Author Topic: Being Jane  (Read 1998 times)

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Offline Jane.Shannon

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The In Between Times
« Reply #40 on: September 13, 2020, 02:06:14 pm »
My transition is often timed to other events that I do not control the timing of. Here's an example. I teach elementary school. I wasn't ready to come out at work last September, so I started the year as a man. When I made that decision, I also decided to end the year as a man. I felt this would be best for all parties.  It would give time for HRT to work its magic, it would give time for my family to adjust to the new me, and it would give continuity to my students.  In March my district went online. Before that I wore men's clothes the majority of the time; after I wore them in decreasing amounts. By the end of the year it was increasingly challenging to put on any men's clothing. Actually the last few weeks I wore women's clothing with a men's shirt over it.

Those last few weeks of the “in between time” living in both the male world and the female world were super important. The feeling of putting on that shirt so my students saw a male teacher  really showed me I was ready to take the next step. I needed that time of living the routine to clearly feel that going full time was right for me.  When it came time, at the end of the school year going full time, and the steps needed to do so were as for me to take (not necessarily easy for the bureaucracies of Government)

I'm in the camp with those who didn't know where transition would end, but knowing that I had to start. I think someday in the future I'll not feel the need to push further into transition,  then I'll be transitioned.  I am not there now.  As my social dysphoria wanes, my body dysphoria is making its presence felt.  It is only a matter of time until I have to deal with it.
« Last Edit: September 14, 2020, 03:58:00 pm by Northern Star Girl »
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Aug 2019: Started HRT
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Online Northern Star Girl

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Re: The In Between Times
« Reply #41 on: September 13, 2020, 03:17:54 pm »
[...snipped]
I'm in the camp with those who didn't know where transition would end, but knowing that I had to start. I think someday in the future I'll not feel the need to push further into transition,  then I'll be transitioned.  I am not there now.  As my social dysphoria wanes, my body dysphoria is making its presence felt.  It is only a matter of time until I have to deal with it.
@Jane.Shannon
Dear Jane:
I love how you summed up your journey to date in the last paragraph of your posting.

So, to be clear, how are you handling the new school year regarding your transition and your appearance via online teaching and even in-person teaching? ???

Here on the forums we are your biggest fans and always rooting for your success and happiness.... 

Thank you sharing.
HUGS,
Danielle


« Last Edit: September 14, 2020, 04:04:23 pm by Northern Star Girl »
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 40

Offline Jane.Shannon

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Reflections of Being a Transgender Teacher
« Reply #42 on: September 18, 2020, 07:47:41 pm »
The Transgender Teacher
I was asked about teaching as a transgender woman.  I have limited experience being openingly transgender in my chosen career field of education.  I am an elementary school teacher, specifically fourth-grade.  I teach in a suburban school district in Washington State about 30 minutes north of Seattle.  My transition has actually been quite easy, and I have little doubt the libreal mindset of this area has greatly contributed to my high acceptance levels.  As I look at my professional transition I want to consider my colleagues, the students, and the families.  I will also try to detail the steps I have taken in coming out professionally.

This post keeps getting longer and longer, so I will be breaking it up into smaller installments.

Part 1

Coming out professionally started about a year and a half ago, so 2018.  The teacher in the classroom next to me has become an important friend.  At that time her oldest daughter had completed high school.  She was ready to move out of her parents’ home, but not ready to leave town, so she moved in with us.  She is an amazing young lady.  She is witty and kind, and one thing we all loved is her interest in everything and her awesome chat.  She was and is important to my family especially my sons--she also lived in my house when I really started taking being transgender seriously.  She is the first non-family member I came out to.  She is openly gay, so I figured I was pretty safe coming out.  Still this is a large burden to carry, so I told her mother too.   After telling her I did nothing professionally for sometime.  At the start of the 2019/20 school year I was going out more and more.  I kept seeing people I knew from work.  I was afraid someone would go to my principal and tell him.  I knew he would be supportive, but I didn’t want him to be surprised.  So I told him myself.  We had a great chat in which he assured me my job was secure and he would do his best to shield me from any parent fall out.  He had never met a trans person before, so he asked if it was okay to ask questions.  We chatted for about an hour.  It was nice to have a few known allies and supporters.  This is where professional coming out ended for the 19/20 School year.
July 2020: Full Time
Aug 2019: Started HRT
Dec 2019: Hair Feminization Surgery

Offline Jane.Shannon

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Transgender Teacher Part 2
« Reply #43 on: September 29, 2020, 09:32:25 pm »
The students, who are in fourth grade and 9 to 10, I teach have been nothing short of amazing.  They have transitioned to having a female teacher with no issues.  They absolutely NEVER mis-gender me; they are better at getting my gender correct than I am!  That support has been wonderful.  The students really have a “not a big deal” attitude about the whole process.  I said, I am Mrs F and they call me that, and when they talk about me they call me “her” or “she.”  Most children I have met so far very much feel that being transgender really isn’t a big deal. 

One of the things we talk about as teachers is to create a safe environment for learning.  This task is actually our highest priority all year.  Students need to feel comfortable expressing themselves and voicing their misunderstandings.  That safe environment extends from me to them.  It also extends from them to me.  I have to feel safe because my job isn’t really about teaching, it is about learning.  To do that I have to learn also.  Which means I have to feel comfortable expressing myself and voicing my misunderstandings too.  My students have been really instrumental in helping to maintain my classroom as a safe environment for me. 

I am not sure how this would work if school was in person.  Last week we hosted a supplies pick-up point at the school.  The disapproving teachers wouldn’t look me in the eye, and mostly ignored me.  I do think starting the year online has helped the kids create a mental image of me that is just from the neck up because that is all they see.  I would be surprised if we went back to in person schooling this year, so I will have to wait until later to find out.
July 2020: Full Time
Aug 2019: Started HRT
Dec 2019: Hair Feminization Surgery

Offline sarahc

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Re: Transgender Teacher Part 2
« Reply #44 on: September 29, 2020, 09:52:11 pm »
The students, who are in fourth grade and 9 to 10, I teach have been nothing short of amazing.  They have transitioned to having a female teacher with no issues.  They absolutely NEVER mis-gender me; they are better at getting my gender correct than I am!  That support has been wonderful.  The students really have a “not a big deal” attitude about the whole process.  I said, I am Mrs F and they call me that, and when they talk about me they call me “her” or “she.”  Most children I have met so far very much feel that being transgender really isn’t a big deal. 


Completely agree. I have been stunned by how blasé kids of all ages are about someone transitioning. One of the most surprising insights of my my transition.

Sarah
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48 years young.
Known that I am trans since...forever.
First therapy session / decided to transition / hair removal: October 2018
HRT: January 2019 (journal https://www.susans.org/forums/index.phpVF/topic,244009.0.html)
VFS: September 2019; three-month report here
Full-time: April 2020
FFS: August 2020
SRS: January 2021

Offline Jane.Shannon

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Re: Being Jane
« Reply #45 on: September 29, 2020, 10:51:49 pm »
Thanks Sarah.  My all time favorite response to coming out was my younger son, who was 9 then.  He only had two questions that day.  First, he wanted to know if he could still call me Daddy.  I said yes, but that we might need to rethink that as transition went along.  Second, he said "can I go back to my Legos now?" 

Maybe we all need to learn a lesson from our children.  Maybe we need to get over being transgender, being parents, being daughters and sons, being employees, being all the things we try to be.  Maybe we should just go play with our Legos.
July 2020: Full Time
Aug 2019: Started HRT
Dec 2019: Hair Feminization Surgery

Offline Jane.Shannon

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Male Fail #1
« Reply #46 on: October 05, 2020, 11:35:54 pm »
Today I was checking out at Home Depot, and being a Veteran I asked the clerk for the veterans discount, and she asked for my military ID.  I have not officially changed my name with the military...yet.  She looked at my card, looked at me, and said "Next time, he needs to be here, but it's okay this time."

