Author Topic: How could I overcome the nervousness  (Read 859 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline mf2020

  • Newbie
  • **
  • Posts: 16
  • Reputation: +2/-0
How could I overcome the nervousness
« on: June 01, 2020, 06:45:21 pm »
Hi all I am new to this discussion board.

For many years I always wanted to cross-dress and went out but I never
made it.

Two years ago I finally made my first try but it was not a full cross-dressing.
I only put on a black shiny sexy leather legging and a dull jacket, so that
it wasn't too eye-catching (I believe) but I felt good.

In fact I am personally not into 100% cross-dressing and I don't put on
cosmetics or wear skirt. Never. I am more into this style - sexy shiny legging
, a bit unisex, or at least, not too obviously feminine (I believe)

In the last two years I have been going out like that from time to time but not
always, my nervousness doesn't go away every time I want to go out with that,
I often hesitate in the doorway, I am so nervous when someone walks towards me
, I feel so bad, but I also feel so good with how the legging feels.

I always tell myself, nothing wrong with it, nothing illegal with it, not harming any people, and I feel good. However, my nervousness still couldn't go away completely.

Although I am not a "total" cross-dresser I think the situation is quite similar. Any advice from experienced cross-dresser, how can you put away all these nervousness when cross-dressing and going out ?

thanks for any comments, ideas, advice


Offline Rakel

  • Formerly known as Dani
  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 3,273
  • Reputation: +44/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • Rakel@susans.org
Re: How could I overcome the nervousness
« Reply #1 on: June 01, 2020, 07:16:42 pm »
Good evening mf2020,

There is nothing wrong with an androgynous look. I almost never cross dressed before my transition, but now that I am 4 years post op, I am just fine in shorts and t-shirt. On occasion I do dress up and I have been known to wear some make up. What ever you want to wear is up to you.

I did notice that this is your first post and we have a welcome packet for you to read at your convenience. Susan's Place is a moderated forum and we have Terms of Service that you should be familiar with. I will post the links below. We moderate this website to keep it family friendly as we have many members who are underage.

If you have a moment and feel inclined to do so, please stop by the Introductions forum and tell us about yourself.

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.

Things that you should read




Offline Maid Marion

  • *
  • Posts: 1,673
  • Reputation: +11/-0
Re: How could I overcome the nervousness
« Reply #2 on: June 01, 2020, 08:07:09 pm »
Hi mf2020,

Are you able to wear female clothes around the house?  I find that the more I wear something the more comfortable I get wearing it.  I've gotten much more comfortable wearing form fitting female clothing.  I have an hourglass figure so I've been moving toward clothes that show off my curves better.

Marion

Offline Maddie

  • Family
  • *
  • Posts: 1,899
  • Reputation: +13/-0
Re: How could I overcome the nervousness
« Reply #3 on: June 01, 2020, 09:29:49 pm »
I used to go outside in the middle of the night when it was too stressing in the daylight.
The best was finding someone to trust and show.  Let them see me.  Can backfire, so careful.

With masks being the rage now, you could take bolder steps with a layer of anonymity.

Welcome, and have fun

Offline Ellie_Arroway

  • *
  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 1,106
  • Reputation: +21/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • ellie_arroway@susans.org
Re: How could I overcome the nervousness
« Reply #4 on: June 02, 2020, 02:40:51 am »
It's just about practise and getting used to it. I used to feel the fear. I haven't for ages, but I always express as a woman now.

It might be worth seeing if there is a group of transgender support people in your area? You could go there and start to feel more comfortable with it.

Even if you do not consider yourself transgender, that might be useful.

Also, I consider that I dress as a "typical" woman as opposed to dressing extremely feminine all the time. The trousers I'm currently wearing, you could hardly tell they are women's. I wear a dress every now and again but not very often. - E
Started seriously questioning: 24 Aug 2019
Referred to GIC: 23 Sep 2019
Full-time female presentation since: 21 Oct 2019, unbroken since 12 Dec 2019
Official name change by deed poll: 11 Nov 2019
HRT: "kind of" started 15 Jul 2020
Most of my story is in the Just another mtf tale thread!
Twitch streamer MusicEllie

Offline Mills

  • *
  • Posts: 168
  • Reputation: +10/-0
  • dOn'T pAnIc! when in a dress
Re: How could I overcome the nervousness
« Reply #5 on: June 02, 2020, 05:14:42 am »
Hi all I am new to this discussion board.

For many years I always wanted to cross-dress and went out but I never
made it.

Two years ago I finally made my first try but it was not a full cross-dressing.
I only put on a black shiny sexy leather legging and a dull jacket, so that
it wasn't too eye-catching (I believe) but I felt good.

In fact I am personally not into 100% cross-dressing and I don't put on
cosmetics or wear skirt. Never. I am more into this style - sexy shiny legging
, a bit unisex, or at least, not too obviously feminine (I believe)

In the last two years I have been going out like that from time to time but not
always, my nervousness doesn't go away every time I want to go out with that,
I often hesitate in the doorway, I am so nervous when someone walks towards me
, I feel so bad, but I also feel so good with how the legging feels.

I always tell myself, nothing wrong with it, nothing illegal with it, not harming any people, and I feel good. However, my nervousness still couldn't go away completely.

Although I am not a "total" cross-dresser I think the situation is quite similar. Any advice from experienced cross-dresser, how can you put away all these nervousness when cross-dressing and going out ?

thanks for any comments, ideas, advice


Hi mf 2020

First of all welcome to Susan's Place.

I thought your post was interesting, especially where you said:

 "For many years I always wanted to cross-dress and went out but I never
made it. "

As a crossdresser myself and I have been since a very early age I found that very interesting, I'd like to ask if you were unable to due to social or personal pressure, or if you only found you needed to crossdress later in life and didn't discover this aspect of your self until two years ago?.

You go on to say that you've only tried to partially crossdress in the last "two years" and that you feel "nervous", well I imagine you do!, you're starting off nice and slowly with "black shiny sexy leather legging", and if you find that you need to keep it at that level and it makes you happy then that's great for you, there's no obligation for you to take it further.

But if you do want to go out and about you should start dressing as much as possible in a safe place until YOU get used to it and YOU'RE happy with how you look, legging's and a jacket are really all you need, or buy some ladies socks! they look the same'ish and wear them out only you will know you have them on.

You really don't need to "feel bad" about crossdressing that's just guilt!, there's nothing to feel guilty about!, also only go out when you think you're ready for it, do you have any friends or close family you can confide in and possibly take your first steps with? I'm guessing from your post that you probably don't.

I'm 51 now I crossdress nearly all the time, I've done it since I was very young and didn't stop, I've always told close friends and girlfriends about it, hey I even go to work in quite casual women's clothes, well jeans and t-shirts mostly, I have no hangup's about it, so just be true to yourself and you'll be fine.

Cwch

Mills
I'm Quiet, Shy and permanently confused, shout at me if you want!

Offline Confused1

  • *
  • Posts: 108
  • Reputation: +2/-0
  • Gender: Questioning
  • Non Binary
Re: How could I overcome the nervousness
« Reply #6 on: June 02, 2020, 08:08:19 am »
Hi all I am new to this discussion board.

For many years I always wanted to cross-dress and went out but I never
made it.

Two years ago I finally made my first try but it was not a full cross-dressing.
I only put on a black shiny sexy leather legging and a dull jacket, so that
it wasn't too eye-catching (I believe) but I felt good.

In fact I am personally not into 100% cross-dressing and I don't put on
cosmetics or wear skirt. Never. I am more into this style - sexy shiny legging
, a bit unisex, or at least, not too obviously feminine (I believe)

In the last two years I have been going out like that from time to time but not
always, my nervousness doesn't go away every time I want to go out with that,
I often hesitate in the doorway, I am so nervous when someone walks towards me
, I feel so bad, but I also feel so good with how the legging feels.

I always tell myself, nothing wrong with it, nothing illegal with it, not harming any people, and I feel good. However, my nervousness still couldn't go away completely.

