Author Topic: Advice or thoughts needed on divorce ramifications  (Read 298 times)

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Offline RobynD

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Advice or thoughts needed on divorce ramifications
« on: May 28, 2020, 05:34:13 pm »
No, not real legal advice. Just seeing if someone has gone through this and has any ideas. This is a super new territory for me. Background:

Divorce was finalized in September of last year after two long years of no negotiating, attempts at discovery, hardball and moving the trial etc. Our youngest child was 17 at the time, so she got to choose where to go home wise. Financial ruin came in parallel, in a large part to the divorce and the mental stress it caused other factors such as losing another legal business battle contributed. Still, the judge looking at our past lifestyle/income provided my ex-spouse with spousal support and there is significant child support based on the state table for such things, none of which my current income supports. I'm effectively bankrupt and indigent. Creditors including the IRS are around every corner so to speak.

I was able to resurrect a shadow of my former company at least temporarily to give me some income, but its a very small amount. Well under minimum wage last week, a bit more than that in a couple of other weeks recently. Other employment because of the current situation and my own limitations, is not likely at least in the short-term. The Gov has already taken action to freeze my passport, threatened to suspend my drivers license ( yeah that will help me recover won't it) as I've only been able to pay about 15% of the child support that i am on the hook for, obviously i'd like to more. She will get that support for another three years until she turns 21 or graduates from college.

Well amazingly, with suicide attempts behind me, everything liquidated and sold off, and homelessness on the horizon, my depression actually subsided some. i met the love of my life and moved in with her in March, we are getting married next month. Bless her for her support, but she is not able to provide much help beyond basic support, nor is it right for her to.

So my questions to you good people, is 1) where do I go for free legal help in general? We have this group called "Basic Rights Oregon" that may help with such thing, they are a political advocacy group for trans people in general, but the may have some resources. I also know the Bar Association in Oregon provides legal aid based on income, so i will go there. 2) any other thoughts?

Basically, i need to get the unfair judgement modified or eliminated (as far as spousal support goes) because of hardship, health and the fact that my future earnings a trans person and, are suspect at best. Only then can I pursue other legal protections from creditors, negotiate with the government etc.

3) Any other ideas of sources of help or resources? The situation is surreal. The drive to be my authentic self has costed nearly everything but my life.







Offline Gertrude

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Re: Advice or thoughts needed on divorce ramifications
« Reply #1 on: May 28, 2020, 06:10:01 pm »
law schools usually have clinics. I know the one where I work does and I can use it free. Maybe PFLAG or some other LGBT org has information on resources they can share. I am surprised that you have to pay until your child is 21. Generally it's 18-19. I know we have members here from Oregon. Maybe they can chime in too. Maybe reach out to Paige Kreisman. Maybe she has some ideas or connections.

Offline RobynD

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Re: Advice or thoughts needed on divorce ramifications
« Reply #2 on: May 29, 2020, 10:35:28 am »
I am surprised that you have to pay until your child is 21. Generally it's 18-19. I know we have members here from Oregon. Maybe they can chime in too. Maybe reach out to Paige Kreisman. Maybe she has some ideas or connections.

Thanks! yes Child Support through 21, even though her mom got "everything essentially". My ex even got spousal support for life, regardless of remarriage. I still love my ex and harbor no ill will, but the thought is ridiculous. PFlag is a great thought.



Offline Gertrude

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Re: Advice or thoughts needed on divorce ramifications
« Reply #3 on: May 29, 2020, 10:51:35 am »
Thanks! yes Child Support through 21, even though her mom got "everything essentially". My ex even got spousal support for life, regardless of remarriage. I still love my ex and harbor no ill will, but the thought is ridiculous. PFlag is a great thought.

For life regardless of remarriage? What about if she gets a job? I know in AZ and other states, changes in working status can change obligations in terms of amounts. Usually remarriage ends alimony. Wow.

Offline RobynD

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Re: Advice or thoughts needed on divorce ramifications
« Reply #4 on: May 29, 2020, 12:59:34 pm »
Yep! for life regardless of job or marriage. Of course, I can always take her to court and argue that the situation has changed down the road, but that of course means resources. I was told that it was because we "made so much money in past years" but I'm skeptical of that reasoning, as I have never heard of such one-sided terms.



Offline Rachel

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Re: Advice or thoughts needed on divorce ramifications
« Reply #5 on: May 29, 2020, 09:12:25 pm »
Hello Robyn,

I am sorry this happened to you. I have heard of several peoples divorce horror stories. When you go to a Judge they have a lot of latitude in the judgement. You may want to call the State Bar Association and request for information and next steps. You may want to find out your states divorce statutes and a Judges limits. If he violated those limits then ask what the next steps are.

I went to a mediator. In my state alimony is not in the state divorce guidelines except for certain conditions and even then only for a limited term based on years married. 1 year alimony for every 3 married. I agreed to alimony with the mediation because I was going to give her money anyway. When I did the settlement alimony was still tax deductible. Finally, I wanted to avoid court at all cost.

So you have basically no income and if she does then you have rights to take her to court and have the judgment reopened. You may be entitled to alimony from her and child support at a minimal amount.

Good luck,
Rachel
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Offline RobynD

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Re: Advice or thoughts needed on divorce ramifications
« Reply #6 on: June 08, 2020, 04:40:30 pm »
Hello Robyn,

I am sorry this happened to you. I have heard of several peoples divorce horror stories. When you go to a Judge they have a lot of latitude in the judgement. You may want to call the State Bar Association and request for information and next steps. You may want to find out your states divorce statutes and a Judges limits. If he violated those limits then ask what the next steps are.

I went to a mediator. In my state alimony is not in the state divorce guidelines except for certain conditions and even then only for a limited term based on years married. 1 year alimony for every 3 married. I agreed to alimony with the mediation because I was going to give her money anyway. When I did the settlement alimony was still tax deductible. Finally, I wanted to avoid court at all cost.

So you have basically no income and if she does then you have rights to take her to court and have the judgment reopened. You may be entitled to alimony from her and child support at a minimal amount.

Good luck,
Rachel

Thanks Rachel- I've made some moves to get help through various LGTBQ legal and funding organizations for some free representation. Hopefully, that will come through. I'm so thankful for the support of my partner through all of this, it has truly been a nightmare.



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