Author Topic: No more waiting  (Read 483 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Dayle1957

  • *
  • Posts: 130
  • Reputation: +1/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • I am a girl, I have always been a girl
No more waiting
« on: July 03, 2020, 12:03:17 pm »
The other day, it just kind of dawned on me that I seem to always be waiting.  Waiting for my partner to be okay with me or more accurately to be okay with whatever my next step in this drawn out transition will be.  Waiting to go on Estrogen.  Waiting to come out to my sister, my family, my friends.  Waiting to shave my legs so that the hair will be a little longer at the family bbq.  Waiting to purchase those cute shorts, that eyebrow pencil.  Waiting until I'm alone to watch that movie about a Transgender woman.  Waiting to wear that cute bracelet.  Waiting until some distant future when I look like a woman and won't be seen as a man. Waiting until someday when everyone accepts me.

Well, for whatever reason the other day I just decided to stop waiting.  I am resolving to wear that silk scarf, to let my friends and family see my jewelry and my shaved legs.  To polish my nails and openly purchase and use other beauty products.

To do my best to ignore the funny looks, alternating stares and averted eyes but at the same time to embrace and cherish the returned smiles, occasional compliments and signs of support.

To stop waiting to be a woman and do my best to be one right now regardless of how long or how far my transition takes me.

For I am already transformed.

I am a girl.  I have always been a girl and I will always be a girl.

Hugs

Dayle

Offline Jessica_Rose

  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 1,157
  • Reputation: +116/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: No more waiting
« Reply #1 on: July 03, 2020, 01:09:49 pm »
Congratulations Dayle! There is an old saying 'the best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago, the second best time is now.' The longer we wait, the less time we have to experience life and live as our true selves. It sometimes takes a thick skin and the ability to ignore those who don't understand or accept us. As those awkward times slowly slip into the past, we begin to realize our dream of simply being ourselves. I wish you the best on your journey.

Love always -- Jessica Rose
Journal thread - Jessica's Rose Garden
National Coming Out Day video - Coming Out - Jessica Rose
GCS Thread - GCS and BA with Dr. Ley on 21 Feb 2019 - Jessica_Rose
GCS II and FFS Thread - GCS II and FFS with Dr. Ley on 26 July 2019 - Jessica_Rose
23Mar2017 Started Estradiol / 16Feb2018 Full Time! / 21Feb2019 GCS Dr. Ley / 26July2019 GCS II & FFS Dr. Ley

Don't let others tell you who you are. Be yourself, the world will adjust. -- Jessica Rose

Offline Dayle1957

  • *
  • Posts: 130
  • Reputation: +1/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • I am a girl, I have always been a girl
Re: No more waiting
« Reply #2 on: July 03, 2020, 01:46:48 pm »
Thank you Jessica!

The only thing I can add is that I will strive to enjoy being the girl I am instead of waiting for the ideal..

Love

Dayle

Offline Maid Marion

  • *
  • Posts: 1,669
  • Reputation: +11/-0
Re: No more waiting
« Reply #3 on: July 03, 2020, 02:24:24 pm »
Congratulations!

Most people don't care, as long as you dress appropriately.

Marion

Offline Oldandcreaky

  • Family
  • *****
  • Posts: 561
  • Reputation: +9/-0
Re: No more waiting
« Reply #4 on: July 03, 2020, 02:45:49 pm »
Hi, Dayle.

I waited and waited until estrogen made walking into a men's room elicited glares and attending conferences meant my colleagues approached me as if I were male and everyone else approached me as if I were female, despite my suit and tie.

Your "Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!" approach will have its perils, but so did my ever so slow and steady.

I'm thinking a good thought for you.

Where do you live?

O&C

Offline Dayle1957

  • *
  • Posts: 130
  • Reputation: +1/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • I am a girl, I have always been a girl
Re: No more waiting
« Reply #5 on: July 03, 2020, 05:19:28 pm »
O & C,

I live in Sonoma Co. north of San Francisco.  It's pretty liberal but not quite like The City.

Usually it feels pretty safe.

I usually don't attract too much attention until I am up close and interacting with someone and just as Maid Marion says, most people don't care.

Feels good

Dayle

Offline Oldandcreaky

  • Family
  • *****
  • Posts: 561
  • Reputation: +9/-0
Re: No more waiting
« Reply #6 on: July 03, 2020, 05:30:25 pm »
Yeah, I think the Maid is wise too.

Offline Karen_A

  • Friend
  • ****
  • Posts: 302
  • Reputation: +4/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: No more waiting
« Reply #7 on: July 03, 2020, 07:48:41 pm »
I waited and waited until estrogen made walking into a men's room elicited glares

Funniest restroom story 9to me at least) from that period... I was in the men's room at work (we shared restrooms with other companies in the building) using the URINAL, when a guy came in did  a double take and then went back and looked at the sign on the door... Did he think females used urinals? ;)

-Karen

Offline Heather A

  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 36
  • Reputation: +1/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: No more waiting
« Reply #8 on: July 04, 2020, 09:19:29 am »
I know the feeling, I don't have the patience to wait to make any of the changes, I just kept asking my spouse every week if today was the day until she relented to letting me start HRT.  The downside is now every time I talk about anything I'm going through with my spouse its like telling her for the first time all over again.  It's not a easy journey, its feels more like pulling off the freeway and driving on the back roads that are full of bumps and potholes but the scenery is amazing or maybe its just the thought of finally being free.

Offline Mari P

  • Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated?
  • Neighbor
  • ***
  • Posts: 50
  • Reputation: +1/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • On gossamer wings I flutter by
Re: No more waiting
« Reply #9 on: July 04, 2020, 11:05:18 am »
There is an old saying 'the best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago, the second best time is now.' The longer we wait, the less time we have to experience life.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

Thank you for the old saying. It's beautiful.
I've seen so many variations of life in the short 2 1/2 years since my egg cracked.
I've met several women over 60, most of whom waited until then to begin. Only one was a "pioneer" of sorts, getting GRS at 18 and starting HRT even earlier, despite the profound lack of understanding and acceptance back then. Although she's lived for over 40 years as her true self, in its own way, it was a life alone due to not having all the resources we benefit from today.
I know many young people, some self-aware since early childhood and others still questioning and coming to terms with themselves.
My own experience has been one where waiting has been torture and yet, sometimes in that time, I've learned some valuable truths. Your hair won't grow out to the long locks you want without waiting. Your boobs will keep growing even after you get implants at 1 year of HRT (not that I mind, but 5 or 6 thousand dollars goes a long ways towards GRS if I'd saved that money). My orchiectomy is coming up in a few days. I can't think of any other surgery I wish I'd done sooner.
The only permission you need, is from yourself. Dress whatever way you like. Take the pills. Take the advice. Take your time, but remember...it is YOUR time, YOUR life.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Love yourself the way everyone else should.

Offline Dayle1957

  • *
  • Posts: 130
  • Reputation: +1/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • I am a girl, I have always been a girl
Re: No more waiting
« Reply #10 on: July 04, 2020, 12:37:53 pm »
Thanks All,

Mari P - giving myself permission has often been the hardest part.  But I am really trying to let myself be free.  Being 62 years old, it is hard to break lifetime habits of secrecy and self-denial.

Having this forum and hearing from my sisters really helps.

I appreciate your support and advice all!

Love and Hugs

Dayle


Offline AllieSF

  • *****
  • Posts: 761
  • Reputation: +5/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • Ain't Life Grand!!
Re: No more waiting
« Reply #11 on: July 04, 2020, 01:36:00 pm »
Self acceptance is many times that point of freedom that we wanted for so long.  Coming out to all is better and the best. I live in the East Bay of the City and get up to Novato occasionally to stay with my trans friend there.  My grand daughter live in Rohnert Park. It does to be a little more conservative in that area, but I have never had a problem anywhere yet.  I also have a trans friend who now lives in Heraldsburg.  So, if looking for a local friend let me know.
HRT - February 2017
Full Time - July 2018
Orchi - January 2018
BA - September 25, 2019
FFS - January 10, 2020
GRS - TBDDD (To Be Determined, Decision and Date)

Offline Dayle1957

  • *
  • Posts: 130
  • Reputation: +1/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • I am a girl, I have always been a girl
Re: No more waiting
« Reply #12 on: July 04, 2020, 06:44:45 pm »
Allie,

That is very sweet of you!  Let's keep in touch.  Sometime hopefully soon when this Covid-19 business settles down some I'd like that very much.

Sincerely

Dayle

Tags: