Author Topic: Familial terms  (Read 714 times)

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Offline CaelaNotKayla

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Familial terms
« on: August 20, 2020, 01:11:00 pm »
My son came up to me and asked "Do you want us to call you mom?"  My first response is that I'm still Dad, and my late wife will always be Mom. But it did make me wonder if there are other terms that might be more appropriate.  "This is my Dad, Caela" seems like a joke from an episode of "Friends".... So I'm crowdsourcing ideas...what familial terms are other girls using after coming out?

Caela
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Offline Gertrude

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Re: Familial terms
« Reply #1 on: August 20, 2020, 01:34:50 pm »
My oldest daughter called to say she's expecting, so I turned to my wife and asked, doesn't this mean I am transma?

Offline CaelaNotKayla

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Re: Familial terms
« Reply #2 on: August 20, 2020, 02:01:47 pm »
Gertrude-

Congratulations on the grandchild!  Transma! The person I identify as my father-in-law, who came out 10 years ago, she will love that term!    :D

Caela
My Blog Thread - The Chronicles of Caela

Who knew it'd be so bright without the blindfold - Demi Lovato

Offline TSL_NB

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Re: Familial terms
« Reply #3 on: August 20, 2020, 02:54:17 pm »
I concur  - congrats, Gertrude! :)

Hey Caela, just to share my experience, I started my parenting journey with three step-daughters, so I was never called 'Dad,' ever, before or after coming out....it was always by my first name.

We had two more girls after that, and they just followed suit, so once the name expansion part in my life comes around (I'm still going to keep my given name, but I'm adding another one, to complete it), I don't know...we'll see?


But I have to say, it's a good indicator that your son is accepting of you, by checking in to see how you want to be called. :)
 
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Offline Gertrude

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Re: Familial terms
« Reply #4 on: August 20, 2020, 03:26:43 pm »
Gertrude-

Congratulations on the grandchild!  Transma! The person I identify as my father-in-law, who came out 10 years ago, she will love that term!    :D

Caela

It's our first and unexpected. Wedding in October, baby due April 12. Thanks for the well wishes.

Offline CaelaNotKayla

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Re: Familial terms
« Reply #5 on: August 20, 2020, 03:34:01 pm »
I concur  - congrats, Gertrude! :)

Hey Caela, just to share my experience, I started my parenting journey with three step-daughters, so I was never called 'Dad,' ever, before or after coming out....it was always by my first name.

We had two more girls after that, and they just followed suit, so once the name expansion part in my life comes around (I'm still going to keep my given name, but I'm adding another one, to complete it), I don't know...we'll see?


But I have to say, it's a good indicator that your son is accepting of you, by checking in to see how you want to be called. :)

TSL_NB-

My kids are my rock!  Their support has made all the difference as I've worked through the challenges this year has brought!  Our family has been trans-friendly for years, and checking pronouns and preferred names have become second nature.  But asking if I wanted to be called "Mom" definitely wasn't something I was ready for :)

Caela
My Blog Thread - The Chronicles of Caela

Who knew it'd be so bright without the blindfold - Demi Lovato

Offline TSL_NB

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Re: Familial terms
« Reply #6 on: August 21, 2020, 06:34:25 am »
TSL_NB-

My kids are my rock!  Their support has made all the difference as I've worked through the challenges this year has brought!  Our family has been trans-friendly for years, and checking pronouns and preferred names have become second nature.  But asking if I wanted to be called "Mom" definitely wasn't something I was ready for :)

Caela

Same here, Caela!

My family hasn't been exactly trans-friendly (with a few exceptions), but my kids have accepted me unconditionally, and that's awesome.

It also allowed me to understand why the course of events in life happened as they did.  They needed to be in this world, and I'm thankful every day that they're here. :)
It took over 40 years to realise, and believe, that what I am NOT, is a mistake.

(Yes, I'm a Canadian who served in the US Navy....)


