Author Topic: Not really wanting to crossdress  (Read 1183 times)

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Offline Susannah

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Not really wanting to crossdress
« on: August 06, 2020, 10:01:44 pm »
I recently join this site after lurking around for some time.  I have posted some of my discomforts and current situation of not being able to transition for various reasons.  I do have a question about type of dysphoria that I have experienced over the years. 

When I was about 5 or 6, my cousin and I used to do some dress up as a female which I remember providing me with some unexpected happiness.  When I realized that it was not something I should be doing, crossdressing is something that I never did again.  Now, I have no desire to crossdress. In fact, I do not even like getting dressed up as a male either.  I just wear something comfortable without doing much else.  I know most of girls here find it necessary and provide dysphoria relief crossdressing.  Frankly, this does not excite me.  Maybe, I suppressed my feelings for so long that now I may be numb to the entire idea. Do others have same feelings about crossdressing?  Is this common at all?

My dysphoria is main due to my male appearance.  I have a very wide shoulder and very muscular body. I really dislike body hair and other secondary male characteristics.  Maybe not liking my body is the reason for not wanting to crossdress.  It just feels puzzling that desire to crossdress is one strong characteristic of trans women  that I do not have.

Offline Jeanne

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Re: Not really wanting to crossdress
« Reply #1 on: August 06, 2020, 11:01:18 pm »
I'll confess.  Going on HRT didn't completely kill my desire to dress in more feminine clothing but it really put a dent in it.  Jeans and t-shirts (ring-spun cotton is softer) are just more convenient for working on cars and in the shop.  Also, my neighbors are fairly conservative, though they seem okay with the changes to my face and body.

I've heard it said that if you want to appear butch or tomboyish then you may need to focus on any other feminine cues.  This seems to make sense to me (sigh.)

Offline Rakel

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Re: Not really wanting to crossdress
« Reply #2 on: August 07, 2020, 06:05:19 am »
Susannah,

I hardly ever cross dressed before my transition. I know that I am the odd bird here on Susan's Place, but that is the way I am. For me, clothing is just a necessity. In fact, I prefer to lounge at our local clothing optional beach here in Miami.

Like yourself, I was muscular and tall and hairy for most of my life. As I aged, I gained weight to the point of a serious health situation. Then I took control of my life and over a period of two years, I lost over 120 pounds by eating a diet of mainly vegetables.

Transition is my main goal. I just made some plans that would get me where I wanted to be. It took time and a lot of effort, but I am happy where I am now. Even today, over 4 years post op, I do not feel any desire to get dressed up. I wear casual clothing almost all the time. I will take the time to dress up if the situation is appropriate.

If your big muscular hairy body is causing your dysphoria, then there are thing you can do. A low calorie diet and aerobic exercise are the most important things to do. Testosterone blockers or an orchiectomey will reduce the effects of Testosterone, but these have other effects that many cannot accept. If transition is in your future, Estradiol hormone therapy is very effective in losing muscle mass.

Here in Miami, there are many men who have removed all their body hair through electrolysis, laser or waxing. They also do a lot of aerobic exercise and do not use heavy weights in the gym. Their results are phenomenal. The term used to describe these men is Metro sexual.

Just set your own goals and do not worry about what other people are doing.  8)





« Last Edit: August 11, 2020, 05:27:54 pm by Rakel »




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Offline Rachel

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Re: Not really wanting to crossdress
« Reply #3 on: August 07, 2020, 08:12:13 am »
Hi,

I hated to dress in female clothing due to a huge negative things that occurred when I did when I was young. I was married when I transitioned and I married someone that was a continuation of my parents for as long as I was married it was very difficult and painful. I fully transitioned.

Breaking through the embarrassment and self hatred was difficult and long and was with the help of a therapist. When I would dress in female clothing when I was young and in my teens and early twenties I took a hug amount of grief. I would wear woman's clothing under male clothing to hide. 

I am female. So why when I was 4 (almost 5) did I put on female clothing and it felt right? I told my mom I was a girl when expressing and it became a physical abuse situation. Understandably, at 4 you do not think about sex. I said to my Mom I am a girl and I was wearing my sisters clothing. Nothing more and nothing less. I was conforming to my gender norms and it felt good. Then there was extreme punishment and the deep rooted feelings I was bad. I hid from my father most of my life due to physical abuse. So wearing female clothing was challenging and the feeling were associated with doing something bad.

Lets add in Catholic school and High School (boys school) and having to go to Mass until I turned 18. Friends were anti LGBT and anything other than the standard conservative script.

When in transition I had to deal with the guilt and decades of negative feedback.

Somewhere along the line I love to express. It is my gender norm and I express me through my clothing. It is an extension of my personality.

HRT removed most of the body hair I had (not much). Face and some groin hair is or was removed through electrolysis. I am still doing electrolysis but nearing the end.

I use to have to weigh myself on a loading dock scale because human scales did no go that high. I stopped at 327 because people would see me and laugh. I do not know what my weight went to as a high. I would estimate above 350 pounds. lost the weight and weigh 170 - 174 pounds. I eat clean keto and only eat in a 6 hour daily window. Clean keto has vegetables, nuts and fat/protein with little simple carbs.  (cut out bread, rice, starch and sugar).

There are 3 levels of keto. 1) less than 60 net carbs (dirty keto), 2)  less than 40 net carbs (My diet)and 3) less than 20 net less carbs (used for cancer treatment). The Mayo Clinic prescribes type 3 keto and chemo for cancer treatment. Never cycle Keto, do or do not. Do not drink alcohol or consume alcohol sugars. Dr. Boz on YouTube has an awesome program and she teaches it to the Navy Seals.

Anyhow, I found amazing help form my gender therapist (8 years of therapy). I talk with her every other week now and it is about life coping and being me things now and not gender related issues. I still have a huge trust issue with people. I am way to explicit with who I am to others ( I share my inner face to others). I think when I broke down the walls of inhibition with transition I broke down all barriers. I am trying to regain perspective on what to share with whom.

Good luck in facing the truths and I hope your choices free your sole.

Rachel

MTF in need of help link https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,133631.1980.html
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Offline SoCal_Holly

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Re: Not really wanting to crossdress
« Reply #4 on: August 07, 2020, 02:26:20 pm »
Dressing with more feminine accents greatly reduces my anxiety level. Doesn’t have to be full blown everything, maybe just a bracelet, shoulder bag, top or whatever. For me these little things are very gender affirming.

Will this be enough for me? Don’t know but I suspect if it is, this will only suffice for a short while....

Probably the most important topic in therapy was accepting who I am Physically, emotionally, and understanding my internal perception of me. Getting comfortable with who I am and accepting me for me was a huge burden off my shoulders.

Baby steps. Hopes this helps you !

Hugs,

Holly

Offline Maid Marion

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Re: Not really wanting to crossdress
« Reply #5 on: August 07, 2020, 08:35:52 pm »
I have similar situation with guy clothes.  They don't fit very well, as I have a very feminine hourglass figure, so everything has an odd fit.  Not to mention that I'm too small for men's clothes.

But, it is really fun to buy female clothes. Not only do female clothes fit very well, but there are a ton of cute XS clothes on the discount rack!

Marion

Offline TanandaTheTrollop

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Re: Not really wanting to crossdress
« Reply #6 on: August 07, 2020, 09:32:43 pm »
I have similar situation with guy clothes.  They don't fit very well, as I have a very feminine hourglass figure, so everything has an odd fit.  Not to mention that I'm too small for men's clothes.

But, it is really fun to buy female clothes. Not only do female clothes fit very well, but there are a ton of cute XS clothes on the discount rack!

Marion

  I feel this may seem antagonistic, it isn’t meant to be so. Just that bragging about your feminine build is not very helpful in this situation. Like even a little, probably more like dumping a 1,000 gallons of jet fuel on a fire. I live in the female world and even they would go crazy on a statement like that. Just saying.
 
  I never did either. My family has always know about me, I have been “out” my entire life but it was never about the clothes. It was about being a girl and the world seeing me as girl. The clothes were always secondary. Not by clothes, makeup or whatever else, just that they see me as I see me. If you are feeling that it makes you less, please don’t. Everyone sees me as a girl and they have for a long time, you know what? That is good enough. I don’t have to be the best girl or even the best trans girl, I just like being me. I don’t even wear makeup. Shocking, I know.
  The muscles do eventually start to shrink on hormones, and from what I have heard they drop considerably after surgery. Let you know soon.
  There is nothing wrong with cross dressing, nothing intrinsically proper either. It just is, nothing more. It is not the end all be all of trans admission, that I am sure of. Dysphoria about having a more masculine build however, probably gonna want to see someone about that. It doesn’t tend to go away on it’s own.
  Hope you find your answers.

TtT

Offline Susannah

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Re: Not really wanting to crossdress
« Reply #7 on: August 08, 2020, 09:07:04 pm »
Thank you everyone for commenting.  I guess what I experience is not really common.  My dysphoria is all related to my body and would like to have more feminine appearance.  If and when I can achieve that, I may end up really like wearing women's clothes.  It just seems like crossdressing is a dysphoria relief for many but it just does not appeal to me.  I wish it were, so that there is a way for some relief of dysphoria for me.  Oh well.

Offline Maid Marion

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Re: Not really wanting to crossdress
« Reply #8 on: August 08, 2020, 09:47:54 pm »
It may just be that you need to focus on what you can change at this time.

I had speech therapy 20 years ago and had an opportunity to work with a Speech Therapist to professional change my voice.  She taught me exactly what I needed to have a very feminine sounding voice!  I had no idea this opportunity would arise, but when it did, I took advantage of it.

Marion

Offline Susannah

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Re: Not really wanting to crossdress
« Reply #9 on: August 08, 2020, 10:04:35 pm »
It may just be that you need to focus on what you can change at this time.

I had speech therapy 20 years ago and had an opportunity to work with a Speech Therapist to professional change my voice.  She taught me exactly what I needed to have a very feminine sounding voice!  I had no idea this opportunity would arise, but when it did, I took advantage of it.

Marion

I may do that.  I have had singing lessons so that I can manipulate my voice somewhat.  Thanks for the suggestion.

Offline ChrissyRyan

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Re: Not really wanting to crossdress
« Reply #10 on: August 09, 2020, 06:18:22 am »
We each have personal preferences for dress and appearance.
I no longer think that I am cross dressing when presenting female with female clothing because I am a female.  As a mtf, female clothes are what should be second nature for me to wear.

After going full time I likely will wear male fashions only to the extent that cis-females might wear them, as women seem to be able to wear male clothes in public should they desire, in contrast to men wearing female clothing often being frowned upon.

Chrissy

Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that your speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

Offline Pammie

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Re: Not really wanting to crossdress
« Reply #11 on: August 09, 2020, 04:47:08 pm »
We each have personal preferences for dress and appearance.
I no longer think that I am cross dressing when presenting female with female clothing because I am a female.  As a mtf, female clothes are what should be second nature for me to wear.

After going full time I likely will wear male fashions only to the extent that cis-females might wear them, as women seem to be able to wear male clothes in public should they desire, in contrast to men wearing female clothing often being frowned upon.

Chrissy
Chrissy, when I went full time I eschewed anything remotely Male because I needed to re-enforce my femininity at a time where I had literally only just started HRT. After 3 years I do now sometimes wear trousers but my natural preference is skirts and dresses.
As I often say I find it important to pass so I don’t think even now I would be confident to not be misgendered if I wore Male attire (not that I’d ever want to!)


