Author Topic: How has your experience in dealing with cis women been with your transition?  (Read 1379 times)

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Offline AlexUABC

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some women support us, give us advice, encourage us, others reject us, attack us, they say we will never be women.

Online AllieSF

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Alex,

That is so true.  The ones that usually have the most problems are usually those closest to us, or important to us.  I had minimal problems coming out and going full time.  My biggest issues were with my two grown children who I think are finally on board and my ex-wife who is now like a sister to me.  If I lost a coffee shop acquaintance, I probably could care less. If I lost someone close, that would hurt and concern me.

The main thing in all this is to learn how to love yourself as is and be proud of who you are.  When you get there, others opinions really do not matter too much.  They may need to be dealt with, but hopefully the hurt is less, as in, "It is their loss not mine."

Good luck with whatever is happening with and around you.  Just remember at this stage patience can be a life saver, because some of those important people may just come around later.

Hugs,

Allie
HRT - February 2017
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Offline Rakel

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Actually,my experiences has been quite good.  ;)

Troublesome people of all types usually just quietly leave, which is fine with me.  :P





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Offline Nadine Spirit

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The main thing in all this is to learn how to love yourself as is and be proud of who you are.  When you get there, others opinions really do not matter too much. 

So true Allie.

My experience with women has so far all been positive.  Shockingly positive in my opinion.  I have yet actually to have anyone attack me or insult me.  I know that in the larger societal group that not everyone is supportive of transgender humans, but fortunately in real life, I have yet to meet them.  I have had one couple stop hanging out with my wife and I, but that was expected so no big loss. 

Online pamelatransuk

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Hello again Alex

I am delighted  to say that all the women I know have either been supportive or indifferent.

No mocking or insults at all.

I feel I am now one of the clan (of women) whereas previously I simply longed to join.

Hope  you receive similar  or better experiences.

Hugs

Pamela xx







Offline KathyLauren

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My experience has been uniformly good.  I know that there are woman (and men) who express negativity towards trans women, but I have not met any.  I live in a small rural hamlet, where you would expect redneck attitudes.  Well, we have honest-to-goodness rednecks here, but they don't have the attitude, at least on this subject.  Everyone has been supportive or at least accepting.

I wish others have the same experience.
2015-07-04 Awakening; 2015-11-15 Out to self; 2016-06-22 Out to wife; 2016-10-27 First time presenting in public; 2017-01-20 Started HRT!!; 2017-04-20 Out publicly, beginning full-time; 2017-07-10 Legal name change; 2019-02-15 Approval for GRS; 2019-08-02 Official gender change; 2019-10-18 Phone consultation for GRS; 2020-03-11 GRS!; 2020-09-30 New birth certificate




Offline KateR

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I can also say I haven’t had any overtly insulting experiences.  I’ve had one couple we know obviously struggle and quietly fade away.  We’ve had a couple of others that 1) struggle to understand and 2) think their husbands would have issues.  So I just kinda ‘lay low’ around them.

Personally, I am to the point of ‘if you have an issue - it’s your problem.  I’m simply living my life in the manner that allows me to be honest and happy.’   

Where I do feel pain is when my wife gets caught up with some friend(?) that has an ‘opinion.’  I feel for the awkward situation I put her in, and for the losses she suffers.


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Offline ChrissyRyan

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So far, so good at least with whom I have shared my transgender status.

However, as we know, some cis-women and actually some cis-men, do think that “trans-women” are not “real women.”

Did Jenner coming out change things?  Unsure, maybe.  Then again, some trans-women have seemed to disassociate with Jenner.

Chrissy
Be a good example of good behavior.  Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that your speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.  Serve others.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

Online pamelatransuk

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Hello again Chrissy

Glad to hear that it has also been good for you.

With regard to your second point, I think Jenner certainly helped our cause but I think we were beginning to gain recognition when most people started using and reading the Internet. This invention opened the worlds eyes not only to our existence  but also to the higher numbers of us than previously assumed. The anti-reaction is still there but as time passes, we gain more acceptance from society as a whole.

Hugs

Pamela xx











Offline kutral

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I feel like as trans folx we will constantly have to deal with buttheads in our lives, but I think the most important thing is to stick w/ the people that love us as we are. There's a phrase in spanish that I love it always makes so much sense "si me quieres, quiereme trans" If you love me, love me trans. and this applies in any kind of bonding. Bye haters! We don't need anyone to approve our gender either way, our own identity and self-consciousness is already enough.

Offline ChrissyRyan

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Very good, for sure, with those who I have shared my transgender status.


Chrissy
Be a good example of good behavior.  Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that your speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.  Serve others.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

Offline BrookieBlues

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    I have worked at the same place for 17 years. So most of the women I know have known me as a male for years. When I came out in October, their support was for the most part unanimous. They have treated me as an equal and when I mentioned my trepidations over using the womens facilities, they mostly encouraged me to use them freely. I even had a group of women I work with invite to a girls weekend with them!!

    I say mostly, as I did have one complaint which my workplace did not handle well, but has since been resolved.

    This all said, my wife fully supports me, my sister fully supports me, but my mother-in-law and sister-in-law not so much. Will they evenbtually come around? I don't know.

Offline ramilove

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Mostly accepting and kind, it depends on the person
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Online SheShe

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    I have worked at the same place for 17 years. So most of the women I know have known me as a male for years. When I came out in October, their support was for the most part unanimous. They have treated me as an equal and when I mentioned my trepidations over using the womens facilities, they mostly encouraged me to use them freely. I even had a group of women I work with invite to a girls weekend with them!!

    I say mostly, as I did have one complaint which my workplace did not handle well, but has since been resolved.

    This all said, my wife fully supports me, my sister fully supports me, but my mother-in-law and sister-in-law not so much. Will they evenbtually come around? I don't know.

After knowing you as a male for so long I would think the "facilities" issue would have been a large roadblock in a workplace environment.    On the other hand you must have presented yourself clearly as a woman at heart.

Why did you not go on the ladies adventure when invited,,, that could have been a fun time I would think.

Offline KimC

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just starting to come out more, and I have to say that my experience has been wonderful so far! I don't pass well, but the cis women I've interacted with have been everything from good to totally positive!

Offline Lady Sarah

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Early in my transition (during the 1990s) women were mostly cruel and demeaning towards me. After I got rid of my Adams apple, and retrained my voice all over again, things got a lot better. I'm just careful not to give out any hints that I might be trans. The few women that do know seem overly inquisitive about my life, making me feel like some sort of science experiment. That is certainly not the kind of attention I want. I doubt many here would want that sort of attention on a daily basis. Thankfully, those few women are not part of my daily life.
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Offline ashley7

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I think they’re happy just not being hit on by a guy, to be honest. Although, I am glad you have found success in dealing with women!

Take care,
Ashley

Offline Anastasia

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I am not transitioning so I don't know if my experiences belong here. Why do I even think my experience has any relevance? Back in February I realized that I am trans as opposed to crossdresser. I realized I didn't just want to pass in appearance but I also needed to pass "mentally". Although I am not any closer to transitioning,  a large question has been resolved. The elephant in the room of my mind is gone, or is at least a much smaller elephant baby. I am more comfortable with who/what I am. I suppose I have begun the mental transition.

   My experiences suggest that I am more comfortable with women and women are more comfortable with me. I have stopped coaching myself to act male when I am away from home(wife doesn't like this) and work (I need a job) and have begun listening to "social instincts" that i used to ignore. So this leaves me relating what happens when I am shopping and running errands. What I have noticed is a change in the way many women interact with me, whether I am en femme or not. The friendliness that is shown is more genuine feeling now. There is more conversation and when its over, the conversation ends with the closing of a book rather than the slamming of a door. I know I will run into a woman that openly dislikes me for being trans, but it has not happened yet. I feel like the nervousness a lot of women have when dealing one on one with an unknown male has largely vanished, or has been greatly subdued. There is one shop keeper i have talked for years. She commented that lately I have been much more confident and RELAXED when I am shopping in her store. She told me that I no longer (to her) feel like a man in a dress but more like another woman in her store.

Edit: trans to transitioning. Thank you Pamela!
« Last Edit: November 07, 2020, 04:04:57 pm by Anastasia »

Online pamelatransuk

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Hello again Anastasia

I can relate to everything you state concerning interactions with ciswomen most of which applies to me also.

I assume you made a typo stating you are not trans as clearly you are trans; presumably your fourth word above should read "transitioning?"

Sending love to you

Hugs

Pamela xx






Offline JoJoWolfe

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So far - amazing! Three friends Cath, Jade and Lucy have been fantastic, use my name and pronouns in conversations. I went on a girl’s night out with C n J and two other cis women and we had a hoot of a time. I came out to my neighbour Keira, hoped for indifference.. what a reaction ‘wow, amazing, I’m so glad you found your true self after all this time, what’s your female name, Joni? Oh lovely’ showed some of my pictures - I was in drab at the time having just come home from work, still in the closet there - ‘oh my, you look so different, wonderful, look forward to seeing you as you’. I restarted laser on my blue shadow and came out to the clinic staff and they were all excited and pleased for me and want me to come dressed as I should be when restrictions are lifted.

In our local shop there is a lovely assistant, about 19-20, she always let on to me when I was John and usually had  a little chat. Now with face masks and me now going to the shop as me I have looked ‘rather different’ but she let’s on to me, bit hesitant the first time but I’m pretty certain who I am has clicked and she always gives me a little wave now.

Just to mention the boys a second- I came out to my best friend of 30 years. It took a few seconds to process and he was perfectly okay. We chatted on the phone for 40 minutes shortly afterwards, there was no why’s or how, just a normal conversation, asked how my transition was going, said he could tell my voice had become softer and was modulating in a feminine manner was very encouraging and ended by saying ‘right, so when all this clears up and it’s okay to do so are we still on for that curry?’ I cried buckets.

Another acquaintance, Craig, no problem, no odd looks when we first met as me at Cath’s house, and after a while said ‘if you don’t mind me saying your voice is much rounder and softer and you have very feminine mannerisms, this is definitely how you were meant to be, it’s so natural for you’

I have very dear friend, another Lucy, I love her and her family to bits, for the last three years she insists I have Christmas dinner with them when she found out I was alone.  She helped her best friend propose to her girlfriend and went to their wedding, in fact I went on the hen party at Birmingham Pride (brilliant!) straight after Lucy and I had completed a marathon. Anyway, I’m sure she will be okay but circumstances are such that it will probably be after Christmas before I can tell her .. I’m so nervous, I don’t want to lose her or have things change.. fingers crossed.

One female acquaintance has faded away - no problem.

I think I will have difficulty with one male friend, he is very traditional

Other than that, there are people I know on a nodding basis when we bump into each other at races (running) most I think will be indifferent, I know some will be hostile so I’ll simply avoid them.

I’m in the closet at work until I (hopefully) retire early next June, they probably suspect, a couple would be difficult but not to the point of it being a disciplinary matter. I’m fortunate as in the U.K. there are laws against discrimination and my employer has a strict code of practice and will not tolerate discrimination, bullying or harassment. Even so, it’s not worth the negativity for just a few months.




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