Topic: Is This Normal?

[Susannah]

Is it normal to be terrified to discuss my dysphoria issue with a therapist?  It has been a month since I started a topic about my experiences in my life and many kind ladies suggested that I speak to a therapist.  However, I am still having conflicting emotions about it.  I started to contact a therapist via internet but never have been able to follow through with it.  Some part of me is so hard to discuss this with anyone.  I feel like I am going crazy.  Why do I feel like this?  I feel so alone on this. 

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,252745.0.html

[Ellie_Arroway]

Yes, it's normal.

I felt extreme fear the first times I told anybody about my dysphoria.

I hope you find a way through it. Unfortunately it's pretty much the case of having to feel the fear and do it anyway. - E

[Northern Star Girl]

@Susannah
Dear Susannah:
In my opinion the answer is an unequivocal  YES !!!  Being "terrified" can be a normal reaction, at least it was for me at the beginning.
Indeed, this is one of the main functions of a therapist, to help you work through your fears and your issues.  If after you first meetings with your chosen therapist if you are not pleased with how the conversation is going you should look for a different therapist that you can develop a "connection" with.

In the Forums LINK to a previous thread that you attached..... at the end of your posted comment there, as follows:
     https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,252745.msg2365227.html#msg2365227

I read that you have already posed your "therapist" question and have gotten reply comments confirming my suggestion that you see a therapist....  don't delay, get this issues discussed and out in the open with a qualified therapist.

Wishing you well as you deal with working through your dysphoria....
HUGS,
Danielle

Is it normal to be terrified to discuss my dysphoria issue with a therapist?  It has been a month since I started a topic about my experiences in my life and many kind ladies suggested that I speak to a therapist.  However, I am still having conflicting emotions about it.  I started to contact a therapist via internet but never have been able to follow through with it.  Some part of me is so hard to discuss this with anyone.  I feel like I am going crazy.  Why do I feel like this?  I feel so alone on this. 

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,252745.0.html

[Devlyn]

Is it normal to be terrified to discuss my dysphoria issue with a therapist?  It has been a month since I started a topic about my experiences in my life and many kind ladies suggested that I speak to a therapist.  However, I am still having conflicting emotions about it.  I started to contact a therapist via internet but never have been able to follow through with it.  Some part of me is so hard to discuss this with anyone.  I feel like I am going crazy.  Why do I feel like this?  I feel so alone on this. 

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,252745.0.html

Common is the word I would use. Society historically drums it into us to hide and deny being transgender, so we see people who don't want to admit it, to anyone.

But you asked if it's normal. I don't think it is. Therapists are, after all, service providers. You're paying them to provide you with a service. They cheerfully take your money and do your bidding. Would it be normal to ask a ticket agent for a plane ticket, but not tell them where you want to fly to? Would it be normal not to tell your server what you wanted off the menu? Normal to buy a car but not tell the salesman what colour you want?

Just take a deep breath and tell your therapist "I'm transgender."

That should get the ball rolling.

Hugs, Devlyn

[Daylight]

I can empathize 100% with that fear! I saw therapists for fifteen years without mentioning it. I even found a specialist 10 years ago - specifically for this - and then was too scared to talk about it. I saw her for two years and never mentioned it, even though I knew it was the biggest thing on my mind at every session. I only worked up the courage to mention it to one last week. I couldn't bring myself to say the word "transgender" on the phone, I only managed "identity issues." I was shaking the entire appointment. But I'm SO SO SO GLAD I got it out.

I expect your therapist will be completely understanding, and I bet when you do face your fear it will be a tremendous relief. I believe you can do it! Good luck!

[Susannah]

Thank you for all your replies. I have been so scared to approach this topic.  My posting the issues last month took some courage as well.  In fact, it took some courage to write them down.  Frankly, I have not been wanting to say them to myself.  It seems now like so called cat is out of the bag.  I am still very scared, however.

[Ellie_Arroway]

Common is the word I would use. Society historically drums it into us to hide and deny being transgender, so we see people who don't want to admit it, to anyone.

But you asked if it's normal. I don't think it is. Therapists are, after all, service providers. You're paying them to provide you with a service. They cheerfully take your money and do your bidding. Would it be normal to ask a ticket agent for a plane ticket, but not tell them where you want to fly to? Would it be normal not to tell your server what you wanted off the menu? Normal to buy a car but not tell the salesman what colour you want?

You honestly think it's not normal?

I wasn't afraid to tell my therapist (who I specifically engaged for the purpose of helping me to determine whether I was transgender) but I was afraid to tell so many other people and professionals.

Additionally, I engaged an online therapy service that ensured a level of anonymity between us.

I can certainly see people being scared to tell a therapist and I think that's normal. It shouldn't be normal for it to be scary, but that is a factor of society, and everybody has some sort of engagement with society. - E

[Janes Groove]

I'm no Doctor but even I can diagnose what you are experiencing.

It even has a name in the Transgender Community.  It's called "The Stigma."
It is the most powerful force you will ever have to deal with.  It can be boiled down to this:

Society has determined that there is something wrong with you and that you are severely defective.  It has no relationship with objective truth, reason or even scientific evidence but is rather a product of social conditioning and control. You been brainwashed.  There is nothing wrong with you. It's normal.

[Devlyn]

Common is the word I would use. Society historically drums it into us to hide and deny being transgender, so we see people who don't want to admit it, to anyone.

But you asked if it's normal. I don't think it is. Therapists are, after all, service providers. You're paying them to provide you with a service. They cheerfully take your money and do your bidding. Would it be normal to ask a ticket agent for a plane ticket, but not tell them where you want to fly to? Would it be normal not to tell your server what you wanted off the menu? Normal to buy a car but not tell the salesman what colour you want?

You honestly think it's not normal?

I wasn't afraid to tell my therapist (who I specifically engaged for the purpose of helping me to determine whether I was transgender) but I was afraid to tell so many other people and professionals.

Additionally, I engaged an online therapy service that ensured a level of anonymity between us.

I can certainly see people being scared to tell a therapist and I think that's normal. It shouldn't be normal for it to be scary, but that is a factor of society, and everybody has some sort of engagement with society. - E

Aren't we talking specifically about telling the therapist?

I certainly wasn't afraid to discuss things openly on my first appointment. Doctors are there to help us. So yes, I think it's a bit off to not want to discuss it with them.

[Tess100]

Starting Therapy is a scary thing.  I have been seeing a therapist for a several years to deal with some really heavy stuff from childhood.  Mixed in with the childhood trauma is gender dysphoria.  I tried several times over the course of 15 years to start therapy and sort myself out, each time ended in frustration until I was truly ready and I met the right therapist.  When I was ready, I started opening up to my therapist slowly to build trust within myself.  The right therapist will make opening up and talking about things easier too. 

It is worth it to keep trying and find the right therapist, best of luck to you.

[Daylight]

My posting the issues last month took some courage as well.  In fact, it took some courage to write them down.

Yes, it did! Congratulations on having the courage to address this with yourself and others here.

I am still very scared, however.

Completely understandable. It is probably like Ellie said earlier, "feel the fear and do it anyway." When you do and come back to share how it goes, I imagine people here will be excited to celebrate with you if it went well or offer more encouragement if you need another go.

[Confused1]

Yes, I was terrified on my first visit. That said, by the time the first session was over I was totally relaxed. I had looked around a little on this site and knew some of what I might be asked and what I needed to ask. I checked out every therapist online that was close to where I live and chose according what I considered to be my leaning: Non-binary. Not that there was a large choice because of where I live. It went SO MUCH better than I expected. Turns out she was a great choice and I am about have my third session with NO worries. Many times we build a picture in our mind about worse case scenarios and that seldom happens. If you do not feel comfortable, then bring it up. I did. I told her I was WAY out of my comfort zone and had NEVER talked to anyone about it before. I also took a folder along with questions and information, so I would be prepared and not forget anything. That's just the way I'm wired.

[Ellie_Arroway]

@Confused1, that sounds like good news! Also a very good idea to have a memo of what questions to ask; I often use the same approach. - E