Author Topic: One New Life to Live  (Read 13513 times)

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Offline Laura1951

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Re: One New Life to Live
« Reply #260 on: May 25, 2021, 06:18:58 am »
May 25, 2021

@Danielle, @OldAndCreaky, @Rachel Montgomery

Thank you for your thoughts and concerns. i, too, worry about me at times. This was just the largest skirmish of the war. The haters are still there but at least i know the team won't break apart. I'll still be dealing with them during the season.

What gives me strength is that i do have a few supporters and one incredible friend in my partner. We'll continue to do the hard work to prove ourselves and i know we'll make a few friends during the season.

Laura
One New Life to Live (My personal blog)  |  My BA Journey 

Laura's HRT Journal     |     Laura's FFS Journey.   |  Stay or Go

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Offline RandiL

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Re: One New Life to Live
« Reply #261 on: May 26, 2021, 10:39:22 am »
It feels like our members have been experiencing more instances of this lately. Vivian @TSL_NB posted about a bad experience on the Pink Sofa dating site.

Know that you're not alone, and besides your friends here on Susan's you have many allies in the real world. Hugs, Randi

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Offline Oldandcreaky

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Re: One New Life to Live
« Reply #262 on: May 26, 2021, 01:10:42 pm »
Laura, in a way, you were reborn, like I once was, and as reminted babies, we entered the world as innocents. In my innocence, I told so many people my backstory and they functioned like P.A. systems, until everyone knew and not all were kind. I moved and tell no one anymore.

Offline Laura1951

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Re: One New Life to Live
« Reply #263 on: May 31, 2021, 07:26:13 pm »
May 31, 2021

Interclub Update
i've been trying to keep my head down lately, still processing the hate that was directed towards me during Interclub tryouts. The worst is over as some of the insurrectionists were unable to disassemble the team and pull members away to a new club. Rather than feel a sense of relief that the team we'd earned a place in wouldn't dissolve, i've been mired in in the fact that only one person publicly stood up for me while the war was being waged. The remainder remained silent and complicit.

Since we earned a place on the team, it's been near impossible to find anyone to play with us. Just for a match we were hoping to play Tuesday, i contacted at least 10 people, all of whom were busy (or said they were.) In place of the matches we were hoping to schedule with other team members, we've improvised by playing doubles against my single's partner and his wife, and Yeng's husband has stepped in, playing with us as well. While these practice matches were fun and productive, feeling ostracized doesn't do anything for my mental health.

Today, we played doubles against my single's partner and wife, a match that lasted 2.5 hours and gave us ample opportunities to practice. I know we'll continue these Monday matches since the Interclub women won't play with us.

However, as we were resting between sets, one of the other Interclub members, one who knew <deadname> but had never met Laura, came over to our court to introduce herself to Yeng and me, while welcoming us to the team. I thought that was touching.

That afternoon, my friend Dai, who was the only person to stand up for me during the Mean Girls war and who has communicated continually with me during the try-out period, wrote that she thought it was nice that X came over to welcome us....We texted for awhile, and she ended with this text, "More people will have the courage to publicly welcome you."

It took me a few hours for that last statement to register, but rather than feel a sense of optimism, it actually reflected something terrible, that people would need courage to be nice to me.

Emotionally, the events of the past few weeks rattled me to the core. That i was the subject of so much hate by many and complicity by the remainder was disconcerting at the least and depressing at the most. As i've shared, being trans is tough. It took me years to gather the courage to be Laura in public and while i didn't expect everything was going to be sunshine and lollipops, i knew that the Mean Girls would be a problem. 

What makes me happy is playing with Yeng. She's an amazingly positive woman who makes me want to be better both off the court and on. I realize I'm lucky to have found such a wonderful friend. We're continuing to practice and improve and, at some point, we're going to start beating the others who are above us on the ladder.

Yes, I didn't anticipate the degree of the problem or the emotional impact it would have on me.  Yes, it was generous for X to come over to welcome us, but undoing the damage that's been done will take some time.

oh, and Newsflash, I've been full time for six months now. I'll reflect on that later.

Onward.

Laura
One New Life to Live (My personal blog)  |  My BA Journey 

Laura's HRT Journal     |     Laura's FFS Journey.   |  Stay or Go

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Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: One New Life to Live
« Reply #264 on: May 31, 2021, 09:20:19 pm »
@Laura1951
Dear Laura:
I read your Interclub Update  as positive news.
I am thinking that as a little more time goes by and more and more players
see that others are welcoming you as Laura... that they will eventually "come around"
and be more receptive to you....

Stay the course, and continue to cultivate accepting friends that will support you.

Terrific news that you also reported: "Newsflash, I've been full time for six months now."

I will be eagerly looking for your future post regarding all of this.......
Again, stay the course and stay positive!!!!   
HUGS and lots more HUGS,
Danielle


***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 41

Offline Rachel Montgomery

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Re: One New Life to Live
« Reply #265 on: May 31, 2021, 09:47:46 pm »
I am sure it is hard and that it hurts.  But, yes I expect it does take courage to go against “TERF” feminist and to be openly defiant to their demands.  TERF’s seem to seek to destroy anyone that doesn’t fall into line.  So, I encourage you to be kind to all of those who haven’t directly attacked or mistreated you; because they may quietly want to support you, without making enemies of the mean girls.

Offline RandiL

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Re: One New Life to Live
« Reply #266 on: June 01, 2021, 03:04:47 pm »
I try not to allow myself to be complicit in a wrong against someone else, yet I know it has happened in the past and probably will again. I am human and I can't fight every battle. Sometimes it just seems too hard to call somebody on it and I just let it ride. There are people who are much more forward than me, and they don't let as much ride. I have a tendency to try to fly under the radar.

I hope these other women that Rachel mentioned may be more like me and simply chose not to stand up to the TERF crowd. While I don't like that complicity, I recognize that in reality they may be potential allies who will come around.

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Offline Laura1951

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Re: One New Life to Live
« Reply #267 on: June 02, 2021, 08:37:01 am »
June 2, 2021

Thank you @Danielle, @Rachel Montgomery, and @RandyL for reminding me that the glass is half full. Perhaps i was jaded with the acceptance i'd received since coming out to people since last October, while the sudden backlash against me hurt deeply.

I DO have so many things to be thankful for
I have a doubles partner who has become a close friend.
We made the interclub team
I'm full time, i love my legal name, and my neighbors have been incredibly accepting.
i've discovered that there's no such thing as too many clothes or shoes. LOL.
I love playing tennis as Laura and i can fly whenever the weather allows.
I have in Susan's a support structure, a place to express my journey, and a sounding board.

Yes, i felt hurt by the events of the last several weeks, some of which was because i was transgender, but also because we removed several women from the team by beating them.

Rather than hold war trials to punish the criminals and those who remained silent, i need to keep an open heart and welcome these people back, giving them a chance to come over to the light.

As I've written before, by choosing to remain here, i've also chosen to become a role model. For most, i'm the only transperson they've ever known and if we as a community are to continue to move forward, positive role models help lead the way.

Onward.

Laura
One New Life to Live (My personal blog)  |  My BA Journey 

Laura's HRT Journal     |     Laura's FFS Journey.   |  Stay or Go

Full Time since 11/27/20



Offline Rachel Montgomery

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Re: One New Life to Live
« Reply #268 on: June 02, 2021, 12:00:10 pm »
June 2, 2021

Thank you @Danielle, @Rachel Montgomery, and @RandyL for reminding me that the glass is half full. Perhaps i was jaded with the acceptance i'd received since coming out to people since last October, while the sudden backlash against me hurt deeply.

I DO have so many things to be thankful for
I have a doubles partner who has become a close friend.
We made the interclub team
I'm full time, i love my legal name, and my neighbors have been incredibly accepting.
i've discovered that there's no such thing as too many clothes or shoes. LOL.
I love playing tennis as Laura and i can fly whenever the weather allows.
I have in Susan's a support structure, a place to express my journey, and a sounding board.

Yes, i felt hurt by the events of the last several weeks, some of which was because i was transgender, but also because we removed several women from the team by beating them.

Rather than hold war trials to punish the criminals and those who remained silent, i need to keep an open heart and welcome these people back, giving them a chance to come over to the light.

As I've written before, by choosing to remain here, i've also chosen to become a role model. For most, i'm the only transperson they've ever known and if we as a community are to continue to move forward, positive role models help lead the way.

Onward.

Laura

So few people actually know an out of the closet person who is transgender, everyone who is out is sort of an ambassador.  For better or worse, you become the poster child for what all transgender people are like (to them).  LOL, no pressure...we're all counting on you. 

Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: One New Life to Live
« Reply #269 on: June 02, 2021, 01:20:03 pm »
So few people actually know an out of the closet person who is transgender, everyone who is out is sort of an ambassador.  For better or worse, you become the poster child for what all transgender people are like (to them).  LOL, no pressure...we're all counting on you.

@Rachel Mongomery     @sarahc
Dear Rachel and Sarah:
Exactly right, you may be the only transgender person that many will ever meet.... so it is definitely a good and proper plan to be a good ambassador.

In my small town that I relocated to as a full time woman at the beginning of 2017, once I came out in March 2018 the entire town finally knew of my past.   
I have made a point to fly under the radar, blend in and act and dress respectfully, no wild makeup and hair, no excessive skin bearing clothing, etc... not only for my conservative clients in my financial and tax business, but also for my "ambassador" roll of showing that transgender women are not something to hide. 
Because of that I have enjoyed overwhelming acceptance and have made lots of new friends, involved in civic activities, etc.

I have been told that when I arrived in town in January 2017 that absolutely no one knew that I was a transgender woman...  then my Dental Hygienist suspected it in March of 2018 because of my teeth and mouth.... 
... certainly a surprise to me!!!

I wish all of the transitioning MTF and FTM members here good success as you dress and act with success in mind.

HUGS and best wishes,
Danielle
« Last Edit: June 03, 2021, 03:32:35 pm by Northern Star Girl »
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 41

Offline Oldandcreaky

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Re: One New Life to Live
« Reply #270 on: June 02, 2021, 03:06:01 pm »
Laura, I was perhaps the first public school teacher to transition and continue in her profession. I conducted a LOT of current.

Feminists used to display a bumper sticker that read, "A woman does twice as hard as a man and is paid half as much. Luckily, doing twice as much as a man isn't hard."

Well, I felt I had to work three times as hard as everyone else and unluckily, it was hard as Hell. What you're facing will be so hard because transwomen in athletic competitions is a HUGE issue right now in America. You'll be conducting a lot of current too. As always, I worry about you.

Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: One New Life to Live
« Reply #271 on: June 17, 2021, 04:30:13 pm »
@Laura1951
Dear Laura:
I hope and trust that you are doing OK...   
I have noticed that you have not logged in and have not posted for TWO WEEKS ...
... this is not a normal thing for you because you have been so active here on
the forums in the past.

Perhaps you are on vacation, or just being a busy woman with
your tennis activities... .... or ???

It goes without saying that I am missing your frequent postings and the
informative NEWS stories that you dig up and post on the NEWS Sub-forum.

Please let me and the rest of your followers know that you are doing OK,
staying healthy, and winning your tennis matches.


HUGS and more HUGS
         
Danielle
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 41

Offline Laura1951

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Re: One New Life to Live
« Reply #272 on: June 18, 2021, 08:59:13 pm »
6/18/21

My apologies for being absent for so long...Lots of things going on inside my head that I'll share later.

107F today, cooling down to 105F tomorrow. Welcome to the San Joaquin Valley.

Tennis has been one of the things that's kept me going the past several years, partly for the exercise but mostly for the people I get to share time with. Seven months into living Laura full-time, I still struggle with seeing "her" in the mirror and while I'm clocked often, I'd rather live this life than <deadname's>. Making the Interclub Tennis Team was a wonderful accomplishment and now that the season is 2.5 months away, I've begun taking lessons again to improve my skills so I can be the best partner possible for my incredibly wonderful partner. My coach, who also teaches my partner, has been working me hard and has "ordered" me to begin doing more cardio, something that I let slip during the dysphoria years.

I know I have to chart my own path and that only I am responsible for my happiness, so this spring I also joined a club 30 minutes north of me. What attracted me was that the women there put on monthly social doubles tournaments. My first  event was two months ago and I not only had great fun, but I felt accepted by the women there.

Today, Person One attended the monthly social with me and while we didn't have a chance to partner together during the five sets, we still had time to chat between sets and during the lunch that the club provided, all for the ridiculous fee of $5. What a wonderful day. Below are pictures of me and Person One.


 

Onward,

Laura

One New Life to Live (My personal blog)  |  My BA Journey 

Laura's HRT Journal     |     Laura's FFS Journey.   |  Stay or Go

Full Time since 11/27/20



Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: One New Life to Live
« Reply #273 on: June 18, 2021, 10:45:34 pm »
@Laura1951
Dear Laura:
Thank you for updating your thread and posting your terrific pictures of you and your tennis friends.

Wow, 107 deg(f) is unbearable.   Here where I live it was (warm for here) 65 deg(f)...
.... and I am quite comfortable and happy with the temperatures in the 60 degree range.

Question for you: 
In the pictures that you attached, why are you the only woman with a name tag?

I am so very happy that you have updated me and the rest of your avid followers.
Wishing you well, wishing you happiness, and wishing you good health...

HUGS and more HUGS, 
Danielle
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 41

Offline Laura1951

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Re: One New Life to Live
« Reply #274 on: June 19, 2021, 03:44:18 am »
@Danielle

Good question. We were all given name tags when we checked in so we could begin to learn each other's names. I'd forgotten to take mine off after we completed play. Person One reminded me later before we got in the car to return home.

Laura
One New Life to Live (My personal blog)  |  My BA Journey 

Laura's HRT Journal     |     Laura's FFS Journey.   |  Stay or Go

Full Time since 11/27/20



Offline Pammie

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Re: One New Life to Live
« Reply #275 on: June 19, 2021, 04:28:57 am »
June 2, 2021

Thank you @Danielle, @Rachel Montgomery, and @RandyL for reminding me that the glass is half full. Perhaps i was jaded with the acceptance i'd received since coming out to people since last October, while the sudden backlash against me hurt deeply.

I DO have so many things to be thankful for
I have a doubles partner who has become a close friend.
We made the interclub team
I'm full time, i love my legal name, and my neighbors have been incredibly accepting.
i've discovered that there's no such thing as too many clothes or shoes. LOL.
I love playing tennis as Laura and i can fly whenever the weather allows.
I have in Susan's a support structure, a place to express my journey, and a sounding board.

Yes, i felt hurt by the events of the last several weeks, some of which was because i was transgender, but also because we removed several women from the team by beating them.

Rather than hold war trials to punish the criminals and those who remained silent, i need to keep an open heart and welcome these people back, giving them a chance to come over to the light.

As I've written before, by choosing to remain here, i've also chosen to become a role model. For most, i'm the only transperson they've ever known and if we as a community are to continue to move forward, positive role models help lead the way.

Onward.

Laura
The role model bit is so true and something im just getting my head around (almost 4 years after going FT)
I decided since starting my new job to embrace that and I am now open about being trans. Im even going on a pride panel next week which is a bit scary as I seem to be the only trans person in the European part of the business- at least the only one who is “out”


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Offline Laura1951

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Re: One New Life to Live
« Reply #276 on: June 20, 2021, 07:24:20 am »
June 20, 2021
@Pammie

Role Model
I didn't sign up for this, to be a role model in my community and among my friends and acquaintances.

When i gathered the courage to go full time, seven months ago, i just wanted to live an authentic life, to enjoy being Laura, and to avoid conflict. Disappearing into a community is why many of us move after starting life 24/7, not wanting people to have the institutional memory of who you used to be. Staying always meant the risk that people wouldn't understand or agree with my decision.

As it turned out, I couldn't disappear. Not passing meant I'd always notice people turning their heads, always gossiping behind my back, and in my case, lobbying against me.

Transitioning is hard enough. Being somewhat slow and methodical, I've taken my time not to rush my transition. Not yet two years into transitioning (discounting three years of stopping and starting), I still have several years before my journey is complete. Just five months into electrolysis, I've at least 18 months more, if not longer. Breast Augmentation, while I've started the ball rolling, is at least a year away, given Kaiser's waiting list. While I've jumped through several hoops to begin GCS approval and the magic surgery date, this task is on hold until I can complete facial electrolysis.

So, i already have a lot on my plate and with the emotional consequences of occasional dysphoria, dealing with transitioning, gossip and loneliness has its costs. Being a role model just adds to my work load and emotional stress.

And yet, i have no choice.

Those of us who transition now are standing on the shoulders of all those who were brave enough to come before us. We all benefit from the trail they've blazed for us. Yet, the trail is not fully paved, being littered with pot holes, detours, and restrictions. It turns out that the only way to improve the road is if we continue in their footsteps, being role models and educators for those who've never known a trans person. The more of us who are "out" help increase our approval, paving another mile of the trail for others behind us.

So, i try to keep my head high, to be the best Laura i can be, and to help my friends and acquaintances understand our need to transition. I teach a daily class called Transgender 101 and it's my job to help people pass the course.

I didn't sign up for this. It's just something I must do to survive.

Onward,

Laura
« Last Edit: June 20, 2021, 09:59:14 am by Laura1951 »
One New Life to Live (My personal blog)  |  My BA Journey 

Laura's HRT Journal     |     Laura's FFS Journey.   |  Stay or Go

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Offline Pammie

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Re: One New Life to Live
« Reply #277 on: June 20, 2021, 01:07:50 pm »
June 20, 2021
@Pammie

Role Model
I didn't sign up for this, to be a role model in my community and among my friends and acquaintances.

When i gathered the courage to go full time, seven months ago, i just wanted to live an authentic life, to enjoy being Laura, and to avoid conflict. Disappearing into a community is why many of us move after starting life 24/7, not wanting people to have the institutional memory of who you used to be. Staying always meant the risk that people wouldn't understand or agree with my decision.

As it turned out, I couldn't disappear. Not passing meant I'd always notice people turning their heads, always gossiping behind my back, and in my case, lobbying against me.

Transitioning is hard enough. Being somewhat slow and methodical, I've taken my time not to rush my transition. Not yet two years into transitioning (discounting three years of stopping and starting), I still have several years before my journey is complete. Just five months into electrolysis, I've at least 18 months more, if not longer. Breast Augmentation, while I've started the ball rolling, is at least a year away, given Kaiser's waiting list. While I've jumped through several hoops to begin GCS approval and the magic surgery date, this task is on hold until I can complete facial electrolysis.

So, i already have a lot on my plate and with the emotional consequences of occasional dysphoria, dealing with transitioning, gossip and loneliness has its costs. Being a role model just adds to my work load and emotional stress.

And yet, i have no choice.

Those of us who transition now are standing on the shoulders of all those who were brave enough to come before us. We all benefit from the trail they've blazed for us. Yet, the trail is not fully paved, being littered with pot holes, detours, and restrictions. It turns out that the only way to improve the road is if we continue in their footsteps, being role models and educators for those who've never known a trans person. The more of us who are "out" help increase our approval, paving another mile of the trail for others behind us.

So, i try to keep my head high, to be the best Laura i can be, and to help my friends and acquaintances understand our need to transition. I teach a daily class called Transgender 101 and it's my job to help people pass the course.

I didn't sign up for this. It's just something I must do to survive.

Onward,

Laura
Yes, that makes sense. Role model is an unexpected extra challenge!
I think I feel somewhat similar though I already feel 100% authentic Pammie and I don’t need surgery to feel that. I still am dysphoric about down there though. GCS is the only surgery I ever wanted and want still. After almost 4 years on HRT I have developed a “B” cup which is absolutely great so absolutely no need  for BA. I’ve always had the view that surgery only where absolutely necessary


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Offline Laura1951

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Re: One New Life to Live
« Reply #278 on: June 20, 2021, 09:46:38 pm »
6/20/21

Every so often, I cross publish one of my Susan's posts to my FaceBook page. Such is the case with my Roll Model post. The reaction today has been overwhelming loving and accepting.

If I am to be a roll model, then my primary task in the Transgender 101 class I daily teach is to share what it's like to be trans and to transition. With understanding hopefully comes acceptance.

Onward,

Laura
One New Life to Live (My personal blog)  |  My BA Journey 

Laura's HRT Journal     |     Laura's FFS Journey.   |  Stay or Go

Full Time since 11/27/20



Online sarahc

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Re: One New Life to Live
« Reply #279 on: June 21, 2021, 02:19:51 pm »
This role model issue is something that I have struggled with really since the beginning of transition. Even when I was only considering transition, I understood the tradeoffs.

I understood that if you are older and transition within your existing community and you stay friends with people in that community, it is almost inevitable that the spotlight is going to be shining bright on you. For many of your acquaintances, you may be the only trans person that they know in real life. And so their impression of you is going to significantly affect these people's opinion of the overall transgender community. That's not fair, but it is reality.

At the beginning of transition, I really didn't want to be a role model; I just wanted to quietly live my life post-transition. And so I was thinking that it was going to be likely that I would want to move from my town to start fresh.

But, as it turned out, virtually all my friends and family embraced me post-transition. And I really didn't want to lose all these people in my life. But it does mean that I am more of a public figure than I want to be, and that I was going to be pretty darn out in my community. And that has consequences...

First, it affected how I market my business - my marketing is now very LGBTQ-centric. As much as I like serving the LGBTQ community, professionally-speaking I really wanted to focus on a different niche. But as an out trans woman, marketing to that niche was going to be hard (at least right now).

In addition, being out out will also probably affect my ability to find a romantic partner. If we're being honest, being a 50 year old out trans woman, even if you're decent looking, makes things tough - all it takes is one social media search and *poof* they know. Whereas if you were mostly stealth, I think you at least have a better chance of at least getting a conversation going with someone.

And finally, I am now a role model by default. I do NOT like drawing attention to myself, nor do I like having to think about everything I do and how it will perceived like a wanna-be celebrity. But that's the state I'm in.

To sum up, I am happy that I was able to keep most of my friends. But...there were some tradeoffs in achieving that outcome. If I had to do it all over again, I'd make the same choice to keep my friends and be out. But I am still envious of those who go all-stealth or mostly stealth.

Sarah
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48 years young.
Known that I am trans since...forever.
First therapy session / decided to transition / hair removal: October 2018
HRT: January 2019 (journal https://www.susans.org/forums/index.phpVF/topic,244009.0.html)
VFS: September 2019; three-month report here
Full-time: April 2020
FFS: August 2020
SRS: January 2021

Tags: coming out