Although I am not a "total" cross-dresser I think the situation is quite similar. Any advice from experienced cross-dresser, how can you put away all these nervousness when cross-dressing and going out ?

thanks for any comments, ideas, advice

Hi mf2020 and Welcome to Susan's

I tried cross dressing a little when I was younger, but haven't in quite a long time. I am fairly new here myself and adjusting to some new feelings and understanding of myself. I think you will be able to find some answers here. The suggestions about going out after dark and using a mask sound good to me. And if you have a friend you can really trust? Many things we do in life feel funny or scary at first. Just stay safe.

Offline mf2020

  • Newbie
  • **
  • Posts: 16
  • Reputation: +2/-0
Re: How could I overcome the nervousness
« Reply #7 on: June 03, 2020, 05:33:49 pm »
Hi mf 2020

First of all welcome to Susan's Place.

I thought your post was interesting, especially where you said:

 "For many years I always wanted to cross-dress and went out but I never
made it. "

As a crossdresser myself and I have been since a very early age I found that very interesting, I'd like to ask if you were unable to due to social or personal pressure, or if you only found you needed to crossdress later in life and didn't discover this aspect of your self until two years ago?.

You go on to say that you've only tried to partially crossdress in the last "two years" and that you feel "nervous", well I imagine you do!, you're starting off nice and slowly with "black shiny sexy leather legging", and if you find that you need to keep it at that level and it makes you happy then that's great for you, there's no obligation for you to take it further.

But if you do want to go out and about you should start dressing as much as possible in a safe place until YOU get used to it and YOU'RE happy with how you look, legging's and a jacket are really all you need, or buy some ladies socks! they look the same'ish and wear them out only you will know you have them on.

You really don't need to "feel bad" about crossdressing that's just guilt!, there's nothing to feel guilty about!, also only go out when you think you're ready for it, do you have any friends or close family you can confide in and possibly take your first steps with? I'm guessing from your post that you probably don't.

I'm 51 now I crossdress nearly all the time, I've done it since I was very young and didn't stop, I've always told close friends and girlfriends about it, hey I even go to work in quite casual women's clothes, well jeans and t-shirts mostly, I have no hangup's about it, so just be true to yourself and you'll be fine.

Cwch

Mills


Hello Mills...

Yes, the reason I started my cross-dressing so late is because I am really not able to do it in the public, I understand myself that I don't have a good looking body, I have belly fat and muscular legs, I also wear prescription glasses so I will never , ever in my life do it in the public. I'm putting on leather leggings and male's jacket and I don't put on cosmetics yes it is "partial", and this is my limit. Even under this limit, from time to time I find some
men stared at me strangely which makes me feel so bad and nervous.


Offline mf2020

  • Newbie
  • **
  • Posts: 16
  • Reputation: +2/-0
Re: How could I overcome the nervousness
« Reply #8 on: June 03, 2020, 05:35:06 pm »
THANKS for all the comments and advice I'll try to upload and post some of myself in leather clothing later.....

Offline FlatsLover92

  • Visitor
  • *
  • Posts: 4
  • Reputation: +1/-0
Re: How could I overcome the nervousness
« Reply #9 on: June 06, 2020, 07:01:48 pm »
Been wearing womens shoe in public  since end of march after lock down in UK. since i work nights this was kinda easy, now wearing in day time. Even went out i a skirt in the eveing one tine and  a few days with handbag. Got sone funny looks. Dont care,  caught in womens sandals and pedicure by female neighbour, dont care.

I  plan on continuing and adding one item at a time gradually. For me this is the best way mentally and finacially. So my advice would be one item at a tim for several outings then step it up.

« Last Edit: June 20, 2020, 06:19:43 am by Rakel »

Offline ChrissyRyan

  • “Have a gentle manner”
  • Family
  • *****
  • Posts: 25,438
  • Reputation: +31/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • No act of kindness, however small, is wasted.
Re: How could I overcome the nervousness
« Reply #10 on: June 06, 2020, 07:45:23 pm »
The comfort level increases over time for most people who persist.
Enjoy your time out.   :)


Chrissy




Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that your speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

Offline mf2020

  • Newbie
  • **
  • Posts: 16
  • Reputation: +2/-0
Re: How could I overcome the nervousness
« Reply #11 on: June 07, 2020, 06:24:21 am »
Been wearing womens shoe in public  since end of march after lock down in UK. since i work nights this was kinda easy, now wearing in day time. Even went out i a skirt in the eveing one tine and  a few days with handbag. Got sone funny looks. Dont care,  caught in womens sandals and pedicure by female neighbour, dont care.

I  plan on continuing and adding one item at a time gradually. For me this is the best way mentally and finacially. So my advice would be one item at a tim for several outings then step it up.

I found the advice by Julia Reece in the link below usefull, so i'm slowing down and taking  my time.

https://www.quora.com/What-was-it-like-when-you-first-publicly-crossdressed

I, on the contrary, like to do it in the day time because we have discos, pubs nearby where there are a lot of drunk men and trouble makers. While in the day, the worst case scenario is to be stared by a lot of people but mostly none of them will come to give me trouble. Do you agree??

Offline Gabrielageo

  • Newbie
  • **
  • Posts: 22
  • Reputation: +1/-0
Re: How could I overcome the nervousness
« Reply #12 on: June 25, 2020, 09:35:59 pm »
Can you go to a place where you'll be alone? A place where there are people just minding their own business? A gay or crossdresser's place? any place where you'll be more comfortable and won't worry about the other people (and btw, they'll probably couldn't care less about you) like most everything, doing it and being exposed will give you confidence, it's just like having a different haircut, or wearing flashy jewelry, some people would look, but then they'll just forget about you

Offline barbie

  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 5,840
  • Reputation: +66/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • I change my avatar every week
Re: How could I overcome the nervousness
« Reply #13 on: June 26, 2020, 01:49:00 pm »
Although I am not a "total" cross-dresser I think the situation is quite similar. Any advice from experienced cross-dresser, how can you put away all these nervousness when cross-dressing and going out ?

thanks for any comments, ideas, advice

You may try wearing makeup first. In retrospect, I didn't care so much about makeup at first, but now I think facial makeup is more important than feminine clothes. You do not need to wear bold makeup such as red lipstick at first. Less nervous may be wearing subtle eye makeup and changing hairstyle. After that, you may explore further.

barbie~~
Just do it.

Offline mf2020

  • Newbie
  • **
  • Posts: 16
  • Reputation: +2/-0
Re: How could I overcome the nervousness
« Reply #14 on: July 01, 2020, 07:25:41 pm »
Every time before I walk out of the door with my girlish dressing,

I always remind myself - Do not fear...

I always talk to myself - What you wear is none of the business of the people around,
You are not harming them, don't care what they think.

I always remind myself to ignore any strange stare.

I would usually get everything ready but stay in the doorway, thinking and
hesitating. At the end of the day, when I have gone out, I become
VERY nervous and afraid when someone walks close to me. However,
at the same time I feel so good when I am in women's clothing, or
in other words, I feel so bored and tired when I am normally in men's clothing

Can you feel me? Can you feel my contradiction????



Offline Dweia

  • Friend
  • ****
  • Posts: 180
  • Reputation: +30/-0
  • Gender: Male
Re: How could I overcome the nervousness
« Reply #15 on: July 02, 2020, 06:26:25 am »
One step at the time, taking baby steps... That has been my journey.

But also I have had some "rock" attitude that I don't care.
So I started to wear black skirts with metal band t-shirts, so everyone noticed the t-shirt not the skirt.

It's the attitude and now I can wear this one with skirts





But now I want to wear more colorful dresses like in my avatar pic and I'm again nervous.
It feels like totally different thing to wear maxi skirt than maxi dress on public  ;D ;D

So yes, it's the balance to be confident enough ignore if people noticed you and look back second times.
That have happened many times this week.
« Last Edit: July 02, 2020, 08:11:13 am by Rakel »

Offline Ellie_Arroway

  • *
  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 1,106
  • Reputation: +21/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • ellie_arroway@susans.org
Re: How could I overcome the nervousness
« Reply #16 on: July 02, 2020, 02:01:20 pm »
Every time before I walk out of the door with my girlish dressing,

I always remind myself - Do not fear...

I always talk to myself - What you wear is none of the business of the people around,
You are not harming them, don't care what they think.

I always remind myself to ignore any strange stare.

I would usually get everything ready but stay in the doorway, thinking and
hesitating. At the end of the day, when I have gone out, I become
VERY nervous and afraid when someone walks close to me. However,
at the same time I feel so good when I am in women's clothing, or
in other words, I feel so bored and tired when I am normally in men's clothing

Can you feel me? Can you feel my contradiction????

I understand that completely. I've pretty much been there.

I think the first thing I do was to go to the car and go for a drive in a dress. Then I slowly started doing more things. The confidence came quickly because I found out that people didn't actually care.
Started seriously questioning: 24 Aug 2019
Referred to GIC: 23 Sep 2019
Full-time female presentation since: 21 Oct 2019, unbroken since 12 Dec 2019
Official name change by deed poll: 11 Nov 2019
HRT: "kind of" started 15 Jul 2020
Most of my story is in the Just another mtf tale thread!
Twitch streamer MusicEllie

Offline Veronica Morph

  • Neighbor
  • ***
  • Posts: 89
  • Reputation: +15/-0
  • Gender: Male
  • Dress up as female being a man = the best journey
Re: How could I overcome the nervousness
« Reply #17 on: July 04, 2020, 08:39:15 am »
Hi
In my experience as a long time cd but dressing not so regularly.

I started to try to go out the same way you are , partial cd.
My today’s opinion is that there are two feelings

1 fear
2 excitement

If you feel fear and that’s why you are nervous, then you are approaching your project of going out wrongly,

I decided ten years ago to try to fully dress and take all the package, including even the right implants, jewelry, wig, make up, all

The day I went out really in public, maybe people were noticing I was a mtf cd , sure they did, but they respect the fact that I was wearing respectful nice and normal.

The feeling of doing it, walking with all the gear on, glossy shiny nylons, 5inch pumps, sexy dress with cold shoulder to avoid exposing the wide back, a nice fit of underpants with padding make a perfect curve, and of course silicon breast, a bit too hot for the weather, but I could stood it, the look was superve, I didn’t doubt for one minute anyone will clos
Hides my real id and the possibility of anyone to bully me with looks was and will always be low. By experience.
So my experience was and still it is a blast.

Conclusion

Yes is a lot of thinking and planning, but it worth’s every penny you spend on the gear, cause I’m sure you will use it until it is worn off.

Pros

In my case I’m not transitioning cause I live a happy mans life and this cd thing is my favorite hobbie sport etc.
So experimenting attire is no harm, will not change your nature, I’m a happy straight married man and for no second my sexual preference has changed or being in question, actually reaffirms, even if for some moments like when I’m out at the mall trying out all the arrivals of high heel shoes freely, ...  men stare at me fascinated, cause  I may be sending the wrong message .... but I don’t care... cause I know me., so I try not to strengthen the message by ignoring, although I love when young girls approach me with curiosity...

Now days ... u can wear a mask that must is your anonymity that if you would you can wear a gstring and wear fetish style no one will know it is you. So I hope this will overcome your fear, which makes you nervous.

Enjoy fully, doubt is not fear, is just ignorance of the lack of experience.

Looks from the people are interpreted by me as , judgmental, joy, curiosity, interest, envy, or offense, or others
So before going out let’s try not to molest or offend, also be safe in safe areas.

Tips were to go out for the first time.:

In normal days before the Covid I loved to walk

airport gates, and check the stores around, no one really pays attention as most of the people are focusing on their flight.

Malls, the only problem is the sales people at the kiosks, the ask lots of questions to you, and is a non stop. But you get to enjoy.

Open parks turístic

Go out to clubs

Wallk strip malls

Go to museum of art

Go to live tv performance or even cabarets

Try to know the cd and tg groups in your area, surely they do monthly meetings.

Those are nice remedies to overcome the wall of nerves and enjoy what is awaiting if u are a true dresser.


Cheers




Veronica Morph

Tags: