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One New Life to Live

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Apparently, having a Master's degree still means you can be stupid. OK, uninformed.

Until now, I had no idea people were writing about their lives here in the Blog section. I should have caught on earlier, given that Danielle has been writing here forever. LOL

So, I'll be using this section to share the minutiae that doesn't fit within other areas of this site. I'll continue writing about my HRT in the HRT section, my FSS in the FFS section, and my major questions in the MTF section.

And here it goes.


Below I've linked to the the major threads I've created

My HRT Journal
Currently, I post once a month on the anniversary of starting HRT. My avatar is updated each month as well.

 My FFS Journey
Posted less frequently, my FFS is currently postponed due to COVID. As conditions change, my FFS journey will be chronicled here

 Should I Stay or Should I Go?
The difficult decision to pick up stakes and move to a new city, including advice from different perspectives.

 Is Facebook Outing Me?
What happens when Facebook’s algorithms connect your dead name and new name’s profiles. A cautionary tale.

Welcome to the life and times page!!!

I want to chronicle something that’s been haunting me the past few weeks, if not the last six months, and while I really don’t want anyone to respond to this post, I simply need to put this pain down in text.

Since retirement six years ago, and the subsequent explosion of my second marriage and the following, three-year divorce process, my favorite hobbies have been playing tennis, flying, and reading, pretty much in that order. I’m not a particularly good player, average at best, but for someone with ADD who has difficulty making friends, it provides me both the exercise I need and the social contact my soul thrives for. I really do like and value the people I’m with. One of women I regularly play with was the first person I’ve come out to a year ago.

Since late December, I’ve experienced a variety of physical problems (knee and back pain) that have cut back on my tennis playing as I navigated the physical therapy to get better. Getting old is a <not allowed>, but I’ve had knee pain before and I know the steps to reduce the swelling and eliminate the pain. It always takes a few weeks without stressing my knee, which means little or no tennis, but you gotta do what you gotta do.It’s frustrating though.

I really enjoy the people I’m privileged to play with, particularly since they’re all much better players. They never say, but I always know, that I’m the weakest player in a foursome. That hasn’t really mattered to me until recently as I’ve been dealing with pain recovery while still trying to play. The feelings that I’ve been disappointing the people I care about have grown quite rapidly, and hearing some of their comments, whether serious or not, about missing shots I should have gotten, has been a tipping point.

Finally, 10 days ago, I decided I really needed take a few weeks off from playing to give my knee time to heal. At the same time, my feelings that don’t belong with these better players have grown stronger. They do quite well without me, and in the 10 days past, I’ve not heard from them.

Emotionally, the past 10 days have been difficult and I’ve cried more times that I’d like. I’m not a person who reaches out when in pain, so I’m suffering this alone. My days have been filled with regular chores, reading, and Netflix. I don’t know if I’ll ever return to tennis though. I’m not sure if I can handle disappointing people I care about, so drifting off and away is how I’m handling this right now. That’s one of the reasons I created the “Should I Stay or Should I Go?” Thread. Having sisters here to talk to helps.

And so, there’s my situation. Please don’t reply.


Northern Star Girl:
Dear Laura:
As you might already know from reading many of my postings and comments around the Forums I always make the suggestion to members that keeping a journal is good therapy.   Not only with our own journal/Blog threads but also I always recommend keeping a more private and personal "old-school" Pen&Paper journal at home.   

I keep personal journal at my home which is full of colorful doodling, sometimes illegible and hurried writing, snapshot photos, notes about doctors appointments, my romantic endeavors, my coming out trials and tribulations, and other writings about those that I am friends with, those that accept me, those that do not accept me, and my issues with my non-accepting parents and family, etc, etc.
I find that it is definitely very good personal therapy to write out my feelings and venting...  and ponder my situations in my journal.  Just writing out these things can help me to sort out my priorities and to find ways to help positively solve my issues.

I am so very glad to see that you have now started your own BLOG/journal here on the Forums.
When you report good news we will all rejoice with you and be happy for you... and when you write not-so-good news we will lend you our ears to listen and our shoulders for you to lean on.   We are your biggest fans and we are always rooting for your success and happiness.

My home journals (I have several now) are not in any kind of a fancy book and not with a clever cover...  mine are rather plain 3 ring notebooks that allows for adding pages and inserting lots of notes and scribbles and some  photos too.   
Whatever works for you is important, after-all it is YOUR JOURNAL to do with what you want.

I often find myself leafing through some of the past entrees of my BLOG/journal postings here on the Forums and my personal journals that I keep at home and will sit and read it for hours on a cold rainy night sitting in my comfy chair sometimes with a smile and laughter, sometimes with satisfaction with my decisions,  and sometimes with tears in my eyes.

NOTE:  I was pleased to also see that you were very successful with
including URL Links to some of your created threads... nicely done.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts....  I will be eagerly following your postings.
Hugs and best wishes to you....


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