Author Topic: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?  (Read 11026 times)

0 Members and 2 Guests are viewing this topic.

Offline Dorit

  • *
  • Posts: 335
  • Reputation: +3/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?
« Reply #140 on: May 25, 2020, 01:34:15 am »
Emma dear, I just found this blog of yours looking for KimOct!  Gosh, I missed seven pages of conversation.   I guess the "better late than never" can also apply to me finding where you and Kim went to!   So many good and helpful things have been posted here.   I will just add my perspective on some of the issues.

The "holy Grail" of passing.  Yes, it can be an issue of needing external acceptance and validation in order to feel good about yourself instead of healthier internal self worth and identity.  I certainly have been dealing with this.   However, there is also the issue that even though you might know internally that you are a women you need to have others see you as such in order to be part of the female experience.   If you want to be one of the "girls" it does help to look like one.

The way I see the fear or doubts about transitioning is that one possibility is that it can come from a level of dysphoria that is not so strong or overwhelming.   Why pay the price of transition if you can live happily in both worlds?   Many cross-dressers do.  On the other hand the fear can come from your own internal shame and judgement that what you are doing is wrong.  This is what kept me in the closet for fifty years.  When medicine and psychology began to understand people like me, and  intensive therapy to help with my self condemnation, it was full speed ahead in transition!
I first told a psychiatrist that I wanted to be a girl 1967 after a psychotic breakdown
Began therapy again with gender specialist 50 years later in September 2017
Began HRT November 2017
Name change with Israel Ministry of Interior March 2018
FFS September 2018
GCS December 2018
Gender change with Israel Ministry of Interior January 2019
BA July 2020

Offline Emma1017

  • *
  • Posts: 1,905
  • Reputation: +23/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?
« Reply #141 on: May 25, 2020, 11:25:26 am »
Thank you Dorit for sharing your thoughts.   I am glad I helped you track down Kim.

I think the one thing that has finally hit me as other have suggested a middle ground for me is simply the fact that I don't feel like a guy nor do I like being a  guy.  It has felt so alien all my life and it has taken the last two years of therapy and self examination to understand that.

Chalk it up to birth defects, pre-natal wiring or whatever, my soul/spirit/consciousness has always been female.  I need to be and see me, as Emma, and I take great joy in saying that.

I love your statement: " it was full speed ahead in transition!".  I have some issues that need to be resolved but I can't wait to step on the gas, come what may.


Warm regards,

Emma
The heart has reasons that reason can not understand.

             My Transgender Manifesto

Offline KimOct

  • *****
  • *
  • Posts: 1,178
  • Reputation: +33/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?
« Reply #142 on: May 26, 2020, 04:16:28 pm »
Hi Emma and Dorit  :)  Yeah I have been spreading out my posting among many places but also doing a bit less of it lately.  Been feeling down myself but I will bounce back as always.

As for passing.  I have said before it is an onion with so many layers psychologically. 
1. The desire to pass
2. The NEED to pass
3. WHY DO WE WANT TO PASS?  That is the really big one. 

So that people think we are cis?  Why do we want people to think we are cis?  Because we are embarrassed of being trans?

Of course there is the point of view that we want our physical form to match our mental image of who we are.

The desire and effort to pass can be like a dog chasing its tail.  It is sometimes something that you can never catch.  I think that is true for MOST trans women.  Not all.  I know some are perfectly happy with their appearance but I am convinced that they are in the minority.

And yes I include myself as one of those endlessly chasing my tail.  And I think I always will.  For me my goal is being OK with realizing I will never be completely OK with my appearance.
The first transphobe you have to conquer is yourself

Offline Emma1017

  • *
  • Posts: 1,905
  • Reputation: +23/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?
« Reply #143 on: May 27, 2020, 06:52:43 am »
I agree Kim.  We all have our own particular tail to chase.  It gets tiring some times but hey I get to bring back the cute puppy!!! ;D


                                           
The heart has reasons that reason can not understand.

             My Transgender Manifesto

Offline Dorit

  • *
  • Posts: 335
  • Reputation: +3/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?
« Reply #144 on: May 28, 2020, 03:54:55 am »


The desire and effort to pass can be like a dog chasing its tail.  It is sometimes something that you can never catch.  I think that is true for MOST trans women.  Not all.  I know some are perfectly happy with their appearance but I am convinced that they are in the minority.

