Author Topic: After starting HRT how long could you continue to present as male?  (Read 1043 times)

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Offline heather3791

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Hey girls, I’ve been delaying starting HRT for several reasons. There are two main reasons why though. One is that I wanted to first complete electrolysis on my face. (Many say that the pain after starting HRT goes way up.) This in itself still has a year or two to go. The other is I wanted to tell my 9-year old about things when he was more like 11 or 12 when he was more mature. But every day that passes I dream of swallowing that first pill and starting my transition. And lately I’ve been thinking about how I could go ahead and start HRT now..and deal with the extra face pain and hopefully not see major changes (at least not physically) for a couple of years...thus allowing my son to mature more and then spill the beans. With that said, I’m curious to hear y’all’s feedback from anyone who has started HRT but is still presenting as male successfully on a daily basis. And if so,  how long you have been able to do it? Thanks for any comments!

Online Northern Star Girl

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Re: After starting HRT how long could you continue to present as male?
« Reply #1 on: August 08, 2020, 10:47:10 pm »
@heather3791
Dear Heather:
You asked a very good question, but it is a question that has an answer that is unique and different for just about everyone.
For me, even before I started HRT I could pass as a female a fair amount of time, then after a few months of HRT I was indeed having difficulty presenting as a male.

It is all about our body makeup and our genes. 
In school I was "blessed" with being one of the smallest boys in my class, small hands, soft face, curly blonde hair, no muscles, female stature (5' 4") and a voice to match.

After starting HRT in March of 2015, I could easily pass 100% of the time within a half-year and then in December 2016 I quit my male mode employment and went Full Time as my "new" self.

You can check out my initial story on my following thread... look at my first April 08, 2018 post and several of my posts after that for some details.
           I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles

I will be eagerly looking forward to reading your posts as you continue in your journey... and if and when you start HRT if that is in your plans.

HUGS and best wishes to you....
Danielle
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 40

Offline Battle Goddess

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Re: After starting HRT how long could you continue to present as male?
« Reply #2 on: August 08, 2020, 11:39:07 pm »
Whereas for me, it's 18 months, and I'm still excited to get Male Fails.

Like Daniele says, you never know where you'll end up, you never know what rate you'll change at, and it's not as though it won't feel like the rate varies from time to time.

That's okay. We get what we get. It's part of the adventure. For me, I think the most satisfying thing has been accepting the need for them and taking them, then enjoying the changes along the way as they arrive.
"It's not really a choice. Because we're not choosing to transition...we're choosing to be happy." -- SarahC

Spironolactone January 10 2019
Divigel January 20 2019
Estradiol Valerate March 14 2019

Offline AnonyMs

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Re: After starting HRT how long could you continue to present as male?
« Reply #3 on: August 09, 2020, 03:54:25 am »
With the facial hair basically forever. More than 10 years anyway.

Not so sure about when it’s removed. There is someone on another forum who’s had hair removal, SRS and FFS, and still presents male. People who know her already never noticed the difference, but new people gender her female.

I think you’re better off telling kids sooner rather than later. Young enough and they won’t care.

I’d start the hrt ASAP.

Offline LaRae

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Re: After starting HRT how long could you continue to present as male?
« Reply #4 on: August 09, 2020, 05:59:50 am »
Convincingly, for about a year. By 1 1/2,that ship had long since sailed.
"Never forget what you are, the rest of the world will not. Wear it like armour and it can never be used to hurt you."



Offline Allie Jayne

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Re: After starting HRT how long could you continue to present as male?
« Reply #5 on: August 09, 2020, 06:25:35 am »
Great Question Heather, and as others have said, this varies greatly between different people. From my experience, facial hair removal has hurt about the same from early into HRT to about 8 moths later, and the majority has been electrolysis for me as I am old! It takes years, and it just hurts, but you can get numbing creams, so if you are committed to transition, start as early as you can!

It is awesome that you are willing to delay your transition to make it easier on your son, but in reality, it can be easier for him to accept at 9 years old. At 11 or 12, he will be dealing with puberty and the confusion that comes with it, and it may make accepting gender change in his father harder. Now this depends heavily on the mental state of your son, and only you can assess that. Test him out with another challenge to his current concepts and see how he handles this.

For me, I had been living as myself at home for 20 years prior to HRT, and I also had Hypogonadism (Low T).  I had very little body hair and long hair already. The interesting thing was that as soon as my breasts began to show, at about 9 months on HRT, I was being misgendered when presenting as male. Now, I don't think I pass as a cis female even now, but it created an awkward situation where people were confused by my appearance. I'm 5'7" with hair down to my shoulder blades and small but visible breasts. I had not planned to go full time for another few months, but it was just easier to present as a trans woman at 10 months on HRT. This was 8 months ago and I have been quite comfortable since, though often misgendered. So there is a period for me where I can't fully pass as either gender, but I am more comfortable as a trans woman.

You need to weigh everything up, taking into account of your current appearance, your son's abilities, and what really makes you comfortable, so you can make your plan. Good Luck!

Hugs,

Allie

Offline Nadine Spirit

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Re: After starting HRT how long could you continue to present as male?
« Reply #6 on: August 09, 2020, 06:50:25 am »
Electro just sucks.  I mean it is fabulous to have so much of my hair gone for good, but the process is shockingly painful.  I too have heard that prior to starting HRT the pain is easier to manage.  However my electrologist who has more than 40 years of experience has told me repeatedly of how hard it is for anyone operating on T.  The T makes the hairs be much more stout, especially on the face.  With some people she has said that it has been years and the hairs keep coming back.  So take that as you will.

Anywho, how long could I pass as male?  Well I did not change my hormones until I was 45.  It was a year prior to me actually transitioning socially, but I chose to, I did not need to.  Mentally I needed to, but physically I really think I could have gone on indefinitely without anyone knowing.  The largest changes are ones that most wouldn't notice, like the softness of my skin, and my breasts are not so big that I couldn't disguise them.  Well at least in clothing I could.  My facial changes have been almost non-existent.  If I had never gone through electro and had facial hair, and actually showed my balding hair, and used my old voice, I would easily pass as male.  But that is also just my opinion.  Other's around me seem to see me much more physically as a woman than I do.

Offline pamelatransuk

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Re: After starting HRT how long could you continue to present as male?
« Reply #7 on: August 09, 2020, 12:02:33 pm »
Hello Heather

I started HRT in February 2018 and went fulltime Pamela in June 2019 meaning 16 months. However my fulltime date was greatly determined by the fact that I was moving house and wished the two events to happen simultaneously. I think that had my house sale failed, I would have gone fulltime Pamela anyway for 2 reasons:

1. By this time I was ready and even yearning to go fulltime.
2. People were staring a bit and were beginning to suspect.

Wishing you happiness and success.

Hugs

Pamela xx






Offline MichelleA

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Re: After starting HRT how long could you continue to present as male?
« Reply #8 on: August 09, 2020, 01:03:21 pm »
Hi Heather,

I don't think you will really gain that much by waiting for your 9 year old to be 11 or 12 before you tell him. Our young children know and have experienced more than we sometimes give them credit for. I have a 10 year old niece and she has a transgender girl classmate.  Being out is a lot more common now, especially at the younger ages that he may already know someone that is transgender. Just sit down with him and ask a few questions, not necessarily about yourself but just general questions. He my just surprise you. I'm afraid you'll be putting yourself through unnecessary stress by waiting to start HRT.  I've been on HRT for less than a year and I can't begin to tell you how much better I feel. 
Finally discovered the real ME: September 5, 2019
Started HRT: September 20, 2019
Out to my wife: October 25, 2019
Out to my closest friends and family: February 9, 2020
Out at work: July 31, 2020

Online Kate.claire

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Re: After starting HRT how long could you continue to present as male?
« Reply #9 on: August 09, 2020, 02:04:45 pm »
As suggested, your time presenting as male is unpredictable.  You can't know what your body's timeline will be.  It's probably best to go into it prepared to socially transition, or you could be caught in a situation you are not ready for. 

I'm on the opposite side of the spectrum from many who post here. I'm nearly two years into HRT, and I probably present as female less now than I did before.  Priorities, and a relatively unchanged body.  I am never in danger of male failing, except maybe to someone who is blind and deaf. Despite all that, I am much better off on HRT than I was before, and have just learned to be content with myself as I am.  I couldn't have done that before.  Just to let you know some of the other possible outcomes.

I second some of the others in that waiting until your son is 11 or 12 may not give you the results you are thinking.  In some ways they are far less mature at 11 or 12 and there are a lot more conformist pressures in those years.  Middle school is brutal, I've taken two through it and just... no.  I don't know if there is a worse time to tell them.  I raised mine knowing all along, but if I hadn't told them before their tweens, I'd have waited until they were out of high school.  Just one of many opinions, but really a better question for your therapist.

Best of luck!




Offline heather3791

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Re: After starting HRT how long could you continue to present as male?
« Reply #10 on: August 09, 2020, 11:31:30 pm »
Hey everyone, sorry for my late reply. I was tied up all day with “my son”..shocker right. After reading all of your post I feel much more calm and focused about starting HRT. So thank all of you so much!

Much of my family, most of my friends and my ex-wife know about me being trans. They obviously don’t know about if and when I’ll start HRT though. Tonight I told my Aunt (the first person I came out to 3-years ago and the person who has been so supportive of me) about wanting to start HRT. As expected she said she supported me no matter what, but that she was worried about my son and the impact things would have on him..with his peers and what he might have to deal with. She said that that his friends and classmates have seen his Dad as a man and at some point they will see you changed into a woman. Some kids can be very cruel and it could be hard on him and a lot to deal with.

I am worried about this too. My son is everything to me and I don’t want my choices to affect him negatively in any way. And I know that everyone I tell about my plans going forward will bring up my son first before anything else. Some of you have already commented about timing as to when I tell my son about things. Thank you again.  But what do I say to everyone when they immediately bring up the impact to my son? I welcome any other thoughts or advice concerning this.

