Author Topic: Chapter 4: Becoming Emma  (Read 11907 times)

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Offline Sarah-Red

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Re: Chapter 4: Becoming Emma
« Reply #440 on: October 27, 2020, 12:32:36 pm »
We're here as your friends Emma. I don't get frustrated with your transition, mine is going to be much longer and more unsure than yours. We're all just trying our best. You can post when you want.

If you want to take a break from writing here for you, then that's completely fine, you can do what feels best to you. But you know you can come back whenever you want.


Good luck to you and until next time <3

Offline AngelaJade

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Re: Chapter 4: Becoming Emma
« Reply #441 on: October 28, 2020, 03:14:28 am »
Hi Emma

Please never give up believing in yourself..
I’ve only been around this forum for a few years, however I know that you couldn’t overstay your welcome (or more appropriately over post your welcome).  Some of us have taken a break from posting for a while and we mostly we come back to share our life stories.

We have all gone through challenges, trauma and heartache. Someone will always listen, someone will always care and someone will always give you light.

No one here is alone.. I’m thankful for that..

Ang xx

Nov 2017 - Diagnosed with GD
Jan 2018 - Commenced HRT (e-patches & CPA)
Dec 2018 - Legally changed name & Gender
Mar 2019 - Openly living as a woman.
Nov 2020 - GCS (PPV with Dr Kieran Hart, Canberra)



Online ChrissyRyan

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Re: Chapter 4: Becoming Emma
« Reply #442 on: October 31, 2020, 06:13:35 pm »
We wish you well Emma.

Hugs and peace,


Chrissy
Be a good example of good behavior.  Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that your speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.  Serve others.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

Offline Emma1017

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Re: Chapter 4: Becoming Emma
« Reply #443 on: November 01, 2020, 01:47:36 am »
I get it. I am not the perfect transition but I am trying so hard. I am so hurting right now...
  The heart has reasons that reason can not understand.

             My Transgender Manifesto

Offline Alice

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Re: Chapter 4: Becoming Emma
« Reply #444 on: November 01, 2020, 02:46:56 am »
Emma,

I had one failed attempt to transition. I know it can be a painful experience. Somehow we all pull through.

Alice

Offline Pammie

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Re: Chapter 4: Becoming Emma
« Reply #445 on: November 01, 2020, 03:24:57 am »
I get it. I am not the perfect transition but I am trying so hard. I am so hurting right now...
Oh my poor Emma. You have been so brave in exposing your heart and soul to us - I so want you to come through this and find your happy place xxxx


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Offline EllenW

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Re: Chapter 4: Becoming Emma
« Reply #446 on: November 01, 2020, 09:36:37 am »
I get it. I am not the perfect transition but I am trying so hard. I am so hurting right now...

Emma,

There is no "perfect" transition, we all have our own path to walk. Just remember that you are not alone and we are here to help and support you as you follow your path to your true self.

Ellen
Known all my life I was different
Started to live part time as my true self in 2010
HRT January 2018
Full time at work February 2018
Legal name and gender change January 2019
GCS - some time soon (I hope)

Offline Pammie

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Re: Chapter 4: Becoming Emma
« Reply #447 on: November 01, 2020, 09:59:29 am »
Emma,

There is no "perfect" transition, we all have our own path to walk. Just remember that you are not alone and we are here to help and support you as you follow your path to your true self.

Ellen
Well said Ellen! Great point! Xx


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Offline Oldandcreaky

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Re: Chapter 4: Becoming Emma
« Reply #448 on: November 01, 2020, 11:54:05 am »
I get it. I am not the perfect transition but I am trying so hard. I am so hurting right now...

Hurting is no way to waste your life. In 30 years or thereabouts, you'll be worms' meat. You've made the choice to train your son for another 2+ years. You've shared your amazing evenings with your wife. Enjoy training your son. Enjoy your lovely evenings with your wife. Shelve your gender struggle for 2+ years. Be happy with what you have now. Your perseveration will make worms' meat of you sooner rather than later, for stress truly kills.

Offline Pammie

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Re: Chapter 4: Becoming Emma
« Reply #449 on: November 01, 2020, 11:59:41 am »
Hurting is no way to waste your life. In 30 years or thereabouts, you'll be worms' meat. You've made the choice to train your son for another 2+ years. You've shared your amazing evenings with your wife. Enjoy training your son. Enjoy your lovely evenings with your wife. Shelve your gender struggle for 2+ years. Be happy with what you have now. Your perseveration will make worms' meat of you sooner rather than later, for stress truly kills.
O&C I can’t decide if ur everyone’s favourite but slightly scary Aunt or the far too clever big sister I never had!


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Offline Oldandcreaky

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Re: Chapter 4: Becoming Emma
« Reply #450 on: November 01, 2020, 01:04:33 pm »
O&C I can’t decide if ur everyone’s favourite but slightly scary Aunt or the far too clever big sister I never had!


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I truly think Brits are the brightest people in the world. I used to work at Harvard, which gathers brilliant people from all over the world, but those Oxford fellows were a quip quicker and ten whits wittier than everyone else. Your comment reminds me of the best of Britain.

Offline Pammie

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Re: Chapter 4: Becoming Emma
« Reply #451 on: November 01, 2020, 01:10:49 pm »
I truly think Brits are the brightest people in the world. I used to work at Harvard, which gathers brilliant people from all over the world, but those Oxford fellows were a quip quicker and ten whits wittier than everyone else. Your comment reminds me of the best of Britain.
That’s far too generous but thank you!
Don’t forget us Brits voted for Boris and Brexit - I fear we are down to 50% of our whits


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Offline Oldandcreaky

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Re: Chapter 4: Becoming Emma
« Reply #452 on: November 01, 2020, 02:19:19 pm »
That’s far too generous but thank you!
Don’t forget us Brits voted for Boris and Brexit - I fear we are down to 50% of our whits


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I'm not just a fan of Brits; I'm also a fan of self-deprecation, so I'm your fan times two now.

Offline Pammie

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Re: Chapter 4: Becoming Emma
« Reply #453 on: November 01, 2020, 02:21:46 pm »
I'm not just a fan of Brits; I'm also a fan of self-deprecation, so I'm your fan times two now.
Awwww shucks


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Offline Emma1017

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Re: Chapter 4: Becoming Emma
« Reply #454 on: November 01, 2020, 03:50:08 pm »
Pammie I am going with O&C as the “favourite but slightly scary Aunt”, the one that you take for a stroll pushing her wheelchair to the edge of the cliff for views of the distant vistas, flirting with the temptation to push her off.  Instead you roll her back to the cottage for tea and biscuits and listen to her sage advice, crankily given but heartfully taken.

O&C you even had me go and look up “perseverative” which I have learned is a collective term in psychology for continuous thinking about negative events in the past or in the future (e.g. worry, rumination and brooding, but also mind wandering about negative topics). 

I totally agree and I think it was well chosen in this context.

I even like the suggestion that I will, sometime in the far distant future, be part of the natural composting cycle of the earth.  Alternatively, I am not a fan of cremation but I do like a good Viking burial in a burning boat.

Fortunately, I only need to be around for my son until the end of 2021.  I will be working from home and I don’t need to do Zoom meetings. During that time, I intend to continue to transition and hopefully begin 2022 with GCS surgery. 

The pain I alluded to last night was a combination of my transgender frustration with an extremely active sciatic pain in both legs that I have had for over a week and a large dosage of bourbon on the rocks.  I was grossly over-served…but it was a lovely evening with my wife and our dog, Duffy.

I also think some of that pain is also due to extreme virus and election fatigue and frustration.  My job requires an excessive absorption and exposure to the media coverage of both.

My experience with transitioning, to the exasperation to all those who have read my thread, has been littered with my endless self-doubt and fear of inflicting pain.  My perseveration has been the end result which was why I decided to stop writing.

Last night’s comment was a moment of weakness and a sense of drunken self-pity.  At least it was a short moment and a quick entry.

On a lighter note, I get start facial electrolysis again next week.

Oh what fun things we transwomen get to do…. ;D


Hugs,

Emma


  The heart has reasons that reason can not understand.

             My Transgender Manifesto

Offline Oldandcreaky

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Re: Chapter 4: Becoming Emma
« Reply #455 on: November 01, 2020, 09:54:10 pm »
Sadly, Emma, "perseverate" is an esoteric word with ubiquitous applications. Simply put, we all do it.

I think of your life in Brooklyn and it sounds swell. Anyone who can buy Brooklyn pizza has reasons to smile. Walking and talking with your neighbors is just more toppings on those pizzas and a dog named Duffy, well, that's yet another reason to smile.

BTW, when you wheel me to the overlook, you'll find my bony, old hands on your fine, strong hands, stroking your fingers, but ready to Visegrip you in a nano-second if you can't resist the old heave-ho.

As we plummet, my final words will be, "But I wanted more Brooklyn pizza!"

Offline Pammie

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Re: Chapter 4: Becoming Emma
« Reply #456 on: November 02, 2020, 02:41:56 am »
Sadly, Emma, "perseverate" is an esoteric word with ubiquitous applications. Simply put, we all do it.

I think of your life in Brooklyn and it sounds swell. Anyone who can buy Brooklyn pizza has reasons to smile. Walking and talking with your neighbors is just more toppings on those pizzas and a dog named Duffy, well, that's yet another reason to smile.

BTW, when you wheel me to the overlook, you'll find my bony, old hands on your fine, strong hands, stroking your fingers, but ready to Visegrip you in a nano-second if you can't resist the old heave-ho.

As we plummet, my final words will be, "But I wanted more Brooklyn pizza!"
O&C you do make me laugh


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Offline Emma1017

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Re: Chapter 4: Becoming Emma
« Reply #457 on: November 02, 2020, 06:47:17 am »
O&C I will update the visual, Brooklyn-style.  As we wheel over the Brooklyn Bridge enjoying the city skyline, the entire conversation would be centered on, which pizzeria do you want to go to, what toppings and of course which red wine would you prefer? ;D ;D ;D

Pammie stop encouraging O&C.  This thread is all about my transgender angst.  What will I be able to talk about once I transition??? ;D ;D ;D

To all of you that continue to just be there for me I just to say a very heart-felt “Thank You!”.  Your words constantly raise my spirits and my hope.

Warmest regards and a massive hug,

Emma
  The heart has reasons that reason can not understand.

             My Transgender Manifesto

Offline Paige

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Re: Chapter 4: Becoming Emma
« Reply #458 on: November 02, 2020, 11:01:12 am »
Hey Emma,

What you're doing is probably one of the hardest things a person can do in life.  If there was more acceptance this would be a lot easier.  This isn't your fault and I worry when you dump on yourself.

There's definitely worse procrastinators out there.  I'm a good example.  I've known since I was 5 years old.  I've tried to find the courage to transition and get away from this constant pain.  I'm 58 now. I've been on a low dose of E for six years now.  My wife is not accepting at all and if I do progress that will bring our 33 year marriage to an end. 

These aren't easy decisions and everyone has different circumstances. 

Hugs,
Paige :)

Offline Sephirah

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Re: Chapter 4: Becoming Emma
« Reply #459 on: November 02, 2020, 04:25:27 pm »
I get it. I am not the perfect transition but I am trying so hard. I am so hurting right now...

You don't have to be perfect, Emma. You just have to be you. None of us know who that is, other than you.

I just got your PM and no... I don't think they are. Not entirely.

Everyone is different. What works for one person doesn't work for another person. We all have our unique psychological makeup, like a fingerprint. What one person can do, another person cannot. For whatever reason. What for one person is easy could be for another, cripplingly difficult. You are no one else other than you. And you know who that is better than anyone else here. You have to take life at your own pace, otherwise you stop living your own life and start living someone else's. Which is no different to the thing you're trying to escape.

You have to be you, Emma. Whoever that is, and however that is. You have to do things because you want to, not because you feel you have to. Because you're scared people will get tired of hearing the things you have to say. Forget all that, okay? Other people don't own you. You own yourself. This is YOUR life, and yours to make it how you want, when you feel you can. However long that takes. We all have our own "Rules of life". What applies to us doesn't necessarily apply to everyone else, and it's a bit self centred to think it should.

Be you. At your own pace.

I love you, sweetie. And I believe in you. Always.

L X

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