Author Topic: When did you know it was time to go full time?  (Read 1509 times)

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Offline nz_maddie

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Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
« Reply #20 on: July 24, 2020, 11:40:39 pm »
Hi, I started HRT in August 2019 and my plan was to come out to all and go full time Sept / Oct 2020.  We went into lockdown late March and I decided that the time was right.  I came out on Facebook and at work, and from there on in went full time.  At that time going public basically consisted of visits to the food store, and we didn't use masks here so I couldn't hide behind one!

I started laser facial air removal before starting HRT and have only just started electrolysis for the grey hair.

Things have been fantastic so far, we are back at work now, I am 100% out, my name is legally changed, and I have all new ID and passport.  I have been very fortunate and have maintained a confident and positive air, which really has helped.  I knew that the time was right, for me, and you will know when it's right, for you.

Just a kiwi girl, shuffling along, trying to grow wings


Offline Rebecca28

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Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
« Reply #21 on: July 25, 2020, 12:41:31 pm »
Danielle, thank you for the kind words.. I will keep everyone updated. Fortunately we have a good local support group I am in. I talked to Susan from this site this last week. She was so encouraging and so nice and loving! It really helped.

Sophia, I thought it was strange advice too. I feel good about my plans and they are happening! Thus, I submitted this question. It just didn’t sit well with me. The more I thought about it the more it bothered me. Granted it was only advice that I can take or leave:

I appreciate your sharing when you knew. This girl is so excited but scared as I navigate these difficult waters. I know will be ok in the other side!

Offline Rebecca28

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Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
« Reply #22 on: July 25, 2020, 12:48:46 pm »
Maddie, 

Thank you so much sharing your experience. I am glad that all worked out for you as it did. I have had three laser treatments and now am on the electrolysis. I have told two groups I am in.  I playEd pickleball today and told them. They started calling me my new name in support of me despite being in male mode at the court. I almost cried! They showed so much love and compassion. My other group is an improv comedy group. They are so diverse and unique. I have been playing a woman’s part in skits for a few weeks. They were very supportive too. I am very fortunate to have amazing support as I navigate this process.

Offline ChrissyRyan

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Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
« Reply #23 on: July 25, 2020, 01:17:11 pm »
Maddie, 

Thank you so much sharing your experience. I am glad that all worked out for you as it did. I have had three laser treatments and now am on the electrolysis. I have told two groups I am in.  I playEd pickleball today and told them. They started calling me my new name in support of me despite being in male mode at the court. I almost cried! They showed so much love and compassion. My other group is an improv comedy group. They are so diverse and unique. I have been playing a woman’s part in skits for a few weeks. They were very supportive too. I am very fortunate to have amazing support as I navigate this process.

That sounds wonderful.   :)

Chrissy
Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that your speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

Offline Rebecca28

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Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
« Reply #24 on: July 25, 2020, 01:41:16 pm »
Chrissy,

Thank you so much!!

Hugs, Danielle

Offline sarahc

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Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
« Reply #25 on: July 25, 2020, 05:12:50 pm »
I agree that a pandemic lockdown can be a really good time to go full time if you can. For me, presenting in two dimensions via Zoom videoconferences has been a great transition tool - it has given me confidence in a non-threatening, controlled setting and gets people used to seeing the new me in 2D. Then when people see you live and in person, it isn't going to be nearly as jarring. The pandemic has been horrible (it blew up my first FFS date among other things), but the pandemic has also yielded some unusual transition opportunities.

Sarah


Hi, I started HRT in August 2019 and my plan was to come out to all and go full time Sept / Oct 2020.  We went into lockdown late March and I decided that the time was right.  I came out on Facebook and at work, and from there on in went full time.  At that time going public basically consisted of visits to the food store, and we didn't use masks here so I couldn't hide behind one!

I started laser facial air removal before starting HRT and have only just started electrolysis for the grey hair.

Things have been fantastic so far, we are back at work now, I am 100% out, my name is legally changed, and I have all new ID and passport.  I have been very fortunate and have maintained a confident and positive air, which really has helped.  I knew that the time was right, for me, and you will know when it's right, for you.
----
48 years young.
Known that I am trans since...forever.
First therapy session / decided to transition / hair removal: October 2018
HRT: January 2019 (journal https://www.susans.org/forums/index.phpVF/topic,244009.0.html)
VFS: September 2019; three-month report here
Full-time: April 2020
FFS: August 2020
SRS: January 2021

Offline Alice

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Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
« Reply #26 on: July 25, 2020, 08:52:58 pm »
Alice, that’s awesome.. I just feel like I have a lot to do and a ways to go before I am passing. My goal really is each day to move closer. Like HRT it seems slow but then I look in the mirror and am like wow!! So in I know slow and steady accomplishes my goal over time. I applaud you Erika for going for it faster. The one thing I know for sure is I am not going back!!

