Author Topic: Caught  (Read 440 times)

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Offline WannaBgirl2

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Caught
« on: May 12, 2020, 02:15:56 pm »
Well, my wife found my women's shoes last night, she stewed on it all night and asked me this morning what was up.... "You said months ago you were over crossdressing!?!?!" I felt so relieved!!!! She asked me if I was gay, or bi.... I told her, I am gender fluid, and I identify as non binary... She hit me with a few questions, told me she was not happy, and my shoes are hidious! (Bitch! You try finding anything pretty in a 12 that's adorable!?!?!!) LOL
I didn't back away this time.... I told her I can't help it, and I'm working with a shrink.... I'm not gay.... But I don't know what I really am.  She is out today, but I'm sure she will have a ton more questions when she gets home.... I told her that was to be expected.... We shall see....

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Offline Tessa James

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Re: Caught
« Reply #1 on: May 12, 2020, 03:19:38 pm »
Ah yes, being discovered can lead to some interesting discussions.  Though these can be challenging and emotionally charged topics it can also be the start of owning our identity. 

I did limited private cross dressing for decades and finally set myself free.  Your journey is unique, of course, but your ability to know who you really are comes at a cost.  Being able to take even the smallest steps forward like getting your ears pierced can feel exhilarating and scary at the same time.  It seems until we try on some of these ideas or clothes we won't know what really fits just right?  Like trying on those shoes, we have to look around a bit more than other girls to find that adorable pair. 

Good luck with keeping cool during your upcoming conversations.  Honesty still seems like the best policy and perhaps helping your wife understand more about gender issues can help.
Open, out and evolving queer trans person forever with HRT support since March 13, 2013

Offline Oldandcreaky

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Re: Caught
« Reply #2 on: May 12, 2020, 04:50:05 pm »
With your chosen moniker, why do you identify as non-binary?

Offline WannaBgirl2

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Re: Caught
« Reply #3 on: May 13, 2020, 07:28:34 pm »
I do identify as non-binary, I I present as male, but I'm working on softening some of my rough edges. Now I'm out to my wife.... I'm gonna be making some adjustments hire and there, I already have my ears pierced... My wife isn't happy.... But I can't go back into hiding, baby steps forward, but still forward....

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Offline WannaBgirl2

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Re: Caught
« Reply #4 on: May 18, 2020, 12:02:55 pm »
Well..... It's been a few days.... The wife still hasn't readdressed my gender fluidity, or my closeted dressing... I'm glad she knows, but honestly I'm not looking forward to further discussion. I could really use a little bit of encouragement......
What to do????


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Offline Dayle1957

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Re: Caught
« Reply #5 on: May 18, 2020, 04:45:47 pm »
Hi,

a couple of months back, my partner discovered that my new jammies were from Vera Wang and then she found all my cute panties.  She freaked out and told me I would have to move out, said she was disgusted etc.  I had to back pedal a hundred miles per hour to get her to calm down.  All of this happened about two months after I came out as Transgender and when I thought she was an ally.

A long heart-felt letter, a longer heart-felt conversation and she backed off and relaxed a little.  I told her that I was not planning to come out publicly and that I was not planning to fully transition socially or surgically.

At this time I wear a combination of male and female items, shave my legs and underarms, dye my eyebrows, wear rings and necklaces and sit, walk and talk as much as I can like a woman.  The voice is still pretty much unchanged but such is life.  Now I buy pretty much unisex or women's things only whenever I can.

She sees me every day and we interact much as we always have which is good!

I keep expecting her to call me out, especially for the leg shaving but so far nothing...  I will say that the next time it happens, if it happens, I will not cave in to her.  I will recognize how hard it must be for her, but I will not allow her feelings to change who I am and how I present my gender.  Optimistically I think it will work.

I don't know if this rambling helps you or not but hopefully it will give you some support.

Hugs

Dayle

 

Offline RandyL

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Re: Caught
« Reply #6 on: May 18, 2020, 06:27:23 pm »
I came out to my wife rather than being discovered, but there were several years of difficult conversations. Some continue to this day. A good couples counselor has made a huge difference for us, as he can help us have these conversations without derailing into excess anger or recriminations. He knows where to poke in a gentle, encouraging manner to help us express whatever needs to come out. I cry at every session and it feels good.

For me, or for us really, patience (edit: and communication) has been the key. More and more things have now become routine. I always wear female panties and pants, she sees me in them, and it's no problem when either of us does the laundry. She helped me shave my armpits in the shower the other day. I routinely wear female tops and a hat when working out, and that's now Ok.

So hang in there, I hope the two of you are able to find a good accommodation. It can be done.
Hugs, Randy

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Offline jaysonderulo

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Re: Caught
« Reply #7 on: May 26, 2020, 05:52:54 pm »
if u must talk again, imo, approach rather than be appraoched again. she already found out the first time, i think it it your turn to take the initiative.

btw, lol at shoe comment!

Offline Dayle1957

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Re: Caught
« Reply #8 on: May 27, 2020, 11:35:32 am »
I totally agree with the idea that before being "caught" a second time it is a good idea to initiate the next conversation yourself.  Very hard to do.

But I knew and with some subtle encouragement from my therapist and after a lot of anxiety I opened up the topic with my partner.  I basically let her know that I realize how tough all of this has to be for her and that I wanted to check in and see how she was doing.

She said she had been wondering how I was doing, so that was encouraging.  She let me know that she sees and knows all the things I am doing from the jewelry to the leg shaving and body hair removal.  She said that she was still a bit freaked out, mostly wondering what might be next or where it would all lead.

We had a good conversation about all of this and I acknowledged that even I don't know what is next or where it will end.  I told her I am in a good place right now just being able to express my femininity.

I asked here if she was interested in learning more about what it means to be Transgender and she said yes.  I found some good "Trans 101" web sites for her and I know she has been doing some reading.

We continue to get along great and have a lot of fun together, but I will have to continue to find a balance and to communicate with her to minimize big surprises.

It's a slow road for sure.  If I were not in a relationship I would be moving much faster and further as far as transition is concerned.  But I want this relationship.  The only way I will be truly happy is to find some balance between being a girl but staying with my partner.  So I am aiming for a slow evolution vs a revolution.  Not easy.

Hugs

Dayle

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