Author Topic: not sure where i'm going with this  (Read 297 times)

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Offline KMJoan

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not sure where i'm going with this
« on: August 05, 2020, 09:38:50 am »
Hello, everyone! I'm here as a cis partner of a person who is transfemme. As of right now, he isn't sure exactly how he identifies, and so is still using his assigned name and pronouns. We've been together for almost three years, and he told me he was trans about a month ago (although I can't say I didn't see it coming!). We currently live in the deep south of the U.S., and since support groups here are rare, I'm really happy to have found Susan's.

My partner, 28yo, has known he wasn't cis since his early teenage years, but due to financial considerations, is only just now beginning to transition. Luckily enough, I (26yo) have known I was bisexual since my teenage years as well, so this revelation hasn't been a challenge to my own identity. So far things are going pretty well, but I thought it might be a good idea to get established with support resources, because I know big changes are coming and I want to have a community to talk to when they do. My other major concern is that I wouldn't want to do or say anything out of ignorance that could hurt my partner. I may be familiar with the trans community, but I'm still cis, and I know that will limit my understanding.

My partner has recently started HRT, but is waiting to socially transition until his body reflects a more feminine appearance. I have a couple of friends who are nonbinary, and who have transitioned socially but not medically. So HRT is all new territory for me. I'm the type of person who likes to go into everything with a game plan, so I'm working on finding all the resources and testimonies I can about this journey, both from the cis partner's and trans partner's perspectives. All I really know right now is that all I can expect is to not know what to expect.

I'm happy to meet all of you!  :D

Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: not sure where i'm going with this
« Reply #1 on: August 05, 2020, 10:11:07 am »
@KMJoan
Dear KMJoan
    Thank you for coming to the Introductions Forum to let more members here be aware of your arrival to the Forums.
    Please know that I am not trying to hijack your post and your questions and concerns but first I wish to Officially Welcome YOU to Susan's Place.
    I am happy to see that you have signed up as a member of Susan's Place and have submitted your first posting. 

    As you post here on the forums you will be able to exchange thoughts and comments with others that are experiencing many of the same things that you wrote about.
 
    This is the right place for you to be to find out what others may have to say that may have been in your circumstances and with your questions and concerns.
    There are a lot of members here that will be able to identify with your situation as you continue to feel free to share it.
 
    I want to warmly WELCOME you to Susan's Place
You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.

    As you are certainly aware you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other like-minded members.  When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....
     ***There is a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new like-minded friends here. 

    Please come in and continue to be involved at your own pace.   Other members will be along shortly to give you their thoughts about your questions and concerns that you mentioned in your very first posting.
   
    There is information and important LINKS that I have included below.   You will find information about the site that will help you navigate around and best utilize the features here.   
Please look closely at the LINKS in RED, answers are there to many questions that new members ask....

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.
Danielle


Here are some links to the site rules and stuff that all new members should be familiar with:
 
Things that you should read
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 40

Offline Meghan

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Re: not sure where i'm going with this
« Reply #2 on: August 05, 2020, 10:21:25 am »
Hi Joan,

Where do you live? If you live in a large Metro City there always have resources to support local transgender person

Sent from my LM-G710VM using Tapatalk

Meghan Pham: MtF Transgender, Transsexual, Transwoman, social justice, Caregivers, Certified Nurse Assistant

Offline Battle Goddess

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Re: not sure where i'm going with this
« Reply #3 on: August 05, 2020, 10:32:04 am »
Hey, KMJ.

You're an absolute blessing. Would that everyone might have such an understanding partner.
"It's not really a choice. Because we're not choosing to transition...we're choosing to be happy." -- SarahC

Spironolactone January 10 2019
Divigel January 20 2019
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Offline Berra

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Re: not sure where i'm going with this
« Reply #4 on: August 05, 2020, 11:26:13 am »
Hello KMJ
Firstly you are a great human and partner.
Yes yıu are sailing to new world and please be brave and stay behind your partner for any kind of shocks and waves. as far as we learned from accepted people they love their relative/partner who they are whatever they are . Your partner is allways your partner. Belongs to you whatever he/she is doing. I hope my wife will think like you. Kisses and hugs

Offline KMJoan

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Re: not sure where i'm going with this
« Reply #5 on: August 05, 2020, 01:23:37 pm »
Thank you all so much for kind words! We haven't gotten a great reception to the news from my parents, and in fact, I'm no longer on speaking terms with my father. It really means a lot to know there are people who believe in us. <3

I've looked into local groups a bit--and there is one about 45 minutes away--but to be honest, the biggest obstacle to it is that I've got really bad social anxiety. I was selectively mute for most of my childhood, and it was actually internet forums that helped me build the confidence to speak in public when I was a preteen. I guess I just feel safer on the internet. If for some reason that group didn't work out, I know it would be hard for me to work up the courage to reach out again. But that's a whole different story, haha.

Berra, I'll absolutely hope for your wife's acceptance with you! I'm not really a spiritual person, but I'll be thinking of you and wishing you luck!  :D

I think something that really helped me with this was my own coming out experience--even though I know the two situations are completely different, and I would never claim otherwise. But I remember how it felt to be told that I was "confused" and would "grow out of it," and I never want to make anyone feel like that. I can only imagine how much worse it can be for people who are transgender. I want to make this as smooth a transition for my partner as possible.

Offline Battle Goddess

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Re: not sure where i'm going with this
« Reply #6 on: August 05, 2020, 11:48:14 pm »
It really means a lot to know there are people who believe in us. <3


And what's not to believe? Me, I'm mostly jealous!



I remember how it felt to be told that I was "confused" and would "grow out of it," and I never want to make anyone feel like that. I can only imagine how much worse it can be for people who are transgender. I want to make this as smooth a transition for my partner as possible.


Hardest part for me was figuring out this squishy thing called "trans." Gender identification, gender expression, sexuality, yadda yadda yadda... pain in the tuchus. Took me years in therapy to feel comfortable that I knew what I was about. Wouldn't be surprised were your partner to need some time to settle on where exactly (or in which ranges) she feels like she fits on these and other dimensions of being trans.
"It's not really a choice. Because we're not choosing to transition...we're choosing to be happy." -- SarahC

Spironolactone January 10 2019
Divigel January 20 2019
Estradiol Valerate March 14 2019

Offline KMJoan

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Re: not sure where i'm going with this
« Reply #7 on: August 06, 2020, 09:00:23 am »
Absolutely! My partner, A, has gone back and forth a bit so far, and expects that a few more months on HRT will help in figuring it out. Right now we're working with a label of nonbinary and both he/him and she/her pronouns, but I also wouldn't be surprised if it turns out A is a binary woman. If so, the biggest hurdle will probably be getting her to feel comfortable expressing it to me. Even though she already knew I was bi, and I've been outspoken about the rights of trans people, she was still understandably nervous about telling me. She's a very reserved person. Despite my anxiety, I am 100% the more likely of us to demand apologies from rude strangers. Go figure.

I baked a blue and pink cake when she came out. (Or tried to lol, it was pretty ugly, but at least it tasted good.  :P ) But I can tell A is still really hesitant to speak her mind. Does anyone have any suggestions of other things I could do, or does it just take time?

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