Offline Jessica_K

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Re: Familial terms
« Reply #7 on: August 21, 2020, 08:01:23 am »
My youngest girl calls me mummy Jess even though she is, and I should not say this, towards her 4th decade, and her daughters  my granddaughters calls my Nanny Jess. I love them all

Jessica xx

Offline Birdie on a Wire

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Re: Familial terms
« Reply #8 on: August 21, 2020, 10:27:22 am »
This is a subject that weighs a little heavy on my mind for various reasons. And I just don’t know the solution.

I watched streaming series Transparent and the person who was transitioning (who was a parent and grandparent) opted for the endearment Moppa.  It was a splicing together of “momma” and “poppa”.

I thought it was kind of cute and endearing and have heard of a couple of other mashup type endearments but none quite hit the mark. 

I still haven’t quite come up with the right moniker yet.

Offline AllieSF

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Re: Familial terms
« Reply #9 on: August 21, 2020, 02:53:50 pm »
My best friend worked out another "mashup" name for her son to use, "Fammy" (Father - Mother).  It has worked fabulously for all concerned.  The son is wise beyond his years and can easily converse with, "My Dad (or Father), she said this the other day ...".  My youngest grandsons call me "Papa Buzz", Buzz being my nickname from childhood that only special people use.  I really don't care what they use as long as the like me and love me!
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Offline Allie Jayne

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Re: Familial terms
« Reply #10 on: August 21, 2020, 04:18:24 pm »
This is an awkward thing alL trans people with kids need to negotiate. If you tell family what to call you, it can make it painful for them. My 39 y.o. daughter calls me Daddy, and we have discussed how this could be awkward fo her when we are out together, and it happened recently at my grandson’s birthday party. My daughter invited a new friend who noted what I was called and a couple of days later asked my daughter about it. My daughter was in tears explaining me, though her friend was ok with me being trans. My daughter loves me and we have a very special mother daughter relationship, but she is mourning the loss of her dad, and feels if she stops calling me Daddy, it’s the act that buries her father for good. She has her children calling me Poppy, and refuses to change that, although my 2 year old calls me Nanny. I am encouraging them to call me Granny, and eventually I will win.

I don’t have such a close relationship with my 36 y.o. son as we never had much in common. I did raise my 2 children on my own from ages 3 and 5. When I came out to my son, he came to see me the day after and said he realised I was his true mother. He had rarely called me Dad, and in recent years started calling me ‘old man’, so now he calls me ‘old lady’. He and his partner are expecting a baby the day after Xmas, and he rang and told me I would be Grandma to his child.

It’s funny how things work out, and how we really don’t get to name ourselves with children and grandchildren, and it can evolve with time. Like many, I don’t really care what they call me so long as I remain part of their lives.

Hugs,

Allie

Offline CaelaNotKayla

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Re: Familial terms
« Reply #11 on: August 21, 2020, 04:34:04 pm »
It’s funny how things work out, and how we really don’t get to name ourselves with children and grandchildren, and it can evolve with time. Like many, I don’t really care what they call me so long as I remain part of their lives.

Hugs,

Allie

Allie-

It's kinda how I'm feeling too- I'm still going to be me, and I want them to be their own persons. I'm happy being just Caela to them if that is what they are comfortable with and keeps them in my life. 

Congratulations on your future grandchild!

Caela
My Blog Thread - The Chronicles of Caela

Who knew it'd be so bright without the blindfold - Demi Lovato

Offline SarahEL

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Re: Familial terms
« Reply #12 on: August 21, 2020, 04:41:16 pm »
My daughter calls me Dad or Daddy - she is 13.. But it was becoming an issue when out and about in shops - then covid happened, and no shopping - but just recently she said she would start calling me mom, that was of her own free-will (and she has a mom, a good one and I never wanted to replace her in any way) - but - I sort of see where my (very clever and aware) daughter is coming from and, as I said to her, she can call me whatever she wants and feels comfortable with. Who am I to tell her otherwise?

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Offline Allie Jayne

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Re: Familial terms
« Reply #13 on: August 21, 2020, 07:21:59 pm »
Allie-
Congratulations on your future grandchild!

Caela

Thank you Caela! I absolutely love babies, and I am so excited about our new arrival, but the date is just 10 days before my GRS, so I won't get to see them much! My daughter would not trust anyone but me to look after her newborns, and I am still her first call for anything child related.

Hugs,

Allie

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