Author Topic: One New Life to Live  (Read 18015 times)

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Offline Laura1951

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Re: One New Life to Live
« Reply #360 on: October 06, 2021, 05:17:30 pm »
October 6, 2021

Oh, This Is Different

Wednesdays are match days for our Ladies Interclub team, with us alternating between home and away games. Today's match was away in a city about 40 minutes from our home club. As always, i began by driving to our club quite early to practice my serves and warm up my ground strokes. My partner, Yeng, met me there and i drove us up to the away club, called Oak Park. Now, Oak Park is a nice club that sponsors regular women's socials each month and Laura has participated in several of them, meaning that many women there know me. I wasn't surprised that several greeted me by name when we arrived. What DID surprise me is what happened during out match.

Now, we won decisively, and while that was nice, i appreciated that the two women we played were friendly and easy going. We ended up chatting before, during, and after the match.

Early in the match, during a break, one of the players heard me use a common Mandarin phrase of exasperation, "Ay ya", which is similar to "oh, shoot." She recognized the phrase and asked if i knew the language. I answered by telling her that my "ex" was Chinese. She answered back, "oh, was he from china?"

He?

Oh............Oh.

She thinks i'm Cis.

We continued playing.  After the match, we were  sharing how Yeng and I became partners and compared how different clubs assembled their teams. We talked about our try-outs and referenced the drama that ensued after we made the team.  They were confused that the team would have a problem with me on the team.

"oh, you don't know?", i asked.

"it's because i'm transgender", i explained.

Now, this came as a complete surprise to them and, frankly, a complete surprise to me that, after playing with us for two hours, they hadn't clocked me. They assumed I was Cis.

Imagine my delight.

This is what we (trans) hope for, that we'll blend in to the fabric of life and be accepted by our peers.  Believe me that the fear of being "clocked",  gossiped about, or harassed is real for all of us so my radar is always on alert. To be fully accepted and treated as female, even just for two hours today,  is tremendously affirming.

Onward.

Laura
« Last Edit: October 07, 2021, 08:18:56 am by Laura1951 »
“When you’re ready, start living your truth. That’s when the magic happens.”

One New Life to Live (My personal blog)  |  My BA Journey   |  Laura's HRT Journal 

Full Time since 11/27/20  |  Laura's FFS Journey.   |  Stay or Go



Offline Northern Star Girl

  • Previously Alaskan Danielle
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Re: One New Life to Live
« Reply #361 on: October 06, 2021, 06:05:36 pm »
October 6, 2021

Oh, This Is Different
      snipped - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - -
       - - - - - -
"oh, you don't know?", i asked.

"it's because i'm transgender", i explained.

Now, this came as a complete surprise to them and, frankly, a complete surprise to me that, after playing with us for two hours, they hadn't clocked me. They assumed I was Cis.

Imagine my delight.

Onward.

Laura
@Laura1951
Dear Laura:
For sure I can indeed imagine your delight!!!!   I am so very happy for you that you have experienced this very
affirming and confirming experience with cis-women and men that do not know of your personal history.

Early on when I relocated here to Alaska in January 2018 I had and still have the very same experiences with men and women towns people, clients and friends that I meet. 

I certainly DO NOT introduce myself "Hi, I'm Danielle, a transgender woman" ... but when I started dating in March/April 2018 I made it a point early on to inform prospective romantic suitors of my transgender past... I wanted no hard feelings and no bad thoughts.   
No one in town at that time knew that I was a transgender woman... except eventually during that time my Dentist and Dental Hygienist.... and to this day many people that I meet daily are not aware.

I posted about those initial experiences in my Blog/Thread
                   I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
   https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,236395.msg2123029.html#msg2123029

Again, what you described is a wonderfully affirming
and confirming experience for sure.


Thank you for sharing and posting your very good news!!!!
HUGS and more HUGS,
Danielle
« Last Edit: October 07, 2021, 02:03:52 pm by Northern Star Girl »
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 41

Offline davina61

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Re: One New Life to Live
« Reply #362 on: October 07, 2021, 02:38:36 am »
Very affirming, there you go as now you can leave any doubts behind.
a long time coming (out) HRT 12 2017


Jill of all trades mistress of non
Know a bit about everything but not enough to be clever.
I get pushed out of shape and its hard to steer when I get rubber in all 4 gears (Beach Boys ,little deuce coupe)

Offline Laura1951

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Re: One New Life to Live
« Reply #363 on: October 13, 2021, 05:49:02 pm »
October 13, 2021

Thanks to Danielle for prodding me. It's probably not a conincidence that the people who mean the most to me are roughly the same age. Person One and @Danielle are the same age, and my tennis partner is two years younger.

I've assembled so many stories from the past 10 days and while i suspect i've forgotten some of them, i'm going to start in reverse chronological order.

Interleague

Regular readers will know that my main source of exercise and joy is playing tennis and making the Ladies Interclub team was the culmination of a dream i had since coming out.  For Yeng to have fallen in my lap was pure luck and as i've written before, "When luck knocks at your door, let it in."

Today was our fifth match of the season and we played a team who was tied in first place with us. We knew we were playing a tough team today.  Now, Yeng and i both had a disadvantage. While i have several stories relating to why, i'll simply state that we had both had attended the Indian Wells tennis tournament last weekend, which is often called the fifth major. It's two weeks of amazing tennis with the best players in the world.

Because we both were away, today found us fairly rusty at the start of our match. I had arrived early to practice my serves, as usual, and Yeng and i warmed up before the match. As we proceeded through the first set, we realized just how rusty we were, as we fell behind 0-3 and then 2-5.

Now, because of my ADD, i've been fairly self critical my whole life and once i get down on myself during a tennis match, there's no recovering. Self doubt can be a fairly powerful force. One of the reasons Yeng is such a good partner is that self-doubt is not a part of her personality. Not that she's overly confident but she doesn't let mistakes get in her way. My tennis coach has also been a force to build my confidence and help me feel less self-critical when i'm playing badly.

Improving your tennis game requires patience and practice as new skills and work to remove errors, begins to work its way into muscle memory. As i heard from a cheerleading coach on TV, "Practice until you get it right, and then keep practicing until you can't get it wrong." Improvement takes time and negative thoughts can block your path. My coach understands that every student learns differently and that immediate feedback is important to the learning process. Besides reminding me that i'm a strong player, he stresses that should i find myself struggling on the court, to just stay positive and return to the basics until my form returns.

At 2-5 in the first set, Yeng and both clicked and our games returned. We won the next five games to take the first set, 7-5, following up with a 6-2 win the final set. Chalk up another win for us and for the team.

It all boiled down to staying positive and working through our individual difficulties, knowing we're a strong team. It's a bit similar to transitioning.



More stories later.

Onward.

Laura
“When you’re ready, start living your truth. That’s when the magic happens.”

One New Life to Live (My personal blog)  |  My BA Journey   |  Laura's HRT Journal 

Full Time since 11/27/20  |  Laura's FFS Journey.   |  Stay or Go



Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: One New Life to Live
« Reply #364 on: October 13, 2021, 06:01:15 pm »
@Laura1951
Dear Laura:
I was thrilled to read your last report and update here on your blog thread.

You have indeed found a very good friend and tennis partner in Yeng.  You look so
very happy in the pictures of you and her that you share with us here on the Forums.

Cherish and protect your friendship with her.
Friends and accepting supporters such as Yeng do not come across your path often.

Always work hard to develop and cultivate more additional friends that
you can enjoy being with.

Nothing worthwhile and rewarding usually comes easily and usually doesn't
come frequently !!!!!
Seize the opportunities when they appear to you... they can be fleeting if
you don't grab them quickly.

Again, thank you for sharing and posting... and thank you for responding to
my prodding in my message to you today....  I am always eager to read your
updates and postings as you write about your life endeavors.

HUGS,  and as always, best wishes to you as you continue on.
Danielle
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 41

Offline Laura1951

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Re: One New Life to Live
« Reply #365 on: October 13, 2021, 09:35:50 pm »
October 14, 2021 (yes, I know that's tomorrow, but I already wrote a post today)

Here's another catch-up post, still working in reverse chronological order. Tomorrow's post is more dramatic.

The Long Drive

After being away from the Indian Wells tennis tournament for several years, i looked forward to attending this year, even if it was for just two days. Interesting weather and a terrible rental car market precluded flying, which would have been faster and more fun, but at least i could take my first long drive in my Tesla.

I had purchased the Long Range version of  my Tesla just for days like this, even though there are a large number of charging stations along every highway. Still, i planned  when and where to charge in advance, to make sure i felt comfortable.

The drive down was uneventful and very quiet as i listened to the same album, Kacey Musgrave's Star Crossed at least 15 times over the three days. It was a lovely, if not long 7.5 hour drive down.

Driving back was another story.

My biggest concern about attending Indian Wells was that i'd feel rusty after i returned. My plans were to drive back Tuesday for our Wednesday morning match. On Monday, i texted my tennis coach to arrange a brief lesson to deal with the rust, offering me 1:30pm..... I intended to leave at 4am to avoid the L.A. commute traffic, that would have added an hour to my drive, but after i woke up at 1:30am, i decided to leave earlier, finally getting our of town at 2:30am.... oh, that's early. I estimated i'd get home around 10am.

My estimation blew up in Visalia, which is about 2:20 from home. I stopped there to recharge my battery but while i was waiting, i went through my purse, noticing my house key was missing. Oh dear.  Now, my next door neighbor's daughter, who was cat sitting my fur babies has a key, but they're a busy family who often don't get home until 8pm.... The thought of waiting outside for eight plus hours concerned me.

Fortunately, i'm a geek who had attached one of Apple's Air Tags to my key ring. Pulling up my phone's Find My feature, i saw that my keys were last seen at a MacDonalds in Bakersfield on Sunday, more than an hour in the other direction. I'd stopped there on the way down to Indian Wells and must have dropped my keys there. So i made an impulse decision to reverse course and drive back down to the McDonalds......  Unfortunately, they didn't have them. Now i was an extra hour away from home and needed to charge again to make it home. However, there are NO charging stations in Bakersfield. Really? The closest north of me was back in Visalia, so i awas forced to drive west to Interstate 5, the main artery from LA to the Bay Area.  I-5 has stations about every 20 miles or so.... Yes, this added time to my drive back and i finally arrived home at 1pm....nearly 11 hours after leaving Indian Wells.

I was spent, so i cancelled my lesson. The prospect of waiting eight hours for my neighbors to arrive home wasn't pleasing. Then,  luck knocked on my door. After parking my car in the garage, i found that my sitter hadn't locked the door from the house into the garage, so i gained entry to the house..

Perfect, because i was ready to collapse from the drive.

Onward.

Laura
“When you’re ready, start living your truth. That’s when the magic happens.”

One New Life to Live (My personal blog)  |  My BA Journey   |  Laura's HRT Journal 

Full Time since 11/27/20  |  Laura's FFS Journey.   |  Stay or Go



Offline Northern Star Girl

  • Previously Alaskan Danielle
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Re: One New Life to Live
« Reply #366 on: October 13, 2021, 10:05:57 pm »
@Laura1951
Dear Laura:
I am really enjoying reading your vignettes and daily installments of your recent life events...
...I can hardly wait for more!!!!!
Keep them coming...

 
HUGS from Alaska,
Danielle
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 41

Offline RandiL

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Re: One New Life to Live
« Reply #367 on: October 14, 2021, 10:16:00 am »
Laura, I'm glad you made it home and got in the house. All your recent updates have been so positive. I'm really happy for you.

I live in terror of getting locked out. Well, not really, but it is a thing. So I have a house key hidden in my garage, which I can access via the garage door opener in the car or via keypad. And sometimes the keypad doesn't work in winter (yes I've replaced the battery, twice) so I keep a garage door key in the house (there's no direct access between the house and the garage). I'll still probably find a way to get locked out, probably in really cold weather!

Keep on, you're doing great!

My smartphone thinks it's smarter than me. It's probably right.

Forging my new, best life as Randi

My personal blog thread: Randi the lost traveler, finding the right road at last

My HRT thread: Randi's HRT Journal


Offline Laura1951

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Re: One New Life to Live
« Reply #368 on: October 15, 2021, 08:45:29 pm »
October 15, 2021

Once again, I'm sharing stories from the past week, in reverse chronological order. Today's post is more in the vein of, "Behind every silver lining, is a cloud."  If you're a lover of long posts, then your dreams have just come true.

Alone in a Crowd

Oh, where to start?

If you've read my prior posts, you know i just spent a few days at the Indian Wells tennis tournament, also called the BNP Paribas Open and often referred to as the fifth major. Normally held in March, the spring 2020 and 21 tournaments were cancelled due to COVID. October's tournament was a catch-up before returning to March next year.

In the past, i regularly traveled to attend the tournament since the various stadiums offer excellent views with most of the seats being General Admission, meaning that for the cost of a cheap ticket, you could wander to most of the courts to watch Men or Women's singles or doubles matches. Most of the major tennis vendors are there as are a wide variety of eateries. The food is good and the margaritas are cold, which means it's pretty easy to arrive when the gates open at 10am and stay until 10pm.

Before i continue, let me offer some background.

Of the many activities i love, several are off limits right now because i don't enjoy doing them alone. These include camping, hiking, eating out, and attending concerts. For me, the joy of sharing the event with someone is as great as attending the event. I miss each of these, but feel too uncomfortable doing them alone. The few things i dare to try are attending baseball games, going to movies, and watching tennis.

My baseball team of choice is the SF Giants, them having arrived in SF in 1957, when i was six, a full 10 years before the Oakland A's arrived from Kansas City. The Giants have always had my heart, so once i was fully vaxed, i made my way to SF twice this year to attend games.

I love the entire experience of the game: enjoying the views of the SF Bay Area, the bay itself, and the Oakland/SF Bay Bridge, walking around the park before a game people watching and checking out the various good vendors, and of course watching the game. In the two games i attended this year, i never made it past the fourth inning.

Why? Well, much like the journey being as fun as the destination, sharing a game  with someone enriches the experience: traveling together, sharing comments about the game, and cheering the team. Everything is more fun when you're sharing it with one or more people.

I had no one to share the day with. Around me were couples, friends, and groups of people laughing, talking, cheering, and loving being together. Yes, i love watching the game, but i also felt empty that i had no one to share the experience with. Eventually, all these feelings caught up with me and i felt i had to flee the stadium. It's easier to be alone when you're not surrounded by happy people. it's almost ironic that i attended the games to feel more normal and less lonely, but found that the opposite was true.  You can run from loneliness, but it will always find you.

Such was my experience at Indian Wells.

Now, many of the people i know also attended the tournament, although fewer this year. Requiring all attendees to be vaccinated kept the stubborn or those with families away. However, my partner Yeng, her husband, and several of their Filipino friends rented a house for Friday and Saturday nights so they could attend together and still share meals and other activities at the house. I know most of her friends and i'm certain they had a great time. They arrived on Friday and left for home on Sunday.

However, i'd already made reservations to arrive Sunday and leave for home on Tuesday, so our paths wouldn't be crossing

Person One, though, would  be there. We'd talked several times over the summer as we navigated the ticket reservation system. She was attending with a group of friends, but had tickets in the same stadium that i'd be in last Monday. My seat was in the fourth row, near center court, while she and her friends were sitting in the end. The possibility of us meeting up was there, though.

During one of the matches, i texted her to see if she was in the stadium. She affirmed and had posted a few pictures to her FB page. From the pictures, i saw the direction of her seats, and glanced over to see her friends, but not her. She texted me that she was out getting something to eat.

Now, i had secretly hoped that we could meet up, for find a bite to eat and spend a little time together, but it was not to be. Her friends were her priority. By this time, the same loneliness that had haunted me at the baseball games, was circling. The tennis matches were well played and my closeness to the court gave me excellent views and opportunities to cheer. However, around me were couples, friends, and groups who were experiencing this together. Seeing their happiness reminded me that i was alone and that i had no one to share the entire experience with.

So, after just a few hours after arriving, i escaped and returned to the hotel. Again, it was easier to be alone in my room, than being alone in a crowd of happy people.

CODA
Person One and her husband own a cell phone repair shop in town, and because my iPhone battery has been acting up lately, i drove over to their business for her husband to replace it. This gave us time to catch up a bit. I came away knowing that while i'll always be thankful that she was there for me when i needed her the most, two years ago, we're just friends now, not best friends. I'd spent the summer grieving the loss of her and the Friday Group, so while i do wish i was still part of their posse, it's time to move on.

My take-away lesson, though, is that i'm capable of making not just friends, but close friends. As long as i continue to say "yes" when asked to participate, as long as i share my stories with those i trust, and if i can begin to reach out and initiate invitations, i can slowly accumulate a few new close friends.

My other take-away is something Person One suggested today. By inviting someone to attend baseball games, or by coordinating my Indian Wells visit with Yeng (my partner) or another friend, i increase the possibility of spending some time with them and thereby beat loneliness away.

Onward.

Laura
“When you’re ready, start living your truth. That’s when the magic happens.”

One New Life to Live (My personal blog)  |  My BA Journey   |  Laura's HRT Journal 

Full Time since 11/27/20  |  Laura's FFS Journey.   |  Stay or Go



Offline davina61

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Re: One New Life to Live
« Reply #369 on: October 16, 2021, 02:06:47 am »
Yes you do need to make the effort , I will be missing my Wed night open mic nights when I am laid up after GRS . Good job I have my BFF .
a long time coming (out) HRT 12 2017


Jill of all trades mistress of non
Know a bit about everything but not enough to be clever.
I get pushed out of shape and its hard to steer when I get rubber in all 4 gears (Beach Boys ,little deuce coupe)

Offline Pammie

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One New Life to Live
« Reply #370 on: October 16, 2021, 02:30:49 am »
October 15, 2021

Once again, I'm sharing stories from the past week, in reverse chronological order. Today's post is more in the vein of, "Behind every silver lining, is a cloud."  If you're a lover of long posts, then your dreams have just come true.

Alone in a Crowd

Oh, where to start?

If you've read my prior posts, you know i just spent a few days at the Indian Wells tennis tournament, also called the BNP Paribas Open and often referred to as the fifth major. Normally held in March, the spring 2020 and 21 tournaments were cancelled due to COVID. October's tournament was a catch-up before returning to March next year.

In the past, i regularly traveled to attend the tournament since the various stadiums offer excellent views with most of the seats being General Admission, meaning that for the cost of a cheap ticket, you could wander to most of the courts to watch Men or Women's singles or doubles matches. Most of the major tennis vendors are there as are a wide variety of eateries. The food is good and the margaritas are cold, which means it's pretty easy to arrive when the gates open at 10am and stay until 10pm.

Before i continue, let me offer some background.

Of the many activities i love, several are off limits right now because i don't enjoy doing them alone. These include camping, hiking, eating out, and attending concerts. For me, the joy of sharing the event with someone is as great as attending the event. I miss each of these, but feel too uncomfortable doing them alone. The few things i dare to try are attending baseball games, going to movies, and watching tennis.

My baseball team of choice is the SF Giants, them having arrived in SF in 1957, when i was six, a full 10 years before the Oakland A's arrived from Kansas City. The Giants have always had my heart, so once i was fully vaxed, i made my way to SF twice this year to attend games.

I love the entire experience of the game: enjoying the views of the SF Bay Area, the bay itself, and the Oakland/SF Bay Bridge, walking around the park before a game people watching and checking out the various good vendors, and of course watching the game. In the two games i attended this year, i never made it past the fourth inning.

Why? Well, much like the journey being as fun as the destination, sharing a game  with someone enriches the experience: traveling together, sharing comments about the game, and cheering the team. Everything is more fun when you're sharing it with one or more people.

I had no one to share the day with. Around me were couples, friends, and groups of people laughing, talking, cheering, and loving being together. Yes, i love watching the game, but i also felt empty that i had no one to share the experience with. Eventually, all these feelings caught up with me and i felt i had to flee the stadium. It's easier to be alone when you're not surrounded by happy people. it's almost ironic that i attended the games to feel more normal and less lonely, but found that the opposite was true.  You can run from loneliness, but it will always find you.

Such was my experience at Indian Wells.

Now, many of the people i know also attended the tournament, although fewer this year. Requiring all attendees to be vaccinated kept the stubborn or those with families away. However, my partner Yeng, her husband, and several of their Filipino friends rented a house for Friday and Saturday nights so they could attend together and still share meals and other activities at the house. I know most of her friends and i'm certain they had a great time. They arrived on Friday and left for home on Sunday.

However, i'd already made reservations to arrive Sunday and leave for home on Tuesday, so our paths wouldn't be crossing

Person One, though, would  be there. We'd talked several times over the summer as we navigated the ticket reservation system. She was attending with a group of friends, but had tickets in the same stadium that i'd be in last Monday. My seat was in the fourth row, near center court, while she and her friends were sitting in the end. The possibility of us meeting up was there, though.

During one of the matches, i texted her to see if she was in the stadium. She affirmed and had posted a few pictures to her FB page. From the pictures, i saw the direction of her seats, and glanced over to see her friends, but not her. She texted me that she was out getting something to eat.

Now, i had secretly hoped that we could meet up, for find a bite to eat and spend a little time together, but it was not to be. Her friends were her priority. By this time, the same loneliness that had haunted me at the baseball games, was circling. The tennis matches were well played and my closeness to the court gave me excellent views and opportunities to cheer. However, around me were couples, friends, and groups who were experiencing this together. Seeing their happiness reminded me that i was alone and that i had no one to share the entire experience with.

So, after just a few hours after arriving, i escaped and returned to the hotel. Again, it was easier to be alone in my room, than being alone in a crowd of happy people.

CODA
Person One and her husband own a cell phone repair shop in town, and because my iPhone battery has been acting up lately, i drove over to their business for her husband to replace it. This gave us time to catch up a bit. I came away knowing that while i'll always be thankful that she was there for me when i needed her the most, two years ago, we're just friends now, not best friends. I'd spent the summer grieving the loss of her and the Friday Group, so while i do wish i was still part of their posse, it's time to move on.

My take-away lesson, though, is that i'm capable of making not just friends, but close friends. As long as i continue to say "yes" when asked to participate, as long as i share my stories with those i trust, and if i can begin to reach out and initiate invitations, i can slowly accumulate a few new close friends.

My other take-away is something Person One suggested today. By inviting someone to attend baseball games, or by coordinating my Indian Wells visit with Yeng (my partner) or another friend, i increase the possibility of spending some time with them and thereby beat loneliness away.

Onward.

Laura
It is a hard reality about transition that one loses friends and even circles of friends. For me the joy of just being myself all the time far outweighed the sadness but I was also lucky to meet my Andy quite early on in my transition.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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