Author Topic: ‘Passing’  (Read 1348 times)

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Offline BrightWindow

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Re: ‘Passing’
« Reply #40 on: April 16, 2020, 02:23:43 am »
Gendering is usually done via "overall impression."  While worrying about passing focuses on each little piece that doesn't fit quite right.

You could take the magician or politicians approach of using misdirection to draw people's eyes to your more feminine features.  Want to draw attention to your hands?  Wear nail polish.  Don't want to draw attention to your face?  Maybe you ought to skip the lipstick or at least tone it way down.

Women try hard to choose outfits that compliment their figure.  If they don't have a thin waist they often try to create one with the styles of clothes they wear.  Men, on the other hand, wear clothes that are often a size too big.

Marion

This sounds like good advice
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Offline Maid Marion

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Re: ‘Passing’
« Reply #41 on: April 16, 2020, 06:41:32 am »
I don't think of dressing Androgynously.  Instead, I see opportunities to use up my stinky body wash in times of social distancing.  Or using saving my good clothes when painting or clearing thorny bush out in the yard.  Mindset is important.

I can afford it, so I just bought two pretty XS flannel shirts from LL bean.  On sale, of course.  Not only are they more colorful than male clothes, but the sleeves are slimmer and they are cut to the right length for my body.

Marion

Offline TheNaylornator

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Re: ‘Passing’
« Reply #42 on: April 19, 2020, 03:46:45 am »
Thank you all for the replies!

There is to many for me to reply to individually, but thank you!

Offline iskra

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Re: ‘Passing’
« Reply #43 on: May 10, 2020, 12:47:27 pm »
Passing is a big deal for many. They get FFS to do it, despite the costs and inconvenience. The face is the number one thing in my opinion, as to getting clocked or not. Who the hell doesn't want to look pretty if they're trying to seduce men as mtf? However, many women are not very feminine in the face,especially as they get older. Keep that in mind, that not all women look very feminine. Look at sarah Huckabee Sanders, the ex press sec. For Trump.she has her dad's jaw. It happens. Actually some women assigned at birth get ffs  too. I would consider a lip lift to decrease the distance between my lips and nose, though even some attractive women have a longer philatum.
For some reason even though I'm not transgender I do attract men looking for femininity. It could be my slight build, or face, or my personality. I would however, love to look much more fem. I suppose hrt  could help.ill talk to a gender therapist after all this Covid dies down. No way to do that now anyway.

Offline Maid Marion

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Re: ‘Passing’
« Reply #44 on: May 10, 2020, 01:30:06 pm »
What you can do now is to work on your voice and fashion.  Dressing appropriately.  Surgery won't help if you stick out like a sore thumb because of poor fashion choices.

Offline iskra

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Re: ‘Passing’
« Reply #45 on: May 10, 2020, 01:37:16 pm »
What you can do now is to work on your voice and fashion.  Dressing appropriately.  Surgery won't help if you stick out like a sore thumb because of poor fashion choices.
Sure it will. A pretty female attracts no matter now she dresses. I seriously think you underestimate the importance of the feminine visual appearance in the face, as regards men anyway. You can wear all the right clothes and act the right way but if you look like a guy in drag, you won't pass. Sorry, but let's face reality. Talk to all the mtf 's out there who can't pass but would love to if they could.

Offline KatieP

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Re: ‘Passing’
« Reply #46 on: May 10, 2020, 02:24:03 pm »
However, many women are not very feminine in the face,especially as they get older. Keep that in mind, that not all women look very feminine. Look at sarah Huckabee Sanders, the ex press sec. For Trump.she has her dad's jaw. It happens. 
...
I would consider a lip lift to decrease the distance between my lips and nose, though even some attractive women have a longer philatum.


I watched a movie last night with Jaime Lee Curtis. I still think she is pretty, and she certainly "passes."  ;D

And, SHE needs a little nip under her nose. She has a huge space between nose and upper lip, and she has one of the thinnest upper lips of any AFAB woman I have ever seen.

Katie

Offline ChrissyRyan

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Re: ‘Passing’
« Reply #47 on: July 25, 2020, 08:53:13 am »
The more I continue with my MTF transition I think that although it would be wonderful if anyone who simply glances at you instantly and automatically recognizes you as a woman, that might be too high a bar to achieve for many of us.  Good for you if that happens for you, I guess that would be “male fail” for us MTFs. 

High goals are good, so if it is within realistic reach for you, go for it.   :) Then for MTFs, your female voice would be another confirmation for them of your correct gender.

I am thinking that being comfortable out for the most part presenting in your gender and being treated as being in your correct gender by most everyone is likely a better and realistic high goal for most of us. 