How exciting my first male fail!!!
July 2020: Full Time
Aug 2019: Started HRT
Dec 2019: Hair Feminization Surgery

Online Northern Star Girl

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Re: Male Fail #1
« Reply #47 on: October 05, 2020, 11:49:53 pm »
@Jane.Shannon
Dear Jane:
I loved your "Male Fail #1" posting.... truly affirming and confidence building for you. 
As time goes on I think you can expect more frequent male-fail events....
... I will be eagerly looking for your update and reports!!!

Thank you for sharing your good news.

HUGS and best wishes as you continue on.
Danielle

Today I was checking out at Home Depot, and being a Veteran I asked the clerk for the veterans discount, and she asked for my military ID.  I have not officially changed my name with the military...yet.  She looked at my card, looked at me, and said "Next time, he needs to be here, but it's okay this time."

How exciting my first male fail!!!
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 40

Offline Susan R

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Re: Male Fail #1
« Reply #48 on: October 05, 2020, 11:57:38 pm »
Today I was checking out at Home Depot, and being a Veteran I asked the clerk for the veterans discount, and she asked for my military ID.  I have not officially changed my name with the military...yet.  She looked at my card, looked at me, and said "Next time, he needs to be here, but it's okay this time."

How exciting my first male fail!!!
That must have had you on cloud nine all day. You’re looking great btw. Those hormones are doing wonders for you.

My Best,
Susan R🌷
Sept. 25, 2018:       Began HRT
May 19, 2019:         Out to All/Full time
June 12, 2019:        Name/Gender Marker on all ID's/Legal Docs completed
July 2, 2020:           GRS & BA Consult - Dr. Stiller
January 5, 2021:      GRS Surgery [Stage 1]
January 15, 2021:    BA
June 2021 [TBD]:     GRS Surgery [Stage 2]

Offline Jane.Shannon

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Just Another Day
« Reply #49 on: October 12, 2020, 10:33:30 pm »
I had an interesting feeling today (Oct 10, 2020).  I remember when dressing in women's clothing gave me a thrill.  Today I realized I was just getting dressed.  Now don't get me wrong, I really do enjoy getting to wear clothing that shows the word the person I am.  I remember the first time I wore them.  It was thrilling.  I was more than aroused, I was totally amazed to see me as I should have been my whole life.  I knew right then I really wasn't a crossdresser, and I was supposed to not just dress as a woman, but to be one. 

Today, I just got dressed, as a woman.  Interesting how something that could be something so important, can be just become life.  It makes me happy!
July 2020: Full Time
Aug 2019: Started HRT
Dec 2019: Hair Feminization Surgery

Offline sarahc

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Re: Just Another Day
« Reply #50 on: October 12, 2020, 10:56:31 pm »
Totally the same experience with me. I really didn’t crossdressing that much as an adult, but it still had a lot of internal appeal. But literally the day after I decided to transition, crossdressing ceased to have any appeal at all for me. I knew I was on the path, and I didn’t need crossdressing to connect with my true self.

In fact, I dress pretty androgynously at this point because I’m a pretty informal person and because no one is getting dressed up these days with the pandemic....

Sarah

I had an interesting feeling today (Oct 10, 2020).  I remember when dressing in women's clothing gave me a thrill.  Today I realized I was just getting dressed.  Now don't get me wrong, I really do enjoy getting to wear clothing that shows the word the person I am.  I remember the first time I wore them.  It was thrilling.  I was more than aroused, I was totally amazed to see me as I should have been my whole life.  I knew right then I really wasn't a crossdresser, and I was supposed to not just dress as a woman, but to be one. 

