Author Topic: The Chronicles of Caela  (Read 7528 times)

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Offline CaelaNotKayla

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Re: The Chronicles of Caela
« Reply #120 on: October 25, 2020, 12:41:02 pm »
Part 15- Miss Hermione Granger

I knew that the holiday season would be a challenging part of the year for me.  In rapid succession I would have my wife's birthday, Thanksgiving, and Christmas.  Each a time of wonderful memories- and this year the thought of much of it rings hollow. 

For the past few years we had been hosting Thanksgiving and Christmas.  My wife always went into full gear for the holidays, decorating the house and planning exquisite meals.  While she loved to cook, she never felt comfortable with the everyday lunches and dinners- her forte was the holiday feast!  My mom will save me for Thanksgiving- she wants to host.

In the midst of this run of days lies one of my wife's favorite holidays- Halloween (All Hallows Eve or Samhain for some of you).  She would decorate the yard and house with her scary decorations, work for months with the kids on their costumes, and cheerfully hand out candy to all who came to our doorstep.  In the midst of grief and COVID, I knew I had to find some way to continue her traditions.

The kids and I talked soon after my wife's passing about what we thought of the traditions- and at the time COVID was declining and we thought we'd definitely decorate.  As we've got closer that trend has turned around, and cases are back on the increase.  We made the hard call to not have trick or treaters come to our door- and that meant not decorating outside.  So we're setting stuff up for inside, and my kids can come up and "Trick or Treat" at my bedroom door!

Next was working with the kids on their costumes.  My youngest I thought would be the hardest to find- he often has no opinion, but settle pretty quickly on being "Steven Universe".  One down!

My oldest had a very clear idea of what they wanted to be- but we'd have to make our own (Peridot from Steven Universe).  So we started out getting all the supplies for a costume, and in the ensuing couple of weeks he got it about 50% done before life intervened.  So we ended up going out and getting a pre-made "Sora" outfit from Kingdom Hearts.  Two down!

Now on to my costume- with the added challenge that I had a decision to go male-mode or girl-mode.  I thought about all the options, and I didn't really like the male-mode options (closest was being a "Ghostbuster") Girl-mode options seemed harder- most everything is sized for someone much smaller.  The few outfits that did fit (Slutty Nun! Emo Witch! Busty Pirate Wench!) just were not my style.  But then I got to thinking- We had always been fans of the "Harry Potter" books (just don't get me started about the sensibilities of their author...), and when the stores had reopened I had found a plaid Gryffindor miniskirt on clearance.  Maybe I could get more schoolgirl-type clothes online, and go as a student of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry!

I dug through our stuff to see what I already had, and as expected none of my wife's stuff fit.  So with just a mini-skirt, and my wand that I picked up at Universal Studios I started to build an outfit.  I found a Gryffindor tie at one of the stores that cater to my kids, and a pair of socks while visiting a local tourist town. I actually found a plus-size Hogwarts robe at the Halloween store. Amazon brought the rest.

I tried it on to see how it would look all put together.  With makeup I thought it looked really beautiful!  At the time I was still building confidence, and while I was happy with the look I was concerned about showing her in public.  At least we were going to do an indoor COVID lockdown Halloween!



Time passes- I become not only more confident in myself, more accepting of myself without makeup, and to the point of presenting how I want and letting other folks draw their own conclusions- and then I get an invite to a video-call Halloween party at work.  I looked at my calendar, and noted that I had plenty of time in the schedule to get ready.  I could block off the hour before the party- dress, put on makeup, and join the call right when it started!

Oh yeah, about that..... Life happens again, and by the day of the party my schedule is completely booked.  I woke up early, dressed in my costume and threw a bulky sports jersey over the top for a "Zoom shirt" and began my day.  At least my call right before the party looked like it would end early and I'd be able to put my makeup on (haha, right!) 

So it's time for the party, my previous call is going long but finally ends.  I'd just have to wing it.  I switched to my favorite long hair, fixed the lighting so it wouldn't look entirely horrible and joined the bridge sans makeup.

Comments were generally positive- Some thought it was funny that M____ was wearing a wig.  Some that said I looked really pretty in long hair.  One of my employees said "Boss, I know this will probably get my bonus taken away- but I don't think I like this look on you!"  (I looked that up afterwards- the government wouldn't be happy if I took his bonus away for that comment... Oh well!  >:-) >:-) )

So in the spirit of "Pictures or it didn't happen", I present to you Miss Hermione Granger making her appearance to a wider circle of folks at work in all her badly lit, unflattering camera angle glory!



Hugs!

Caela
My Blog Thread - The Chronicles of Caela

Who knew it'd be so bright without the blindfold - Demi Lovato

Offline ChrissyRyan

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Re: The Chronicles of Caela
« Reply #121 on: October 25, 2020, 01:53:37 pm »
You have a nice look Caela.


Chrissy
Be a good example of good behavior.  Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that your speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.  Serve others.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

Offline Pammie

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Re: The Chronicles of Caela
« Reply #122 on: October 25, 2020, 02:52:55 pm »
Part 15- Miss Hermione Granger

I knew that the holiday season would be a challenging part of the year for me.  In rapid succession I would have my wife's birthday, Thanksgiving, and Christmas.  Each a time of wonderful memories- and this year the thought of much of it rings hollow. 

For the past few years we had been hosting Thanksgiving and Christmas.  My wife always went into full gear for the holidays, decorating the house and planning exquisite meals.  While she loved to cook, she never felt comfortable with the everyday lunches and dinners- her forte was the holiday feast!  My mom will save me for Thanksgiving- she wants to host.

In the midst of this run of days lies one of my wife's favorite holidays- Halloween (All Hallows Eve or Samhain for some of you).  She would decorate the yard and house with her scary decorations, work for months with the kids on their costumes, and cheerfully hand out candy to all who came to our doorstep.  In the midst of grief and COVID, I knew I had to find some way to continue her traditions.

The kids and I talked soon after my wife's passing about what we thought of the traditions- and at the time COVID was declining and we thought we'd definitely decorate.  As we've got closer that trend has turned around, and cases are back on the increase.  We made the hard call to not have trick or treaters come to our door- and that meant not decorating outside.  So we're setting stuff up for inside, and my kids can come up and "Trick or Treat" at my bedroom door!

Next was working with the kids on their costumes.  My youngest I thought would be the hardest to find- he often has no opinion, but settle pretty quickly on being "Steven Universe".  One down!

My oldest had a very clear idea of what they wanted to be- but we'd have to make our own (Peridot from Steven Universe).  So we started out getting all the supplies for a costume, and in the ensuing couple of weeks he got it about 50% done before life intervened.  So we ended up going out and getting a pre-made "Sora" outfit from Kingdom Hearts.  Two down!

Now on to my costume- with the added challenge that I had a decision to go male-mode or girl-mode.  I thought about all the options, and I didn't really like the male-mode options (closest was being a "Ghostbuster") Girl-mode options seemed harder- most everything is sized for someone much smaller.  The few outfits that did fit (Slutty Nun! Emo Witch! Busty Pirate Wench!) just were not my style.  But then I got to thinking- We had always been fans of the "Harry Potter" books (just don't get me started about the sensibilities of their author...), and when the stores had reopened I had found a plaid Gryffindor miniskirt on clearance.  Maybe I could get more schoolgirl-type clothes online, and go as a student of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry!

I dug through our stuff to see what I already had, and as expected none of my wife's stuff fit.  So with just a mini-skirt, and my wand that I picked up at Universal Studios I started to build an outfit.  I found a Gryffindor tie at one of the stores that cater to my kids, and a pair of socks while visiting a local tourist town. I actually found a plus-size Hogwarts robe at the Halloween store. Amazon brought the rest.

I tried it on to see how it would look all put together.  With makeup I thought it looked really beautiful!  At the time I was still building confidence, and while I was happy with the look I was concerned about showing her in public.  At least we were going to do an indoor COVID lockdown Halloween!



Time passes- I become not only more confident in myself, more accepting of myself without makeup, and to the point of presenting how I want and letting other folks draw their own conclusions- and then I get an invite to a video-call Halloween party at work.  I looked at my calendar, and noted that I had plenty of time in the schedule to get ready.  I could block off the hour before the party- dress, put on makeup, and join the call right when it started!

Oh yeah, about that..... Life happens again, and by the day of the party my schedule is completely booked.  I woke up early, dressed in my costume and threw a bulky sports jersey over the top for a "Zoom shirt" and began my day.  At least my call right before the party looked like it would end early and I'd be able to put my makeup on (haha, right!) 

So it's time for the party, my previous call is going long but finally ends.  I'd just have to wing it.  I switched to my favorite long hair, fixed the lighting so it wouldn't look entirely horrible and joined the bridge sans makeup.

Comments were generally positive- Some thought it was funny that M____ was wearing a wig.  Some that said I looked really pretty in long hair.  One of my employees said "Boss, I know this will probably get my bonus taken away- but I don't think I like this look on you!"  (I looked that up afterwards- the government wouldn't be happy if I took his bonus away for that comment... Oh well!  >:-) >:-) )

So in the spirit of "Pictures or it didn't happen", I present to you Miss Hermione Granger making her appearance to a wider circle of folks at work in all her badly lit, unflattering camera angle glory!



Hugs!

Caela
That is so wonderful - I just love your commitment to being yourself. You have been through so much and do deserve happiness. Extra big hugs xx


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Offline SarahEL

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Re: The Chronicles of Caela
« Reply #123 on: October 25, 2020, 02:59:20 pm »
"It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends."
― Albus Dumbledore

❤️❤️❤️
Oh, life is bigger,  It's bigger Than you and you are not me
The lengths that I will go to.  The distance in your eyes

R.E.M. - Losing My Religion

Offline Pammie

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Re: The Chronicles of Caela
« Reply #124 on: October 25, 2020, 03:17:20 pm »
"It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends."
― Albus Dumbledore


Sarah - im not convinced of the validity of quoting Dumbledore but i’m gonna give you a pass on this one


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Offline SarahEL

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Re: The Chronicles of Caela
« Reply #125 on: October 25, 2020, 03:31:34 pm »
"Dumbledore says people find it far easier to forgive others for being wrong than being right." — Hermione Granger

 ;D ;D ;D  (sorry, Cae started it by dressing as Hermione!....)

Oh Oh Oh... I have another one for Cae...(slightly modified)...

"Just because it’s taken you three zoom calls to notice, Ron, doesn’t mean no one else has spotted I’m a girl!"
Oh, life is bigger,  It's bigger Than you and you are not me
The lengths that I will go to.  The distance in your eyes

R.E.M. - Losing My Religion

Offline Pammie

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Re: The Chronicles of Caela
« Reply #126 on: October 25, 2020, 03:36:23 pm »
"Dumbledore says people find it far easier to forgive others for being wrong than being right." — Hermione Granger

 ;D ;D ;D  (sorry, Cae started it by dressing as Hermione!....)

Oh Oh Oh... I have another one for Cae...(slightly modified)...

"Just because it’s taken you three zoom calls to notice, Ron, doesn’t mean no one else has spotted I’m a girl!"
Oh dear! I think you’ve started something now!


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Offline CaelaNotKayla

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Re: The Chronicles of Caela
« Reply #127 on: October 25, 2020, 08:05:58 pm »
@ChrissyRyan
@Pammie
@SarahEL

Thanks ladies!  You've brought a big smile to this girl's face!

Chrissy- Thank you! I'm really happy with my look in that first picture- the second one.... I'm content with :)

Pammie-  Thanks for the hugs!  It's important for me to be true to myself!

Sarah- ;D ;D ;D Maybe you did start something sis! Here's your quote!

"Young girls are told you have to be the delicate princess.  Hemione taught them that you can be the warrior"- Emma Watson

Hugs!

Caela
My Blog Thread - The Chronicles of Caela

Who knew it'd be so bright without the blindfold - Demi Lovato

Offline CaelaNotKayla

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Re: The Chronicles of Caela
« Reply #128 on: October 26, 2020, 01:56:29 pm »
Hello everyone!  I hope you are all having a most wonderful day!

I thought I'd post an old Polaroid selfie I took!



I look good back then! (Haha I took that a couple of days ago on my old Polaroid camera...)  It feels good to disconnect and get back to an analog world for just a bit!

Hugs!

Caela
My Blog Thread - The Chronicles of Caela

Who knew it'd be so bright without the blindfold - Demi Lovato

Offline ChrissyRyan

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Re: The Chronicles of Caela
« Reply #129 on: October 26, 2020, 05:26:58 pm »
Nice Polaroid pic Caela!

Chrissy
Be a good example of good behavior.  Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that your speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.  Serve others.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

Offline CaelaNotKayla

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Re: The Chronicles of Caela
« Reply #130 on: October 26, 2020, 05:39:17 pm »
Nice Polaroid pic Caela!

Chrissy
Thanks Chrissy!

Hugs!

Caela
My Blog Thread - The Chronicles of Caela

Who knew it'd be so bright without the blindfold - Demi Lovato

Offline SarahEL

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Re: The Chronicles of Caela
« Reply #131 on: October 26, 2020, 06:23:13 pm »
Cae - sis - I did not know you had a magic polaroid camera that made you look 16...
Please send it to me... Please.... !!!!
Oh, life is bigger,  It's bigger Than you and you are not me
The lengths that I will go to.  The distance in your eyes

R.E.M. - Losing My Religion

Offline CaelaNotKayla

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Re: The Chronicles of Caela
« Reply #132 on: October 26, 2020, 10:19:32 pm »
Cae - sis - I did not know you had a magic polaroid camera that made you look 16...
Please send it to me... Please.... !!!!

Shhh Sis!!!.... we can't let the Muggles find out about our enchanted Polaroid Camera!  ;)

Hugs!

Cae
My Blog Thread - The Chronicles of Caela

Who knew it'd be so bright without the blindfold - Demi Lovato

Offline CaelaNotKayla

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Re: The Chronicles of Caela
« Reply #133 on: November 02, 2020, 01:03:52 pm »
Good morning girls!

Hermione didnt get to come out to play on Halloween night... life, as it is wont to, happens.

But remember- Halloween was also a Blue Hunters Moon, and as the calendar changes I'm already feeling the positive energy!  October was a challenging month- be positive about November, and let good thoughts create peace of mind.

Another milestone day is coming up in a week- six months since my wife lost her fight with cancer.  I'm planning to celebrate the life of the woman I loved, not mourn her passing.

Hugs everyone!

Caela

My Blog Thread - The Chronicles of Caela

Who knew it'd be so bright without the blindfold - Demi Lovato

Offline davina61

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Re: The Chronicles of Caela
« Reply #134 on: November 02, 2020, 02:01:22 pm »
Evening dear (8pm here) Yes celebrate, remember fondly XXXX
a long time coming (out) HRT 12 2017


Jill of all trades mistress of non
Know a bit about everything but not enough to be clever.
I get pushed out of shape and its hard to steer when I get rubber in all 4 gears (Beach Boys ,little deuce coupe)

Offline CaelaNotKayla

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Re: The Chronicles of Caela
« Reply #135 on: November 10, 2020, 02:05:52 am »
Part 16- Six Months Down....

TRIGGER WARNING- This post covers losing a loved one and dealing with grief and it’s aftereffects.

Today marks six months from the darkest point in my life.  Six months since I sat at my wife’s bedside, holding her hand as the warmth of life drained from her body.  Six months since I became a widow.  Six months since my life irrevocably changed forever.

Readers of this blog will know that I’ve discovered and learned a lot in these six months- and I’ve chronicled quite a bit of it in these stories.  No real new mind-blowing things in this blog- this post is definitely in the category of “Externalizing Self-Acceptance”.  And for anyone looking for the trials and tribulations of a bigender female-dominant person, this post will strictly deal with grief- feeling grief, dealing with grief, and coming to terms with grief.

Cancer is a diagnosis that affects everyone around the person with the actual tumor.  My wife’s cancer, and the stage that it was discovered at, gave her slim odds from the time of her diagnosis.  She fought- sometimes cheerfully, sometimes in rage- for every day of the remainder of her life.  And just because things are stacked against you, doesn’t make it any less sad or shocking when the worst comes to happen.  Six months ago, her fight ended, and mine had only begun.

Day zero you are numb- you haven’t really processed what is going on.  You have a flurry of activity as the funeral home comes in, the family gathers, and you begin planning.  Complicating all of that was our friend the Coronavirus.  By day 1 you have begun to realize the cliff that you are staring up at.  We had planned somewhat ahead- and I would come to realize in the following days how much more had to be done.  You don’t really think too hard about it all, because it just keeps coming fast.

At some point following your loved one’s passing, things start to slow down.  For me it was about a week or so after my wife’s passing.  Funeral planning had been completed and we were biding time until that day.  I started going through my wife’s belongings and our life together.  Photos, clothes.  For what I started to find that day, I’ll direct you back to my first story post in this thread.  But it put me on a path of profound change and discovery.

First though, I had to make it through the funeral.  Regardless of what anyone may say- a funeral doesn’t bring closure.  ( My father had passed away four months before- and I sit here now ten months removed from that and I can firmly say that I’m still working on closure with my father.  ) A funeral does bring a point of inflexion to your life.  I was highly emotional that day- something that I did to myself in the choice of music and pictures that were in the service.

Afterwards, when the circus died down- I was left alone, watching over our two kids.  I soon realized that I had to be both Dad and Mom now.  (A friend suggested we should celebrate both Father’s Day and Mother’s Day for me…. A concept that quite frankly horrifies me… regardless of anything else I’m still firmly “Dad”) In the midst of my other discoveries, I had to channel that female-type thinking more and more.  And perhaps that accelerated my comfort levels. 

I’ve had to discover how to make life go without a partnership of two.  That has lead me to another realization-  I can!  We fight a lot of challenges but perhaps the biggest is self-doubt- which can lead us into a spiral downward.  I didn’t have the choice in a lot of things- If I didn’t do them they just flat out wouldn’t get done.  So I found out that I can do them- and that led to other things that I found out that I could do.  My advice for anyone is to figure out how to get your own spiral of confidence going upward.  Even little things keep building that confidence.

And I got on the train of alternating feelings called grief.  At first those shifts were quite large- but as time has gone on those shifts have gotten less and less extreme.  At first I was in denial about a lot of things- but as time has gone on I’ve realized that I have to take care of business.  No one else can, and there’s again a feeling of empowerment there.  I’m no longer just the hapless widower- I’m also now the strong, slightly sassy, widow!

Two weeks ago would have been my wife’s birthday, and I felt her loss dearly.  Today I celebrate her life.  I’ve stopped fighting the grief- it is a part of me, it will be a part of me, and it’s something that I need to experience. In accepting that I’ve been able to manage through the alternating feelings.  I’m sad, I cry- I’m happy, I laugh- but most importantly, I live.  Grief doesn’t have to own you.  It doesn’t have to be debilitating.  It doesn’t have to color every relationship you have going forward.

Strive to be happy!

Hugs!

Caela
My Blog Thread - The Chronicles of Caela

Who knew it'd be so bright without the blindfold - Demi Lovato

Offline davina61

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Re: The Chronicles of Caela
« Reply #136 on: November 10, 2020, 03:42:48 am »
HUGS dear XXXX
a long time coming (out) HRT 12 2017


Jill of all trades mistress of non
Know a bit about everything but not enough to be clever.
I get pushed out of shape and its hard to steer when I get rubber in all 4 gears (Beach Boys ,little deuce coupe)

Offline SarahEL

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Re: The Chronicles of Caela
« Reply #137 on: November 10, 2020, 04:39:49 am »
Reading your your post with tears in my eyes. It is amazing where we find the strength from that we need, especially when we have our children looking to us for their own safety and comfort.
If it is okay to say.. I know your wife would be very proud of you and how you are dealing with everything.

You know I am here for you sis.. sending you hugs, and will be thinking of you all day today!.. Take care XX
Oh, life is bigger,  It's bigger Than you and you are not me
The lengths that I will go to.  The distance in your eyes

R.E.M. - Losing My Religion

Offline Pammie

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Re: The Chronicles of Caela
« Reply #138 on: November 10, 2020, 09:11:24 am »
Part 16- Six Months Down....

TRIGGER WARNING- This post covers losing a loved one and dealing with grief and it’s aftereffects.

Today marks six months from the darkest point in my life.  Six months since I sat at my wife’s bedside, holding her hand as the warmth of life drained from her body.  Six months since I became a widow.  Six months since my life irrevocably changed forever.

Readers of this blog will know that I’ve discovered and learned a lot in these six months- and I’ve chronicled quite a bit of it in these stories.  No real new mind-blowing things in this blog- this post is definitely in the category of “Externalizing Self-Acceptance”.  And for anyone looking for the trials and tribulations of a bigender female-dominant person, this post will strictly deal with grief- feeling grief, dealing with grief, and coming to terms with grief.

Cancer is a diagnosis that affects everyone around the person with the actual tumor.  My wife’s cancer, and the stage that it was discovered at, gave her slim odds from the time of her diagnosis.  She fought- sometimes cheerfully, sometimes in rage- for every day of the remainder of her life.  And just because things are stacked against you, doesn’t make it any less sad or shocking when the worst comes to happen.  Six months ago, her fight ended, and mine had only begun.

Day zero you are numb- you haven’t really processed what is going on.  You have a flurry of activity as the funeral home comes in, the family gathers, and you begin planning.  Complicating all of that was our friend the Coronavirus.  By day 1 you have begun to realize the cliff that you are staring up at.  We had planned somewhat ahead- and I would come to realize in the following days how much more had to be done.  You don’t really think too hard about it all, because it just keeps coming fast.

At some point following your loved one’s passing, things start to slow down.  For me it was about a week or so after my wife’s passing.  Funeral planning had been completed and we were biding time until that day.  I started going through my wife’s belongings and our life together.  Photos, clothes.  For what I started to find that day, I’ll direct you back to my first story post in this thread.  But it put me on a path of profound change and discovery.

First though, I had to make it through the funeral.  Regardless of what anyone may say- a funeral doesn’t bring closure.  ( My father had passed away four months before- and I sit here now ten months removed from that and I can firmly say that I’m still working on closure with my father.  ) A funeral does bring a point of inflexion to your life.  I was highly emotional that day- something that I did to myself in the choice of music and pictures that were in the service.

Afterwards, when the circus died down- I was left alone, watching over our two kids.  I soon realized that I had to be both Dad and Mom now.  (A friend suggested we should celebrate both Father’s Day and Mother’s Day for me…. A concept that quite frankly horrifies me… regardless of anything else I’m still firmly “Dad”) In the midst of my other discoveries, I had to channel that female-type thinking more and more.  And perhaps that accelerated my comfort levels. 

I’ve had to discover how to make life go without a partnership of two.  That has lead me to another realization-  I can!  We fight a lot of challenges but perhaps the biggest is self-doubt- which can lead us into a spiral downward.  I didn’t have the choice in a lot of things- If I didn’t do them they just flat out wouldn’t get done.  So I found out that I can do them- and that led to other things that I found out that I could do.  My advice for anyone is to figure out how to get your own spiral of confidence going upward.  Even little things keep building that confidence.

And I got on the train of alternating feelings called grief.  At first those shifts were quite large- but as time has gone on those shifts have gotten less and less extreme.  At first I was in denial about a lot of things- but as time has gone on I’ve realized that I have to take care of business.  No one else can, and there’s again a feeling of empowerment there.  I’m no longer just the hapless widower- I’m also now the strong, slightly sassy, widow!

Two weeks ago would have been my wife’s birthday, and I felt her loss dearly.  Today I celebrate her life.  I’ve stopped fighting the grief- it is a part of me, it will be a part of me, and it’s something that I need to experience. In accepting that I’ve been able to manage through the alternating feelings.  I’m sad, I cry- I’m happy, I laugh- but most importantly, I live.  Grief doesn’t have to own you.  It doesn’t have to be debilitating.  It doesn’t have to color every relationship you have going forward.

Strive to be happy!

Hugs!

Caela
I lost my elder daughter last year and it showed me that im not as strong as I thought and that grief is something to learn to live with not something that can be beaten. That said there is one massive difference between losing a daughter and losing a wife. Losing a wife means one has to find the strength to contemplate one day having a new relationship. Losing a daughter just leaves a massive hole that can never be filled and for which there is no concept of replacement. Not sure either is a great place to be but I think ur being so very strong and im so proud of you. Xxx


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Offline CaelaNotKayla

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Re: The Chronicles of Caela
« Reply #139 on: November 10, 2020, 02:49:53 pm »
@Pammie @SarahEL @davina61

Thanks gals-  this hasn't been as hard a day as two weeks ago.  I've been keeping myself busy, and the day is full of video calls and meetings.  I'm not nearly as strong as folks think I am, but I am as strong as I need to be.  Knowing that I still have her love with me every day helps. 

Pammie-  I'm sending you all my spare thoughts today.  Nothing can fill the holes that we both have- and no mom should have to lose a child.  Be strong for her memory.  Big Hugs!

Hugs!

Caela
My Blog Thread - The Chronicles of Caela

Who knew it'd be so bright without the blindfold - Demi Lovato

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