Author Topic: Straight Male to Lesbian Transwoman?  (Read 9521 times)

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Offline Miss Clara

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Re: Straight Male to Lesbian Transwoman?
« Reply #20 on: August 01, 2017, 06:42:01 pm »
I have always been sexually attracted to women, and still am.  I guess you could say I'm a lesbian, but since my spouse is not, our sexual intimacy is limited.  Once my hormone balance was corrected, my need for sex dropped off quite a bit.  I'm relieved that my sexual orientation didn't change, though, as some girls have reported.  I have a strong, loving relationship now, and wouldn't want to spoil it.

Offline DawnOday

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Re: Straight Male to Lesbian Transwoman?
« Reply #21 on: August 01, 2017, 07:27:25 pm »
While my first wife tried to get me to hate women I just couldn't. I think for me it is about intimacy  and not sex. I have always been disadvantaged in the genitalia area and am quite surprised that I could get anyone pregnant. But lo and behold two kids and a 35 year marriage later and I can't see me disavow this wonderful woman who has always stood beside me. I know I wrote a couple weeks ago that we were having some problems as she said I embarrassed her. But I think we are making headway in that we are actually chatting as girlfriends rather than husband and wife. I think she likes it. I am so blessed to have her.
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FinallyMichelle

Re: Straight Male to Lesbian Transwoman?
« Reply #22 on: August 02, 2017, 08:23:26 am »
Hey Tasha,

My story is maybe a little different than most. I think that most people thought that I was a straight male before transition. Could be they were mistaken. I didn't date at all until after 16 and by that time I had already gone through so much grief about my gender ( institutionalized, "therapy" you are a boy, get over it ) that I was fully prepared to be whatever they wanted me to be. I hated myself and the world. There were all of these hormones in my ridiculous teenage body however and something had to be done. At first it was, if not easy, at least not too difficult to be with girls. By the time that I was 18 hormones just were not enough anymore. Feeling like I was a girl or wanting to be a girl was not the same as wanting to be with one. I actually began to resent them. Not because they were female and I was not, though I did cry myself to sleep over that a time or two, but because they couldn't let it just be friends. By then I knew the male rules but I never understood at all why boys WANTED to do the things they did. It was so nice to be with people who I understood and who understood me, but they could never leave it alone, had to have more. At 18 though I knew that no matter how horny I got, it was not going to end well. I was so mean to them. The self hatred, frustration, and then being pushed into it. I said the most awful things. So I resented them, hated myself and in 1989 at the age of 19 I joined the army.

I never let myself be attracted to men but there were some times when I didn't consult myself and before I knew it I was thinking thoughts about them that I knew my grandma would NOT approve of. So I would drink my self hatred down to manageable and try to move on. Any women were just to keep everyone thinking that I was normal, again I was not nice. If there is a purgatory I am going to have a ton of brutal comments to answer for.

By the mid 90's intimate relationships were just something that I knew for me were not possible. I was back in the US, out of the army and dying inside. By that time normal was was just an impossible dream and I prayed every night to let me wake up a girl or let it end. Out of nowhere God threw me a bone, I met my best friend. So easy to be with and she didn't push. It took a while to try for intimacy and it wasn't easy and didn't always work out but she was patient. I had found my lifeline, my chance at normal. We were together for many years and are still best friends it had gotten to the point where I could not in any way be what she needed sexually though.

Now? Well, I have no male friends really, except my boyfriend. It surprised me how easy it was to let them go. Or maybe just being myself, things just naturally went to where they should have been all along. There is no animosity between us, just an acceptance that we are different. That and some them learning that just because I happen to like men does NOT mean I want to orally service my "buddies". Sheesh!
My circle of female friends is slowly getting larger and more close knit.
I have no problem ignoring advances, from men or women, that I don't want. I mean, we are all good but, no.
Interactions with people of both genders are as right now as they had been wrong my whole life.