But, with great FFS, voice training, curving, and more, perhaps maybe I would not want to shortchange myself and you would not either.  However, I do not think at the moment I want surgeries.  So, with that feeling in my heart and thinking in my mind, just being out and feeling comfortable and having few public criticisms may be enough, for now, in terms of passing.

Chrissy



Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that your speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

Offline BrightWindow

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Re: ‘Passing’
« Reply #48 on: July 31, 2020, 10:59:03 am »
The more I continue with my MTF transition I think that although it would be wonderful if anyone who simply glances at you instantly and automatically recognizes you as a woman, that might be too high a bar to achieve for many of us.  Good for you if that happens for you, I guess that would be “male fail” for us MTFs. 

High goals are good, so if it is within realistic reach for you, go for it.   :) Then for MTFs, your female voice would be another confirmation for them of your correct gender.

I am thinking that being comfortable out for the most part presenting in your gender and being treated as being in your correct gender by most everyone is likely a better and realistic high goal for most of us. 

But, with great FFS, voice training, curving, and more, perhaps maybe I would not want to shortchange myself and you would not either.  However, I do not think at the moment I want surgeries.  So, with that feeling in my heart and thinking in my mind, just being out and feeling comfortable and having few public criticisms may be enough, for now, in terms of passing.

Chrissy
I practise my voice because I personally feel better about it, with passing being a convenient side benefit.
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Offline Dayle1957

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Re: ‘Passing’
« Reply #49 on: July 31, 2020, 11:22:36 am »
At this stage I certainly do not pass.  I am not sure that I ever will.  Right now I am kind of happy to feel like I am being mis-gendered when someone calls me sir, or man or whatever.  I know, sounds weird.  It is because I am still happy to simply recognize myself as a woman.   

I realize that as time goes by and I improve my presentation my desire to pass will certainly increase.  And being mis-gendered will no longer be "cute".  It certainly will be a great thrill the first time someone refers to me as her or ma'am. 



Offline barbie

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Re: ‘Passing’
« Reply #50 on: July 31, 2020, 02:12:54 pm »
Passing is nearly meaningless to me. I meet and interact with many people every day, and all of them know who I am. For strangers in the street, I look like just a tall and notable woman. My goal is not to pass, but to look a little bit beautiful and elegant.

barbie~~
Just do it.

Offline ChrissyRyan

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Re: ‘Passing’
« Reply #51 on: July 31, 2020, 05:24:53 pm »
Passing is nearly meaningless to me. I meet and interact with many people every day, and all of them know who I am. For strangers in the street, I look like just a tall and notable woman. My goal is not to pass, but to look a little bit beautiful and elegant.

barbie~~

You appear to have succeeded.  :)

Chrissy
Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that your speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

Offline Dayle1957

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Re: ‘Passing’
« Reply #52 on: July 31, 2020, 05:49:31 pm »
Barbie,

I agree with Chrissy.  You look fantastic.

Dayle

Offline Nadine Spirit

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Re: ‘Passing’
« Reply #53 on: July 31, 2020, 08:55:45 pm »
To me to pass is to be ignored, as many others have said. 

Offline Dayle1957

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Re: ‘Passing’
« Reply #54 on: August 01, 2020, 12:26:32 pm »
Nadine,

I think you make a good point.  Although I don't think I "pass", I find that most people don't give me a moment's notice when I walk down the street in my tight girl-shorts, shaved legs, scarves and jewelry.  Maybe I do pass in a way...

Pretty much I don't care what they think as long as they don't hassle me.  However, there are some sweet women in the neighborhood who clearly know of my change and when they greet me and smile I feel so good!

Dayle

Offline barbie

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Re: ‘Passing’
« Reply #55 on: August 01, 2020, 05:23:04 pm »
However, there are some sweet women in the neighborhood who clearly know of my change and when they greet me and smile I feel so good!

Thanks, Chrissy and Dayle.

Yes. Women seem to be more friendly to m2f transgender people.

Many women greet me with a big smile, but frankly, I do not remember them. In some cases, they guess that I can not remember them, and remind me of some clues, such as places and times when they meet me. This is the same for some men.

I feel like I become a kind of celebrity.

barbie~~
Just do it.

Offline Pammie

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Re: ‘Passing’
« Reply #56 on: August 02, 2020, 01:40:30 am »
To me to pass is to be ignored, as many others have said.
Perhaps ignored might not be exactly the right word. Just blended in, not eliciting comment. Tacit acceptance of one appearing to be who one is and is presenting as? Xx
Though the net result is the same so ignored will certainly suffice.


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