's been a stressful event but I'm starting to get settled in some. I have finally had some time to experiment a little. It's been nice.

Kind of embarrassed to share this, but this is the first pic i've ever taken in girl mode and first time ever messing with makeup. I have a lot of work to do, didn't turn out great at all lol.

Erika

Well done you! So exciting to have your own space isn’t it! Make up is just a matter of practice and online research and you will soon see the improvement you hope for. Great start! Hugs. Xx

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

ssjErika33 · « **Reply #37 on:** October 08, 2020, 06:41:07 pm »

Small update, nothing too big. Been online buying a few things here and there. Today my sports bra arrived and omg. When I tried it on I almost teared up. It was just the best feeling I’ve felt since starting to figure myself out. Regular bras felt nice but for whatever reason this item just hit me.

End random ramblings

Erika

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Author Topic: Just made my first step towards transition (Read 1855 times)