Author Topic: Hello  (Read 233 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Pre-Stephanie

  • Visitor
  • *
  • Posts: 3
  • Reputation: +1/-0
Hello
« on: May 31, 2020, 02:06:02 pm »
Hello, everyone.

I have a struggle to write few things about me. I know that I am a transsexual (am I transgender?). I have a learning difficult and English is my second language. Language is really complicated in my view of point but I am still learning.

I want to share what I experienced and went through. Back in 2010, I discovered that I am a transsexual and it make total sense because I've been expressed my loathe toward women in my life. Always thought that I am gynophobia (fear of women) but, reality, I am extremely jealous of their womanliness and ladylike hairstyle -- I used to had a length shoulder hair. I used to dress up my sister's clothes secretly which misled me to believe that I am queer-- maybe I am still. She told me that I used to bully her as such pushed her out of car in the middle of the car park during rain season. I don't remember the part of it and felt bad about it. Why did I do that to her? She shrugged and said no clue what the hell was my problem lol. Maybe it was because of she came in the world as a woman, not me. I've always think about our swapped role. That I am a sister and she's brother. I can't forget that day when I asked my sister to play some a little theatre based on the 1996 video game, Tomb Raider. That she had to do some small role villain and I want to be Lara Croft role. That's where we get into fight over Lara role. So many things what I did back just because I truly want to be a woman in first place and I didn't recognise my feeling sooner.

Not only those, everyone usually assumed my gender when it comes to MMORPG (Massive Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Game) due to both my female character and the way I talk on the texting chat. I admitted that I am a guy which make them blown their mind. My exes accused me of being not real man in many situation-- I walked away from badly behaviour thugs who destroyed the gate in train station for example. I just don't like to hurt other's feeling than my own. I am more thoughtful about their wellness and opinions. That's what part of problem about myself that I am too care what they think of me-- especially when I come out as a transsexual and start my journey to be a passed woman -- which should be right now...

10 years ago... I came out to my mother about what I feel and what I wanted to be part of feminine world. She doesn't understand it at all and force me into admit that I am confuse my feeling and seek their attention over a 'little thing' because I am usually lonely. It upset me that she doesn't take it serious. I kind of knew her reaction this way as I read somewhere in forum from various sites. I felt really depressed and doesn't want to stuck as a man for the rest of my life. I also don't want to start my HRT and stuff as soon as she passed away-- it might take me up to 30 years. I can't take it anymore. I've thinking about run away from everything and start new life as a complete different person as a woman. A happily and healthy woman. In another country would be nicer. It may be US or Canada. Long story short, I am really loves US and Canada so much than UK-- that's where I am live. However as I am calculating person and figure out my income and bills etc. With my resulted, I cannot afford the place of my own and HRT, SRS and everything. I could be end up on the street or worse. Just one thing possibly solve my situation is make a friend who has same situation as mine and move in and support each other until we reached what we wanted. It is really impossibly challenge. So I gave up. That's what I went through exactly 10 years ago...

Today, I am still stuck in a man body. My life is so pathetic.

So I come here to make some friends who understand what I'm through. I don't expected anything from here. I just hope I can gather amount of courage enough to make it happens as whether my mother like it or not. Maybe I have to move out if I could-- I have a job and have been saving up for a while. My chapter will be beginning any sooner...

By the way, I'd like to be called Stephanie-- the female version of my birth and current name. I hope all of you are well and keep safe from virus out there.

I apologies for a long write I made in badly English.

~Stephanie
« Last Edit: May 31, 2020, 03:28:13 pm by Pre-Stephanie »

Offline MeTony

  • *
  • Posts: 1,405
  • Reputation: +15/-0
  • Gender: Male
Re: Hello
« Reply #1 on: May 31, 2020, 02:38:12 pm »
Welcome Stephanie.