And yes I include myself as one of those endlessly chasing my tail.  And I think I always will.  For me my goal is being OK with realizing I will never be completely OK with my appearance.

This seems to be true of most women, not ever perfectly happy with our appearance.  When I complained to a girlfriend that I did not think my rhinoplasty made me pretty enough, her reply was "now you have truly joined the female gender experience, I personally do not know a single women who was ever satisfied with her cosmetic surgery"!
I first told a psychiatrist that I wanted to be a girl 1967 after a psychotic breakdown
Began therapy again with gender specialist 50 years later in September 2017
Began HRT November 2017
Name change with Israel Ministry of Interior March 2018
FFS September 2018
GCS December 2018
Gender change with Israel Ministry of Interior January 2019
BA July 2020

Offline Ellie_Arroway

  • *
  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 1,111
  • Reputation: +21/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • ellie_arroway@susans.org
Re: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?
« Reply #145 on: May 28, 2020, 04:08:52 am »
This seems to be true of most women, not ever perfectly happy with our appearance.  When I complained to a girlfriend that I did not think my rhinoplasty made me pretty enough, her reply was "now you have truly joined the female gender experience, I personally do not know a single women who was ever satisfied with her cosmetic surgery"!

Hehehe! The number of times I have complained to another woman about something feminine, and the answer was always...

"Welcome to our world!"

:)
Started seriously questioning: 24 Aug 2019
Referred to GIC: 23 Sep 2019
Full-time female presentation since: 21 Oct 2019, unbroken since 12 Dec 2019
Official name change by deed poll: 11 Nov 2019
HRT: "kind of" started 15 Jul 2020
Most of my story is in the Just another mtf tale thread!
Twitch streamer MusicEllie

Offline Confused1

  • *
  • Posts: 108
  • Reputation: +2/-0
  • Gender: Questioning
  • Non Binary
Re: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?
« Reply #146 on: May 28, 2020, 11:16:59 am »
I agree Kim.  We all have our own particular tail to chase.  It gets tiring some times but hey I get to bring back the cute puppy!!! ;D


                                           

Emma
I don't know if you recognize how much your posts mean to some of us. Maybe you do. Kim has mentioned it a few times. It took me 6 days, but I have read from your Which Hurts Less thread though this one. We all have different endpoints to our transformations, what ever that may entail, but you helped me understand who has been lurking in my own soul. We are about 6 months different in age. I had never posted until yesterday on this forum. In addition, I have to say, Emma is beautiful from my vantage point!

Offline Emma1017

  • *
  • Posts: 1,905
  • Reputation: +23/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?
« Reply #147 on: May 28, 2020, 05:02:40 pm »
Confused you have made my day, week and probably my month.  You comments are incredibly kind. 

It is so hard for me to continue posting here sometimes.  Without feedback I can't tell if it matters that I continue.  Thank you for making it so worthwhile. 

I am very glad that the "veterans" like Kim, Sephira and Danielle do regular drive-bys to make sure I don't stray to far off course.  This is a phenomenal community.

Hugs,

Emma

The heart has reasons that reason can not understand.

             My Transgender Manifesto

Offline davina61

  • *
  • Posts: 4,671
  • Reputation: +12/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • The ramblings of an old dear
Re: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?
« Reply #148 on: May 29, 2020, 02:35:23 am »
I think you have a lot of drive buy's (okay lurkers ) as we all want to see you doing well. On the other side of the pond and in totally different circumstances I don't have the "right" or knowledge to comment and usually get beaten to it any ways with time difference . Still cheering you on (any excuse to wear cheer leaders out fit ra ra ) , stay safe XXXX
a long time coming (out) HRT 12 2017


Jill of all trades mistress of non
Know a bit about everything but not enough to be clever

Offline Emma1017

  • *
  • Posts: 1,905
  • Reputation: +23/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?
« Reply #149 on: May 29, 2020, 09:10:22 am »
Davina you have always been a great cheer leader.  You are on the squad! ;D

                                     

Stay safe and stay well too,

Emma
« Last Edit: May 29, 2020, 11:24:38 am by Emma1017 »
The heart has reasons that reason can not understand.

