Author Topic: Sarah's soliloquy  (Read 4118 times)

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Offline davina61

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Re: Sarah's soliloquy
« Reply #120 on: December 30, 2020, 10:49:32 am »
Nice when a plan comes together, wishing you all the best for next year.
a long time coming (out) HRT 12 2017


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Know a bit about everything but not enough to be clever

Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: Sarah's soliloquy
« Reply #121 on: December 30, 2020, 11:24:52 am »
@SarahEL   cc:  @JanePlain

Dear Sarah and Jay....

This is such very exciting news that you reported.... 
....not  only regarding your "dream home" with Jay,
but also the revision of your Estrogel dosage.
 
As one of your avid followers I will be eagerly looking for your
updates, future posts and possibly photos as things progress for you two.

HUGS and best wishes for the New Year.   
Danielle


Today is getting to be a good day...  I have just written about the hospital sorting out my medical records... But I did not mention that my new endocrinologist sorted out my new Estrogel prescription and has doubled the dose, with a note that it will be further doubled in 4-6 months time... So, no more post-menopausal levels for me and a doctor who actually understands all the complexities of my conditions...
I have been seeing some very positive effects from the estrogen even at such low levels, so to get on something closer to normal dosages is very exciting.

...and... Today should be the day that Jay and I close on our dream home in the USA... All the monies are in place, the legal work done and the negotiations settled.... and my dreams, one big step closer to becoming reality...

***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 40

Offline CaelaNotKayla

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Re: Sarah's soliloquy
« Reply #122 on: December 30, 2020, 11:51:33 am »
Fingers crossed sis!!

Hugs!!

Cae
My Blog Thread - The Chronicles of Caela

Who knew it'd be so bright without the blindfold - Demi Lovato

Offline SarahEL

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Re: Sarah's soliloquy
« Reply #123 on: December 30, 2020, 06:52:01 pm »
Davina, Danielle and Cae...

Thankyou for all your support and kind words... they are very much appreciated.. Hugs back everyone xx
Oh, life is bigger,  It's bigger Than you and you are not me
The lengths that I will go to.  The distance in your eyes

R.E.M. - Losing My Religion

Offline SarahEL

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Re: Sarah's soliloquy
« Reply #124 on: December 31, 2020, 06:45:28 am »
So.. Just as we are about to start a new year... the human malware of 2020 raises it head again... Today the Welsh government has sent out letters (dated the 22nd Dec!).. to inform those of us in the 'Clinically extremely vulnerable' group to remain indoors apart from solo excercise and to cease external contact.. so stop work or school...At least until the 7th February.

It squarely places the blame on the increased incidents of infections on this new strain of coronavirus.. and is a very scary read to someone like myself who is so susceptible....   It does go on about them not making this decision lightly as they understand the damage to mental and physical health... and despite this, they are still telling us to stay indoors and isolate....

I am just praying that the vaccines are rolled out worldwide in a short a time as possible... and we can leave this horror story behind us sooner rather than later...

Today is not a good day... Good riddance 2020... 
Oh, life is bigger,  It's bigger Than you and you are not me
The lengths that I will go to.  The distance in your eyes

R.E.M. - Losing My Religion

Offline SarahEL

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Re: Sarah's soliloquy
« Reply #125 on: January 05, 2021, 04:35:50 pm »
I had a weird and strange epiphany yesterday.. and please, don't read too much into this, it is just me and my issues.....

Well, I got up, got ready....  and not once did I think about being a woman...
I just knew I was.. I know that sounds strange.. but it is more the feeling of there is and was nothing else ever...
This is me naturally, how I should of been forever.. How I am.. There was no questioning or thinking or processing.. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror.. this was the start of the epiphany.. because it was just me, in my. I read myself as female, as me..

I self identified instantly as that woman in the mirror and it was as normal as seeing yourself (and you have to remember, that I used to see a man!).. My body shape, my hair, my face... all feminine. All normal....   I sat on my bed..

and then, it struck me. I have done it, mentally, physically and emotionally... I have completely lost all that maleness and GD and baggage around gender.. this is who I am, this is me... there is no returning, I am not playing, practicing or pretending to be female.. I am.
There is no way now I could actually live as a male, in any capacity...  I guess that is self-acceptance?
Oh, life is bigger,  It's bigger Than you and you are not me
The lengths that I will go to.  The distance in your eyes

R.E.M. - Losing My Religion

Offline ChrissyRyan

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Re: Sarah's soliloquy
« Reply #126 on: January 05, 2021, 04:57:40 pm »
I had a weird and strange epiphany yesterday.. and please, don't read too much into this, it is just me and my issues.....

Well, I got up, got ready....  and not once did I think about being a woman...
I just knew I was.. I know that sounds strange.. but it is more the feeling of there is and was nothing else ever...
This is me naturally, how I should of been forever.. How I am.. There was no questioning or thinking or processing.. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror.. this was the start of the epiphany.. because it was just me, in my. I read myself as female, as me..

I self identified instantly as that woman in the mirror and it was as normal as seeing yourself (and you have to remember, that I used to see a man!).. My body shape, my hair, my face... all feminine. All normal....   I sat on my bed..

and then, it struck me. I have done it, mentally, physically and emotionally... I have completely lost all that maleness and GD and baggage around gender.. this is who I am, this is me... there is no returning, I am not playing, practicing or pretending to be female.. I am.
There is no way now I could actually live as a male, in any capacity...  I guess that is self-acceptance?


Sarah,


That is wonderful!

Chrissy
Be a good example of good behavior.  Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that your speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.  Serve others.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

Online SoCal_Holly

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Re: Sarah's soliloquy
« Reply #127 on: January 06, 2021, 12:26:38 am »
Sarah:

Awesome sauce ! Sounds like you are in a great place to start the new year !

Hugs,

Holly

Offline CaelaNotKayla

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Re: Sarah's soliloquy
« Reply #128 on: January 06, 2021, 12:46:34 am »
I had a weird and strange epiphany yesterday.. and please, don't read too much into this, it is just me and my issues.....

Well, I got up, got ready....  and not once did I think about being a woman...
I just knew I was.. I know that sounds strange.. but it is more the feeling of there is and was nothing else ever...
This is me naturally, how I should of been forever.. How I am.. There was no questioning or thinking or processing.. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror.. this was the start of the epiphany.. because it was just me, in my. I read myself as female, as me..

I self identified instantly as that woman in the mirror and it was as normal as seeing yourself (and you have to remember, that I used to see a man!).. My body shape, my hair, my face... all feminine. All normal....   I sat on my bed..

and then, it struck me. I have done it, mentally, physically and emotionally... I have completely lost all that maleness and GD and baggage around gender.. this is who I am, this is me... there is no returning, I am not playing, practicing or pretending to be female.. I am.
There is no way now I could actually live as a male, in any capacity...  I guess that is self-acceptance?

I'm so glad sis that you are seeing yourself as those around you who love you do!  Self-acceptance, and letting go of the baggage we carry along is a very good place to be in!

Hugs!!

Cae
My Blog Thread - The Chronicles of Caela

Who knew it'd be so bright without the blindfold - Demi Lovato

Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: Sarah's soliloquy
« Reply #129 on: January 06, 2021, 12:58:03 am »
@SarahEL
Dear Sarah:
I loved reading your posting.  This is a fantastic achievement in your physical and mental transition.   
I fondly recall the same thing several years ago... For the first time I looked in the mirror after taking a shower and instantly saw a blue eyed blonde haired woman.
I didn't think twice about putting on the appropriate women's underwear, clothes and shoes, etc.

Then I realized that I had arrived. ... definitely no going back and not wanting to go back.

Thank you for sharing your experience.... you have arrived...
...a moment in your journey to be fondly remembered.  !!!!


HUGS,
Danielle



I had a weird and strange epiphany yesterday.. and please, don't read too much into this, it is just me and my issues.....

Well, I got up, got ready....  and not once did I think about being a woman...
I just knew I was.. I know that sounds strange.. but it is more the feeling of there is and was nothing else ever...
This is me naturally, how I should of been forever.. How I am.. There was no questioning or thinking or processing.. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror.. this was the start of the epiphany.. because it was just me, in my. I read myself as female, as me..

I self identified instantly as that woman in the mirror and it was as normal as seeing yourself (and you have to remember, that I used to see a man!).. My body shape, my hair, my face... all feminine. All normal....   I sat on my bed..

and then, it struck me. I have done it, mentally, physically and emotionally...
I have completely lost all that maleness and GD and baggage around gender.. this is who I am, this is me... there is no returning, I am not playing, practicing or pretending to be female.. I am.
There is no way now I could actually live as a male, in any capacity...  I guess that is self-acceptance?
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 40

Offline SarahEL

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Re: Sarah's soliloquy
« Reply #130 on: January 06, 2021, 04:02:40 am »
Thank you for your kind comments Chrissy, Holly, Cae and Danielle...

I guess doubt and fear are natural when anyone faces changes... and socially changing gender is a biggie...
So, yes.. It is a bit of a monumental time when you are past all that and things return to normal...and all those positives you hoped the changes would bring are now everyday benefits that go mainly unnoticed...

I am very thankful that I am who I am..
Oh, life is bigger,  It's bigger Than you and you are not me
The lengths that I will go to.  The distance in your eyes

R.E.M. - Losing My Religion

Offline sarahc

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Re: Sarah's soliloquy
« Reply #131 on: January 13, 2021, 07:20:16 am »
@SarahEL

I am so happy for you that have “arrived” and have achieved that nice sense of normalcy. It is something that I have not yet attained. Perhaps it’s because GCS is so important for me and I really cannot feel complete until I have at least gotten past the GCS process. But I still do feel like a fraud even though many of friends tell me that I look great and I pass fine. In my mind I still dismiss these compliments as people being nice.

Hopefully one day I can feel that feeling as well.

Sarah
----
48 years young.
Known that I am trans since...forever.
First therapy session / decided to transition / hair removal: October 2018
HRT: January 2019 (journal https://www.susans.org/forums/index.phpVF/topic,244009.0.html)
VFS: September 2019; three-month report here
Full-time: April 2020
FFS: August 2020
SRS: January 2021

Offline SarahEL

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Re: Sarah's soliloquy
« Reply #132 on: January 13, 2021, 09:44:04 pm »
I had my first appointment with my private endo today.. and it was fantastic...
From tomorrow I start on normal female dose estrogen.. I have to take testosterone, but I now have access to a new, much lower dose cream.. suitable for women.. and will take a little bit of spiro, to ensure it has no masculinising effects on me as well... (and was told, this is prescribed to cis women who have to take low does T as well)...

and then.. he said that, as I have a therapist already, have socialised and effectively transitioned and am intersex.. that the 40 month wait for the GIC is not needed and if I want GRS, he is happy to refer me on the NHS to a surgeon... now...
I mean.. wow.. I am still reeling from that? 
Oh, life is bigger,  It's bigger Than you and you are not me
The lengths that I will go to.  The distance in your eyes

R.E.M. - Losing My Religion

Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: Sarah's soliloquy
« Reply #133 on: January 13, 2021, 10:08:39 pm »
@SarahEL
Dear Sarah:
I was thrilled to read your terrific report regarding your HRT adjustments made by your new Endo.

Oh, and bypassing the 40 month wait for getting on the schedule for your GRS is another bit
of terrific news that you reported.

Again, I am thrilled to read your update posting!!!!

I am wishing you well as always.... and happiness and success.

HUGS and HUGS and HUGS   
Danielle


I had my first appointment with my private endo today.. and it was fantastic...
From tomorrow I start on normal female dose estrogen.. I have to take testosterone, but I now have access to a new, much lower dose cream.. suitable for women.. and will take a little bit of spiro, to ensure it has no masculinising effects on me as well... (and was told, this is prescribed to cis women who have to take low does T as well)...

and then.. he said that, as I have a therapist already, have socialised and effectively transitioned and am intersex.. that the 40 month wait for the GIC is not needed and if I want GRS, he is happy to refer me on the NHS to a surgeon... now...
I mean.. wow.. I am still reeling from that?
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 40

Offline JanePlain

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Re: Sarah's soliloquy
« Reply #134 on: January 14, 2021, 11:01:07 am »
@SarahEL
Dear Sarah:
I loved reading your posting.  This is a fantastic achievement in your physical and mental transition.   
I fondly recall the same thing several years ago... For the first time I looked in the mirror after taking a shower and instantly saw a blue eyed blonde haired woman.
I didn't think twice about putting on the appropriate women's underwear, clothes and shoes, etc.

Then I realized that I had arrived. ... definitely no going back and not wanting to go back.

Thank you for sharing your experience.... you have arrived...
...a moment in your journey to be fondly remembered.  !!!!


HUGS,
Danielle


I don't know if I'm just dense but those of you ladies that have transitioned just seem to me to be (will be) and in some way always were who you are. The studies showing m2f folks as having female brain structures is just more proof I think that there never was a male person inside.

Sarah went through a period of asking me was I really sure she was... I don't know? Sarah enough? She is without a doubt everything I could ever ask for so I was just confused. I never knew her as anyone else and the same goes for most of the ladies on Susan's place. I think the important word about this all is "transition" as in from one thing to the other. I know some people are very political about things and always will indentify as trans but... I just am overjoyed when someone says it all just became their new normal.

Because isn't that the point?
"This world is but canvas to our imaginations.
Henry David Thoreau - (1817-1862)

Offline RandyL

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Re: Sarah's soliloquy
« Reply #135 on: January 14, 2021, 11:57:42 am »
... I just am overjoyed when someone says it all just became their new normal.

Because isn't that the point?
Yes! Exactly the point. Now to just get there myself...
Casting about for my best path forward...

My personal blog thread: Randy the lost traveler, finding the right road at last

My HRT thread: Randy's HRT Journal


Offline Rachel Montgomery

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Re: Sarah's soliloquy
« Reply #136 on: January 14, 2021, 02:28:31 pm »
I had my first appointment with my private endo today.. and it was fantastic...
From tomorrow I start on normal female dose estrogen.. I have to take testosterone, but I now have access to a new, much lower dose cream.. suitable for women.. and will take a little bit of spiro, to ensure it has no masculinising effects on me as well... (and was told, this is prescribed to cis women who have to take low does T as well)...

and then.. he said that, as I have a therapist already, have socialised and effectively transitioned and am intersex.. that the 40 month wait for the GIC is not needed and if I want GRS, he is happy to refer me on the NHS to a surgeon... now...
I mean.. wow.. I am still reeling from that?

What is "now".  I understand the referral would be immediate, but how far out would the surgery be?  Would this affect your move?

Offline SarahEL

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Re: Sarah's soliloquy
« Reply #137 on: January 14, 2021, 03:28:36 pm »
What is "now".  I understand the referral would be immediate, but how far out would the surgery be?  Would this affect your move?

Honestly? I have no idea.. I never even thought it was possible to refer to surgery via the NHS without first going through the gender clinics?? but he seemed very sure of it.
Also, the time-frame.. will be something?? I know I need to get electrolysis done, as that is a stipulation for the UK surgeons.. and that takes time.. and I am sure there is some sort of waiting list for them as well, just to get a consultation.. again, no idea how long that is... and it does all have to fit in to the move to the USA.. but... if this is possible then, things can be re-arranged.. I guess...??  answers on a postcard please!.. (or post hhaha)...
Oh, life is bigger,  It's bigger Than you and you are not me
The lengths that I will go to.  The distance in your eyes

R.E.M. - Losing My Religion

Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: Sarah's soliloquy
« Reply #138 on: January 14, 2021, 03:52:27 pm »
@SarahEL
Dear Sarah:
It comes down to the matter of your priorities....   but when you have 2 very high priorty plans in you life, it is difficult to chose what to do first and maybe a challenge to get the arrangements firmed up for the things that are obviously very important to you... (and Jay)

I am wishing you well in getting all of this figured out.

HUGS and best wishes,
Danielle



Honestly? I have no idea.. I never even thought it was possible to refer to surgery via the NHS without first going through the gender clinics?? but he seemed very sure of it.
Also, the time-frame.. will be something?? I know I need to get electrolysis done, as that is a stipulation for the UK surgeons.. and that takes time.. and I am sure there is some sort of waiting list for them as well, just to get a consultation.. again, no idea how long that is... and it does all have to fit in to the move to the USA.. but... if this is possible then, things can be re-arranged.. I guess...??  answers on a postcard please!.. (or post hhaha)...
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 40

Offline davina61

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Re: Sarah's soliloquy
« Reply #139 on: Yesterday at 03:57:47 am »
Waiting myself to hear back from surgeon after being referred in Dec, its the downstairs clearance that will slow me up. GIC said as little as 6 months wait for surgery. Not had any face clearance yet either due to this virus, still waiting for local AHA to get in touch to arrange it. 
a long time coming (out) HRT 12 2017


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