Author Topic: Sarah's soliloquy  (Read 12360 times)

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Offline SarahEL

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Re: Sarah's soliloquy
« Reply #260 on: August 21, 2021, 05:34:35 pm »
@SarahEL  @JanePlain
Dear Sarah and Jay:
  True Love will PREVAIL

 
I am wishing both of you happiness and success...
HUGS and more HUGS 
Danielle


:)  Thank you Danielle...

It really is a lovely relationship we both have.. and we have been "together" (in quotes because, you know.. the Atlantic and Covid are in the way).. for over 12 months now.. and we are very much in love still..  as Jay has said on here.. he is my soulmate and even if we were not romantically involved, I am sure we would be best friends..

We have had our fall-out's too... and one we had recently (we have had about 4? in the last year!).. I related to my therapist.. as I was 'moaning' about Jay.. she started to laugh at me.. Puzzled I asked 'What's so funny?'.. and she replied that what I was describing was a very normal and healthy heterosexual relationship.. and added, I don't think you realise just how 'female' you are Sarah...   I looked at her, with my pouty face.... and then we both burst out laughing again!....

LDR's are hard.. (long distance relationships).. but we are in almost constant contact through text, voice and video.. and we even have bought a house together.. before we have even kissed..  I think that is weirdly romantic? Jay is sorting out the renovations on the house... so me directing from afar is, in my opinion, a great thing.. hahaha.. I even have access to the CCTV and so can keep an eye on him!.. (okay, even I am starting to feel a little sorry for him now!.. )..

Yesterday at 5pm, we had arranged a video call.. I logged in on my PC and Jay was nowhere to be seen.. I gave him a few minutes and was getting antsy.. so clicked on the CCTV, to see him struggling on his own upstairs with a dresser for our bedroom... I can tell you, I felt a little guilty at my impatience..  but that did not stop me telling him off for struggling with such a weight..  But that said, he is the most amazing person I have ever met and I will be so proud one day to be his wife.. one day very soon hopefully...

Oh, life is bigger,  It's bigger Than you and you are not me
The lengths that I will go to.  The distance in your eyes

R.E.M. - Losing My Religion

Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: Sarah's soliloquy
« Reply #261 on: August 31, 2021, 06:57:37 pm »
@SarahEL
Dear Sarah
All of us here on the Forums are wishing YOU
....a very :icon_flower: :icon_flower: Happy Birthday :icon_flower: :icon_flower:
I hope that your special day includes time with family and friends...
... with  Candles and CAKE.

***NOTE: On your September 1st  birthday be certain to check your profile for a special birthday surprise! :)

HUGS, Warm regards and best wishes on your special day and birthday.
Danielle

               
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 41

Offline Rachel Montgomery

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Re: Sarah's soliloquy
« Reply #262 on: September 01, 2021, 12:51:54 am »
Oops!  Sorry I missed your birthday.  I hope it was great.

Offline davina61

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Re: Sarah's soliloquy
« Reply #263 on: September 01, 2021, 01:41:20 am »
Happy birthday dear. XXX
a long time coming (out) HRT 12 2017


Jill of all trades mistress of non
Know a bit about everything but not enough to be clever.
I get pushed out of shape and its hard to steer when I get rubber in all 4 gears (Beach Boys ,little deuce coupe)

Offline CaelaNotKayla

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Re: Sarah's soliloquy
« Reply #264 on: September 01, 2021, 12:19:40 pm »
Happy Birthday Sis!!!

Hugs!!

Cae
My Blog Thread - The Chronicles of Caela

Who knew it'd be so bright without the blindfold - Demi Lovato

Offline SarahEL

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Re: Sarah's soliloquy
« Reply #265 on: September 01, 2021, 03:52:06 pm »
Thank you for all your kind thoughts and wishes.. they all mean so much to me...

Technically, this is my 12 months FT marker.. though I have been basically living FT before that but Covid etc, made it less obvious.. I look back at where I was then (emotionally, locality and physically) and now.. wow, have I come a long way in a short time... In the last 12 months I have gone through a divorce, a house sale/move, I got engaged to my soulmate and gotten to the point of getting letters (and the confirmation) for surgery..  The next 12 months I hope will complete that surgery.. maybe even get married and emigrate to the USA... (though that may take a tad longer)....

This has been a tough and hard road so far... but I am one of the lucky ones. I read stories on here (and other forums) that are just heartbreaking.. not being accepted, not passing, not being loved.. I am blessed with having all three and I thank the powers that be for granting me those things. Each is a column on which I stand firm.

