Author Topic: First Times  (Read 3552 times)

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Offline JanePlain

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Re: First Times
« Reply #60 on: June 08, 2020, 01:22:08 pm »
She tried that in San Francisco of all places? Uh..... i guess she didn't realize?
Anyway, keep fighting. My wife and i just separated last weekend, but things have been civil and I hope they stay that way.

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Uh... I'm so sorry to hear that.  At least she is being civil.  I had all of you on my mind and watched some youtube videos of couples married then one of them transitions. One that confused me until I watched it over again was the wife of a mtf partner who said she was coming out herself at the same time. I thought she meant she was going to transition ftm then I understood she was coming out as a gay woman. Which she said worked out perfectly. Anyway the thing she said that got my attention was that her spouse appealed to her when other men just didn't do anything for her and she said it was the feminine aspects she somehow picked up on.  To which I believe to some extent all of the wives of the mtf people would probably have to agree was radiating but not spoken about in many cases out of fear or just repressing it thinking they could ignore it or hope it went away. My wife said from the start not to expect her to be the Susie homemaker. When she said that I wasn't thinking about my issues I just thought that it was another girlfriend who didn't cook or clean and wondered how it was I kept finding them. Now I wonder if the reverse thing is true? Do you think mtf people gravitate to women with a more masculine energy? No matter how much Estrogen I'm on men still don't do anything for me so I guess I understand why so many marriages don't survive transition.  Its just so sad when there are kids involved and they get stuck in the middle (With some couples)

I think the one issue brought up the most was not so much the transition because more then a few wives have been helpful but not being able to take the stigma of everyone assuming they were gay to start with. Sure we deal with transphobia but there is still so many people who won't or can't accept gay people or as I said the cases where they just aren't attracted to the person they married after transition. I wish there was some kind of solution. Wouldn't it be great if this wasn't such a huge can of worms?

Offline ToniToday

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Re: First Times
« Reply #61 on: June 08, 2020, 08:09:36 pm »
Hi, ChelseaAnn,

I'm so sorry to hear that you are also separating.  It is excellent fortune to be able to maintain civility.  Hopefully, we might return to that state of respect.  Personally, I think my wife is embarrassed by my transition which is why she is taking a more strident position.  She has been concerned with how her family and friends would find her actions and tastes to their liking in the past.  So, maybe this is just an extreme example of that tendency. 

In any case, I think I'm paraphrasing a Russian author who once said that all happy families are happy in the same way and all troubled households are uniquely dysfunctional.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and sympathies with me....

-Tessa Antonia


I remember the immortal words of Socrates who said, "I drank what?"
- Chris Knight, Real Genius (1985)

Offline ChelseaAnn

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Re: First Times
« Reply #62 on: June 08, 2020, 08:14:11 pm »
Toni,

My in-laws were all about appearances as well. I think some of that passed down to my wife (ex wife, I'm not sure what to call her because we aren't divorced yet). She was open minded unlike her parents, but she never wanted to appear in need (we went through rough financial times), messy (we did a lot of vloset hiding before parties), etc etc.

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http://chelseatransition.blogspot.com/

MTF, transitioning in 2015

Offline ToniToday

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Re: First Times
« Reply #63 on: August 09, 2020, 11:38:59 pm »
Hi, All...

It's been a long, rollercoaster summer....  My house was sold and I'm in the process of moving into a condo in San Francisco, something I didn't think I would ever do....

The divorce turned nasty with bullying and transphobic comments by my soon to be ex and her "darling" friend...  ugh.  At least my kids still seem to be supportive.  I'm really ashamed that I couldn't keep them in the house.  It hurts a bit deeper than maybe it should because I remember having to leave my childhood home under bad financial circumstances.  I just can't believe I'm putting them through this...  I feel like a terrible parent.

Everything still seems up in the air....  but I like being able to think about and envision my new space.  It's all mine to decorate and organize.  I've never had that possibility.  And, I made a new friend who has also just moved into the area, so that seems positive.

Anyways, I'm going to try to journal more often.  I don't know why, but it helps to know I have a supportive audience here.

Take care and be safe!

-Tessa


I remember the immortal words of Socrates who said, "I drank what?"
- Chris Knight, Real Genius (1985)

Offline AllieSF

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Re: First Times
« Reply #64 on: August 09, 2020, 11:57:49 pm »
Toni,

Sorry to hear about the negative side of all this.  I really do think that it is good to try to focus on the good, wherever it is.  At least you have a place to call yours for now.  I live in the East Bay, so, if in need to an ear, a bad one at times, let me know.

Allie
HRT - February 2017
Full Time - July 2018
Orchi - January 2018
BA - September 25, 2019
FFS - January 10, 2020
GRS - TBDDD (To Be Determined, Decision and Date)

Tags: hrt