Author Topic: The Chronicles of Caela  (Read 5992 times)

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Offline CaelaNotKayla

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Re: The Chronicles of Caela
« Reply #200 on: January 02, 2021, 05:51:28 pm »
I love to read about your self discovery and I can imagine that some of what you say will resonate with others. I love how self aware you are and your posts demonstrate just how lovely a person you are. Keep exploring and just being the lovely person you are. Extra hugs.


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Thanks Pammie!!!  I love the extra hugs!!!

Hugs!!

Caela
My Blog Thread - The Chronicles of Caela

Who knew it'd be so bright without the blindfold - Demi Lovato

Offline CaelaNotKayla

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Re: The Chronicles of Caela
« Reply #201 on: January 02, 2021, 05:53:00 pm »
Self discovery is fascinating.  You have been experiencing it.  So have I.
What is revealed when we are honest with ourselves is a better, true understanding of ourselves.
Be it the ingredients of your soup, or your gender spectrum, your fears, joys, desires, emotions, experiences, goals, plans, and so on.

It is good to reach such understandings.

Then we do change with time...   :)    But for the better, right?

Hugs,

Chrissy

Most definitely Chrissy-  Knowing yourself better with love and acceptance can't help but be for the better!

Hugs!!

Caela
My Blog Thread - The Chronicles of Caela

Who knew it'd be so bright without the blindfold - Demi Lovato

Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: The Chronicles of Caela
« Reply #202 on: January 03, 2021, 12:10:30 am »
@CaelaNotKayla
Dear Caela:
I love your therapist's analogy of each of our personal Gender Soups that all of us here must deal with.
Your description and statements of what you are dealing with in your life are not all necessarily unique but it is your unique "soup" that fashions your decisions and is the catalyst that displays who you are.

So many transitioners do not know who they are and worse yet don't know who or what they should be.   You are
way ahead of them by getting to know yourself, your needs, your life desires and accepting yourself. 
    The old saying that is so very true fits all of our situations:
      "If you can't accept yourself how can you expect that others will accept you."

I am eagerly looking forward soon to be reading your next chapter:
             "Deeper Magic from Before the Dawn of Time!"

HUGS and best wishes to you in the new year 2021.
Danielle             
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 40

Offline CaelaNotKayla

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Re: The Chronicles of Caela
« Reply #203 on: January 03, 2021, 12:21:53 am »
@CaelaNotKayla
Dear Caela:
I love your therapist's analogy of each of our personal Gender Soups that all of us here must deal with.
Your description and statements of what you are dealing with in your life are not all necessarily unique but it is your unique "soup" that fashions your decisions and is the catalyst that displays who you are.

So many transitioners do not know who they are and worse yet don't know who or what they should be.   You are
way ahead of them by getting to know yourself, your needs, your life desires and accepting yourself. 
    The old saying that is so very true fits all of our situations:
      "If you can't accept yourself how can you expect that others will accept you."

I am eagerly looking forward soon to be reading your next chapter:
             "Deeper Magic from Before the Dawn of Time!"

HUGS and best wishes to you in the new year 2021.
Danielle             

Thanks Danielle-  In the midst of a year of great change- that sense of being open to myself, in whatever form that comes,  is the one constant that my therapist has noted.  We have to find that truth for ourselves, and your quote is so true!  We have to be able to accept our complete selves if we want someone in turn to accept us completely. 

Hugs!!

Caela
My Blog Thread - The Chronicles of Caela

Who knew it'd be so bright without the blindfold - Demi Lovato

Offline davina61

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Re: The Chronicles of Caela
« Reply #204 on: January 03, 2021, 04:23:42 am »
Exactly , what more can I say.
a long time coming (out) HRT 12 2017


Jill of all trades mistress of non
Know a bit about everything but not enough to be clever

Offline CaelaNotKayla

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Re: The Chronicles of Caela
« Reply #205 on: January 03, 2021, 12:04:29 pm »
Exactly , what more can I say.
Thanks Davina!

Hugs!!

Caela
My Blog Thread - The Chronicles of Caela

Who knew it'd be so bright without the blindfold - Demi Lovato

Offline CaelaNotKayla

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Re: The Chronicles of Caela
« Reply #206 on: January 05, 2021, 10:45:23 am »
Part Nineteen- Deeper Magic from Before the Dawn of Time

Grief is a road that everyone follows in their own ways.  I was lovingly devoted to my wife for almost 21 years until cancer took my Deep Magic from the Dawn of Time away from me. But this post is only tangentially about Grief…. This post is about the road back.

And it starts with a kiss!

----

Too often we get so focused on ourselves- in our issues, our challenges, our foibles- that we miss the signposts along the way.  Grief reshuffles that completely- and will lead you deeper into that focus in some places, and leave you completely open in others.  The focus part led to my own discovery...  and with that discovery was the thought that I probably was going to be alone the rest of my life. 

I think it showed…. my friends were becoming increasingly worried about me.  Locked in from COVID, alone with no interaction, spending most of my days feet from where my wife passed- as well as the little things, the slight differences that were becoming more and more noticeable. 

Friends that I hadn’t talked to in years started coming out of shadows to offer sympathy, support and concern.   One invited me for a movie night- and we caught up on the years over drinks and dinner.  We both were more open than we would have been at other times.  Words of sympathy became hugs.  Hugs became kisses, and the kisses awoke me out of my early grief funk.  I realized that I was still young.  I realized that my life hadn’t ended- it just opened a new chapter.  I might technically be a widow on a pension- but I didn’t need to start looking for cats to adopt!

---

Seasons change, along with my ever growing sense of self and confidence in the newness.   Summer ends, Autumn leaves fall, and first snows of Winter fall on the ground. The holiday season was a time when I anticipated that I would feel my missing wife most dearly.   I wasn’t about to let her memory down…. So I planned out the meals, bought the presents and tried to make the holidays as festive as she had while making our own traditions.  But I knew one tradition would not be in the cards- I would not get my midnight kiss on New Year’s Eve, and that sad thought hurt a lot.

Out of the blue I hear from a person who I hadn’t talked to in years.  Someone who was special to me long before I had ever met my wife.  We got to talking and made plans to get together and catch up after the holiday craziness.

Like a lot of the best laid plans, it soon started falling apart…. as we kept texting and after the holidays became that Friday.  And the Friday and Saturday after.  Somehow calendars aligned and we were suddenly both free on New Year’s Eve….  and I got my midnight kiss!

Total unexpected out of left field swoon!!   I’d stumbled upon some form of Deeper Magic from Before the Dawn of Time!  One of the first girls I ever remember kissing…. has become the last girl that I’ve kissed. 

---

After my summer’s kiss, I had put up a dating profile… but I didn’t do much with it- I wasn’t truly ready to contemplate dating.  After my winter’s kiss, I’ve realized that I am ready- spending time with another will not take any of my feelings or memories of my wife away, and having a connection with someone is truly magical.  I don’t know what I will find out there for me… but I’m now at a point where I want to find out. 

As the New Year begins, keep your eyes and mind open for the opportunities that life sends your way.  It will surprise you in completely unexpected ways!  Don’t miss out on the chances that life will put before you!

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end." - Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Hugs!!

Caela
My Blog Thread - The Chronicles of Caela

Who knew it'd be so bright without the blindfold - Demi Lovato

Offline SarahEL

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Re: The Chronicles of Caela
« Reply #207 on: January 05, 2021, 11:26:13 am »
Life is what happens when we are busy making plans...

With you every step .... and kiss... of the way sister!... I hope you find much happiness in this new chapter..
and I hope I offer just a small percentage of the strength you have offered me on my journey...

2021 just got a whole lot better for us both eh?   ;D ;D
Oh, life is bigger,  It's bigger Than you and you are not me
The lengths that I will go to.  The distance in your eyes

R.E.M. - Losing My Religion

Online Pammie

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Re: The Chronicles of Caela
« Reply #208 on: January 05, 2021, 12:37:53 pm »
Part Nineteen- Deeper Magic from Before the Dawn of Time

Grief is a road that everyone follows in their own ways.  I was lovingly devoted to my wife for almost 21 years until cancer took my Deep Magic from the Dawn of Time away from me. But this post is only tangentially about Grief…. This post is about the road back.

And it starts with a kiss!

----

Too often we get so focused on ourselves- in our issues, our challenges, our foibles- that we miss the signposts along the way.  Grief reshuffles that completely- and will lead you deeper into that focus in some places, and leave you completely open in others.  The focus part led to my own discovery...  and with that discovery was the thought that I probably was going to be alone the rest of my life. 

I think it showed…. my friends were becoming increasingly worried about me.  Locked in from COVID, alone with no interaction, spending most of my days feet from where my wife passed- as well as the little things, the slight differences that were becoming more and more noticeable. 

Friends that I hadn’t talked to in years started coming out of shadows to offer sympathy, support and concern.   One invited me for a movie night- and we caught up on the years over drinks and dinner.  We both were more open than we would have been at other times.  Words of sympathy became hugs.  Hugs became kisses, and the kisses awoke me out of my early grief funk.  I realized that I was still young.  I realized that my life hadn’t ended- it just opened a new chapter.  I might technically be a widow on a pension- but I didn’t need to start looking for cats to adopt!

---

Seasons change, along with my ever growing sense of self and confidence in the newness.   Summer ends, Autumn leaves fall, and first snows of Winter fall on the ground. The holiday season was a time when I anticipated that I would feel my missing wife most dearly.   I wasn’t about to let her memory down…. So I planned out the meals, bought the presents and tried to make the holidays as festive as she had while making our own traditions.  But I knew one tradition would not be in the cards- I would not get my midnight kiss on New Year’s Eve, and that sad thought hurt a lot.

Out of the blue I hear from a person who I hadn’t talked to in years.  Someone who was special to me long before I had ever met my wife.  We got to talking and made plans to get together and catch up after the holiday craziness.

Like a lot of the best laid plans, it soon started falling apart…. as we kept texting and after the holidays became that Friday.  And the Friday and Saturday after.  Somehow calendars aligned and we were suddenly both free on New Year’s Eve….  and I got my midnight kiss!

Total unexpected out of left field swoon!!   I’d stumbled upon some form of Deeper Magic from Before the Dawn of Time!  One of the first girls I ever remember kissing…. has become the last girl that I’ve kissed. 

---

After my summer’s kiss, I had put up a dating profile… but I didn’t do much with it- I wasn’t truly ready to contemplate dating.  After my winter’s kiss, I’ve realized that I am ready- spending time with another will not take any of my feelings or memories of my wife away, and having a connection with someone is truly magical.  I don’t know what I will find out there for me… but I’m now at a point where I want to find out. 

As the New Year begins, keep your eyes and mind open for the opportunities that life sends your way.  It will surprise you in completely unexpected ways!  Don’t miss out on the chances that life will put before you!

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end." - Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Hugs!!

Caela
Im so pleased for you, you are so self aware and so strong and you so deserve a new future with someone special xx


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Online SoCal_Holly

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Re: The Chronicles of Caela
« Reply #209 on: January 05, 2021, 01:41:42 pm »
Caela:

What a great way to start the new year!

I’m certain 2021 will be a banner year for all of us.

Hugs,

Holly

Offline CaelaNotKayla

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Re: The Chronicles of Caela
« Reply #210 on: January 05, 2021, 02:16:39 pm »
Life is what happens when we are busy making plans...

With you every step .... and kiss... of the way sister!... I hope you find much happiness in this new chapter..
and I hope I offer just a small percentage of the strength you have offered me on my journey...

2021 just got a whole lot better for us both eh?   ;D ;D
And sometimes you have to throw plans out the window and just live life :)

Sis you should know how much strength you have already offered me!  And 2021.... is definitely looking up!!

Hugs!!

Cae
My Blog Thread - The Chronicles of Caela

Who knew it'd be so bright without the blindfold - Demi Lovato

Offline CaelaNotKayla

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Re: The Chronicles of Caela
« Reply #211 on: January 05, 2021, 02:18:53 pm »
Im so pleased for you, you are so self aware and so strong and you so deserve a new future with someone special xx


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Thanks Pammie!  I may not yet have my Andy, but I'm looking!

Hugs!

Caela
My Blog Thread - The Chronicles of Caela

Who knew it'd be so bright without the blindfold - Demi Lovato

Offline CaelaNotKayla

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Re: The Chronicles of Caela
« Reply #212 on: January 05, 2021, 02:20:05 pm »
Caela:

What a great way to start the new year!

I’m certain 2021 will be a banner year for all of us.

Hugs,

Holly

Thanks Holly!  2021 is off to a great start, and I'm positive it will be good year for us all!

Hugs!!

Caela
My Blog Thread - The Chronicles of Caela

Who knew it'd be so bright without the blindfold - Demi Lovato

Offline TSL_NB

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Re: The Chronicles of Caela
« Reply #213 on: January 12, 2021, 04:13:16 am »
Hey Caela....I was thinking the same thing.  I'm feeling really hopeful for 2021. :)
-Vivian
It took over 40 years to realise, and believe, that what I am NOT, is a mistake.

(Yes, I'm a Canadian who served in the US Navy....)


Offline CaelaNotKayla

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Re: The Chronicles of Caela
« Reply #214 on: January 12, 2021, 10:30:48 pm »
Hey Caela....I was thinking the same thing.  I'm feeling really hopeful for 2021. :)
-Vivian
Vivian-

We have to stay hopeful... We have to believe... We have to look to the positives in life... 2021 will be a better year!

Hugs!!

Caela
My Blog Thread - The Chronicles of Caela

Who knew it'd be so bright without the blindfold - Demi Lovato

Offline CaelaNotKayla

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Re: The Chronicles of Caela
« Reply #215 on: January 14, 2021, 12:10:59 pm »
Music is a big part of my life.  It seems that my life has a soundtrack that is ever changing as I live it.  Today I was listening and heard a lyric that caught my ear-  "Who knew it'd be so bright without the blindfold?"

It was from a song I've heard a hundred times.... "Old Ways" by Demi Lovato.  She wrote it about dealing with life post rehab- but today it hit me how affirming it is for anyone going through life's transitions.  Going through life with a blindfold on is something that describes my pre-discovery life perfectly- and I can't go back.

I want to share a bit of it for you (you can find the whole song on Youtube if you like https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,252878.msg2406836.html#msg2406836 ).

Quote from:  "Old Ways" by Demi Lovato
And I just keep changin' my colors
I'm not in the same place that I was, I was

(And the best part about it)
(Is I'm only one who can do somethin' about it)
(I fill the well with some water, it's overflowing)
Black into gold
Who knew it'd be so bright without the blindfold

And I just keep changin'
These colors, colors, colors, colors
I'm not in the same place
That I was, I was, I was, I was

But if somebody tells me
I'll go back to my old ways
I'm gonna say no way
I'm out of the doorway
I'm hearing them all say
I'll go back to my old ways
Not going back to my old ways

Songwriters: Jason Evigan / Olivia Waithe / Scott Hoffman
Old Ways lyrics © Sony/atv Songs Llc, Underground Sunshine Music, Babydaddy Songs

I hope all my sisters (and brothers) are having a wonderful day today.

Hugs!!

Caela

My Blog Thread - The Chronicles of Caela

Who knew it'd be so bright without the blindfold - Demi Lovato

Online Pammie

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The Chronicles of Caela
« Reply #216 on: January 14, 2021, 02:19:04 pm »
Music is a big part of my life.  It seems that my life has a soundtrack that is ever changing as I live it.  Today I was listening and heard a lyric that caught my ear-  "Who knew it'd be so bright without the blindfold?"

It was from a song I've heard a hundred times.... "Old Ways" by Demi Lovato.  She wrote it about dealing with life post rehab- but today it hit me how affirming it is for anyone going through life's transitions.  Going through life with a blindfold on is something that describes my pre-discovery life perfectly- and I can't go back.

I want to share a bit of it for you (you can find the whole song on Youtube if you like https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,252878.msg2406836.html#msg2406836 ).

I hope all my sisters (and brothers) are having a wonderful day today.

Hugs!!

Caela
As I read the lyrics it was that line that jumped out at me too! Like for you it resonates with me!


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« Last Edit: January 14, 2021, 03:46:27 pm by Pammie »

Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: The Chronicles of Caela
« Reply #217 on: January 14, 2021, 03:12:45 pm »
@CaelaNotKayla
Dear Caela:
Thank you so very much for sharing your last posting and including the song  "Old Ways" by Demi Lovato.
You are very correct about how the lyrics of the song address transitioners fears, needs and desires.
Like you said .... there is no going back!!!

Again, thank you for sharing your thoughts with me and the rest of your followers here on the Foums.
HUGS and best wishes for your continued success and happiness.
Danielle   
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 40

Offline CaelaNotKayla

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Re: The Chronicles of Caela
« Reply #218 on: Yesterday at 01:43:57 pm »
As I read the lyrics it was that line that jumped out at me too! Like for you it resonates with me!

@CaelaNotKayla
Dear Caela:
Thank you so very much for sharing your last posting and including the song  "Old Ways" by Demi Lovato.
You are very correct about how the lyrics of the song address transitioners fears, needs and desires.
Like you said .... there is no going back!!!

Again, thank you for sharing your thoughts with me and the rest of your followers here on the Foums.
HUGS and best wishes for your continued success and happiness.
Danielle   

Thanks Pammie and Danielle- It struck me so much I changed my song quote below

Hugs!!

Caela
My Blog Thread - The Chronicles of Caela

Who knew it'd be so bright without the blindfold - Demi Lovato

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