Author Topic: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?  (Read 11008 times)

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Offline Oldandcreaky

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Re: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?
« Reply #120 on: May 21, 2020, 04:09:57 pm »
Emma, I wish you all the best in your journey. I wish there'd been such a place as Susan's when I transitioned thirty-some years ago. In my forties, I hanged with women in their twenties just to have that experience. I soon tired of young women's dramas, but never regretted the experience. I feel the same about Susan's. I came a little late to the party, but I'm glad I came and experienced it. It's been swell to meet other trans-women and some of the trans-men here have fine minds.

I don't just wish you well, Emma.

I wish you all well.

It's a hard journey, but having people recognize one is worth it.

Online Ellie_Arroway

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Re: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?
« Reply #121 on: May 21, 2020, 04:26:51 pm »
Ellie, you and I took such very different paths. I used estrogen to trigger my second puberty and underwent electrolysis and wore men's suits every day to compensate for my increasing femininity. Those suits were my beard, but after a while, I looked like actresses in movies look when they pretend to be men with their soft skin. I looked like a fake and men in public restrooms would do double takes and I'd be addressed as "miss" or "ma'am" despite the jacket and tie. Only then did I don women's clothing and only then for the purpose of being seen as female.

Absolutely. If I remember correctly, you started quite a while ago? I have found that society accepts me as I am now (I am even confident enough to go out bald as long as I've shaved the horseshoe of head that I still have), but years ago, there would have been no way I would have done it; it wouldn't have been safe. It's still not perfect, but society has definitely moved on a great deal. - E
Started seriously questioning: 24 Aug 2019
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Most of my story is in the Just another mtf tale thread!
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Online Ellie_Arroway

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Re: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?
« Reply #122 on: May 21, 2020, 04:29:10 pm »
Emma, I wish you all the best in your journey. I wish there'd been such a place as Susan's when I transitioned thirty-some years ago.

There we are, I was right!

I would have found it impossible to transition in the nineties. (But then I didn't know I was transgender, so it doesn't really make any difference.)
Started seriously questioning: 24 Aug 2019
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HRT: "kind of" started 15 Jul 2020
Most of my story is in the Just another mtf tale thread!
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Offline Emma1017

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Re: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?
« Reply #123 on: May 22, 2020, 06:27:42 am »
I wrote this and I thought I would share this here.  It is clearly my personal opinion regarding how I feel.

                                                Drag queens and Me

Professional drag queens have an absolute right to express themselves any way they choose.  Being transgender, who am I to throw stones?  They are essentially clowns who use extremes for maximum comedic effect. 

I never liked circus clowns.  They have always been disturbing to me.  Thank you Steven King and John Wayne Gacy.
 
I have always cringed watching clowns at circuses, both as a child and even as an adult.  But I have also always cringed whenever I have watched drag queens perform as well.  It wasn’t until I became aware, through my gender dysphoria, that I was transgender, and was, in fact, a transwoman, that I began to understand my aversion to drag queens.

I spent a lifetime suppressing my female gender but I always connected with women in a way that I could not explain.  Over the last two years of discovery and therapy, I have been fighting my own internal gender battle:  the heavily binary, deeply socialized and testosterone-fueled physical male versus a mysterious fetus-wired female gendered brain.

In that battle I recognize my crushing need for both external and internal validation of my female gender.  I am trying to understand this powerful drive to transition my male body into a female one at 64 years of age and I still don’t trust my brain.

I am measuring a part of my success in transitioning by how well I will pass (being perceived as female), to the satisfaction of myself and my world.  It may seem shallow and possibly vain but gender dysphoria has created an emotional vulnerability that I have never experienced in my life.  I am desperate for validation.  For 64 years I have been a guy and socially accepted as a guy.  I am now forcing friends, family and myself to accept me as a woman.  My success needs to also be visual as well as spiritual.
 
Unfortunately, I live in a very physical world that requires observable facts to reinforce understanding and acceptance.  I am asking an impossible task from everyone in my life to suddenly accept me as a woman.  That is asking a lot and, for some people, that may be asking the impossible.   My transition will need visual support to help accept a new and very difficult set of facts.

I recognizing that I probably will be less than my ideal when all the surgeries and personal efforts are done.  Whatever the results, I will judge and be judged and I will need to sort out my own priorities to be happy and at peace with my decision.  I would just like a decent chance to just be me and accepted as me.

I know I am being overly sensitive and that may be due to the extraordinary pressures of gender dysphoria and the concept of transitioning on me, but, unfortunately, drag queens muddy the water for me. They are men parading around in an extreme caricature of women and I am a person simply trying to correct a birth defect.  Unfortunately, society can’t seem to distinguish the difference between the two.

Drag queens make fun of gender in a way that I find personally upsetting particularly as I come to grips with finally acknowledging my suppressed female gender.  I have to assume many women feel the same sense of unflattering mockery that I take offense to.  It reminds me of the countless sexist, racist and ethnic jokes that I have heard over a lifetime, generally in a bar with a bunch of guys.  They can be sadly funny but very mean at the same time. 

I admit that I may be overly sensitive but modern social sensitivity has banished whites doing black-face comedy publicly or Chinese characters on stage or in films.  Society finally grew up and recognized that the biases of that type of humor exposed an even more dangerous ignorance that included hate and intolerance against minorities.

Perhaps drag queen humor will follow the same path.

« Last Edit: May 22, 2020, 08:08:23 am by Emma1017 »
The heart has reasons that reason can not understand.

             My Transgender Manifesto

Offline CynthiaAnn

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Re: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?
« Reply #124 on: May 22, 2020, 07:46:18 am »

I have nothing against drag queens. 

Drag queens make fun of gender in a way that I find personally upsetting


Good Morning Emma, I read your post and there are two statements that seemingly are at odds with each other (above). I would simply suggest "letting it go" regarding drag, it's here to stay....

Have a nice day

Cyndi



kindness is love nurturing your soul....

Offline Emma1017

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Re: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?
« Reply #125 on: May 22, 2020, 08:14:13 am »
Cyndi thank you for the feed back.  I corrected the error and specified professional drag queens in my writing.

I disagree with: "I would simply suggest "letting it go" regarding drag, it's here to stay...."

                 

Al Jolson was very popular is his time. He made the first talking film ever with his blackface routine and was loved by the public. Would his routine work now?

I see a similarity.
The heart has reasons that reason can not understand.

             My Transgender Manifesto

Online Ellie_Arroway

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Re: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?
« Reply #126 on: May 22, 2020, 08:55:03 am »
I know I am being overly sensitive and that may be due to the extraordinary pressures of gender dysphoria and the concept of transitioning on me, but, unfortunately, drag queens muddy the water for me. They are men parading around in an extreme caricature of women and I am a person simply trying to correct a birth defect.  Unfortunately, society can’t seem to distinguish the difference between the two.

Hi Emma,

I don't agree with the last sentence there. In my experience, society can easily distinguish between transgender women and drag queens.

I'm not a fan of drag either, but it doesn't bother me. - E
Started seriously questioning: 24 Aug 2019
Referred to GIC: 23 Sep 2019
Full-time female presentation since: 21 Oct 2019, unbroken since 12 Dec 2019
Official name change by deed poll: 11 Nov 2019
HRT: "kind of" started 15 Jul 2020
Most of my story is in the Just another mtf tale thread!
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Offline randim

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Re: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?
« Reply #127 on: May 22, 2020, 09:00:43 am »
By strange coincidence Emma, two days ago I made a comparison to drag and blackface on twitter.  Got slapped for it too, including the valid comment that it has a deep history in *black* queer culture, which adds to the analogy being problematic.  This led me to some goggle research.  Suffice to say, it's a complex topic with many defenders.  I do understand the misogynistic argument.  It is certainly a strong one in some respects but not in others.  It is deeply rooted in queer culture and that context has to be taken into account.  I would encourage you to look at some of the pro-drag arguments.

Offline Emma1017

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Re: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?
« Reply #128 on: May 22, 2020, 09:40:46 am »
What I love most about a dialogue is that it spurs opinion. Randim and Ellie you both expressed your opinion of the opinion I expressed.  I am always comfortable with disagreement.  I recognize that my sensitivities and my experiences are not shared therefore neither will my opinions.  That is why I contain my opinions to my thread.  I am not trying to convince anyone.  I am just sharing my thoughts as I crawl along my transgender path.

Has everyone knows reading any of my threads is that I am wrong regularly ;D.

Randim I totally accept there are valid arguments regarding the validity of drag queens as well as the deeply toxic sensitivity to the history of blackface that I have not personally experienced but I stand by my historical association based on my very singular lifetime experience. 

I have spent many hours over my life time quietly listening the guys and their jokes.  I have heard endless drag queen jokes used in reference to transwomen and countless brutally sexist ones that make me cringe even now.  I have heard to many blackface jokes and attended Halloween parties with people in blackface, or as Caitlyn Jenner or as China men.  This is my reality against which I wrote my thoughts above. 

Not everyone lives in my world and that is OK and in many ways, thank God.  I have lived through too much bigotry.  It is unfortunate that professional drag queens, in being comedic, are adding a humorous mockery that supports a bigotry that affects me personally and at a time when I have extreme sensitivity.

Maybe I was insensitive too long.

I truly wish my world was more mature and accepting. I would just like to laugh at the jokes without feeling the echoes of that humor allowing intolerance to makes me the brunt of it. Maybe someday drag queens can continue to be funny at the same time that transgender individuals are more fully accepted than they are, at least in my world.
« Last Edit: May 22, 2020, 11:01:07 am by Emma1017 »
The heart has reasons that reason can not understand.

             My Transgender Manifesto

Offline RandyL

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Re: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?
« Reply #129 on: May 22, 2020, 01:03:56 pm »
Hi Emma, we have discussed this before and I understand your viewpoint about how you want to present yourself and be seen.

As you say here, asking everyone to accept you as a woman may be a big ask for some:
I am now forcing friends, family and myself to accept me as a woman.  My success needs to also be visual as well as spiritual.
 
Unfortunately, I live in a very physical world that requires observable facts to reinforce understanding and acceptance.  I am asking an impossible task from everyone in my life to suddenly accept me as a woman.  That is asking a lot and, for some people, that may be asking the impossible.   My transition will need visual support to help accept a new and very difficult set of facts.

But this! To be accepted as YOU, that is the key. And it is realistic and a good goal:
Whatever the results, I will judge and be judged and I will need to sort out my own priorities to be happy and at peace with my decision.  I would just like a decent chance to just be me and accepted as me.

You can do this and you will be fine. Self acceptance is our biggest barrier. Tell your anxieties to back off!!
Hugs, Randy

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Offline Pammie

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Re: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?
« Reply #130 on: May 22, 2020, 03:31:50 pm »
*huggles*

Can you pass? As who? Yourself?

I never get this. Ever. This obsession with getting the approval of the rest of the world in order to validate yourself. To everyone out there you can "pass" as whatever you want, given enough effort. You can be anyone you want to be. Heck, you can be anyone you want to be online, too. The world today is a giant hall of mirrors.

The only question you have to ask yourself is "Am I being true to myself?" And if you can answer that with "yes" then you're on the right path. :)
I do admire you Sephira but I have to admit (and you already know this) that i’m just not that cool. The need to pass is absolutely inherent to me. It’s not about approval though, quite the opposite in fact. I want to just blend and not to stand out. My identity is female and I don’t want others to identify me as trans. That’s just the way I am.


I opened the door and the light shone in

Offline Emma1017

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Re: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?
« Reply #131 on: May 22, 2020, 08:55:33 pm »
Pammie I agree.  As much as I know Sephirah is absolutely right that we need to be true to ourselves, transitioning has been such a jarring emotional and spiritual experience for me that I know my success needs to also be visual as well as spiritual.

Whether vanity or insecurity, I need to see me as well as feel me inside.  I recognize it is my limitation but that is why the middle ground is not going to work for me.  I need to be absolutely one or the other.  I need to be male or female.
Maybe as a baby boomer my binary orientation is fixed but regardless of the reason I need to commit one way or the other.

I said earlier:

  "I have been fighting my own internal gender battle:  the heavily binary, deeply socialized and testosterone-fueled physical male versus a mysterious fetus-wired female gendered brain. 

In that battle I recognize my crushing need for both external and internal validation of my female gender.  I am trying to understand this powerful drive to transition my male body into a female one at 64 years of age and  I still don't trust my brain."


And that is the crux of my dilemma, my actions, words and thoughts clearly show I am fully going to transition yet I still don't trust the facts but I am doing nothing to stop the process. 

Aren't you all glad that I have a therapist?

I need to bring back the tail chasing puppy.....

The heart has reasons that reason can not understand.

             My Transgender Manifesto

Offline Emma1017

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Re: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?
« Reply #132 on: May 23, 2020, 12:51:32 pm »
I was feeling kind of militant this morning and I thought I would share something I  wrote for Medium back in November.  I hope you like it:

                  Are You Transgender? You are My Hero and Heroines!
                         
     
I have spent the last two years learning about my gender ignorance and it was massive!

At 60 years of age I have finally came to grips with a staggering personal reality, I am transgender. What I have learned through endless hours of reading since is that I am incredibly proud to be transgender! FTM or MTF I have witnessed endless testimonies by individuals who have sacrificed the easy answer to societies gender biases to declare they are transgender. Damn the consequences.

Every one of them is my hero and heroine.

I now know the pain they suffer to simply be themselves. I personally have experienced the agony of seeing our society question our very existence and the validity of our reason to be.

To the cisgender world I declare:

     I am here. I am real. I am valid. I have a joy for life that I just want to share.

     I don’t want to take anything away from anyone else. I simply want acceptance.

     I will pay my way, just give me a job.

     I will leave you alone in the bathroom, just let me use it.

     I mean you no harm, just please don’t hurt me.

     I am capable of tremendous love, just give me a chance.

     I don’t want anything from you, please don’t condemn me.

     I just don’t understand why I am so threatening to you.  I am not taking your food,
      I am not stealing your child and I am not blocking your path to heaven.  I simply
      want the opportunity to live my life in peace and to share to joy I am capable of.

To my brothers and sisters I say:

     You inspire me every day.

     Your courage is sadly unrecognized by a society that is in sore need of it.

     Please stay strong, keep your heart and find your joy.


The heart has reasons that reason can not understand.

             My Transgender Manifesto

Offline Rachel

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Re: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?
« Reply #133 on: May 23, 2020, 03:48:46 pm »
Hello Emma,

I fought (myself) with all my strength to not transition. I am gender binary and sexuality 95% binary. So I understand the difficulty. I remember exactly where I was and the exact moment when I decided I will transition and put the war inside me to an end.

Three days after I was on HRT I knew it was the correct decision and that I was going to fully transition. I was 50 years old. I stalled in a limbo on HRT and part time expressing and needed to medically transition for a 3 year period. I was trying to have my ex get use to the idea. Well that did not work.

In the end we are who we are. My ex is as entitled to her beliefs and ideals and I to mine. I was over her house today hanging a kayak rack and had lunch. We still love each other but we can not be together.

I have learned a lot about the process and procedures. I will get a face lift in another country due to cost from an excellent surgeon. Just a bit of hair transplants in NC, covered by insurance and maybe a little labiaplasty also covered by insurance in NYC. I will have my voice corrected, covered by insurance. I am ok if the hair and labiaplasty is not done as they look good now. The face lift is to remove 15 years and relive a younger time in my life ( I am definitely out of my shell :) ) .