             My Transgender Manifesto

Offline Emma1017

  • *
  • Posts: 1,905
  • Reputation: +23/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?
« Reply #150 on: May 30, 2020, 10:37:23 am »
I wrote another mental churn this morning.  I hope it has value:

                                   It’s a Birth Defect

I am suffering from gender dysphoria (GS).  “Suffering” is an understatement.   It is more like intense, inescapable agony that was increasing over time until I started therapy and then hormone treatments.  Until I was diagnosed, I had no clue what was happening to me.  Since I my diagnosis I have spent endless hours trying to understand how did it happen, why am I driven to transition and how can I make GS go away.

I am relying on the following definitions to complete my thoughts below:


Sex refers to the biological characteristics that define humans as female or male.  https://www.who.int/reproductivehealth/topics/sexual_health/sh_definitions/en/

Gender refers to the roles, behaviors, activities, attributes and opportunities that any society considers appropriate for girls and boys, and women and men. Gender interacts with, but is different from, the binary categories of biological sex.  https://www.who.int/health-topics/gender

Birth defects are structural changes present at birth that can affect almost any part or parts of the body (e.g., heart, brain, foot).  https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/birthdefects/facts.html

Gender dysphoria is a condition where a person experiences discomfort or distress because there's a mismatch between their biological sex and gender identity. It's sometimes known as gender incongruence.

Biological sex is assigned at birth, depending on the appearance of the genitals. Gender identity is the gender that a person "identifies" with or feels themselves to be.
While biological sex and gender identity are the same for most people, this is not the case for everyone. For example, some people may have the anatomy of a man, but identify themselves as a woman, while others may not feel they're definitively either male or female.

This mismatch between sex and gender identity can lead to distressing and uncomfortable feelings that are called gender dysphoria. Gender dysphoria is a recognized medical condition, for which treatment is sometimes appropriate. It's not a mental illness. https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/gender-dysphoria/

What causes gender dysphoria?  Gender development is complex and there are many possible variations that cause a mismatch between a person’s biological sex and their gender identity, making the exact cause of gender dysphoria unclear.
Occasionally, the hormones that trigger the development of biological sex may not work properly on the brain, reproductive organs and genitals, causing differences between them. https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/gender-dysphoria/

I believe that I have a birth defect.  Like a cleft palate, misshaped heart valve, clubfoot or blindness, the mismatch between my sex and my gender occurred in utero, before birth.  Based on all acceptable medical and psychological research, it is a medical condition, not a mental one.  The brain is wired one gender and the body is physically the other.

Given its rarity, medical solutions are, at this time, therapy, hormones and, if necessary, physically altering the body to match the gender of the brain.  Given the complexity of the brain and the current lack of professional knowledge and understanding of gender in the brain, altering the brain is not possible at this time.

I cannot wait for science and medicine to come up with a solution that alters the brain.  I am not prepared to be a Guinea pig. GS is a drive that, at least for me, increases its force over time. 

I am dealing with a medical need that is not a choice nor a selfish desire.

I am 64 years old and I need a solution that will give me the greatest chance of living out the rest of my life in peace and happiness.  In the end, if the therapy and the hormones don’t work, I may need to surgically fix my physical birth defect.

I hope my world understands.


[/b]
The heart has reasons that reason can not understand.

             My Transgender Manifesto

Offline EllenW

  • Newbie
  • **
  • Posts: 43
  • Reputation: +1/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?
« Reply #151 on: May 30, 2020, 01:36:11 pm »
Emma

You summed up what I feel and have thought for a long time. Like you I just want to live out the rest of my life in peace and happiness. At this moment HRT and living as my true femmin self is enough. But who know GCS may be in my future

Ellen
Known all my life I was different
Started to live part time as my true self in 2010
HRT January 2018
Full time at work Febuary 2018
Legal name and gender change January 2019

Offline Dorit

  • *
  • Posts: 335
  • Reputation: +3/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?
« Reply #152 on: May 31, 2020, 03:09:15 am »


I believe that I have a birth defect.  Like a cleft palate, misshaped heart valve, clubfoot or blindness, the mismatch between my sex and my gender occurred in utero, before birth.  Based on all acceptable medical and psychological research, it is a medical condition, not a mental one.  The brain is wired one gender and the body is physically the other.

Given its rarity, medical solutions are, at this time, therapy, hormones and, if necessary, physically altering the body to match the gender of the brain.  Given the complexity of the brain and the current lack of professional knowledge and understanding of gender in the brain, altering the brain is not possible at this time.

I cannot wait for science and medicine to come up with a solution that alters the brain.  I am not prepared to be a Guinea pig. GS is a drive that, at least for me, increases its force over time. 

I am dealing with a medical need that is not a choice nor a selfish desire.

I am 64 years old and I need a solution that will give me the greatest chance of living out the rest of my life in peace and happiness.  In the end, if the therapy and the hormones don’t work, I may need to surgically fix my physical birth defect.

I hope my world understands.
[/i]



Emma, I like what you wrote, but maybe a more helpful way is to consider it a birth anomaly instead of a defect?  Rather than placing being born transgender with clef pallets and heart value problems, why not simply relate to it as being born left handed?  I was born left handed, 90% of the world is right handed. Over one hundred years ago it was considered "unnatural' and they tried to force right handedness on children like me.  I received a tiny bit of this as a child, but learned to accept that I was left handed in a right handed world!  It did make my life somewhat harder, but I did not choose to be left handed.

So I was born transgender before anyone realized that it was a birth anomaly.   That was the hard part.  Now comes the better part, I was able to live long enough to experience the huge change in understanding and transition! :)
I first told a psychiatrist that I wanted to be a girl 1967 after a psychotic breakdown
Began therapy again with gender specialist 50 years later in September 2017
Began HRT November 2017
Name change with Israel Ministry of Interior March 2018
FFS September 2018
GCS December 2018
Gender change with Israel Ministry of Interior January 2019
BA July 2020

Offline Ellie_Arroway

  • *
  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 1,111
  • Reputation: +21/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • ellie_arroway@susans.org
Re: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?
« Reply #153 on: May 31, 2020, 04:15:45 am »
Emma, I like what you wrote, but maybe a more helpful way is to consider it a birth anomaly instead of a defect? 

Yes, yes, yes, yes, YES! That's a far better way to frame it.

@Emma1017, from my point of view, if you offered me a medicine that would take my gender dysphoria away and allow me to live as a man, I would not want to take it. I believe it would turn me into somebody who is not me, and I like being me. I know my situation is not the same as yours but that's just my point of view, as I say. - E
Started seriously questioning: 24 Aug 2019
Referred to GIC: 23 Sep 2019
Full-time female presentation since: 21 Oct 2019, unbroken since 12 Dec 2019
Official name change by deed poll: 11 Nov 2019
HRT: "kind of" started 15 Jul 2020
Most of my story is in the Just another mtf tale thread!
Twitch streamer MusicEllie

Online sarahc

  • Sarah
  • *
  • Posts: 864
  • Reputation: +9/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?
« Reply #154 on: May 31, 2020, 06:42:24 am »
Yes, yes, yes, yes, YES! That's a far better way to frame it.

@Emma1017, from my point of view, if you offered me a medicine that would take my gender dysphoria away and allow me to live as a man, I would not want to take it. I believe it would turn me into somebody who is not me, and I like being me. I know my situation is not the same as yours but that's just my point of view, as I say. - E

AGREED! I like who I am! My gender dysphoria isn’t debilitating. But I need to undergo a physical transition so I can match the inner self that I love with what others perceive. There was no way I could act and emote like I do now living as a guy. And I want to physically be a woman (as much as medically possible). If you change my mental state to take away these urges, that completely alters my identity, and I’m not sure that I would like the person that you would end up with.

Sarah

Sarah
----
47 years young.
Known that I am trans since...forever.
First therapy session / decided to transition / hair removal: October 2018
HRT: January 2019 (journal https://www.susans.org/forums/index.phpVF/topic,244009.0.html)
VFS: September 2019; three-month report here
Full-time: April 2020
FFS: August 2020
SRS: January 2021

Offline EllenW

  • Newbie
  • **
  • Posts: 43
  • Reputation: +1/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?
« Reply #155 on: May 31, 2020, 10:00:02 am »
maybe a more helpful way is to consider it a birth anomaly instead of a defect? 