So, was I straight before? Probably not. Straight curious or even straight hopeful would maybe be more accurate.
Now? A lot of my family have said that I am gay. I think at the beginning many people thought that I was. My guess is that fewer and fewer remember the guy they thought that I was. It has to be difficult for people to see a boy now I can barely see the remnants. So most people consider me straight. I know that I do..... finally.

Michelle

Offline RavenMoon

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Re: Straight Male to Lesbian Transwoman?
« Reply #23 on: August 03, 2017, 10:50:10 am »
One study showed about 70% of trans women were in relationships with other women. 

Obviously it gets tricky when one changes their sex/gender. If you are attracted to women are you straight and then gay? Lol

The better terms to use are androphilia and gynephilia.

So if you are attracted to females you are gynephilic. Because you sexual attraction did not change. And it doesn't matter if they are cis or trans.

I only date women.


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Offline utenanicoletta

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Re: Straight Male to Lesbian Transwoman?
« Reply #24 on: October 22, 2017, 11:53:54 pm »
Honestly, I knew I was a lesbian long before I really admitted that I was a girl.

I knew that I liked women and that confused my gender identity for years, especially because I'm not the most overtly girly person out there.

I'm a girl who likes girls. I've always embraced that fact, and it's a fundamental part of who I am. I'm not any more straight than I am (or ever was) a guy. I get pissy with older people (especially some older TERFy cis lesbians I've dealt with) who smile condescendingly at me and say "you're young" when I tell them I'm gay, as if I'm expected to be straight or some stupid <not allowed> like that.
« Last Edit: October 23, 2017, 09:01:15 am by utenanicoletta »

Offline Yavanna

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Re: Straight Male to Lesbian Transwoman?
« Reply #25 on: October 23, 2017, 10:19:16 am »
Before the transition, I was attracted only to women. Even the thought of intimacy with a man maked me rejection. However, I noted how my orientation changed on HRT. Currently I'm bisexual. But I'm still married to my wife.






Offline Lady Lisandra

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Re: Straight Male to Lesbian Transwoman?
« Reply #26 on: October 23, 2017, 12:26:02 pm »
I've alwaysa been atracted to women. I think that means I'm a lesbian. Even though I'm not atracted to men, I don't find the idea of having sex with one disgusting. I'm more curious. After starting transition I tried to give men a chance and I was open to dating one or two, out of curiosity, to see what it was like, but I couldn't find ONE guys which I considered somewhat attractive. So, practically, I'm still 100% lesbian after almost 2 years of hormones.
- Lis -

MaryT

Re: Straight Male to Lesbian Transwoman?
« Reply #27 on: October 23, 2017, 01:09:36 pm »
One of the things I'd like to ask folks about is their experience with relationships, both with women and men.

First, let me describe my situation: I'm 58 years old and have relatively little experience with relationships and dating - I've had a few girlfriends but none in the last 20 years. I don't expect my relationship status to change as a result of my transition - I fully expect to be single for the rest of my life.

The reasons for this are complex - my standards for both appearance and intellect are high, I'm not outgoing or good at putting myself forward, I've never been comfortable with being the "pursuer" when it comes to dating.

I always wanted to be a girl (until I was eight I believed I was one) and have cross-dressed for all of my life, usually in private but I occasionally tried to pass as a woman in public.  I am 61 years old and have never had a real girlfriend or boyfriend, and I also expect to remain single.  I have never "chatted anyone up".  Like you, I am not a "pursuer".

In a way, my lack of attachments is a blessing - it means that no one is going to be hurt as a result of my transition.

I know what you mean.  I am pleasantly surprised by the number of trans women on Susan's Place who still have successful relationships with their wives.  I once read an article about women who still supported their trans or cross-dressing partners.  It ended with a wry quote from one wife, who still loved and accepted her partner but had reservations:
"I dreamed about Prince Charming and I got Cinderella."

What I'd like to hear more about is stories from women who started out as straight single men. Did you find that your transition isolated you from people, or did it bring them closer? Are you happy with the way people treat you now? Do you find that being a girl who likes girls makes things extra difficult?

As a teenager and young adult, I presumed that I was physically attracted to girls and women.  I certainly tried to act as though I did.  I was actually afraid of most males, as boys often beat me up and men often intimidated me.  I did fantasize about some male friends but they were straight. 

When I was dressed as a man, women occasionally approached me (a female cousin once told me that her maid had said I was "beautiful like a woman" - some women seem to like that).  Sex always quickly ended the "relationship".  I got emotional satisfaction by trying to please my partners, but they invariably took it personally when I couldn't maintain an erection. 

On the occasions that I tried to pass as a woman in public, I was not approached by either men or women, but I did not do it often enough to draw conclusions.  Now I plan to transition gradually.  It cannot isolate me any more than pretending to be a man did, and if I joined a therapy group I would certainly meet more people than I do now.

After giving up on women, my fantasies were mostly about men but I was never approached by one (I have never been in a gay bar).  I do get lonely, so I wouldn't reject a woman out of hand if she approached me.  If I presented as a woman, she would, unlike my previous partners, know that I couldn't satisfy her as a man does.  In that sense, I would expect my transition to increase the odds of a SUCCESSFUL relationship with a woman, although it must decrease the odds of being APPROACHED by a woman.  (I am not sure about lesbian bars or clubs, as I have heard mixed stories about whether trans women are welcome.)

If your relationships with women ended because you could not be yourself, you may find that your transition actually helps if you do find someone, or someone finds you.  I hope so.

Offline Toni

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Re: Straight Male to Lesbian Transwoman?
« Reply #28 on: October 23, 2017, 01:54:09 pm »
Interesting question and I enjoyed reading the other posts.  I was actually worried about how I might change as I transitioned, I've been married to my wife for almost 40 years and I do love her and she seems to support me.  two things are causing me pause at this point.  One is that a couple male friends that know what's going on have changed how they act toward me, treating me much more "softly" and I admit I like it, but I'm not attracted sexually at all.  The other is my wife keeps saying " you know I'm not a Lesbian".  Not sure why she needs to tell me that.  Maybe she can't accept me the way I think she does, my bad?  Seems to me each time she says that she reinforces herself being in the box and maybe I'll have to choose someday between a relationship where there is no intimacy other than a peck on the cheek or a hug and no touching, or something else?.  I could maybe accept not touching me, but these are the same hands that have always touched her and I like to do that.  Kind of funny, but she says she is worried about me running off with a "trans man".  Oh, how cis people think of us.  Seems to be an ever changing landscape, not just me and my changes, but I have to remember there are really two of us going through this.

Offline KatieFox1202

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Re: Straight Male to Lesbian Transwoman?
« Reply #29 on: October 23, 2017, 03:02:11 pm »
Hi folks, I'm a MtF who just recently started HRT.

One of the things I'd like to ask folks about is their experience with relationships, both with women and men.

First, let me describe my situation: I'm 58 years old and have relatively little experience with relationships and dating - I've had a few girlfriends but none in the last 20 years. I don't expect my relationship status to change as a result of my transition - I fully expect to be single for the rest of my life.

The reasons for this are complex - my standards for both appearance and intellect are high, I'm not outgoing or good at putting myself forward, I've never been comfortable with being the "pursuer" when it comes to dating. There are many women that I'm attracted to, and many women that are available for a relationship, but at my age those two sets don't appear to overlap. I also have issues with hearing problems that make crowded environments such as bars and clubs difficult for me to tolerate, so a lot of social activities are uncomfortable for me, which in turn makes it extra difficult to meet new friends.

I'm not at all attracted to men, and I have a mild aversion to physical intimacy with male bodies (despite many years of going to intimacy workshops like HAI). I'm a little worried about guys hitting on me, but I think that I can handle that, and as long as they don't get too pushy I would probably be flattered by the attention.

One of the things I really enjoy about cross-dressing and presenting myself as female is the increased level of physical and emotional intimacy I get when interacting with other people. I notice that people are much more likely to touch me, give me hugs, or talk about their inner life - all of which are things I greatly crave. It seems like when I'm a man there's a wall between me and the rest of the world, there's this assumption that I am always armored and defended, when in fact I want to be as open as possible. (I'm not claiming that my experience is universal to all men, it has more to do with the way that I present myself as a man.)

In a way, my lack of attachments is a blessing - it means that no one is going to be hurt as a result of my transition.

I've been reading a lot of the stories here on Susan's, and I see that a lot of transwomen started out either as gay men, or straight men who are in a long-term relationship.

What I'd like to hear more about is stories from women who started out as straight single men. Did you find that your transition isolated you from people, or did it bring them closer? Are you happy with the way people treat you now? Do you find that being a girl who likes girls makes things extra difficult?

I realize that I have a tough road ahead, but it would be good to get a better idea of just how tough it's going to be.
Heyy Tasha!

I'm 15 and still haven't started anything physically yet.

However when reading your post i felt i really needed to comment on it.

Currently I am in School, as i should be at 15, and have told a few people that i am transgender and will be starting in the next few years (hopefully).

I am going to be MTF (Currently Male) however am attracted to both men and women, women mainly wanting to be like them not have sex with them.

With telling a few people i have noticed that people are more friendly, open, huggy, those sort of things of which they weren't before i told them.

Thank you for reading my comment and sorry if there isn't much point behind it..

Hugs!
Katie

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Offline mac1

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Re: Straight Male to Lesbian Transwoman?
« Reply #30 on: May 13, 2020, 10:07:16 pm »
If I could make a full transition I would still not be interested in physical relationships with men. Guess you could then call me a lesbian.
?

Offline ChrissyRyan

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Re: Straight Male to Lesbian Transwoman?
« Reply #31 on: May 13, 2020, 10:33:38 pm »
If I could make a full transition I would still not be interested in physical relationships with men. Guess you could then call me a lesbian.


That makes sense, at least to me, when attracted sexually only to other women.   :)

Chrissy
Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that your speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

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Offline Oldandcreaky

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Re: Straight Male to Lesbian Transwoman?
« Reply #32 on: May 13, 2020, 10:43:41 pm »
Men for me, but the rare women can turn my head, like these two cowgirls in a Wyoming restroom who were as lean and tough as beef jerky. Think of a Kardashian. Now think of their utter opposite. That's who these cowgirls were.

Offline Rakel

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Re: Straight Male to Lesbian Transwoman?
« Reply #33 on: May 14, 2020, 05:54:52 am »
If I could make a full transition I would still not be interested in physical relationships with men. Guess you could then call me a lesbian.

Mac1,

You will never know for sure until you transition. For myself, I was previously heterosexual. Today after being post op for over 4 years, I consider myself asexual. This is probably more because of my advanced age than anything else.  :-\

However, in the past few years, I have become more appreciative of physically fit men with a kind heart and intelligent conversation.  ;)



Offline KateWelleck

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Re: Straight Male to Lesbian Transwoman?
« Reply #34 on: May 28, 2020, 12:37:14 pm »
I don't know I'm in place to say anything about this but I hope you're in a better place now

I myself was a straight male until I discovered that I'm a woman... I do say I'm a bi but more of a lesbian and just interested in males for sexual desires cause I wanna be treated like a woman sexually in that way
 Lots of love and hugs
Kate

Offline Virelai

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Re: Straight Male to Lesbian Transwoman?
« Reply #35 on: May 29, 2020, 01:05:22 pm »
I'm only two months on HRT, so it's hard to say what will happen with me. I just know my libido has not gone down quite as much as I would have liked.   :embarrassed: (which, oddly enough, drinking spearmint tea did back when I tried that) But I don't mean to complain! I have seen some changes very fast and so I'm grateful for what HRT is doing for me.

Anyway, I identify as a lesbian. I've discussed this with my therapist and have thought it for years: I've never been able to relate with straight men's attraction to women. My attraction has always felt different from their's, even before I knew I was trans. So I don't think "straight male" has ever even described me.



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