Offline Daylight

  • Neighbor
  • ***
  • Posts: 70
  • Reputation: +1/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Hello
« Reply #2 on: May 31, 2020, 02:41:59 pm »
Welcome, Stephanie! I completely understand how hard it can be to gather up the courage necessary to talk about these things. Fortunately, this is a very safe space to share what you are feeling. I hope that you are able to do that here and that it helps you move confidently down the path you want for your life. Good luck and I'll see you on the forum!
39 years old and learning to be Megan :)

Offline Pre-Stephanie

  • Visitor
  • *
  • Posts: 3
  • Reputation: +1/-0
Re: Hello
« Reply #3 on: May 31, 2020, 03:30:30 pm »
Welcome, Stephanie! I completely understand how hard it can be to gather up the courage necessary to talk about these things. Fortunately, this is a very safe space to share what you are feeling. I hope that you are able to do that here and that it helps you move confidently down the path you want for your life. Good luck and I'll see you on the forum!

Thank you for make me feel more welcome. I hope this forum will help me somehow.

Offline JanePlain

  • *
  • Posts: 634
  • Reputation: +8/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • Living the dream.
Re: Hello
« Reply #4 on: May 31, 2020, 03:56:37 pm »
Thank you for make me feel more welcome. I hope this forum will help me somehow.

I give this forum a lot of credit for helping me make a move.  When I was still living at home it was in the days where transexuals were considered mentally ill or weirdos.  Even worst there just wasn't any clear way to transition because as far as I could find (Then) Doctors just were not prescribing hormones and the number of surgeons that did SRS/GRS were so small you could count them on your fingers.  And as you mentioned - there are the costs.

After spending some time just reading posts I brought myself up to speed on how you go about transition and wow...  Things may not be perfect but they are a lot better.  No longer is this issue considered mental illness.  They have finially figured out its medical and not some weird sex perversion.  And doctors, therapists and surgeons are available! In my case HRT was 1000x easier (not traumatic) to go on then I would ever have have imagined.  And it was people on this forum that prompted me to just ask.  How much better then the bad old days! 

Anyway I'm happy you found Susan's and its great to see you post an intro. I know you will find lots of people who can empathize with whats going on with you.

Oh!  I forgot... Costs.  I don't know how NHC works in the UK but in the US Insurance (many but not all) does cover things like hormones, and SRS so its not anywhere near as crazy expensive as it used to be.  If you live near a big city there is a fairly good chance there is a surgeon who does this type of surgery regulalrly and gender therapists can be looked up by location and you can take your pick if you need to go over things with an expert to see if your on the right path.  Or just for advice on how best to proceed.  *I think everyone should try therapy regardless of gender / sexual issues but thats just me.

Offline Northern Star Girl

  • Previously Alaskan Danielle
  • *
  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 27,417
  • Reputation: +34/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • northernstargirl@susans.org
Re: Hello
« Reply #5 on: May 31, 2020, 05:54:13 pm »
@Pre-Stephanie
Dear Stephanie
    Thank you for coming to the Forums.
    I am most pleased that you had decided to join the Susan's Place site.

    Know that I am not trying to sidetrack your questions and thoughts.... but please allow me to officially welcome you here.
    Thank you for writing your first postings.... as you get more involved in exchanging comments on various posts other members will be along to offer their thoughts and comments in response to any of your specific questions and concerns..

    This is the right place for you to be to find out what others may have to say that may have been in your circumstances and with your questions and concerns.
    There are a lot of members here that will be able to identify with your situation as you continue to feel free to share it.
 
    I also want to warmly WELCOME you to Susan's Place
You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.

    As you are certainly aware you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other like-minded members.  When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....
     ***It's a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new friends here. 

    Please come in and continue to be involved at your own pace.
   
    There is information and important LINKS that I have included below.   You will find information about the site that will help you navigate around and best utilize the features here.   
Please look closely at the LINKS in RED, answers are there to many questions that new members ask.

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.
Danielle


Here are some links to the site rules and stuff that all new members should be familiar with:
 
Things that you should read
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 40

Offline ChrissyRyan

  • “Have a gentle manner”
  • Family
  • *****
  • Posts: 24,494
  • Reputation: +31/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • No act of kindness, however small, is wasted.
Re: Hello
« Reply #6 on: May 31, 2020, 05:55:08 pm »
Hi Stephanie!


   Welcome!    :)



Chrissy
Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that your speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

Offline Pre-Stephanie

  • Visitor
  • *
  • Posts: 3
  • Reputation: +1/-0
Re: Hello
« Reply #7 on: June 02, 2020, 10:40:44 am »
I give this forum a lot of credit for helping me make a move.  When I was still living at home it was in the days where transexuals were considered mentally ill or weirdos.  Even worst there just wasn't any clear way to transition because as far as I could find (Then) Doctors just were not prescribing hormones and the number of surgeons that did SRS/GRS were so small you could count them on your fingers.  And as you mentioned - there are the costs.

After spending some time just reading posts I brought myself up to speed on how you go about transition and wow...  Things may not be perfect but they are a lot better.  No longer is this issue considered mental illness.  They have finially figured out its medical and not some weird sex perversion.  And doctors, therapists and surgeons are available! In my case HRT was 1000x easier (not traumatic) to go on then I would ever have have imagined.  And it was people on this forum that prompted me to just ask.  How much better then the bad old days! 

Anyway I'm happy you found Susan's and its great to see you post an intro. I know you will find lots of people who can empathize with whats going on with you.

Oh!  I forgot... Costs.  I don't know how NHC works in the UK but in the US Insurance (many but not all) does cover things like hormones, and SRS so its not anywhere near as crazy expensive as it used to be.  If you live near a big city there is a fairly good chance there is a surgeon who does this type of surgery regulalrly and gender therapists can be looked up by location and you can take your pick if you need to go over things with an expert to see if your on the right path.  Or just for advice on how best to proceed.  *I think everyone should try therapy regardless of gender / sexual issues but thats just me.

Honestly, I don't know how NHS work either when it comes to transition and surgeries. I am really a bit naïve myself. I'd like to do research more and deep than I had-- all I did was watched youtube about before and after transition-- it was really beautiful but it won't get me somewhere from just watch it. That's why I had to sign up to gather information and share my experience and hopefully result of my future transition.

Recently, I've been thinking about contact one of TS therapists in my local area without inform my parents until on HRT for a month or two. AS soon as lockdown lifted, of course.

Offline Maddie

  • Family
  • *
  • Posts: 1,789
  • Reputation: +12/-0
Re: Hello
« Reply #8 on: June 02, 2020, 11:05:54 am »
Hi Stephanie. 
Thank you for introducing yourself. 

I can definitely relate to some things you expressed.
When I was young it was difficult for me to adapt to heterosexuality, being the male.  Womens bodies would trigger a physically ill response.   But I envied them and wanted to be around them, mainly to absorb their traits. 
Fear and hopelessness regarding "transitioning"  at the time is how I adapted.  Not always pretty. 
You may be able to avoid some of this.

Fortunately I was able to remain more or less intact.  I became used to social distancing and not being treated or respected as I percieved a man can be. 

Some time after the world changed, and info became so available that even an ignoramus (it's a word) like me could find it, I was in a better place for it.  Less false persona to tear down and rebuild.

Now is a good time for us.
Welcome
If you know what life is worth you will look for yours on Earth

Offline Daylight

  • Neighbor
  • ***
  • Posts: 70
  • Reputation: +1/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Hello
« Reply #9 on: June 02, 2020, 11:46:16 am »
Hi again, Stephanie! It looks like you were able to share a bit about yourself. It sounds like you have had a gigantic struggle with this for many years, but I hope talking about it helps you. There will definitely be people that can understand what you are going through here. There are people that have dealt with unsupportive family, money problems, and of course living as the wrong gender. I'm sure you'll also be able to learn whatever you need very quickly and make some friends :)

I hope you're able to see a therapist soon. It would make me feel good to know you were talking to someone that was understanding and could help you. It sounds like your mother will never be is not that person. Well, you don't have to tell her anything you don't want to.

Love and peace!

Edit: I shouldn't say 'never'. I don't know your mother. Maybe someday she will understand and support you.
39 years old and learning to be Megan :)

Tags: