Author Topic: Coming Out to Young Nieces - Advice?  (Read 371 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Daylight

  • Neighbor
  • ***
  • Posts: 92
  • Reputation: +1/-0
  • Gender: Female
Coming Out to Young Nieces - Advice?
« on: July 08, 2020, 07:09:46 pm »
I have three amazing nieces all under five that live near me. I see them two or three times each week and we have a great time with games, stories, and play.

I came out to their parents about a month ago and both have been incredibly supportive. We're talking about how to present this to them when the time comes. They were wondering if we should come up with something other than 'uncle' to call me in the meantime. I'm comfortable with the status quo until I come out publicly, but does anyone have any fun identifiers that might work?

As far as actually telling them, the plan is to wait until I come out publicly. It's hard to ask a two-year-old to keep a secret, no matter how well-intentioned they may be. That will probably be near the end of the year.

I've been talking to people, looking online, and thinking about how to come out to them. I think young kids are probably more adaptable and resilient than anyone, so I'm not particularly worried. I would like it if they understand what is happening, don't feel like they are losing their uncle, and actually have a bit of fun with it. The best idea I've heard that I think fits for them is doing a small art project like decorating paper tiaras with them while we talk about it. Keep it short, simple, and fun. Then maybe ice cream :laugh: Does anyone have any feedback on that idea? Or suggestions on how to talk to them in general?

Has anyone here had the experience of talking to young children about transitioning? Was there any difficult part? Did they ask anything unexpected? How well did they adjust after? Any other advice?

I appreciate any insight and help anyone can offer here. Love and peace!
39 years old and learning to be Megan :)

Offline RandyL

  • *
  • Posts: 1,106
  • Reputation: +11/-0
  • Gender: Questioning
  • Non-binary
Re: Coming Out to Young Nieces - Advice?
« Reply #1 on: July 08, 2020, 07:29:57 pm »
Consider giving them some choice in their name for your relationship. You can present a couple options that are all ok with you and let them choose. Or have a brainstorming session to come up with something. Can lead to a lot of laughter which is always good with little kids.

Your idea of an art project and ice cream sounds good. Can I join?

Sent from my dual-floppy Victor 9000 using Tapatalk

Casting about for my best path forward...

Offline sarahc

  • Sarah
  • *
  • Posts: 1,026
  • Reputation: +11/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Coming Out to Young Nieces - Advice?
« Reply #2 on: July 08, 2020, 08:48:14 pm »
Don’t worry about young kids...they adapt to a change real fast. But a couple of things to consider.

I am not sure whether an in-between stage is a good idea with pre-kindergartners. One change isn’t a problem for kids this age, but I feel like two changes or a unique term for your relationship may be a confusing concept for someone that young. I am not a developmental expert, but something to keep in mind. Doing one change once you start presenting is a very low-risk approach. And whatever you do, kids that age will definitely blab about it to their friends, so that’s another thing to keep in mind.

One other thing to consider is whether you should be the one to tell the nieces or if it’s the parents who should explain what is going on. Again, parents explaining what’s happening before you present generally works pretty well.

Obviously, you know the family and the nieces really well, so trust your gut here and if you aren’t worried about any of the points above, go for it.

Sarah
----
48 years young.
Known that I am trans since...forever.
First therapy session / decided to transition / hair removal: October 2018
HRT: January 2019 (journal https://www.susans.org/forums/index.phpVF/topic,244009.0.html)
VFS: September 2019; three-month report here
Full-time: April 2020
FFS: August 2020
SRS: January 2021

Offline Daylight

  • Neighbor
  • ***
  • Posts: 92
  • Reputation: +1/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Coming Out to Young Nieces - Advice?
« Reply #3 on: July 09, 2020, 11:02:39 am »
Your idea of an art project and ice cream sounds good. Can I join?
Of course! You may have to Zoom in. I'll push some ice cream through the screen for you :laugh:

I am not sure whether an in-between stage is a good idea with pre-kindergartners...
I'm really of the same mind. I'm not sure and my sister brought it up (not that she is pushing for it), so I did feel I should think about it and get other perspectives. Thanks for your advice!

