Topic: When did you know it was time to go full time?

[Jane.Shannon]

I am a teacher, so I timed going full time to the school year.  With COVID I was full time, minus work, in April 2020.  As the school year wound down it was harder and harder to not come out.  By the last day, I had a shirt I wore over my female clothing, so they wouldn't see what I was really wearing.  I came out to my colleagues in early July 2020, and introduced myself to students as Mrs. this year.  By the time it was time to inform my colleagues I was very ready.  It also made my first day of this school year very easy. 

So how do you know?  I would say it is a combination of how you feel and how outside influences line up. 

[Susan R]

I came out to my colleagues in early July 2020, and introduced myself to students as Mrs. this year. 

So how do you know?  I would say it is a combination of how you feel and how outside influences line up.

First off...Congrats @Jane.Shannon on your going full time and living as your true self. Self acceptance is a powerful thing.  In the beginning outside influences were the controlling factor of my timeline. I agree with Jane but for me the outside influences became less and less a factor in time as I realized I could not change society but only myself so that what I did. Ultimately, it is a combination of the two. If you have a spouse, children or work situation those outside influences can be the most powerful and last to overcome in your decision.

Susan R🌷

[Jane.Shannon]

I as think more about the "external influences," and Susan R. summed them up perfectly, they do exert influence going the other way also.  My experience coming out is that about 75% of the people are totally shocked.  We hide being transgender most from the people we are most afraid to loose or hurt.  Our family and close friends.  If things go well, these close people move towards supporting our decision to live openly.  Then those external influence actually move from stopping, or slowing, transition to pushing you towards it.  I personally found the in-between, or part time, very challenging.  Some people were expected to call me Joe and others Jane.  This was really hard on my family, especially my spouse.  Sometimes I was a husband, and sometimes a wife.  The pronouns and name flipping were super challenging.  It has been much easier for my family for me to be just one gender, and not trying to live as both.  So I feel there is some pressure to "just transition."   

[Katie76]

Jane,

You are so right on with the challenge and conflicts of "being between," specially when I was early in my transition. Even now a about 4 years latter I get "pulled back" and dead-named, or misgendered.  The one success is that I am living full-time as myself regardless of what others think, or say. 

In solidarity and support,
Katie76