Today, I just got dressed, as a woman.  Interesting how something that could be something so important, can be just become life.  It makes me happy!
----
48 years young.
Known that I am trans since...forever.
First therapy session / decided to transition / hair removal: October 2018
HRT: January 2019 (journal https://www.susans.org/forums/index.phpVF/topic,244009.0.html)
VFS: September 2019; three-month report here
Full-time: April 2020
FFS: August 2020
SRS: January 2021

Offline Jane.Shannon

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Body Dysphoria
« Reply #51 on: October 13, 2020, 03:16:40 pm »
As I become more comfortable with who I am my emotional and social dysphoria is greatly reduced.  But now the body dysphoria is really hitting me hard.  Today it is pretty bad.  Maybe it is because I didn't sleep well.  I am increasingly ready to move forward with GCS.
July 2020: Full Time
Aug 2019: Started HRT
Dec 2019: Hair Feminization Surgery

Online Northern Star Girl

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Re: Body Dysphoria
« Reply #52 on: October 13, 2020, 03:24:52 pm »
As I become more comfortable with who I am my emotional and social dysphoria is greatly reduced.  But now the body dysphoria is really hitting me hard.  Today it is pretty bad.  Maybe it is because I didn't sleep well.  I am increasingly ready to move forward with GCS.
@Jane.Shannon
Dear Jane:
Your frustration with your body is something that just about all transitioners deal with.
Might I suggest that you schedule a GCS Consultation so you can get some pertinent facts addressing your body and your desires.

I am certain that you have most likely looked over the plethora of topics, posts and comment on the various threads here on the Gender Correction Surgery sub-forum... lots of useful information to be found there.
     https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,50.0.html

Wishing you well,
HUGS,
Danielle
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 40

Offline Jane.Shannon

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Re: Being Jane
« Reply #53 on: October 28, 2020, 12:01:21 am »
Recently my counselor had me engage in a feminist affirmation activity.  Trans women are not alone in their challenges accepting their bodies.  At one point feminist argued their bodies didn't define their femininity.  I personally feel into this trap; that my body was feminine no matter how male it appeared.  This work for a bit, but I could never reconcile my desire to modify my body to how I think it should be through GCS and FFS.  We did a few of these together, and I have to admit I thought they were cheesy.  After the session, I kept thinking about it.  There is something too thinking about a specific part of your body.  Its strengths and weaknesses and then saying you accept it.  Here are a few I have done since then.

I accept:
   My shoulders.  They are too broad, but I love how strong they are.  They hurt, so I try to take it easy on them.  My favorite part of my shoulders is how they carried my children.  High above the crowds, their fingers holding on to my hair, my hands on the feet.  Their voices in my ears.  I accept my shoulders.

   My right thumb nail.  It has a tear in it, about ⅓ from the left side.  So I cannot grow it long.  Which works out nicely because the long nail doesn’t get in my way.  It makes me rethink how I will solve some problems because it has little strength in it.  When I paint it, it doesn’t flake as quickly because I cannot use it quite as much.  I accept my right thumb nail.

   My ears.  There is a lot to like about my ears.  I like that they are smallish, and don’t stick out.  I enjoy how they work as a way to hold my hair back--even though that doesn’t really look great.  But two there are two things about my ears I enjoy most.  First, is I love having my ears pierced.  It was super hard for me to admit I wanted to get them pierced, and even harder to tell Tevina.  I love how the earring were the first really public thing I was able to do that was feminine.  Finally, the number one thing I love about my ears are the sounds they bring me.  The voices of my family, conversations with my students, laughter, and tears.  I radically accept my ears.

   My tummy.  My tummy is not as flat as I would like it to be, and I have never had a six pack no matter how many sit up I have done.  The hair on my tummy is mostly gone, and I really like that.  Also, she doesn’t get upset easily.  After meeting people with dietary restrictions I have really learned an appreciation for a tummy that can handle different foods.  I radically accept my tummy.