That is the perfect way of explaining it. I always struggled with using the term "birth defect" when explaining my self to others. I now have a much better term. Thank

Ellen
Known all my life I was different
Started to live part time as my true self in 2010
HRT January 2018
Full time at work Febuary 2018
Legal name and gender change January 2019

Offline Emma1017

  • *
  • Posts: 1,905
  • Reputation: +23/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?
« Reply #156 on: May 31, 2020, 10:20:35 am »
I totally understand the different perspectives regarding our own personal thoughts about our own gender dysphoria (GD) experiences.  Each has some commonality, but, in the end, as unique as we all are as people.  Last August I wrote exactly about the "left hand" experience and I will re-post it below.

I agree that "a birth anomaly" is a way to explain GD if no surgery is necessary for another individual but I specifically chose birth defect because I used physical defects as my comparative in my case.  I have read many transgender people compare GD to cancer to validate the need versus the desire for change and to help a spouse try to understand the need to employ medical solutions to survive.  It is not a cancer.

If I chose to surgically correct my birth defect and to finally have my physical body match my gender, then it is similar to repairing a defective heart valve or cleft palate.  To get to that final decision to elect surgery, I have spent 2 years of painful self-analysis, therapy and HRT.  I am exhausting the non-surgical alternatives and I believe that I need external validation.

I thank God that there is no brain surgery available.  I have visions of the movie ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOOS NEST.

I truly wish, for me, that I didn't need surgery to be me but, as I wrote earlier, for me, it may be necessary.  I am jealous of all of you that found your peace with other paths.

Here is what I wrote last August on my second thread:

                                            Gender Dysphoria: The Left Hand of Society

Growing up with Gender Dysphoria (GD)is similar to growing up left handed. If you are cisgendered (your body and mind see you as one, singular, binary gender) and don’t understand what having GD is like then let’s use use something you may be more familiar with, being left handed.

Only 10–12 percent of the population is reportedly left-handed.

Due to cultural and social pressures, many left-handed children were encouraged or forced to write and perform other activities with their right hands. This conversion can cause multiple problems in the developing left-handed child, including learning disorders, dyslexia, stuttering and other speech disorders.

Childhood: I was left-handed but was trained to use only my right hand. I learned from constant observation, correction and guidance that left was the only correct way to do things.

Adolescence: Being right-handed was the only socially acceptable way. I accepted that I was wrong for using my left. I was able to adapt and only use my right.

Adult: I totally accepted that using my left was wrong and re-enforced my right. Everyone was happy.

Late Life: The world changed. Suddenly I was told that being left-handed wasn’t my fault but unfortunately, the world still believed that left-handed people were an aberration, “If you are right-handed, why would anyone ever want to become left-handed?” I recognized that coming out left handed would destroy all that I had created over a lifetime.

What does it feel like? It feels like a mosquito bite that you spent a lifetime ignoring. The occasional scratching made it tolerable but over time the inch became worse no matter what you did. You just want it to stop and go away but it won’t.

There is an extreme loneliness because there is no way to explain to yourself or to others why this has happened to you, it just has. It is an incurable personal tragedy that lacks the inherent human sympathy that mortal diseases naturally draw out of people.

If you use your left hand, everyone either verbally or non-verbally judges, condemns and belittles you. It even draws out violence and revulsion in many people. You feel condemnation, shame and embarrassment.

If you come out left-handed you drag your spouse and family down with you. You will deeply hurt the ones you love. You feel tremendous guilt and regret because what you done to others. You know that once out, it can never be put back.

If you stay right-handed the itch will never goes away and it gets worse over time.

Stop using your dominant hand for a day, even just five minutes and realize that that awkwardness is a lifetime experience.

If you can understand this example, you can begin to understand what it is like to have GD.


For anyone who has read my three posts from the beginning (My apologies, it must have been painful and awfully repeative  :)), my writings were my therapeutic way of processing what was wrong with me, grappling with my discovery of suffering from gender dysphoria, finding some way to live with being transgender and now, finally, how far I need to go to be at peace and, hopefully find happiness.

It has been a very personal journey that I shared here.  The writing has been a progressive documentation of my experience and thoughts. 

I think they saved me.

Hugs,

Emma

 
The heart has reasons that reason can not understand.

             My Transgender Manifesto

Online sarahc

  • Sarah
  • *
  • Posts: 864
  • Reputation: +9/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?
« Reply #157 on: May 31, 2020, 11:10:33 am »
Yes - I use the handedness analogy all of the time - I find it very effective. And I bring up the historical examples of how many cultures routinely disciplined children if they used their left hand...even in Japan, they did this until very recently! For millennia, people believed that left-handedness was a sinful / improper / insane / a-sign-of-the-devil behavior and then eventually people realized that being left-handed is just how some people are. And it didn’t mean that left-handed people were damned for life.

It’s very similar for us...many of us as kids got feedback that doing gender non-conforming things was bad and so we have had to suppress this all of our lives. But it’s just who we are, and transitioning provides so much emotional relief, it is similar to left-handed people finally being able to use their left hand.

The challenge is for us older transitioners is that transitioning later in life really does alter things for those to whom we are closest, like parents, children and especially spouses. And that is why it is so important for young trans people to get the support they need early in their life, so that if they choose to, they can transition early, so they don’t run into the incredibly gut-wrenching situations many of us have dealt with later in life.

Sarah
----
47 years young.
Known that I am trans since...forever.
First therapy session / decided to transition / hair removal: October 2018
HRT: January 2019 (journal https://www.susans.org/forums/index.phpVF/topic,244009.0.html)
VFS: September 2019; three-month report here
Full-time: April 2020
FFS: August 2020
SRS: January 2021

Offline Emma1017

  • *
  • Posts: 1,905
  • Reputation: +23/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?
« Reply #158 on: May 31, 2020, 12:04:45 pm »

Sarahc I absolutely agree.  I truly hope, as we share our stories with family and friends, that there is a growing awareness and acceptance for the next generations so that they will be spared the incredible pain we have been force to endure.

The heart has reasons that reason can not understand.

             My Transgender Manifesto

Offline Confused1

  • *
  • Posts: 108
  • Reputation: +2/-0
  • Gender: Questioning
  • Non Binary
Re: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?
« Reply #159 on: May 31, 2020, 04:52:12 pm »
I think you have a lot of drive buy's (okay lurkers ) as we all want to see you doing well.

To Davina: a lurker, really? Ok, maybe I do resemble that remark

I agree with Dorit that this might be better described as an anomaly.

Emma , I have a lot to say, but don’t want to hijack your thread.
Well over a decade ago, maybe even 2, I saw a Sci-Fi movie that had a machine that could change any body characteristic you wanted. The main actress/actor requested and got a sex change against her husband’s wishes. The husband eventually realized how much he loved his wife and decided to become the wife. It was just fantasy, right? At least that is what I thought. I just wanted it! I had never heard of dysphoria, but I couldn’t’ get it out of my head for months. During that time and during my puberty I had dysphoria to the moon, but did not understand it.
 
Like Sarah, my gender dysphoria currently isn’t debilitating and like you it has stayed buried most of my life. I now have a side effect of prostate surgery that is extremely difficult to live with. It made me look high and low for an answer and re-evaluate my life. I searched cancer and urology sites, the Eunuch Archive forum and then Susans. I joined Susans a few months ago, but reading your thread made me want to start posting and being involved in the conversations. GRS appears to be the only way to fix my side effect AND could also eliminate or reduce the dysphoria. I thought about it for some time before telling my wife. She still knows nothing of my dysphoria, just the post surgery problem. Her initial reaction was much like your wife. She told me she had no desire to live with a woman. As you said Emma, I would also take a bullet for her.  We have been married 40 years. I asked her if I had been in the military and stepped on a landmine causing a GRS, how she would react to that. After a period of time told me she loves me with all her heart and will support me. Due to recurrence of the cancer and current radiation treatments, I put everything on hold for awhile. When I did tell her I had a therapist appointment, I could see the disappointment on her face. It cut me deep. She got over it pretty quickly and seems OK with it now. I don’t think any of my family would understand it for dysphoria alone, so I can understand what many others go through.

I wonder how many more out there are not talking out of doubt or fear. I was brought up in a conservative home and I am a Born Again Christian. Much of the population and churches rail against this, but here I am.

Tags: