Author Topic: What can I expect my first time talking with a Doctor about this?  (Read 497 times)

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Offline Sitting Pretty

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I have scheduled an appointment to begin therapy with a doctor or rather a nurse practitioner that is known to be friendly to this situation in the Washington state area. From what I read aside from health concerns, three visits and I will get prescribed something if everything goes smoothly, but I wonder what if it doesn't. 

I am in my early 40s, a hairy bald over weight man that does not actively live, dress or present as female. I use to cross dress privately and I still do occasionally. I have done so since I was a young child. I use to play with makeup and high heels and my mothers dresses, sometimes with her permission, but one day she turned cold about that, so I switched to secret activities. I do not currently have anything as I had to ditch some stuff when I lost my job and had to move into a small spare room for a modest rent. I am in a better living and working situation now.

I have a hyperactive thyroid, gout and high blood pressure so I am on a number of medications. I do not wish to have psychiatric therapy either. I have heard that it is not required then I see that it may still be. When I lost my job I did see a free therapist which was offered to me when I was seeking unemployment, food stamps and other benefits. I did not like this therapy. It felt like a waste of time. I am a private person. I just want to be free to be me and I accept me for who I am and that is a person that is female inside and wants to be female more in body.

My desire is to get the medication and let it alter me physically and if it works to a degree that I feel I can present myself in certain fashions I will, but if it doesn't I am happy to go about in the world in tshirts and jeans and button up shirts and the like and privately I can do other things. Many women do. I mean sure, I wish I was pretty and did this 20 years ago when I still had hair, but it is more than clothes. I never really liked being male though I was conditioned to some extent, I was always not you typical boy or man. 

It isn't as much about the clothes as it is about me and how I have felt since I was very small. People thought I was a girl in grade school. I got in trouble for using the boy's restroom one time. When substitute teachers came in they would divide the class between boys and girls and they put me on the girls side. They thought I was a tomboy and made me play with Barbie dolls, of which I didn't really mind as I hated sports and liked dolls.

 I am basically asexual and when they asked what to call me on the phone I chose they for I feel bit inbetween but I prefer to be more female, but do not feel comfortable being called that just yet.

Does anyone here have advice for me on what I should say, or do at these appointments or warnings about things I should be prepared for. I have a tendency to come across as anxious, but part of that is me mimicking this girl that use to be on a sitcom in the 80s who talked really fast and a man that did that in ads too. I picked up some odd habits in my youth. I also have a bit of a speech impediment, I damaged my lips as a child and it kind of messed up some of the movements.

Due to the Covid situation, my first appointment will be over the telephone. I wish I could do this all over the phone. In the past and even now I am taking herbal stuff which I know from looking over this forum is frowned upon. Should I be mentioning this to them? Should I stop taking them? All I can say for certain about that stuff is it really changed my scent which is the main thing that has kept me going with them as my male sweat was acidic, burned through clothes and made me impossible to work without getting reprimanded. I realize now I should be taking prescription medication for transitioning. I want to do this in a non complicated private manner. I do not feel the need to announce myself to the world, I just want to be more me than I am now.

Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: What can I expect my first time talking with a Doctor about this?
« Reply #1 on: May 23, 2020, 12:47:18 am »
@Sitting Pretty
Dear Sitting Pretty
    You have a lot of good thoughts and questions in your first post here...  other members here will chime in and offer thier thoughts regarding the issues that you shared.
    Please know that I am not trying to hijack your post and your questions and concerns but first I wish to Officially Welcome YOU to Susan's Place.
    I am happy to see that you have signed up as a member of Susan's Place and have submitted your first posting. 

    As you post here on the forums you will be able to exchange thoughts and comments with others that are experiencing many of the same things that you wrote about.
 
    This is the right place for you to be to find out what others may have to say that may have been in your circumstances and with your questions and concerns.
    There are a lot of members here that will be able to identify with your situation as you continue to feel free to share it.
 
    I want to warmly WELCOME you to Susan's Place
You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.

    As you are certainly aware you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other like-minded members.  When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....
     ***There is a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new like-minded friends here. 

    Please come in and continue to be involved at your own pace.   Other members will be along shortly to give you their thoughts about your questions and concerns that you mentioned in your very first posting.
   
    There is information and important LINKS that I have included below.   You will find information about the site that will help you navigate around and best utilize the features here.   
Please look closely at the LINKS in RED, answers are there to many questions that new members ask....

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.
Danielle


Here are some links to the site rules and stuff that all new members should be familiar with:
 
Things that you should read
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 40

Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: What can I expect my first time talking with a Doctor about this?
« Reply #2 on: May 23, 2020, 12:48:59 am »
@Sitting Pretty
Dear Sitting Pretty:

If you feel so inclined please feel free to stop by the Introductions Forum to tell more members about yourself!
 
With more exposure to more members here you will be able to get more responses to your questions and concerns.

Wishing your well as you continue to be involved in the forums.

NOTE: Now, after all of this Greeting and Welcoming stuff, I will give you and your readers your thread back so you can get some answers from other members.

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.
Danielle
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 40

Offline Rakel

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Re: What can I expect my first time talking with a Doctor about this?
« Reply #3 on: May 23, 2020, 06:06:01 am »
I have scheduled an appointment to begin therapy... I just want to be free to be me and I accept me for who I am and that is a person that is female inside and wants to be female more in body...

Dear SP,

You have just made the two most important things to do for anyone with gender issues. Accepting yourself as you are and seeking professional help in getting you to where you need to be.

Congratulations, you are on your way.  ;)

 

Quote
Does anyone here have advice for me on what I should say, or do at these appointments or warnings about things I should be prepared for.

Just be yourself.

Do not try to act like someone else. Therapists have seen it all and they can spot an act a mile away.

When I had my therapy sessions, I went in right away and said, "This is who I am and this is my problem." Fortunately, I had been on Susan's Place for several years and I had laid out my emotional history for all to see. I directed my therapist to read my posts from way back. My therapist could see that I  have been struggling with gender issues for years and this just confirmed to her that my diagnosis is correct.

From a therapists point of view, a correct diagnosis is most important. This is his or hers professional reputation at risk here, as well as your future well being. Many years ago, the news media liked to do stories on "sex change regret", if you want to call it that. I prefer to call it a misdiagnosis.

Therapists are not just "gate keepers", you are in or out, depending on what they think. They really need to guide you through a jungle of misinformation and preconceived ideas, to get you to where you need to be.

So, be honest and be yourself. You already did the most important part.  :-*



Offline Rachel

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Re: What can I expect my first time talking with a Doctor about this?
« Reply #4 on: May 23, 2020, 08:45:59 am »
Welcome to Susan's.

I think if you just explain how you have felt all your life (as you did here) and that you want to transition and be on HRT and that you understand the ramifications of HRT.

1) Over time 3 to 6 months you will have permanent reduction in the production of sperm.
2) libido will decrease.
3) beasts, skin and subcutaneous fat changes.
4) erection reduction or elimination
5) shrinkage of genitalia.

Next, why do you want to transition?

Do you understand in time the changes will be permanent (ish)?

I wanted to fully transition so I needed a master level therapist versed in trans to write a letter. I also had another therapist and my PA-c write a letter. The letter from the alternate therapist and PA-c was also signed be a Psychiatrist. I have absolutely no regrets in transition.  I love my body and who I am.

Full or partial of just HRT and occasional expressing are all options. You may start at one point and go to another. So someone to talk to can really help sort out the needs. Needs change over time. HRT and expressing and acceptance has a funny way of allowing us to become the woman we always were on the inside as well as outside.

Good luck,
Rachel
MTF in need of help link https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,133631.1980.html
MTF in need of help 2 link https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,251825.0.html
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Dr. Sataloff Glottoplasty 5-14-2018
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Offline Battle Goddess

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Re: What can I expect my first time talking with a Doctor about this?
« Reply #5 on: May 23, 2020, 12:29:43 pm »

You have just made the two most important things to do for anyone with gender issues. Accepting yourself as you are and seeking professional help in getting you to where you need to be....

Be honest and be yourself. You already did the most important part.  :-*



SP,

I'd take everything Rakel said deeply to heart. It bugs me no end how often I completely agree with her.

Two parts of her post hit me particularly strongly:

First, Socrates reminds us over and over that being yourself is admitting that you don't actually know yourself. I wouldn't argue with him - you should see what happens. Nobody here is questioning how you feel, but you owe it to yourself to be open, introspective, and unafraid in your discussions with your therapist. She who knows nothing can't but acquire wisdom.

Second, if some of this transgender thing isn't difficult, you're probably doing it wrong. I predict that some things will come easy, some will be challenging, some terrifying, and some temporarily out of reach. Don't take it too hard. Such is the way of the world.

Your little boat has set out. Now comes the easy part. Have fun!

Spironolactone January 10 2019
Divigel January 20 2019
Estradiol Valerate March 14 2019

Offline ChrissyRyan

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Re: What can I expect my first time talking with a Doctor about this?
« Reply #6 on: May 23, 2020, 01:35:33 pm »


SP,

I'd take everything Rakel said deeply to heart. It bugs me no end how often I completely agree with her.

Two parts of her post hit me particularly strongly:

First, Socrates reminds us over and over that being yourself is admitting that you don't actually know yourself. I wouldn't argue with him - you should see what happens. Nobody here is questioning how you feel, but you owe it to yourself to be open, introspective, and unafraid in your discussions with your therapist. She who knows nothing can't but acquire wisdom.

Second, if some of this transgender thing isn't difficult, you're probably doing it wrong. I predict that some things will come easy, some will be challenging, some terrifying, and some temporarily out of reach. Don't take it too hard. Such is the way of the world.

Your little boat has set out. Now comes the easy part. Have fun!


Rakel is wise and knowledgeable.  What she stated makes a lot of good sense.
Be honest and be yourself, be willing to listen and to share.

Christine
Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that your speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

Offline Rakel

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Re: What can I expect my first time talking with a Doctor about this?
« Reply #7 on: May 23, 2020, 09:54:18 pm »
I'd take everything Rakel said deeply to heart. It bugs me no end how often I completely agree with her.

It is said that great minds think alike, but I am not that great.   ::)

Offline Battle Goddess

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Re: What can I expect my first time talking with a Doctor about this?
« Reply #8 on: May 23, 2020, 11:29:34 pm »
It is said that great minds think alike, but I am not that great.   ::)
That's why it bugs me.
« Last Edit: May 24, 2020, 09:56:29 am by Battle Goddess »
Spironolactone January 10 2019
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Offline Sitting Pretty

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Re: What can I expect my first time talking with a Doctor about this?
« Reply #9 on: May 31, 2020, 10:10:48 am »
I did my first appointment over the phone, and they seemed nice, though my thyroid condition is a concern, plus I have high blood pressure. I forgot to mention that I have gallstones. I am going in for bloodwork on Tuesday and I am going to have a more in depth discussion and I will tell them. Now I look online and see that gallbladder disease is a concern for taking hrt so I am worried about that. When I last went to a doctor about the gallstones, the specialist said my only option was to have it removed but many people just live with it, and really I should go on a better diet. He seemed totally disinterested in removing it and saw no urgency. This was back in January. I can't believe I forgot about it, but it seemed so unimportant to the specialist.

Offline Oldandcreaky

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Re: What can I expect my first time talking with a Doctor about this?
« Reply #10 on: June 02, 2020, 03:16:52 pm »
Quote
I'd take everything Rakel said deeply to heart. It bugs me no end how often I completely agree with her.

Me too!

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