Transition is a journey. I love my body and I do not have dysphoria anymore. I am accepted at work and judged on my contributions.

One of the nicest comments I received is from my current boss. He is the COO and I put at the bottom of my monthly meeting agenda ( last item) with him my time off and purpose. I have listed my medical reason and time off days and duration. He said what ever you are doing keep doing it because you look great.

Rachel

 

Online ChrissyRyan

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Re: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?
« Reply #134 on: May 23, 2020, 06:59:46 pm »
Emma,


I have a good feeling that things will work out well for you over time.  Hang in there.   :)

I see you are making those big bucks as an accomplished writer publishing at Medium. 

Their transfemme section can be interesting.

Chrissy
Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that your speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

Offline Emma1017

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Re: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?
« Reply #135 on: May 23, 2020, 08:57:14 pm »
Rachel, with each passing day and each entry here, my ability to deny that I am not going to transition fades.  The proof is that I am looking forward to every surgery and every hair removed from my face.  This is not the actions or desires of a cisgender male. 

I am done chasing my tail.  I am just embarrassing myself (although the puppy IS really cute).

ChrissyRyan if you have been to Medium then you know I have written a lot.  My 37 articles have paid me handsomely, a total of 18 dollars so far... ;D  After tax, a MacDonald's Happy Meal.  The only reason I continue is, as with here, is my own therapy and the hopeful expectation that I am helping others.

We are all thrown into a deep jungle with a very painful sense of loneliness.  If it helps anyone here or there then it is worth the public show.  Otherwise I would stop.  Selfishly I get great satisfaction believing it has some value....not to mention the tremendous financial support it is providing my retirement preparations... ;D

The heart has reasons that reason can not understand.

             My Transgender Manifesto

Online ChrissyRyan

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Re: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?
« Reply #136 on: May 23, 2020, 09:04:32 pm »
Rachel, with each passing day and each entry here, my ability to deny that I am not going to transition fades.  The proof is that I am looking forward to every surgery and every hair removed from my face.  This is not the actions or desires of a cisgender male. 

I am done chasing my tail.  I am just embarrassing myself (although the puppy IS really cute).

ChrissyRyan if you have been to Medium then you know I have written a lot.  My 37 articles have paid me handsomely, a total of 18 dollars so far... ;D  After tax, a MacDonald's Happy Meal.  The only reason I continue is, as with here, is my own therapy and the hopeful expectation that I am helping others.

We are all thrown into a deep jungle with a very painful sense of loneliness.  If it helps anyone here or there then it is worth the public show.  Otherwise I would stop.  Selfishly I get great satisfaction believing it has some value....not to mention the tremendous financial support it is providing my retirement preparations... ;D


The puppy is cute and you are an accomplished writer.

Chrissy
Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that your speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

Offline davina61

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Re: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?
« Reply #137 on: May 24, 2020, 01:51:38 am »
Your lucky to be eloquent , at school it was do a page of this subject . Well I would do 2 lines and my dyslexic brain went dooh ! Saying that I would put in 2 lines what most would fill a page saying--------
a long time coming (out) HRT 12 2017


Jill of all trades mistress of non
Know a bit about everything but not enough to be clever

Offline Emma1017

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Re: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?
« Reply #138 on: May 24, 2020, 06:57:02 am »
I am writing from my heart.  The inspiration is easy.  There is such a lack of understanding about what we go through.  It creates an intense passion to help me and others understand.

I am glad it means something and is not boring.

Thank you.
The heart has reasons that reason can not understand.

             My Transgender Manifesto

Online ChrissyRyan

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Re: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?
« Reply #139 on: May 24, 2020, 07:10:54 am »
I am writing from my heart.  The inspiration is easy.  There is such a lack of understanding about what we go through.  It creates an intense passion to help me and others understand.

I am glad it means something and is not boring.

Thank you.


That is for sure!

Thanks,

Chrissy
Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that your speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

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