   My eyes.  My eyes have never worked well.  I got my first pair of glasses before I entered kindergarten.  My mother told the story of how on the way home from picking up my first pair of glasses I was excited to see a “real stop sign.”  As I grew my eye-sight only got worse and worse.  Now, I cannot read the large E--the doctor’s know not to ask.  In eight grade I got my first set of contact lenses.  I loved them.  No more thick bulky glasses, and I had peripheral vision for the first time in my life.  With my contacts they work fine.  I also love their light blue color.  I love seeing and the privileges vision gives me.  I radically accept my eyes.
July 2020: Full Time
Aug 2019: Started HRT
Dec 2019: Hair Feminization Surgery

Offline Jane.Shannon

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Re: Being Jane
« Reply #54 on: October 28, 2020, 01:54:10 pm »
My new Social Security Card arrives in the mail today!  I've been stalled on name change for several weeks. This little slip of paper is my ticket to getting a ton of practical things changed like my name at work and a new driver's license.
July 2020: Full Time
Aug 2019: Started HRT
Dec 2019: Hair Feminization Surgery

Offline Jane.Shannon

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Re: Being Jane
« Reply #55 on: November 03, 2020, 08:50:17 am »
I am slowly making progress on getting my name changed.

Today I made an appointment at the DoL for a new Driver's License.  They are booked 30 days out, so my appointment is Dec 3.

I have completed:
SSN
Work
Vehicles
Savings accounts
Primary checking accounts

In Progress
Military records
Veteran's Affairs

No started
Deed for my house
July 2020: Full Time
Aug 2019: Started HRT
Dec 2019: Hair Feminization Surgery

Offline sarahc

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Re: Being Jane
« Reply #56 on: November 03, 2020, 08:59:20 am »
On the house deed, consult a real estate lawyer or your title insurance company to determine whether you need to change the deed. Obviously, changing the deed could cost a decent chunk of money. I was told that changing the deed (in my state, at least) was unnecessary from a legal point of view, because the name change court order would be sufficient proof to process a sale at the time of a future transfer.

Sarah

I am slowly making progress on getting my name changed.

Today I made an appointment at the DoL for a new Driver's License.  They are booked 30 days out, so my appointment is Dec 3.

I have completed:
SSN
Work
Vehicles
Savings accounts
Primary checking accounts

In Progress
Military records
Veteran's Affairs

No started
Deed for my house
----
48 years young.
Known that I am trans since...forever.
First therapy session / decided to transition / hair removal: October 2018
HRT: January 2019 (journal https://www.susans.org/forums/index.phpVF/topic,244009.0.html)
VFS: September 2019; three-month report here
Full-time: April 2020
FFS: August 2020
SRS: January 2021

Offline Jane.Shannon

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Re: Being Jane
« Reply #57 on: November 03, 2020, 02:38:42 pm »
Sarah,
If I may ask what state are you in?  I'm in Washington state, north of Seattle. Your comment about not needing to update the deed certainly makes sense because the court order links my old name to my current name.
July 2020: Full Time
Aug 2019: Started HRT
Dec 2019: Hair Feminization Surgery

Offline Devlyn

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Re: Being Jane
« Reply #58 on: November 03, 2020, 02:47:10 pm »
In Massachusetts I sold my house as Devlyn and the deed said Michael. They just made a copy of my name change court order on the old Xerox in the corner.
Veteran, US Army

Offline Jane.Shannon

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Re: Being Jane
« Reply #59 on: November 05, 2020, 06:30:00 pm »
I worked on my name change today.  I talked to US Army Human Resources Command in Fort Knox.  The clerk was awesome and very helpful.  However, she was helpful at telling me I couldn't get this done until I have a new ID.  The good news is that I was able to clarify that she meant a new state ID, or driver's license, and not a military ID.  She also let me know what the form (SF 180) need to say and where to get both the personal system and the pay system updated. 

The rub is that I will not get a new DL until Dec 3.  :-(

Overall, I was very glad I called and I felt supported by the costumer service representative herself, and the Army in general because this is really not hard nor does it require ridiculous proof (like having GCS).  I do feel stymied by the bureaucracy.
July 2020: Full Time
Aug 2019: Started HRT
Dec 2019: Hair Feminization Surgery

Tags: #namechange #DD214