Author Topic: Intimacy  (Read 230 times)

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Offline WannaBgirl2

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Intimacy
« on: May 29, 2020, 06:03:48 am »
Help.... I've been married for just shy of 30yrs.... I truly love her with all my heart...I want her, but when we are intimate, I can't climax... I want to, but I sorta just get numb... She blames herself, but it's totally me!?!? I guess I start overthinking, I don't know how to get over it. I'm not on any hrt, but I'm considering it... The doctor said I need testosterone, but I don't want it, I want estrogen if anything... Does anyone else have this problem??? And.... What works for you? I'm feeling like I'm trapped in limbo!?!?! I'm lost, and don't know who or what I am anymore!?!?! All advise is welcome!!! I'm just Soo confused!

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Offline Tess100

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Re: Intimacy
« Reply #1 on: May 29, 2020, 10:49:40 am »
If the desire to be intimate is there and there isn't underlying medical issues then perhaps lots of sexual exploration is needed both alone and with your SO. I have experienced what you are describing.  There are certain things that will get me incredibly turned on but I know that an orgasm will never be achieved because it overstimulates my body and results in a numbness over my whole body.  Figuring out what takes you to climax alone might take some of the pressure off when you are with your SO.  Perhaps you can then start bringing some of those things into your relationship?

Online AllieSF

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Re: Intimacy
« Reply #2 on: May 29, 2020, 04:24:44 pm »
If it isn't a physical problem that can be diagnosed it is probably a mental one.  If you start thinking about the wrong subject at the wrong time it probably will not work properly.  It may be time to talk with a therapist to see if that is the case and to see if you can get those stray thoughts out of your head. 

I have had those moments and I learned that it was because I was worried about something, or I wasn't totally into the moment, or was into the moment at the beginning and then got sidetracked.  To make it all work down there mind and body need to be working in unison.

Good luck,

Allie
HRT - February 2017
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Orchi - January 2018
BA - September 25, 2019
FFS - January 10, 2020
GRS - TBDDD (To Be Determined, Decision and Date)

Offline RandyL

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Re: Intimacy
« Reply #3 on: May 29, 2020, 06:11:02 pm »
Fantasies in your own mind can also help. Sometimes I recall some sexy time we had together, or I visualize her wearing some certain thing, or even (shhhh don't tell anyone) I imagine myself having breasts. Fantasies are healthy and nothing to be afraid or ashamed of. My wife has them too.

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Offline Dayle1957

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Re: Intimacy
« Reply #4 on: May 29, 2020, 06:18:48 pm »
Good advice from the other respondents for sure!

For me I always had problems using my equipment "like a man".  The only way I could reliably reach orgasm was to be dressed in lingerie or to be on viagra and really thinking a LOT about dressing like a woman.

I am not on HRT and I am getting a bit on the older side, but I have finally accepted that I am Trans and I have found that I now have fantastic shattering orgasms by treating my equipment "like a woman" especially using a vibrator.

My partner and I have an almost entirely platonic relationship at this point so things are easier in that I don't have to try and please her "like a man".  But if we did try to get intimate again, I would try to adjust things so that our love-making would be more like two women...

Everyone and every relationship is different.

I agree that you need to experiment and find out what really works for you and then figure out how to incorporate that into your time with your partner.

Good luck, I know this is frustrating!

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