If I have learnt anything in the last 12 months it is this (and I don't learn much!)..

Being yourself is worth it.

The people that don't accept you.. never accepted the real you.
The people for whom you don't pass.. are small minded bigots who cannot empathise with your pain.
The people who no longer love you.. never loved the real you... Your life is better without them, no matter how much that may hurt you. They will come to hurt you more in the long run.

so, head forward, spitting into the wind.. I am being me. I have paid the costs.. it was worth it, even now I can see that. The smile on my face and the calm in my mind prove it.



Oh, life is bigger,  It's bigger Than you and you are not me
The lengths that I will go to.  The distance in your eyes

R.E.M. - Losing My Religion

Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: Sarah's soliloquy
« Reply #266 on: September 01, 2021, 04:29:48 pm »
@SarahEL   cc: @JanePlain
Dear Sarah:
I absolutely love what you stated, good advice for all of us... to some degree all of us here on the Forums can identify with what you said... thank you for sharing:

Being yourself is worth it.

The people that don't accept you.. never accepted the real you.
The people for whom you don't pass.. are small minded bigots who cannot empathise with your pain.
The people who no longer love you.. never loved the real you... Your life is better without them, no matter how much that may hurt you. They will come to hurt you more in the long run.

so, head forward, spitting into the wind.. I am being me. I have paid the costs.. it was worth it, even now I can see that. The smile on my face and the calm in my mind prove it.


Oh, and from my experience with the "Birthdays" sub-forum greeting tasks, I do know that this birthday of yours today on September 1st is indeed your Full Time birthday as Sarah.
As you are aware I have also given you birthday greetings on May 29th, your actual "birth day" 

Please feel most free to celebrate both days for what they represent.... 
... be sure to remind Jay to send you TWO cards and TWO gifts each year!!!! ;) ::)

One final thought from me...

   If you can not accept yourself how can you expect others to accept you?

Again, thank you for sharing and posting.
HUGS and more HUGS,
Danielle

***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 41

Offline EllenW

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Re: Sarah's soliloquy
« Reply #267 on: September 01, 2021, 09:05:50 pm »
Sarah,

I love your post. Especially

.. I am being me. I have paid the costs.. it was worth it, even now I can see that. The smile on my face and the calm in my mind prove it.

This is how I am feeling these days.

Ellen
Known all my life I was different
Started to live part time as my true self in 2010
HRT January 2018
Full time at work February 2018
Legal name and gender change January 2019
GCS - January 2021

Offline davina61

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Re: Sarah's soliloquy
« Reply #268 on: September 02, 2021, 03:04:12 am »
Yes the "just being yourself" is worth everything, as you say those that accept are friends the rest can go do one.
a long time coming (out) HRT 12 2017


Jill of all trades mistress of non
Know a bit about everything but not enough to be clever.
I get pushed out of shape and its hard to steer when I get rubber in all 4 gears (Beach Boys ,little deuce coupe)

Offline JanePlain

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Re: Sarah's soliloquy
« Reply #269 on: September 02, 2021, 03:36:23 pm »
:)  Thank you Danielle...

It really is a lovely relationship we both have.. and we have been "together" (in quotes because, you know.. the Atlantic and Covid are in the way).. for over 12 months now.. and we are very much in love still..  as Jay has said on here.. he is my soulmate and even if we were not romantically involved, I am sure we would be best friends..

We have had our fall-out's too... and one we had recently (we have had about 4? in the last year!).. I related to my therapist.. as I was 'moaning' about Jay.. she started to laugh at me.. Puzzled I asked 'What's so funny?'.. and she replied that what I was describing was a very normal and healthy heterosexual relationship.. and added, I don't think you realise just how 'female' you are Sarah...   I looked at her, with my pouty face.... and then we both burst out laughing again!....

LDR's are hard.. (long distance relationships).. but we are in almost constant contact through text, voice and video.. and we even have bought a house together.. before we have even kissed..  I think that is weirdly romantic? Jay is sorting out the renovations on the house... so me directing from afar is, in my opinion, a great thing.. hahaha.. I even have access to the CCTV and so can keep an eye on him!.. (okay, even I am starting to feel a little sorry for him now!.. )..

Yesterday at 5pm, we had arranged a video call.. I logged in on my PC and Jay was nowhere to be seen.. I gave him a few minutes and was getting antsy.. so clicked on the CCTV, to see him struggling on his own upstairs with a dresser for our bedroom... I can tell you, I felt a little guilty at my impatience..  but that did not stop me telling him off for struggling with such a weight..  But that said, he is the most amazing person I have ever met and I will be so proud one day to be his wife.. one day very soon hopefully...

I am blessed to have a girlfriend who is 99.99505% understanding and!..... keeping an eye on me so I don't kill myself ha ha...  I also am feeling blessed that she has such an amazing therapist who can read our tiff and diagnose exactly why it bothered Sarah and went right over my head.  Both of them (I think) are brilliant.  And counting down the days until the USA comes up with some reasonable way to let me "import" Sarah.  Maybe its romantic or crazy to buy a house together but if you knew just how much time we spend everday talking or emailing / msging you would probably be shocked.  I can't think of a single couple I know that can talk for 6 hours regularly and miss the person the instant ine is forced to click the off button.  We know each other better I think than a lot of couples.  I had no idea before Sarah what a soul mate was now I do... Hear that Sarah "I DO!"  Repeating that in my head... humm yeah that works. Now where do I get a good Welch Gold Ring set? Hummm....  To those reading this that don't have someone in their life I relate to him lonely that can feel but this is proof it can happen at any time when neither of you is even looking.

"This world is but canvas to our imaginations.
Henry David Thoreau - (1817-1862)

Offline SarahEL

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Re: Sarah's soliloquy
« Reply #270 on: September 13, 2021, 03:32:24 pm »
There's got to be a better word than 'transition'.. I don't like transition, I don't think it quite grasps what we go through..

Transform, transmute??   

No, I prefer Metamorphosis....

Be the beautiful butterfly you are.. 

Oh, life is bigger,  It's bigger Than you and you are not me
The lengths that I will go to.  The distance in your eyes

R.E.M. - Losing My Religion

Offline Jessica_Rose

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Re: Sarah's soliloquy
« Reply #271 on: September 13, 2021, 05:08:24 pm »
You have 'evolved' my dear. You changed from one form to another and in the process became a better person. (Granted, I never knew the original version, so it's possible you have always been awesome). I wish you and your soul mate all the best.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

Offline JanePlain

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Re: Sarah's soliloquy
« Reply #272 on: September 19, 2021, 07:07:49 pm »
Sarah and her daughter have caught Covid (corona/sars - whatever they are calling it this week) Virus even tho she had been vaccinated.  Sigh.... to say I'm freaking out is not even close.  I dealt with a lot of depression and anxiety so I've got meds and a Tdoc both of who are being used but its still very very hard.  I don't know if what they are calling breakthrough infections (Making people who have had the jab still get sick and feel really bad)  I've been trying to loose myself in working on the house as Sarah is pretty pooped out and sleeping with her daughter who got this when they decided it was  ok to send unvaccinated kids back to school... Excuse me?  Who are these idiots?  I think professor Einstein said only two things are infinite.  Space and stupidity.... and he also was supposed to have added "we are not sure about space."

Anyway I hate asking because there are people of many faiths and some that reject anything that smacks of "Religion" but I have my own personal connection and I think praying helps so if you do pray or would like to start please keep Sarah and her daughter in yours.  I can't imagine any future without them and frankly don't want one.  Thanks for all the support you have shown... We do talk about it and the friends we've both met here.

Thanks - J

"This world is but canvas to our imaginations.
Henry David Thoreau - (1817-1862)

Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: Sarah's soliloquy
« Reply #273 on: September 19, 2021, 09:13:30 pm »
@SarahEL   @JanePlain
Dear Sarah and Jay:
I am so saddened to read Jay's report regarding Sarah and her daughter.
Do know that I am a praying woman and I will hold all of you up in my prayers and positive thoughts.

I really don't want to say anymore other than I am holding all of you up in my prayers and I am
looking for your updated reports as you feel free to share then with me and/or the rest of your avid followers.

If you would rather, you can Private Message me... or Email me at northernstargirl@susans.org

HUGS and many more HUGS, 
Danielle



***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 41

Offline Rachel Montgomery

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Re: Sarah's soliloquy
« Reply #274 on: September 19, 2021, 10:02:23 pm »
I say this to give you reason to hope that Sarah and her daughter will recover soon.

I had a breakthrough case too, and I know many who have had them.  ALL of us had mild symptoms and got well within 10 days.  My daughter and I still can’t smell.  My son got Covid 19 a second time.  His second case was VERY mild (sniffles for 36 hours). By the time he got tested he was already feeling better.

Also, children tend to recover without obvious lasting problems.  So, hopefully they will both make full recoveries soon.  I don’t believe in gods, but my hopes and thoughts are for a a speedy and complete recovery.

Offline davina61

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Re: Sarah's soliloquy
« Reply #275 on: September 20, 2021, 02:17:51 am »
Get well soon dear, there apereas to be a lot of folk catching it from Delta? variant even with double vac. Looks like most have "mild" symptoms so again speedy recovery XXX
a long time coming (out) HRT 12 2017


Jill of all trades mistress of non
Know a bit about everything but not enough to be clever.
I get pushed out of shape and its hard to steer when I get rubber in all 4 gears (Beach Boys ,little deuce coupe)

Offline SarahEL

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Re: Sarah's soliloquy
« Reply #276 on: September 22, 2021, 06:13:06 pm »
Thank you all..
My daughter is fine.. I am starting to feel better. Stronger each day.. 

Monday was a good day.. News of the travel corridor opening up between the USA and UK in November just filled me with joy at seeing my partner at last, seeing my home (that we bought together) and actually spending time together.. It has been one long LDR.. but the end is in sight.. November, just over a month to go before our first kiss... OMG!

and then today.. I get the date to go see my surgeon for my first consultation for GRS. and it is only 4 weeks away. All those hoops have been jumped through.. Letters signed, RLE lived, HRT taken... doubts at zero. Life really does begin at 50!..

Oh, life is bigger,  It's bigger Than you and you are not me
The lengths that I will go to.  The distance in your eyes

R.E.M. - Losing My Religion

Offline davina61

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Re: Sarah's soliloquy
« Reply #277 on: September 23, 2021, 02:48:14 am »
Great news dear ,good things come to those that wait (still waiting here!!) . Good luck with everything , you must be so excited like a 10 year old on Christmas morning . XXXXX
a long time coming (out) HRT 12 2017


Jill of all trades mistress of non
Know a bit about everything but not enough to be clever.
I get pushed out of shape and its hard to steer when I get rubber in all 4 gears (Beach Boys ,little deuce coupe)

Offline JanePlain

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Re: Sarah's soliloquy
« Reply #278 on: September 26, 2021, 10:23:42 pm »
@SarahEL   @JanePlain
Dear Sarah and Jay:
I am so saddened to read Jay's report regarding Sarah and her daughter.
Do know that I am a praying woman and I will hold all of you up in my prayers and positive thoughts.

I really don't want to say anymore other than I am holding all of you up in my prayers and I am
looking for your updated reports as you feel free to share then with me and/or the rest of your avid followers.

If you would rather, you can Private Message me... or Email me at northernstargirl@susans.org

HUGS and many more HUGS, 
Danielle


I do believe prayer helps but wow... You folks who did must have done it extra right.  Sarah went from telling me there were other women in the world that I should start pondering (Never) because she was feeling so sick she thought it was the end... Then they both get better... Then the US opens travel with the UK and we.... will.... be.... together.... AT LAST!!!  Omg... Talk about getting the tingles...  I think every day brings me to a new level of loving this woman and her daughter.  Its somewhat unreal that it can get better but it certainly does on a daily basis...

We had a very rare non-hours long video yesterday (House stuff) and argh... How could I live without her?  Answer?  Can't...  Anyway thank you thank you thank you everyone!

"This world is but canvas to our imaginations.
Henry David Thoreau - (1817-1862)

Offline SarahEL

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Re: Sarah's soliloquy
« Reply #279 on: September 30, 2021, 07:25:01 pm »
I am happy to report that I have recovered now from the covid infection.. I am back working and daughter is back in school.. But it does highlight one important thing.. I had both vaccinations early this year.. had antibodies against covid and I still caught it and it made me very ill.. I am immunosuppressed because of other health issues, but still, this pandemic is far from over and you should all still take caution. 

I am getting very excited about my consultation for reconstruction surgery in a few weeks. It means for me an end to a lifetime of gender dysphoria and not being right.. It is like every Christmas ever, all rolled into one.
One thing I did not realise is the confidence in my convictions that the two gender specialist's letters gave me. Whilst they just reiterated what I knew I knew.. to have someone else, an expert, agree with me.. to say it so clearly that yes, Sarah you are a woman.. was very affirming. I am guessing (hoping?) that now my actual surgery date is within 12 months, even if I require some electrolysis down there.. Just knowing that this pain is going to end has lifted my spirits immensely.

Thanks to everyone for all your support whilst I was ill.. 

Oh, life is bigger,  It's bigger Than you and you are not me
The lengths that I will go to.  The distance in your eyes

R.E.M. - Losing My Religion

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