Author Topic: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?  (Read 10850 times)

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Offline Emma1017

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Re: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?
« Reply #340 on: July 06, 2020, 03:02:07 pm »
I just reread what I just wrote and noticed I said “when I come out” not if.  A major Freudian slip there!   I’m with you on the gloss but I love eye make up. Eyes are so beautiful.

The heart has reasons that reason can not understand.

             My Transgender Manifesto

Offline Emma1017

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Re: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?
« Reply #341 on: July 06, 2020, 03:14:18 pm »


That is the first time I have ever said “when” without “or if” attached. I think I am going to cry :)

The heart has reasons that reason can not understand.

             My Transgender Manifesto

Offline davina61

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Re: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?
« Reply #342 on: July 06, 2020, 03:20:34 pm »
No slip, its the brain taking over .
a long time coming (out) HRT 12 2017


Jill of all trades mistress of non
Know a bit about everything but not enough to be clever

Offline Sephirah

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Re: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?
« Reply #343 on: July 06, 2020, 03:28:58 pm »
I just reread what I just wrote and noticed I said “when I come out” not if.  A major Freudian slip there!   I’m with you on the gloss but I love eye make up. Eyes are so beautiful.

I agree with you. The eyes are the window to the soul. I prefer them without makeup. A person's eyes can be beautiful enough without being embellished.


That is the first time I have ever said “when” without “or if” attached. I think I am going to cry :)

*extra big hugs*

You're getting there, sweetie.

Offline Emma1017

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Re: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?
« Reply #344 on: July 06, 2020, 03:37:57 pm »
..............❤️............
The heart has reasons that reason can not understand.

             My Transgender Manifesto

Offline Ellie_Arroway

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Re: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?
« Reply #345 on: July 07, 2020, 03:58:06 am »
I don't think you can "prove" you're a woman. Certainly not by being "uber feminine". I think that's the wrong way to go. I see a lot of it around, and it clearly feels to me like people are trying too hard to overcompensate. It feels just as fake to me as them trying to be male. If you're feminine, you're feminine. If you're masculine, you're masculine. That doesn't stop you being a man, or a woman.

Validation, IMO, comes from just being. From just being you. The person you see in your mind's eye, or in your dreams. The person you feel you are. Whether that person has masculine elements, feminine elements, a mixture of the two, or whatever the case may be... Emma... just be, sweetie. Be in the place you're happiest. Proof doesn't come from being superman or superwoman, it comes from being Emma. I know that sounds simplistic but I don't want you to think that in order to feel "real" you think you have to be the ultimate embodiment of femininity. Because that's doing a disservice to all the women out there who aren't like that. Who are happy to mix it up with the guys. Who are tomboys and proud. Just be you. If you feel like you're a woman, you're a woman.

This, this and more this.

I love a lot of the girly stuff (not all of it), but I still do stereotypical masculine things. I do DIY including power tools. I've started doing pull-ups (I want to maintain my strength through hormones as much as possible). I enjoy singing bass.

I have often said that for me, this journey is not about being a woman; it's about being me. I suspect I may well be non-binary rather than actually a trans woman, but I get to choose, and I don't want to identify as non-binary even if that is my gender identity. I'm shedding some of what it means to fit in with society, but I don't want to go *that* far. It also seems to be the case that I would like hormones and GRS as and when they become an option for me.

That said, I have to rely on the evidence of my behaviour and how I feel about it. I am happier when I present as a woman than when I present as a man. As I have been presenting as a woman exclusively for a while now, I think from that that it's reasonable to conclude that I am indeed transgender, and further, that I am at the very least trans-feminine non-binary if not a trans woman.

Aside from doing that, I am simply me. I have to choose what category I fit into. I guess we all have to do that type of thing.
Started seriously questioning: 24 Aug 2019
Referred to GIC: 23 Sep 2019
Full-time female presentation since: 21 Oct 2019, unbroken since 12 Dec 2019
Official name change by deed poll: 11 Nov 2019
HRT: "kind of" started 15 Jul 2020
Most of my story is in the Just another mtf tale thread!
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Offline davina61

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Re: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?
« Reply #346 on: July 07, 2020, 11:30:18 am »
Same for me TBH, I enjoy making things from scrap, building cars/hot rods and when I do this its my old self . But I am still being a woman even in my working clothes as that is how I feel .
a long time coming (out) HRT 12 2017


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Know a bit about everything but not enough to be clever

Offline Emma1017

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Re: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?
« Reply #347 on: July 07, 2020, 01:16:02 pm »


I think it is simply the ability to be...you.
The heart has reasons that reason can not understand.

             My Transgender Manifesto

Online Northern Star Girl

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Re: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?
« Reply #348 on: July 07, 2020, 01:21:17 pm »
@Emma1017

I think it is simply the ability to be...you.

@Emma1017
Dear Emma:

EXACTLY AND PRECISELY CORRECT !!!

HUGS,
Danielle
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Offline Emma1017

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Re: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?
« Reply #349 on: July 07, 2020, 01:22:31 pm »
I was a little militant this morning.  I should have had my coffee first :).

                                                        Feminists, Gays and Lesbians are Cisgender too!

There is a lot of anger in the trans community about feminists, gays and lesbians who disregard, attack and even hate transgender people.  You would expect that we would all be allies against the biases we all experience in our society.  Instead some have chosen to join in society's attack on the legitimacy of the existence of transmen and transwomen.

I believe that one answer is simply that they are as rigidly cisgender as rest of the cisgender world.  Being cisgender (cisgender: denoting or relating to a person whose sense of personal identity and gender corresponds with their birth sex.) brings all of the potential biases and misunderstandings that a binary understanding of gender brings. 

Of course, like the rest of society, there are many feminists, gays and lesbians who also accept the legitimacy and reality of being transgender.

But, unfortunately, there some feminists, gays and lesbians who have actively join those in society who choose deny the rights, legitimacy and valid gender identification of transgender individuals.

In their minds we are a gender sham and that is tragic.

I am very disappointed that these individuals are so narrowly binary that they are excluding a whole group of people that have a right to exist and are forced to prove their right in the courts and through the need to demonstrate medical as well as scientific proof of their existence.   

To steal a quote from ANIMAL Farm by George Orwell:  "We are all equal but some are more equal than others."  Haven't we finally outgrown that kind of narrowness?    Fortunately, I now see them now for the gender bigots that they are and they have allied themselves with all the other gender bigots we are contending with.

It is a sad and tragic situation but I will not allow their biases and bigoted hate to stop me from recognizing who and what I am.  I have struggled to far for too long to finally find me.

I am not going back.


Sorry I'll get off the soap box and go get a cup of coffee now.... ;D

« Last Edit: July 07, 2020, 05:20:01 pm by Emma1017 »
The heart has reasons that reason can not understand.

             My Transgender Manifesto

Offline Emma1017

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Re: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?
« Reply #350 on: July 07, 2020, 05:21:23 pm »
@Emma1017
@Emma1017
Dear Emma:

EXACTLY AND PRECISELY CORRECT !!!

HUGS,
Danielle


See Danielle I can learn..........painfully slowly but I am getting there ;D.  It's great have the pros to guide me!

Hugs,

Emma
The heart has reasons that reason can not understand.

             My Transgender Manifesto

Offline KimOct

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Re: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?
« Reply #351 on: July 08, 2020, 03:07:19 pm »
On a beauty note and then to important issues.  I have been coloring my own hair since COVID and am happy with it, also I do my own nails.  So my beauty extravagance is now eyelash extensions.  I love them.  Really bring out my eyes.

OK much more importantly I agree very much with your post above regarding other marginalized groups supporting each other.  Promoting equality for your own community is great but how can anyone from any marginalized group not support others?

It makes me nuts.  I see POC that have issues with LGBTQ people.  Or gay men with trans or TERFs with trans.  etc etc.  But it goes both ways.  Don't complain about lack of support for our community and then not support Black Lives Matter.  That does not mean you have to agree with every single action but support the cause in general.  There are jerks in every movement but that does not mean don't support the movement.

I was impressed reading your post above.  ( I will take a smidgen of the credit. )   :D
The first transphobe you have to conquer is yourself

Offline Emma1017

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Re: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?
« Reply #352 on: July 09, 2020, 01:53:50 pm »
Thanks Kim.

Every day I am reading about new governments that are actively reversing their acceptance of LGBTQ.  It both angers and saddens me.  I agree that some members of the trans community are just as capable of poisoning the well of trust.

I wish we could put all the bigots of every persuasion in one room and let them duke it out.
The heart has reasons that reason can not understand.

             My Transgender Manifesto

Offline Sephirah

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Re: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?
« Reply #353 on: July 09, 2020, 03:07:57 pm »
Haven't we finally outgrown that kind of narrowness?

No, sadly, it's been my experience that we haven't. People will fight for a cause as long as it directly benefits them. But people also fighting for a similar (but not the same) cause will get thrown under the bus, because... as humans, we feel threatened by things that people do, or are, which we don't identify with. No matter how much you would think it would be the compassionate thing to do.

We as a species, I feel, are inherently insecure. We need validation and acceptance from everyone around us, to constantly reassure us that we're doing the right thing. You can be a part of one group of people fighting for something, and see another group of people fighting for the same thing. But if that other group of people fighting for the same thing you are makes you feel threatened, or question yourself, or makes you feel invalidated, then their fight goes out the window and they don't matter. Solidarity is only a thing as long as it doesn't affect you. Which is a crying shame.

Altruism is not altruistic. As much as we all wish it were.

Offline Emma1017

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Re: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?
« Reply #354 on: July 09, 2020, 05:29:47 pm »
I agree Sephirah, tragically the world is getting very tribal.  Something very worth fighting against.  There are too many good people to be silent and let them get away with it. 

My Dad had a great phrase "Don't let the bastards win."

Hugs,

Emma
The heart has reasons that reason can not understand.

             My Transgender Manifesto

Offline Pammie

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Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?
« Reply #355 on: July 11, 2020, 05:56:48 am »
Sadly there does feel like a trend of reversing the democratisation of society and the normalisation of gender and that just adds to the list of reasons for not transitioning. Then again for most if not all of us this isn’t a choice thing and we transition because we must. For people like Emma their love for others generates a dichotomy of thought which is still not about choice but about how much suffering can one person handle,
To Emma and all the others inhabiting that tough space I offer only hope and wishes for a bright future. Xxxx


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Offline Emma1017

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Re: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?
« Reply #356 on: July 11, 2020, 09:41:12 am »
Pammie thank you for sharing your thoughtful words and you are absolutely right there seems to be a rising darkness of thought that this pandemic has fertilized.  People are getting more tribal and defensive and there are those evil people who seem to feed on it all and foster it further. 

We need to keep the lights on.  Neville Chamberlain showed the there is a point where honest appeasement fails.

You are also right.  I have asked my therapist many times what world am I walking into.  Aside from the relationship pains I have shared here, my eyes are wide open to the potential cruelty out there for our community.  I also know from you and others ahead of me on this path that there is a personal rainbow after the storm.

Hope is the best thing.


Big Hug,

Emma
The heart has reasons that reason can not understand.

             My Transgender Manifesto

Offline Pammie

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Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?
« Reply #357 on: July 11, 2020, 10:54:28 am »
Pammie thank you for sharing your thoughtful words and you are absolutely right there seems to be a rising darkness of thought that this pandemic has fertilized.  People are getting more tribal and defensive and there are those evil people who seem to feed on it all and foster it further. 

We need to keep the lights on.  Neville Chamberlain showed the there is a point where honest appeasement fails.

You are also right.  I have asked my therapist many times what world am I walking into.  Aside from the relationship pains I have shared here, my eyes are wide open to the potential cruelty out there for our community.  I also know from you and others ahead of me on this path that there is a personal rainbow after the storm.

Hope is the best thing.


Big Hug,

Emma
Hope is important and there is always hope - if you do transition there are many wonderful rewards awaiting is how i see things. I’m In a great place personally these days in terms of being complete and just being me.
Keep your chin up girl. Xxx


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Offline Emma1017

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Re: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?
« Reply #358 on: July 11, 2020, 01:53:49 pm »
Pammie hope is what keeps me going.  The movie SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION keeps reminding me of that. 

I feel like I have been binary "institutionalized" like Red in the movie (If someone becomes institutionalized, they gradually become less able to think and act independently, because of having lived for a long time under the rules of an institution).

The good news is there is always a way out, even if it is through a 20 foot wall of solid denial. ;D

Hugs,

Emma

The heart has reasons that reason can not understand.

             My Transgender Manifesto

Offline Pammie

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Re: Great so I am Transitioning, Now What?
« Reply #359 on: July 11, 2020, 02:24:57 pm »
Pammie hope is what keeps me going.  The movie SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION keeps reminding me of that. 

I feel like I have been binary "institutionalized" like Red in the movie (If someone becomes institutionalized, they gradually become less able to think and act independently, because of having lived for a long time under the rules of an institution).

The good news is there is always a way out, even if it is through a 20 foot wall of solid denial. ;D

Hugs,

Emma
So true, fortunately the one thing denial can not withstand is belief


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