Thanks again y’all!

Offline Allie Jayne

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Re: After starting HRT how long could you continue to present as male?
« Reply #11 on: August 10, 2020, 05:23:44 am »
Heather, only you know your son, but generally, kids can absorb this better before they have to deal with puberty. I teach children, and the younger kids just accept me, even though I am not passable, but the pubertal kids can stand back a little. The social structure pubertal kids live in has higher importance, and they can be scared to accept me in case it alienates their friends. I have to admit, I am constantly blown away at young kids ability to accepts trans people. I was prepared to have the kids interrupt classes with questions about why I am like I am, but it just hasn't happened. I was worried for nothing, and maybe you are as well!

Hugs,

Allie

Offline Nadine Spirit

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Re: After starting HRT how long could you continue to present as male?
« Reply #12 on: August 10, 2020, 06:02:43 am »
I teach middle school, the years everyone on this thread is worried about 11 to 14 year olds.  I was terrified that they would not accept me.  In 2017 I had some students as 7th graders that called me Mr _____, I transitioned over the summer and had some of the same students when they were then 8th graders the next year.  They were all great!  Amazingly so.  I had zero problems.  None.  Which surprised everybody actually.  Within the past 2 years of finally teaching as me the students are actually far nicer.  Yes middle school age students are a struggle for sure, but they are also full time BS detectors.  Thus what I think is that they always suspected something was up with me but they couldn't put their finger on what exactly it was.  I was dressing in a mixed gender presentation, I thought they'd think it was kind of interesting and cool.  But no, they were just confused by it.  Once I fully transitioned though and showed them who I really was, they were like 'oh, okay cool, I can understand this.'  Everyone worries about the children.  My students are actually some of my best supporters.  Who has a hard time with it?  My coworkers.  They still misgender me.  My students, they stand up and protect me. 

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Re: After starting HRT how long could you continue to present as male?
« Reply #13 on: August 10, 2020, 10:20:53 am »
I find that as well.  People are confused by mixed gender presentations.

It is better if I pick one and make it obvious that I've chosen male or female.
It doesn't have to be hard or time consuming, either.  It doesn't take that long to put on a hot pink fleece jacket.  ;D

Marion

Offline AnonyMs

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Re: After starting HRT how long could you continue to present as male?
« Reply #14 on: August 10, 2020, 01:16:11 pm »
When people bring up the impact on your son? I suspect you mean those people who’ve never met a trans person before and have no idea what they are talking about.

Offline Erika_

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Re: After starting HRT how long could you continue to present as male?
« Reply #15 on: August 10, 2020, 02:33:21 pm »
I started presenting as female long before I started HRT.

Offline heather3791

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Re: After starting HRT how long could you continue to present as male?
« Reply #16 on: August 10, 2020, 06:14:54 pm »
Good stuff everybody. I really appreciate the feedback. I scheduled an appointment to discuss HRT on 8/27. I’ll let y’all know how it goes. Stay tuned!

Offline natasha

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Re: After starting HRT how long could you continue to present as male?
« Reply #17 on: August 12, 2020, 06:59:52 am »
Im over 10 years on hmones and still present male out in public. Maybe not very good but............

Offline Pammie

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Re: After starting HRT how long could you continue to present as male?
« Reply #18 on: August 13, 2020, 05:20:22 pm »
Hey everyone, sorry for my late reply. I was tied up all day with “my son”..shocker right. After reading all of your post I feel much more calm and focused about starting HRT. So thank all of you so much!

Much of my family, most of my friends and my ex-wife know about me being trans. They obviously don’t know about if and when I’ll start HRT though. Tonight I told my Aunt (the first person I came out to 3-years ago and the person who has been so supportive of me) about wanting to start HRT. As expected she said she supported me no matter what, but that she was worried about my son and the impact things would have on him..with his peers and what he might have to deal with. She said that that his friends and classmates have seen his Dad as a man and at some point they will see you changed into a woman. Some kids can be very cruel and it could be hard on him and a lot to deal with.

I am worried about this too. My son is everything to me and I don’t want my choices to affect him negatively in any way. And I know that everyone I tell about my plans going forward will bring up my son first before anything else. Some of you have already commented about timing as to when I tell my son about things. Thank you again.  But what do I say to everyone when they immediately bring up the impact to my son? I welcome any other thoughts or advice concerning this.

Thanks again y’all!
There’s no doubt that this is the single most important aspect of your transition. Some of the comments that are on this thread are more generally how their students handled it but it is so much harder and more important when it’s your son.
I was lucky in that I transitioned later so even my youngest was 19 and I would have been so worried trying to transition with my kids still at school. Even then all my kids found it a massive challenge and went through a period of mourning the loss of their dad.
How old is your son?
Xx


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Offline heather3791

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Re: After starting HRT how long could you continue to present as male?
« Reply #19 on: August 15, 2020, 09:07:13 am »
Hi Pammie, he’s 8

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