Author Topic: Sarah's soliloquy  (Read 9453 times)

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Offline davina61

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Re: Sarah's soliloquy
« Reply #240 on: May 29, 2021, 02:09:09 am »
Very Happy Birthday dear , wishing you a good time XXXXX
a long time coming (out) HRT 12 2017


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Online SarahEL

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Re: Sarah's soliloquy
« Reply #241 on: May 29, 2021, 08:31:30 am »
Thank you all for my Birthday Wishes..

another year older, but I am afraid no wiser!!..

Life is hectic at the moment..  Jay is frantically getting our home in the USA up to speed.. With constant input from me about decoration and layout.. and I am moving me and my daughter out into our new house in the UK at the end of the week and so packing up here like a woman possessed!!..
I am glad to say Jay has made a wonderful recovery from his medical scare the other month.. and is fit and well again. We are both very committed to each other.. It is a lovely feeling.

Just to add onto the 'You have arrived as a girl, Sarah'.. today, my birthday of all days, the NHS decided to invite me to book a breast screening with them! Something that is affirming, important and very, very scary.. Also a sign of my advancing years! :)

Oh and I suppose I should add on an apology about not being on this forum much.. it is life just being way to hectic at the moment and trying to keep ontop of everything is sometimes a struggle. Hopefully, in a few months things will settle a little and I can have more 'me' time to spend with my friends on here.

Oh, life is bigger,  It's bigger Than you and you are not me
The lengths that I will go to.  The distance in your eyes

R.E.M. - Losing My Religion

Offline RandiL

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Re: Sarah's soliloquy
« Reply #242 on: May 29, 2021, 10:10:11 am »
Hey Sarah, glad to hear from you. And I'm glad to hear that Jay is doing well. You know, home renovation is uniquely stressful and it's a real test of any relationship. Sounds like the two of you are doing well at it, and probably building a stronger relationship in the process. Happy hugs, Randi

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Offline ChrissyRyan

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Sarah's soliloquy
« Reply #243 on: May 29, 2021, 11:45:22 am »
Wishing you a happy birthday Sarah!

Chrissy
Be a good example of good behavior.  Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that you speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.  Serve others.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

Offline JanePlain

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Re: Sarah's soliloquy
« Reply #244 on: June 04, 2021, 02:42:01 pm »
A belated happy birthday from the worlds most dimwitted boy friend who didn't even send a card... SIGH... I am a 10 on the <poor> boyfriend meter. She forgave me but I think I'm supposed to have jewlery ready for the next one. ha.

In anyevent the knee has come and gone from ok to being drug worthy depending on how much stuff I've been moving to our place. I think (Hope to God) I'm done with the narcotics at last. Those things are bad news I really need Sarah in my life because I clearly need someone to tell me when to slow down. And remind me of important dates.

Love to you all! Thanks as always for the best wishes.

Jay

"This world is but canvas to our imaginations.
Henry David Thoreau - (1817-1862)

Offline Pammie

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Re: Sarah's soliloquy
« Reply #245 on: June 04, 2021, 03:26:56 pm »
A belated happy birthday from the worlds most dimwitted boy friend who didn't even send a card... SIGH... I am a 10 on the <poor&gt boyfriend meter. She forgave me but I think I'm supposed to have jewlery ready for the next one. ha.

In anyevent the knee has come and gone from ok to being drug worthy depending on how much stuff I've been moving to our place. I think (Hope to God) I'm done with the narcotics at last. Those things are bad news I really need Sarah in my life because I clearly need someone to tell me when to slow down. And remind me of important dates.

Love to you all! Thanks as always for the best wishes.

Jay
I suspect forgiveness will be on the agenda Jay!


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Online SarahEL

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Re: Sarah's soliloquy
« Reply #246 on: June 16, 2021, 03:28:23 pm »
I always forgive him, he did buy me a house after all.. hahaha... but thanks Chrissy, Randi and Pammie..

So, good news in the UK.. Me and my daughter will be in our new place early next week.. at last.. The chances of me getting over to the USA though keep seemingly being pushed back forever thanks to Covid and travel restrictions.. ugh.. I think I am part of one of the longest, long distance relationships ever (I know I am not, but crikey, how long do we have to be apart!!)..

I had my breast x-ray and that has to be one of the most affirming things I have yet to do.. It hurt a little, but still, a very positive experience.. Any ladies called up, you MUST go and have this done.. It is potentially life-saving and nothing at all to be worried about.

My dysphoria used to be very complicated and multi-faceted.. swiping me from left and right, for all different gender related reasons.. Since being FT (nearly the year now) almost all of that has gone.. Socially I am well integrated and enjoying life. But, GRS is still in my future and the pain from the dysphoria that brings is very intense..
Maybe the loss of all the other triggers has now amplified this aspect further? It is just plain wrong on me.. and causes me so much grief when I have to deal with any aspect of it, especially bathing..

To that end I have been trying to pursue getting this pushed along as soon as possible (I have written about it before on here).. but it seems that one issue is getting in the way of advancing quickly.. The doc that I want to perform the surgery wants the 2 letters from psychiatrists and otherwise is very happy to proceed with me as a private patient. However, getting just to talk to a gender psychiatrists capable of producing one of these letters seems almost impossible to do quickly.. of 5 UK psychologist I have contacted, only 2 have returned any sort of response and both of those are telling me they are booked up until well after November this year.. This is putting a 6 month delay onto my journey and it is quite frustrating...... ugh... any delay is just more hurt, more pain.

and, I do realise that I am lucky.. I am me, full-time and don't think at all about that now.. I have an amazing bf who is not pressuring me in any way to do anything other than be with him.. and I have my kid with me, 24/7... whom I could of so easily lost going through this to get here... I do thank my lucky stars.. I just want this all over now.


Oh, life is bigger,  It's bigger Than you and you are not me
The lengths that I will go to.  The distance in your eyes

R.E.M. - Losing My Religion

Offline CaelaNotKayla

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Re: Sarah's soliloquy
« Reply #247 on: June 18, 2021, 11:34:08 am »
Hugs sis.... I know your frustration with the doctors is palpable... Over here with the ongoing Covid mental health crisis nearly every person who could possibly be considered a "Therapist" (from gender specialties on down to "Miss Cleo") has a multi-month waiting list.... so I'll keep praying for you that things open up a bit and you can get your letters sooner.

....and..... GOOD LUCK on your move!!

Hugs!!

Cae.
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Offline JanePlain

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Re: Sarah's soliloquy
« Reply #248 on: June 22, 2021, 11:06:31 pm »
I hate intruding into Sarah's soliloquy but a couple of updates. Leg has been uninfected now for a while. I've had to do my own work pulling out left in pieces of the stitches. The guy that came to remove them asked "Do you know about stitches" and I wasn't thinking "Do you have any idea what I'm supposed to do?" I thought he meant in a general way so I said "Yea, I grew up in a tough neighborhood." SIGH...  Well my luck seems to be consistant.  Like that Cream song "If it wasn't for bad luck I wouldnt have any luck at all." after getting the extra bits of stitches (I'm now keeping a collection of stuff thats been removed from me that wasn't supposed to be floating around) Anyway I dropped a box of paperbacks (Which doesn't sound heavy but imagine logs just sliced thin) the box edge hit exactly where they made the 6 or 7  inch incision on my knee opening it slightly. Now I'll go from being ok and for no reason a sharp pain like someone shoved a pencil into my knee cap. Its not "narcotic worthy" but I'm taking the over the counter stuff whilst trying to get everything cluttering the house I'm selling put away and lord o mighty... ouch ouch ouch! I've collected a lot of stuff! And had a lot of just junk. One huge dumpster and one small one and there are still things to toss.

For you romantics - I'm more in love with Sarah everyday (No kidding) which is an amazing feat because I thought we were at the outer limits on "L" day. For you that are romantics we professed our great affection for each other then stayed up for 3 days solid without sleep or food. I had to ask "Is this what falling in love is?" and the two experts I asked ( my therapist and doctor) said, "Well... DUH! yes!!!"  I'm quite sure my Doctor has not often had to field this type of medical question but the therapist was very scientific.  She had a list of uncondition signs of love. Sarah is a 4.0 A+!

Some observations about the change back to being back on loads of testosterone.  Besides paring down the total number of emotion to (Countable on my fingers) Male libido is like a 3 minute cycle of being a bit of a sex maniac, my sweat stinks again but... Sarah makes me so happy being her guy....  I owe her my happiness as well as my life (Long story)

Its coming up on a year and we still are stuck 3800 miles apart.  Thank God for mental health professionals because this is making me crazy not being with Sarah.  Sarah has a difficult time seeing how beautiful, cute, brilliant she is because other then her daughter and I (And random men whistling at her - ha) she doesn't get enough positive feed back. Somehow (Testosterone I think) we got on the topic of cute lingerie and she was mortified that she would look horrible. If anyone wants to tell her how stunning she is "I" would appreciate it. ha ha... Which brings up an interesting topic. Is sexy lingerie something women would ever wear unless it was to drive their significant others wild? I'm asking because I don't know. Maybe a good poll question.  And who decides what is "sexy" and what is not?

Well I'm waking up at dawn 05:14 in the morning so I'm off to bed. Hope you are all well and hope you've all met "the one" even with her on the other side of the world its 10,000x better then not being together at all.


"This world is but canvas to our imaginations.
Henry David Thoreau - (1817-1862)

Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: Sarah's soliloquy
« Reply #249 on: June 22, 2021, 11:23:53 pm »
@JanePlain    cc: @SarahEL
Dear Jay:
I am happy to see and to read your update. 
I am also very glad that your leg infection seems to be under control, but
please be careful as the healing comes to a conclusion.

I think of you and Sarah frequently, both of you will soon be together
.... certainly something to look forward to and something that will keep
both of you motivated....   
Your patience will be rewarded soon....

Again, thank you for sharing....
HUGS and best wishes,
Danielle


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Offline JanePlain

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Re: Sarah's soliloquy
« Reply #250 on: June 23, 2021, 12:55:06 pm »
Oh I'm happy to share (that I'm happy!) even if its  3800 miles away.  You've been so great about sharing your life with everyone its the least I can do. Thanks again for your help and advice along the way. You are one of the most positive and friendly people I know!

"This world is but canvas to our imaginations.
Henry David Thoreau - (1817-1862)

Online SarahEL

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Re: Sarah's soliloquy
« Reply #251 on: June 23, 2021, 06:37:55 pm »
Hmmm.. maybe I need to rename this thread 'Sarah and Jay's Soliloquy??

So, anyway.. Monday saw me and my daughter move to safety to our own place.. we have ton's of boxes, but it is a lovely apartment and feels really nice and secure. I have hardly stopped unpacking and (as you may tell) have been ignoring Jay a bit..

I also had my 2nd laser appointment on my face.. and when the nurse asked if it hurt as bad as last time.. I simply said, 'to be honest, it was nice to just sit down for half and hour!'...and yeah.. it was not really too bad at all..  I am really pleased with how quickly it is clearing my beard..

Oh, life is bigger,  It's bigger Than you and you are not me
The lengths that I will go to.  The distance in your eyes

R.E.M. - Losing My Religion

Offline JanePlain

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Re: Sarah's soliloquy
« Reply #252 on: June 26, 2021, 06:23:07 am »

or in this case your thread.

I love you Sarah!

"This world is but canvas to our imaginations.
Henry David Thoreau - (1817-1862)

Online SarahEL

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Re: Sarah's soliloquy
« Reply #253 on: July 14, 2021, 07:15:45 pm »
So I have been trying to pursue surgery options and came up on a bit of a wall.. Trying to find 2 psychologists to complete my needed letters of referral.  Until today, the first date for appointment I could get was mid-November.. and the prices these guys are charging is eye-watering for private patients..

Anyway.. I have just been offered two appointments in August from 'The Gender Clinic at 70 Harley St.'... these are supervised by a Dr Dmitri Popelyuk but the appointments are with a Dr Al-Juffali and Dr Khalid... I have googled them, and whilst there is much about Popelyuk, I can find little about the two who are doing the assesment.. and wonder if anyone has any experience of this clinic or these clinicians?? Any thoughts would be helpful..

Oh, life is bigger,  It's bigger Than you and you are not me
The lengths that I will go to.  The distance in your eyes

R.E.M. - Losing My Religion

Online SarahEL

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Re: Sarah's soliloquy
« Reply #254 on: July 15, 2021, 08:36:37 am »
So further to this I called 'The Gender Clinic @ 70 Harley St.'.. and had a chat.. turns out that Dr Al-Juffali is just doing the assessments and it is Dr Popelyuk's name that is also signed on the referral letter... so I booked in with them..
I now have my two appointments for letters booked.. One on the 10th August, the other the 21st of October with Dr Joubert.. and so, fingers crossed before 2022 is out I should be having my surgery, I sincerely hope so..

Oh, life is bigger,  It's bigger Than you and you are not me
The lengths that I will go to.  The distance in your eyes

R.E.M. - Losing My Religion

Offline davina61

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Re: Sarah's soliloquy
« Reply #255 on: July 15, 2021, 11:02:15 am »
Mine are crossed for you .
a long time coming (out) HRT 12 2017


Jill of all trades mistress of non
Know a bit about everything but not enough to be clever.
I get pushed out of shape and its hard to steer when I get rubber in all 4 gears (Beach Boys ,little deuce coupe)

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