Danielle,

For myself slow and steady had to win the race. Remember you are not racing anyone, go at your own pace.

Everyone from work to my friends knew I was trans for a long time before I went full time. I was grateful to have work mates who were extremely understanding and gave myself the time to plan my transition. I am sure they all knew from 12 months out about my plans to transition.

Another reason I had to go slow was because I had failed once before. Back in 2008 I started HRT and I was never comfortable. It took about 6 months but I eventually had to quit HRT as I was going from bad to worse. Hence I needed to be extra careful this time around.

Alice
 

 
« Last Edit: July 26, 2020, 06:55:59 pm by Alice »

Offline Rebecca28

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Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
« Reply #27 on: July 25, 2020, 11:28:39 pm »
Alice,

Thanks for your advice. This is my third go on HRT and am not stopping this time. I went on for 4 months 2 years ago. Moved across the country and was extremely stressed. so I stopped and gave myself some time to get settled. It was just too much. I started again 6 months later for 5 months. was lonely and frustrated and met an amazing woman. We fell in love. So I said maybe I need to hit the pause button again because I wanted to marry this woman. I needed to find a new doctor  in my new hometown. We broke up January 25 of this year. I ended up in the local ER got a referral for a trans friendly doctor. Met the best doctor I have ever had. He does my hormones and is my primary doctor. The woman and I are best friends still very much in love even though we aren’t dating officially. She helps me out with learning a lot of things like makeup and clothes.
I am determined to not stop this time and have fully accepted my transition. I am more excited about my future than ever before.  My depression is all but gone.,it occasionally rears it’s ugly head. I get through those days pretty quick especially knowing they won’t last forever. I am blessed but make no mistake some days are very difficult. The difference with my third time around is my increased support. My determination to live authentically as me and my love of life.

Offline pamelatransuk

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Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
« Reply #28 on: July 27, 2020, 02:19:38 pm »
Alice,

Thanks for your advice. This is my third go on HRT and am not stopping this time. I went on for 4 months 2 years ago. Moved across the country and was extremely stressed. so I stopped and gave myself some time to get settled. It was just too much. I started again 6 months later for 5 months. was lonely and frustrated and met an amazing woman. We fell in love. So I said maybe I need to hit the pause button again because I wanted to marry this woman. I needed to find a new doctor  in my new hometown. We broke up January 25 of this year. I ended up in the local ER got a referral for a trans friendly doctor. Met the best doctor I have ever had. He does my hormones and is my primary doctor. The woman and I are best friends still very much in love even though we aren’t dating officially. She helps me out with learning a lot of things like makeup and clothes.
I am determined to not stop this time and have fully accepted my transition. I am more excited about my future than ever before.  My depression is all but gone.,it occasionally rears it’s ugly head. I get through those days pretty quick especially knowing they won’t last forever. I am blessed but make no mistake some days are very difficult. The difference with my third time around is my increased support. My determination to live authentically as me and my love of life.

Hello Danielle

It is wonderful to read that you are now well motivated and equipped to pursue and enjoy transition and to go fulltime when you are ready.

As for me, I knew several months in advance that I would be going fulltime as soon as my previous house sold. I left my old house June 28th 2019 and went fulltime June 29th 2019. However I was so desperate for fulltime (16 months HRT) that had the sale failed, I think I would have gone fulltime then before moving.

Wishing all those still in preparation every success in choosing the correct time.

Hugs

Pamela xx






Offline Pammie

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Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
« Reply #29 on: July 27, 2020, 02:55:13 pm »
Alice,

Thanks for your advice. This is my third go on HRT and am not stopping this time. I went on for 4 months 2 years ago. Moved across the country and was extremely stressed. so I stopped and gave myself some time to get settled. It was just too much. I started again 6 months later for 5 months. was lonely and frustrated and met an amazing woman. We fell in love. So I said maybe I need to hit the pause button again because I wanted to marry this woman. I needed to find a new doctor  in my new hometown. We broke up January 25 of this year. I ended up in the local ER got a referral for a trans friendly doctor. Met the best doctor I have ever had. He does my hormones and is my primary doctor. The woman and I are best friends still very much in love even though we aren’t dating officially. She helps me out with learning a lot of things like makeup and clothes.
I am determined to not stop this time and have fully accepted my transition. I am more excited about my future than ever before.  My depression is all but gone.,it occasionally rears it’s ugly head. I get through those days pretty quick especially knowing they won’t last forever. I am blessed but make no mistake some days are very difficult. The difference with my third time around is my increased support. My determination to live authentically as me and my love of life.
I’m intrigued what your role was when you met and fell in love with this woman. How did she feel about how life was going to change so much for you as a couple as you transitioned to your true self?


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Offline Rebecca28

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Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
« Reply #30 on: July 27, 2020, 03:34:41 pm »
Pamela,

Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement!!

Alice, we met when I was in guy mode. Told her I was trans up front. She was fine with that. We dated and both fell head over heals for each other very quickly. As with many relationships where things go too fast. As we really got to know each other. We both realized our dating relationship was not working  for many reasons. So we broke up sadly, cried a lot, took a couple of weeks apart then reconnected over lunch. She was free to date again and so was I. We both went on dates with other people. I knew at the end of my date. I was fully transitioning once and for all. I was determined to not meet anyone until I was full time as me for the first time. Much to my surprise, her date didn’t work out either. We are best friends and closer than ever as a result of my transitioning. We have matching pajamas and enjoy shopping together. We support each other emotionally and are there to give each other hugs.. most importantly we have fun together and really enjoy each other’s company but respect each other’s need for alone time. We have made our nondating relationship closer then when we were dating and the future looks bright. Because there is not that dating pressure. We are just two people who love to be with each other and are determined to support each other. I am very blessed and fortunate. We are both free to date others but realized we both don’t want to right now and just enjoy each other in our lives. In the end who knows what will happen. We could just be girlfriends together or eventually start dating again. who knows. I take one day at a time and continue my journey to womanhood.

Offline ChrissyRyan

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Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
« Reply #31 on: July 27, 2020, 03:41:44 pm »
Pamela,

Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement!!

Alice, we met when I was in guy mode. Told her I was trans up front. She was fine with that. We dated and both fell head over heals for each other very quickly. As with many relationships where things go too fast. As we really got to know each other. We both realized our dating relationship was not working  for many reasons. So we broke up sadly, cried a lot, took a couple of weeks apart then reconnected over lunch. She was free to date again and so was I. We both went on dates with other people. I knew at the end of my date. I was fully transitioning once and for all. I was determined to not meet anyone until I was full time as me for the first time. Much to my surprise, her date didn’t work out either. We are best friends and closer than ever as a result of my transitioning. We have matching pajamas and enjoy shopping together. We support each other emotionally and are there to give each other hugs.. most importantly we have fun together and really enjoy each other’s company but respect each other’s need for alone time. We have made our nondating relationship closer then when we were dating and the future looks bright. Because there is not that dating pressure. We are just two people who love to be with each other and are determined to support each other. I am very blessed and fortunate. We are both free to date others but realized we both don’t want to right now and just enjoy each other in our lives. In the end who knows what will happen. We could just be girlfriends together or eventually start dating again. who knows. I take one day at a time and continue my journey to womanhood.


Having a true friend is so valuable and important.   :)

Chrissy
Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that your speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

Offline Rebecca28

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Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
« Reply #32 on: July 27, 2020, 06:16:29 pm »
Chrissy,

I am very lucky and taking another year to build my support has been good for me., like many others I tried everything and I mean everything to not transition. I spent 40 years struggling to know what I had and no amount of therapy could help me. I would have benefitted from a scientific test like the work they are doing on brain scans. I just wanted to feel comfortable in my own body, wanted to be loved and accepted. I did the hyper masculine approach, got married and lived the life of a happily married guy. I was active in my church, community and played sports. Yet inside I was miserable and didn’t understand what. I thought my dysphoria flared when I was under a lot of stress. Ultimately got divorced not as a result but it gave me a chance to breath and really explore this. I went to a reknown therapist who after 10 sessions. I asked for a letter and was told it would be $60. I got the letter and never went back as I felt taken advantage of completely. I found an angel as I call them at a crossdressing store. She recommended planned parenthood for HRT. I had waited over 6 months for an endocrinologist and then they cancelled my appointment because he doctor was sick on my appointment day. The next appointment was not for another 4 months. So i went to planned parenthood. They were so nice,  sweet, very loving and were amazing. When I moved across the country. My current planned hood doesn’t offer it trans support and HRT.  As mentioned in a previous post my primary now does it all and is amazing. All of this journey has come to this point of finally accepting myself, loving myself and going for it once and for all. I have nothing to loose but good days ahead! My debilitating depression is so much better. I love feeling comfortable in my clothes for the first time. I am loved for the first time as me. . I have so much more to go. Not sure how many surgeries I will end up getting. I have an idea and take one day at a time as I keep moving forward.  I appreciate all tbe advice I’ve been given on this site from other brave women like me!

Offline Alice

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Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
« Reply #33 on: July 27, 2020, 07:12:41 pm »
Chrissy,

I am very lucky and taking another year to build my support has been good for me., like many others I tried everything and I mean everything to not transition. I spent 40 years struggling to know what I had and no amount of therapy could help me. I would have benefitted from a scientific test like the work they are doing on brain scans. I just wanted to feel comfortable in my own body, wanted to be loved and accepted. I did the hyper masculine approach, got married and lived the life of a happily married guy. I was active in my church, community and played sports. Yet inside I was miserable and didn’t understand what. I thought my dysphoria flared when I was under a lot of stress.

Danielle,

I also struggled and I foughted it the best I could. First time around I did not want to transition but I saw a gender specialist and he recommend HRT straight away. In hind sight we both agreed it was to soon to start HRT, the result on my mental health were disastrous.

In a way it helped me the second time as I knew I needed to take it slowly and carefully plan every step. That why it took 18 months from starting HRT to going full time.

Alice

Offline Rebecca28

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Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
« Reply #34 on: July 27, 2020, 08:11:06 pm »
Alice, thank you for sharing your journey. I have carefully planned my transition too. I just felt so overwhelmed by everything and broke it down to steps I could attain with out any extra stress.

Offline KateR

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Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
« Reply #35 on: July 27, 2020, 09:52:54 pm »
I went full time when I acquired enough clothing!


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Offline ChrissyRyan

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Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
« Reply #36 on: July 27, 2020, 09:55:33 pm »
I went full time when I acquired enough clothing!


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That certainly is a practical aspect and consideration.  :)

Chrissy
Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that your speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

Offline Rebecca28

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Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
« Reply #37 on: July 28, 2020, 07:40:54 pm »
I went full time when I acquired enough clothing!


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That’s really great. Wish I could but I have much more than clothing before o can go full time. I am so glad you were able to. That’s awesome! 

Offline AllieSF

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Re: When did you know it was time to go full time?
« Reply #38 on: July 28, 2020, 10:51:09 pm »
Danielle,

I went full time about 4 months after starting HRT.  I new that I wanted to start that year after a trip to a destination wedding in Cancun, Mexico.  That trip was unfortunately canceled. However, knowing that I was going to go full time in the very warm months of summer in the San Francisco area, I spent a lot of shopping time buying exactly what I knew that I could wear comfortably while still presenting clearly as a woman.  I bought several pairs of Bermuda shorts, more than double that number of simple and lite tops to match the shorts, and some cheap sandals.  Being retired and at home most of the day except for my daily morning coffee with my coffee mates, I knew that I needed to dress casually.

Well, it didn't take me long to get together a complete wardrobe.  So, I started after having enough of the "right" clothes.  I already had way too many going out at night into the City clothes and outfits.  I didn't really schedule it and it was a little later than I originally wanted, but close enough.  Unbeknownst to me, I had a lot of the hard visual stuff well underway and basically complete, including pierced ears, long hair getting regular attention from my hair stylist and almost done with facial hair removal.

I am still very happy about all of this and would not trade my past life nor this new life for anything, even if I was a very late transitioner.  I truly enjoyed both lives and have no regrets.

Allie
HRT - February 2017
Full Time - July 2018
Orchi - January 2018
BA - September 25, 2019
FFS - January 10, 2020
GRS - TBDDD (To Be Determined, Decision and Date)

Offline KateR

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When did you know it was time to go full time?
« Reply #39 on: July 28, 2020, 11:57:35 pm »
There was a little more to the “acquiring a wardrobe.”

I really wanted to keep my marriage, so the acquiring the clothing was very dependent on my wife getting comfortable with my feminine appearance and being comfortable being with me in public. 

We had a real tough two years, or so.  Many times we were one wrong word from separating.  As she came to understand what was driving me, and had some opportunities to participate in our support group, she understood this wasn’t some deviant sexual fetish, but a conflict deep inside me that I finally had to do something about before it killed me.  She started helping me with makeup and wardrobe.  I started dressing feminine in the house more and more, and venturing out in public more and more. 

For several months, if I was in KC, it was full ‘en femme’.  At home I’d tone it down.  When I had acquired enough to have outfits for most occasions, and about 10 days of everyday stuff I went full time and purged the AMAB clothing.

i’ve kept my tux; not that I’ll ever wear it again but it was worn when I walked our daughters down their aisles, and worn when I was honored and promoted to leadership in the charity I volunteered in.  (When asked I simply say, the tux can go when the wedding dress goes.)  I’ve also kept some souvenir button down shirts, (again reminders of wonderful memories) and one pair of back in the day shoes, that I wear when I’m weed eating the yard after mowing!  (My other shoes are too nice and comfortable to crud up with yard work!)

So full time was probably more when my wife was comfortable with it, as much as having the wardrobe to support it.


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