One other thing to consider is whether you should be the one to tell the nieces or if it’s the parents who should explain what is going on...
I think I will probably talk to them with their parents and grandmother present. I guess that might change, but we're really all very close :)
39 years old and learning to be Megan :)

Offline AllieSF

  • *****
  • Posts: 808
  • Reputation: +6/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • Ain't Life Grand!!
Re: Coming Out to Young Nieces - Advice?
« Reply #4 on: July 09, 2020, 03:38:27 pm »
Daylight,

I never came out to my 3 year old grandchild.  We only saw each other at family gatherings and if my son came over to my house to work on his car and maybe the young one came with him.  I just started showing up at his parents' house dressed in female clothes, usually jeans, a top and jacket in the colder months and shorts and some type of loose cotton top.  The next year it was definitely more femme clothing for me, and this summer it has been tank tops, a skirt or dress once in awhile.  On Father's Day I was in my tankini bathing suit in the pool with him.  I have no problem at all.  He calls me Papa "*" my male nickname, which I have no problem with.  He also now knows my new (2018) legal female name, Allie.  So, if he thinks it is just that way, I am more than happy with it.

Follow the parents lead and just be consistent in your personality.  If you want to ease into the female presentation with them, that could work.  Just, all of you, treat it as natural and no big deal.  No detailed explanations, don't make it more important than it has to be for a child's mind.  If it is natural and a non-topic for those around them, it will be a non-topic for them.  Good luck and let us know how it works out please.

Allie
HRT - February 2017
Full Time - July 2018
Orchi - January 2018
BA - September 25, 2019
FFS - January 10, 2020
GRS - TBDDD (To Be Determined, Decision and Date)

Offline Daylight

  • Neighbor
  • ***
  • Posts: 92
  • Reputation: +1/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Coming Out to Young Nieces - Advice?
« Reply #5 on: July 13, 2020, 03:48:34 am »
Thanks for sharing your experiences and the kind thoughts, Allie! I'm glad to hear such consistent reports of children taking it in stride.

I will share how it goes whenever I do let them know. I don't expect that to happen until closer to the end of the year.
39 years old and learning to be Megan :)

Offline sandrauk

  • Friend
  • ****
  • Posts: 231
  • Reputation: +3/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Coming Out to Young Nieces - Advice?
« Reply #6 on: July 13, 2020, 04:43:37 am »
Young kids just take it in their stride. I babysat my two grandsons till it was time to take them to school.

One day the four year old turned up wearing nail varnish. The six year old explained that he was wearing it because he liked it. We asked if he wanted to wear it to school. and he said yes as if it was the most natural thing. He wore it for the next two days till it wore off with no problem from the other kids at all.

I should add that I'm not out to anyone so it's not like they were primed

Offline sarahc

  • Sarah
  • *
  • Posts: 1,026
  • Reputation: +11/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Coming Out to Young Nieces - Advice?
« Reply #7 on: July 13, 2020, 11:26:55 am »
Best of luck. Based on what you’ve described, I think it’s going to go great!

Sarah
----
48 years young.
Known that I am trans since...forever.
First therapy session / decided to transition / hair removal: October 2018
HRT: January 2019 (journal https://www.susans.org/forums/index.phpVF/topic,244009.0.html)
VFS: September 2019; three-month report here
Full-time: April 2020
FFS: August 2020
SRS: January 2021

Offline Daylight

  • Neighbor
  • ***
  • Posts: 92
  • Reputation: +1/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Coming Out to Young Nieces - Advice?
« Reply #8 on: July 13, 2020, 11:46:08 am »
Thanks, Sarah! And thank you, Sandra! What a cute story. Kids that young being accepting seems to be a pretty consistent thread :)
39 years old and learning to be Megan :)

Offline barbie

  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 5,569
  • Reputation: +68/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • I change my avatar every week
Re: Coming Out to Young Nieces - Advice?
« Reply #9 on: July 13, 2020, 01:35:02 pm »
Quote
I think young kids are probably more adaptable and resilient than anyone, so I'm not particularly worried.

Yes. You are right. Nowadays children and college students see all kinds of people around the world, and transgender people are not a big deal for them. One of my college students once reminded us that nowadays they do not care whatever I look like while I chatted with my friends.

Once an elementary school student asked me whether I am a man or a woman, after my lecture for kids. I replied "between".

barbie~~
Just do it.

Offline Erika_

  • Friend
  • ****
  • Posts: 204
  • Reputation: +3/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Coming Out to Young Nieces - Advice?
« Reply #10 on: July 13, 2020, 01:49:26 pm »
One thing to expect is weird questions, prepare for them to ask you if this means you can have babies.

I had to explain to my niece that it wasn't possible, she was disappointed that she wouldn't be getting another cousin.

Tags: