Author Topic: I don't know if I'm trans or not (questionning and help)  (Read 488 times)

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Offline Gravity ERA

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I don't know if I'm trans or not (questionning and help)
« on: August 31, 2020, 04:51:50 pm »
Hi! Here's a bit about me:
I'm afab and since I had my puberty (around 12) I refused to grow up. This lead to an identity crisis at 18. I'm currently in the crisis but I'm willing to learn things.
As a young teen, I wore hoodies and sweatpants and generally masculine clothing. I wanted to be a boy because I hated having a period. But I didn't want to have a penis. I wanted to be neutral. Now, in my identity crisis, I think I'm non binary.

The thing is, I don't know if I identify as a woman or a man, and I don't know how that feels(or should be) like.
I express myself with masculine clothing and wish I had a flat chest and a genitalia nullification surgery. I'm too young to do a permanent procedure than can change my life.

I talked to my parents (they had a phycology background) about changing pronouns and names and they don't really like it. They accept me for who I am but think this is all about an identity crisis.

My parents want me to focus on finding why I hate having boobs and a vagina/vulva and want to accept it.
I don't know if they do it to keep me from potentially going into surgery later in life, want me to be their daughter, or just don't like the idea of me presenting as a non binary.
I also think they don't completely understand than non binary is part of being trans and instead of FTM, it's just female to "neutral".

So how do I know if I'm trans or not? Am I not comfortable with myself because of society?

I wouldn't say I'm 100% giving myself the label of trans because I know this can be a phase and I can change my mind on it. (That's what my parents tell me)

All help and advice is appreciated.

Online Northern Star Girl

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Re: I don't know if I'm trans or not (questionning and help)
« Reply #1 on: August 31, 2020, 04:57:29 pm »
@Gravity ERA
Dear Gravity ERA
    Please be aware that I am not trying to sidetrack your thread about an important subject to you but no doubt that you have seen other brand new members here get Official Welcome messages when they make their first posting.

    FIRST THINGS FIRST, I wish to Officially Welcome you and give you important rules and information about the Susan's Place Forums.
    I am happy to see that you have signed up as a member of Susan's Place and have submitted your first posting. 

    As you post here on the forums you will be able to exchange thoughts and comments with others that are experiencing many of the same things that you wrote about.
 
    This is the right place for you to be to find out what others may have to say that may have been in your circumstances and with your questions and concerns.
    There are a lot of members here that will be able to identify with your situation as you continue to feel free to share it.
 
    I also want to warmly WELCOME you to Susan's Place
You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.

    As you are certainly aware you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other like-minded members.  When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....
     ***There is a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new like-minded friends here. 

    Please come in and continue to be involved at your own pace.   Other members will be along shortly to give you their thoughts about your questions and concerns that you mentioned in your very first posting.
   
    There is information and important LINKS that I have included below.   You will find information about the site that will help you navigate around and best utilize the features here.   
Please look closely at the LINKS in RED, answers are there to many questions that new members ask.

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.
Danielle


Here are some links to the site rules and stuff that all new members should be familiar with:
 
Things that you should read
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 40

Online Northern Star Girl

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Re: I don't know if I'm trans or not (questionning and help)
« Reply #2 on: August 31, 2020, 04:57:48 pm »
@Gravity ERA
Dear Gravity ERA:

OH, and another thing....
If you feel so inclined please feel free to stop by the Introductions Forum to tell more members about yourself!
 
With more exposure to more members here you will be able to get more responses to your questions and concerns.

Wishing your well as you continue to be involved in the forums.

NOTE: Now, after all of this Greeting and Welcoming stuff, I will give you and other readers the thread back so that the conversation can continue

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.
Danielle
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 40

Offline MikaelaA

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Re: I don't know if I'm trans or not (questionning and help)
« Reply #3 on: August 31, 2020, 06:17:39 pm »
Hi Gravity ERA,

I would like to start out by saying Welcome!!!  If you are dysphoric about any part of your anatomy, I would find it very difficult if not impossible to find acceptance no matter how hard you try. The first thing you should probably do is find a therapist specializing in gender identity.  I'm not sure what position that would put you in with your parents having psychology backgrounds but in this instance, your parents are too emotionally involved in this situation to be able to give you unbiased advice.....after all you are their daughter.  You are still very young and need to explore the possibilities with the guidance of a therapist and no matter where you fall on the transgender spectrum, you are still you. I wouldn't stress about it too much. It's a journey.....a marathon more than a sprint. I didn't realize I was transgender until I was 57 and I'm still taking the time I need through the process to digest everything in order to make the right decisions for myself. I hope you take everything in perspective and know we will always be here to help. I wish you all the best in your journey.


With Love,

Mikaela
Finally discovered the real ME: September 5, 2019
Started HRT: September 20, 2019
Out to my wife: October 25, 2019
Out to my closest friends and family: February 9, 2020
Out at work: July 31, 2020
Legal name change: September 29, 2020

Offline Rakel

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Re: I don't know if I'm trans or not (questionning and help)
« Reply #4 on: August 31, 2020, 07:34:42 pm »
So how do I know if I'm trans or not? Am I not comfortable with myself because of society?

The real question should be, "How do you want to live the rest of your life?"

I knew I had issues at a very early age, but we were told to just work it out and we would be ok. Well, 50 years later I still had issues. I knew something was wrong. I just really did not think that transition would give me the relief that it did.

I took a leaf of faith and proceeded with transition and I could not be happier.

If you choose to  have a mastectomy and a hysterectomy, this can easily be done. However, you will be missing some hormones that these organs provide and you may have health issues from that. Are you comfortable with any sort of hormone replacement, even if it is low dose HRT?

Whatever you chose to do, it is going to be permanent. Make absolutely sure that you need to do this.

When you talk about society expectations, be aware that not everyone accepts us as we express our efforts to live the rest of our lives as we wish. You must accept yourself first and find your own place in the world. Transition is not an end of itself, but rather a path to get you where you need to be. You must also plan for your future. Will you be able to support yourself financially? Can you accept the limited personal relationships that some of us experience after transition?

In my opinion, if you are still asking others if you are transgender, you need to wait until you can definitely answer that question for yourself without reservation. Nobody can answer this for you. You must do this yourself. After all, you are the only one who will live with the consequences of your decisions.

Take care  :-*




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Retired Pharmacist with over 40 years experience in Hospital and Retail Pharmacies.
I still keep my professional licence active and in good standing.


Offline sarahc

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Re: I don't know if I'm trans or not (questionning and help)
« Reply #5 on: August 31, 2020, 08:19:22 pm »


I talked to my parents (they had a phycology background) about changing pronouns and names and they don't really like it. They accept me for who I am but think this is all about an identity crisis.


Are you currently seeing a therapist who specializes in gender identity, or have you discussed with your parents the possibility of seeing a therapist?

Sarah
----
48 years young.
Known that I am trans since...forever.
First therapy session / decided to transition / hair removal: October 2018
HRT: January 2019 (journal https://www.susans.org/forums/index.phpVF/topic,244009.0.html)
VFS: September 2019; three-month report here
Full-time: April 2020
FFS: August 2020
SRS: January 2021

Offline Allie Jayne

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Re: I don't know if I'm trans or not (questionning and help)
« Reply #6 on: August 31, 2020, 09:22:46 pm »
Are you currently seeing a therapist who specializes in gender identity, or have you discussed with your parents the possibility of seeing a therapist?

Sarah

Sarah is right. Gender specialised and experienced Psychologist is far better placed to advise you on your correct path, and should be your first step in this journey. A couple of sessions with a properly qualified person will help you to understand where you are at, and what options are available to you, and should ease your anxieties significantly. All due respects to your parents, but a general psychologist simply isn't equipped to diagnose a trans person.

I hope you can find your way soon!

Allie

Offline Gravity ERA

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Re: I don't know if I'm trans or not (questionning and help)
« Reply #7 on: September 01, 2020, 07:56:25 am »
Sarah is right. Gender specialised and experienced Psychologist is far better placed to advise you on your correct path, and should be your first step in this journey. A couple of sessions with a properly qualified person will help you to understand where you are at, and what options are available to you, and should ease your anxieties significantly. All due respects to your parents, but a general psychologist simply isn't equipped to diagnose a trans person.

I hope you can find your way soon!

Allie

I understand. They told me that they could let me go through therapy. That told me that our insurance only covers 10 sessions of 1 hour each. They also told me that a few of those sessions will be used to talk about my past as the therapist is a stranger. I had a couple of sessions with my parents where they ask me questions and let me elaborate on my feelings. I understand the fact that it can be a tomboy phase. But afterwards, if I still feel the same, I would like to see one when it comes to that.

Offline Battle Goddess

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Re: I don't know if I'm trans or not (questionning and help)
« Reply #8 on: September 02, 2020, 01:45:13 pm »
I understand. They told me that they could let me go through therapy. That told me that our insurance only covers 10 sessions of 1 hour each. They also told me that a few of those sessions will be used to talk about my past as the therapist is a stranger. I had a couple of sessions with my parents where they ask me questions and let me elaborate on my feelings. I understand the fact that it can be a tomboy phase. But afterwards, if I still feel the same, I would like to see one when it comes to that.

That's a p good start, Gravity. Generally has been true for me that the first sessions are all about helping the therapist get to know me. After that, the rest of them have all been about working with the therapist so that I can get to know me.

As with the others, strongly recommend you insist that the therapist be trained in understanding adolescent/young adult gender issues. It's a growing specialty in the field but still isn't all that common. You can often filter for it on your insurance company's website when looking for a tdoc. Don't just settle for someone nearby or convenient.

I will concede that this all might just be a phase, but it does seem as though it has persisted for a third of your life or so. That's one helluva phase.

As to your parents, it sounds like they love you very much and only want the best for you. Best thing you can do for yourself is not try to please anyone but yourself when it comes to issues like this, and issues like this deserve careful consideration and deep meditation. Give yourself time and freedom to feel. No need to rush.

This site doesn't approve of putting URLs in posts, but take a look at genderbread.org if you haven't already. Might help prepare you for that first session by giving you some thinkspace beforehand.

Good luck!
« Last Edit: September 08, 2020, 12:42:01 pm by Battle Goddess »
"It's not really a choice. Because we're not choosing to transition...we're choosing to be happy." -- SarahC

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Offline ramilove

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Re: I don't know if I'm trans or not (questionning and help)
« Reply #9 on: September 03, 2020, 10:02:44 am »
Therapy can help you sort things out, everybody can use some help every now and then.
Best of wishes
Rami
Electrolysis 3/4/2020
Estradiol 3/10/2020

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