Community Conversation > Transsexual talk

The typical transsexual life

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Rachel:
Hi,

I have been in community with a lot of trans. Some are binary and some are non-binary. Sone transition early some later and some later still. Some are married and some have children. Some are/have  jobs/religions/families/parents/spouses that are supportive, some no so supportive and some that are bigots.

I think the trans narrative is summed up with we struggle to be ourselves, fit in and be recognized how we want to be perceived.

I am post op and living my life. I do know for me I never think about suicide any more. Sometimes there is a passing thought but it floats by, never stays and never is there a physical effect.

Rachel

ShotGal:

--- Quote from: angelats on June 10, 2020, 09:50:49 pm ---Is there a typical transsexual life or lifestyle? How a transsexual should behave or should be? A role model?

For example:

First to come out of the closet.
Then to transition.
Finally to live happy stealth or openly transsexual after srs?
Are those steps correct and complete?

Is this the life a transsexual has to strive for? What is with other ways to handle this? Are there alternatives?

--- End quote ---

"Typical" is a word like "normal" - it's different for everyone.  There are some similarities but it's always a unique road determined by the individual.  I might suggest that it's an evolution versus a set of steps.

I can say for myself (transcended far down the road beyond TSity) my life is far from typical - (specifically compared to other former transsexuals) - I'm sure of that.  Each of us have our own paths in life.  Others can probably say something unique for their own situations.

As far as "striving for" something?  Not sure what this means but it's living life, with goals that may or may not be related to medical conditions or gender.  That's pretty much what everyone in the world does. 

Karen_A:
I don't think there is a single typical life, but I think there may may several different categories  about which some generalization can be made, though not everyone would fall neatly into any one of them.

A lot depends on what one needs.wants and is able to achieve and what sacrifices (oneself and others) one is willing and able to make for oneself and what age one transitioned, one physicality, over all situation etc etc.

I went full time in 1997 and this year I will be eligible for medicare...

ButI  have an unfortunate build, so even with years of HRT and FFS, stealth in this T* aware world was not in the cards for me...

But if it was I wonder if I would have made the same life decisions. With a smaller build would I have transitioned younger? It haunted me for years before I did it.

My marriage from before survived, but despite loving my spouse very much and she needing me, it not surviving likely would have been better for teh live i would rather have had.

In the same vein my employer accepted my transition and I stayed on that professional job fro 12 years after transitioning so in a situation where everyone always knew...

Socially (and perhaps longterm even professionally) might have been better for my transition to have lost the job?

How many leave loving marriages voluntarily for transition, or jobs where one's transition is accepted?

 Some do... but many (at least in the old days if not most) lost all the and and had to start over building new life... Lot's pain that way but also a lot more potential  growth as a woman I think.

Despite all I have and how much I love my spouse, sometimes I have to wonder, if I had been a bit more physically lucky what my life would have been like post transition if so much of my old live had not survived the change.

-Karen

Asche:

--- Quote from: angelats on June 10, 2020, 09:50:49 pm ---Is there a typical transsexual life or lifestyle? How a transsexual should behave or should be? A role model?

For example:

First to come out of the closet.
Then to transition.
Finally to live happy stealth or openly transsexual after srs?
Are those steps correct and complete?

Is this the life a transsexual has to strive for? What is with other ways to handle this? Are there alternatives?

--- End quote ---

Nobody has to strive for any particular life.  In my own value system, the thing to strive for is to be truly yourself.  But then again, that's my value system.  YMMV, as they say.

If there are similarities in many people's path, I'd say that it's because we all suffer under society's Procrustean-bed  construct of gender.  We are brainwashed into it starting before we are born, and we spend our days being drenched with propaganda for the cis- and heteronormative way of life.  Some people take to it, others aren't wild about it but  find a way to live within it, but even those of us who can't live within it still have to come to terms with the cisnormativity that rules the world we live in.

Because people (cis or trans) are all different, and we all have different life experiences, the ways we find to live within this world that was made to not have a place for us will differ.

Some people feel the need to have FFS, some don't.
Some people need to do SRS, and some are happy with their bodies as they are.  Or maybe they'd like to change, but the cost and/or risks are more than they want to bear (or maybe can bear.)
Etc.

Even "transition" means different things to different people.  Some people go the whole route of a name change and birth certificate change.  But I know people who've been living as another gender but haven't bothered with either.  And for some people, simply knowing who they are is enough, they don't feel the need to go any further.

And then of course there are the folks trying to live a non-binary life, and since society doesn't provide rules and role models for the enby life, they are having to blaze their own trails.  (I'm non-binary myself, but live as a woman because it's just easier to fit in that way.)

Yes, you'll encounter people who want to tell you the One True Way To Be Trans(tm), but they're just trying to do what Procrustes did: chop stuff off of you and stretch other stuff to fit their OTW.  Best to just ignore them.

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