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Online barbie

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Re: Not really wanting to crossdress
« Reply #12 on: August 11, 2020, 06:25:13 am »
Regarding, body hair, you can remove or greatly reduce it by using Tria home laser. https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?topic=99286.0

A muscular body also can be feminine. I tend to have more muscle than average women. My shoulders are wider than average women.



Even most women have some masculine features. For example, my daughter has more body hair than me. You can accentuate or hide those features by various skills that you can learn by trials and errors. You may see surprising progress.

My body has been feminine ever since my puberty, and it was a kind of stigma. But in my later 30s, I realized that it can become an advantage when presenting myself as a woman.

The merit of women's fashion is its diversity. I keep dozens of skirts and still buy more. I have more than a dozen of shoes and heels. Tops are also so various, and I like to experiment with them, especially in summer. Despite my biological age, I most weary clothes for juniors or young ladies. But I tend to wear conservatively when I teach or deliver a lecture in the front of audience or students.

   

barbie~~

Just do it.

Offline Maid Marion

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Re: Not really wanting to crossdress
« Reply #13 on: August 11, 2020, 08:07:33 am »
I realized I need to experiment with more with bottoms.  I have hips, but my current work attire currently hides them.  I need to explore options that will show off my figure without making me look any shorter.  Perhaps something that matches light colored shoes.

Barbie, on the other hand, is tall enough that contrasting skirt, tights, and shoes works well for her.
That would make me look really small.

Marion

Online barbie

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Re: Not really wanting to crossdress
« Reply #14 on: August 12, 2020, 12:52:53 pm »
I realized I need to experiment with more with bottoms.  I have hips, but my current work attire currently hides them.  I need to explore options that will show off my figure without making me look any shorter.  Perhaps something that matches light colored shoes.

Marion

You may try high-waist miniskirts or short pants. Most of my skirts are high-waist, making my legs look longer.

To show off your figure, short pants would be better than skirts.

barbie~~
Just do it.

Offline Maid Marion

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Re: Not really wanting to crossdress
« Reply #15 on: August 12, 2020, 01:00:32 pm »

To show off your figure, short pants would be better than skirts.

barbie~~

Yes, in the warm weather months I've been wearing shorts with hem lengths between 2 and 9 inches.  I have a warm skin tone with warm undertones.  I've been adding colors like orange and yellow to my wardrobe.  I just bought an orange sweater.

Marion

Online barbie

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Re: Not really wanting to crossdress
« Reply #16 on: August 13, 2020, 03:25:55 am »
Nowadays I seldom wear short pants, but I do sometimes.
My shortest ones are the following daisy dukes denim pants, which I hesitate to wear outside, and the others are just short denim pants.





I may try wearing them soon as the heat waves are coming.

barbie~~
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Online Northern Star Girl

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Re: Not really wanting to crossdress
« Reply #17 on: August 31, 2020, 07:35:06 pm »
@Susannah
Dear Susannah:

Wishing you a very, very
    H A P P Y   B I R T H D A Y
                    :icon_birthday:         :icon_birthday:
       
I trust and hope that you have an enjoyable Special Day
that includes friends, family, CAKE and Candles.
   :icon_dance:

***NOTE:  Be sure to look for a special gift on your profile on your birthday on Sept 1st!!!


HUGS and best wishes,
Danielle
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Online barbie

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Re: Not really wanting to crossdress
« Reply #18 on: September 01, 2020, 07:22:26 am »
People here seem to be more accepting regarding my wearing Daisy Dukes shorts. Or, I may already look weird to them anyway whatever I wear. A lot of 'Like's from Facebook friends for the 2nd photos.





But I still hesitate to wear it in the university campus.

barbie~~
Just do it.

Offline Susannah

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Re: Not really wanting to crossdress
« Reply #19 on: September 01, 2020, 07:30:02 am »
Barbie,

Be careful with another typhoon approaching your area.  Usually busy typhoon season for Korea.

Susannah

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