Author Topic: So many questions.  (Read 716 times)

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Offline Miss_X

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So many questions.
« on: August 03, 2020, 12:38:41 pm »
Before I start this is not a negative post even if it may sound like it is in bits. 

Hi everyone.  I haven’t posted here in a while I’ve more or less just been reading what others are saying and trying work out where I am on the whole spectrum of change.  As it stands I have made very little change to my appearance other than clothes I wear at home and practicing things like makeup for the social side of me. 

I’ve made huge progress in terms of self acceptance and I have now made a full time commitment to transition.   During my journey I have lost some family and my partner of four years.  She was aware of my desire to change but said if commit then we are over basically.   It’s fine though really. She has been helping with clothes that she thinks would suit me even as a male. 

My problem is when I get dressed I don’t look feminine at all.  I just look like pale guy in leggings and a jumper.   Does anyone have any tips on how to feminise myself a little.  I don’t want to be beautiful as I feel that’s impossible but I would like to fee, like I’m achieving more than just buy clothes and underwear etc.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.  Thanks for your time. 

X

Offline Maid Marion

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Re: So many questions.
« Reply #1 on: August 03, 2020, 01:20:21 pm »
Hi Miss_X

You may want to experiment with wearing makeup and nail polish. 

Have you studied fashion based on body shape.  Most TGs have an Inverted Triangle body shape.  But not all.

https://www.trunkclub.com/womens-style/inverted-triangle-body-shape

Marion

Offline Miss_X

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Re: So many questions.
« Reply #2 on: August 04, 2020, 04:00:13 am »
Makeup is where I am at right now.  I’m going shopping tomorrow with my ex to look at some better makeup nail varnish etc. In terms of my body shape I will read the link and go from there.  It’s just so difficult to feminise. Thanks for you help

X

Offline Maid Marion

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Re: So many questions.
« Reply #3 on: August 04, 2020, 05:20:03 am »
Everyone has a best feature(s) they should emphasize as well as flaws they ought to hide.
The focus should be on looking good with the assets you have.

The beauty standards you get by looking at magazine covers and the Internet are totally unrealistic.  They are fake.
Even GGs can't meet them.  Taylor Swift, who is gorgeous, said she fell into that trap when she was young, trying to achieve a body image that was impossible.  Many Hollywood stars have dentures because of all the dental work they were pressured into to "look the part."

Marion

Offline CosmoIsWanda

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Re: So many questions.
« Reply #4 on: August 04, 2020, 05:43:54 am »
I am in the same boat as you. For me what helps is to understand that there is no rush. It's a very long process anyway. Personally my plan is to wait until the hormones do their magic and make me look more feminine before walking outside in female clothes haha.

Anyways we are all in this together so I wish you the best!

Offline Miss_X

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Re: So many questions.
« Reply #5 on: August 04, 2020, 05:48:18 am »
I completely agree and I don’t expect to look like a super model for sure. I do want to be happy with the way I look at the same time. 

Offline Nadine Spirit

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Re: So many questions.
« Reply #6 on: August 04, 2020, 07:01:01 am »
Hi..... a few thoughts I have for you.....

Clothing, be willing to try on anything and everything.  Go to as many stores as you can and try on ask much as you can.  Figure out what looks good on you and flatters your shape.  It is time consuming and discouraging for everybody, regardless of how one was identified at birth.  Personally I love shopping, without even buying anything.  My AFAB wife, she hates it because she feels that no clothes were made to fit her body.  So, try to not take it personally when things don't work the way you would like them to, just move on and find something else that will work.

Makeup, my best advice would be to visit a makeup counter at a department store or Sephora or Ulta, and have them do a makeover for you.  Watch, listen, ask questions.  Buy products that you think will work for you and that you understand how to use.  This can be a very valuable method of learning how makeup works.

Hair, well I wear wigs.  And I approached it the same as clothes shopping.  It took many years for me to find something that works good for me, but eventually I found it and I love it!  If you don't need to purchase your hair, yay!  Go to a stylist then.  Ask what the can do to help you look cute. 

Good luck!

Offline Birdie on a Wire

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Re: So many questions.
« Reply #7 on: August 05, 2020, 04:38:34 pm »
Here are a couple of things that might help.

1) laser hair removal on your face. It will take about a year to get rid of as much as possible but the thing is... a year will pass regardless of whether you commit to that or not. If you do, that year will pass and most of your facial hair will be gone.

2) you could get your ears pierced.

3) like Nadine said, look into wigs. If you get one, look on YouTube and search out vids that show how to create a realistic hairline.

Lastly... and this is a bit of hard truth. If you are occupying a body that is powered by testosterone and you also went through male puberty, chances are quite slim that you will look feminine unless you have been genetically gifted.  Administering estrogen would help in that endeavor but sometimes even then, it isn’t exactly as one might hope.

Offline Birdie on a Wire

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Re: So many questions.
« Reply #8 on: August 05, 2020, 05:27:37 pm »
I really want to add something else to what I because I feel like it may have come across as discouraging.

“Femininity” is a construct and an idea imposed by a patriarchal culture.

Are there mannerisms that are typically associated with females? Yes. Some of that is because of biomechanics and anatomy/physiology.  But pierced ears, wearing skirts, long hair, long fingernails... all of that a social construct.

You do you. Find your style. Do what makes you feel more in tune with the woman you fel you are, whatever that means to you and not what society has told you what that should be.

Offline SoCal_Holly

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Re: So many questions.
« Reply #9 on: August 05, 2020, 11:43:44 pm »
There is a lot to absorb, geez I had no idea how Cis women cope !

That said I’m taking it slow, this is a marathon not a sprint. There is no test to pass or fail on your transition success or a finish line to cross. (At least I don’t think there is, lol)

So go at whatever pace suits you and enjoy the ride.

I subscribe to the theory that the master will appear when the student is ready. And Universe / life / Karma / Friends / My gut will let me know when it is time to take the next step in transition (or not).

Hugs,

Fortune cookie slogan Holly


Offline MeTony

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Re: So many questions.
« Reply #10 on: August 09, 2020, 08:52:40 am »
Cloths. Illusions might be your friend. Stripes in the right place or waist bands might give the illusion of a thinner waist and broader hips, narrower shoulders.

It’s the same for us guys. Those who have wide hips need to combine cloths that hide the features.

Wear what makes you comfortable. It’s more than cloths that will make you comfortable. Look at other women, how they walk, talk, mannerism. Mimic one thing at a time and repeat until it is your own.

Offline ChrissyRyan

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Re: So many questions.
« Reply #11 on: August 09, 2020, 09:25:57 am »
Cloths. Illusions might be your friend. Stripes in the right place or waist bands might give the illusion of a thinner waist and broader hips, narrower shoulders.

It’s the same for us guys. Those who have wide hips need to combine cloths that hide the features.

Wear what makes you comfortable. It’s more than cloths that will make you comfortable. Look at other women, how they walk, talk, mannerism. Mimic one thing at a time and repeat until it is your own.

That is good advice.

Chrissy
Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that your speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

Offline CosmoIsWanda

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Re: So many questions.
« Reply #12 on: August 10, 2020, 08:32:59 am »
If it is any consolation for you I am in the same boat. Started HRT exactly 2 months ago so the effects so far are minimal. I bought some clothes a pushup bra and a wig. I still look like a man but I swear I feel a little more like a woman. If I take of my glasses (I am nearsighted) and look in the mirror from a distance I can see the femininity a little better haha. Even with theese results I feel much more comfortable than when I wear my man clothes. I guess that is the important part.

I see that this is going to be a long process and lots of patience to make it work. Don't beat yourself up.over it, you are not alone in your quest.

Offline CaelaNotKayla

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Re: So many questions.
« Reply #13 on: August 19, 2020, 02:32:20 pm »
I completely agree and I don’t expect to look like a super model for sure. I do want to be happy with the way I look at the same time. 

This was something that I had to come to terms with as well-  there's no getting around that I'm a big girl, and will never walk the aisle in Milan- so I have to find my own comfort within.  Ask yourself what about your look isn't right, and then think about what you can do about those things.  Get enough of the small wins that you can feel comfortable in yourself while the things that take time and patience develop. 

My small win was changing my glasses.  My male mode glasses make me look like a man in an ill-fitting wig with a bad makeup job.  But two pairs for the price of one glasses let me find a girl mode pair to frame my face and help pull the all the other elements together.  A rather small thing, but enough that I can see the girl looking back at me in the mirror, no matter how much everything else is a maddening work in progress.
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Online Pammie

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Re: So many questions.
« Reply #14 on: August 19, 2020, 02:39:09 pm »
This was something that I had to come to terms with as well-  there's no getting around that I'm a big girl, and will never walk the aisle in Milan- so I have to find my own comfort within.  Ask yourself what about your look isn't right, and then think about what you can do about those things.  Get enough of the small wins that you can feel comfortable in yourself while the things that take time and patience develop. 

My small win was changing my glasses.  My male mode glasses make me look like a man in an ill-fitting wig with a bad makeup job.  But two pairs for the price of one glasses let me find a girl mode pair to frame my face and help pull the all the other elements together.  A rather small thing, but enough that I can see the girl looking back at me in the mirror, no matter how much everything else is a maddening work in progress.
I totally agree re glasses, mine definitely made a big difference!


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Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: So many questions.
« Reply #15 on: August 19, 2020, 02:41:16 pm »
@CaelaNotKayla

Dear Caela:
You are so very correct about the things that will help to pass and at the same time be most affirming.
Like you stated, changing your eye glasses to a definitely feminine style does a lot for the first impression.
Other small things like rings, bracelets, earrings, necklaces, hair bows and ribbons, hair styles, manicures, pedicures, etc are an immense help.

Clothing and shoe styles along with proper makeup that is not overdone will help as well.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
HUGS,
Danielle



This was something that I had to come to terms with as well-  there's no getting around that I'm a big girl, and will never walk the aisle in Milan- so I have to find my own comfort within.  Ask yourself what about your look isn't right, and then think about what you can do about those things.  Get enough of the small wins that you can feel comfortable in yourself while the things that take time and patience develop. 

My small win was changing my glasses.  My male mode glasses make me look like a man in an ill-fitting wig with a bad makeup job.  But two pairs for the price of one glasses let me find a girl mode pair to frame my face and help pull the all the other elements together.  A rather small thing, but enough that I can see the girl looking back at me in the mirror, no matter how much everything else is a maddening work in progress.
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
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Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 40

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