As a bit of a therapeutic exercise I wrote a coming out letter. This will probably never be shared because of my wife's wishes but it was helpful to write what I might say to my friends.
I'd welcome your comments.
Thank you!
Becky
Dear Friends,
I’d like to share something that’s very important to me with you. Let me say upfront that there are no changes planned in my life. What is new is that I’m sharing this with you. I hope you’ll read this in its entirety.
I am transgender.
While this is new information to you it is something I’ve known from my earliest memories. From four or five years old and going through my college years I would have verbalized this as “I wish I was a girl.” As I learned more about myself and what is known about what I was experiencing, I would rephrase that to say that mentally I’ve always been female but to the rest of the world I appeared to be male.
As a young child I thought there was something wrong. I had no idea there were others like me. Of course, I asked myself and God why I felt this way. There is no definitive answer.
I believe, and there is scientific theory that supports this, that I was born this way. Whether it’s genetic or something that took place in utero doesn’t especially matter but it is something I did not choose to be and no one made me transgender.
You may be asking why I choose to share this with you now. There are a few reasons. First, as I said, you are my friends and I felt it was important for you to know one of the most important parts of who I am. Second, I hope that in some small way this will make being transgender a bit less abstract. Knowing someone who is transgender might increase your knowledge and, dare I say, your acceptance of those who are transgender. We’re only about 1% of the population and many of us, like myself until now, are hidden from view.
There is no transgender narrative we all follow. Some learn about this aspect of themselves later in life, others know it for all of their lives. Some chose to transition and live a life that matches how they feel about themselves. Others keep it a closely guarded secret.
As some of you are aware, I’m a Christian. The struggle this presented to my faith was significant. Since I believe this is the way I was born I don’t see this as a sin.
As I said, I plan no major changes in my life. I expect to continue looking as I do now and living a life as a husband, father and grandfather. If I were younger I suspect there would be changes but I don’t see that as a viable option at this time in my life.
You may ask how does my wife feel about this. While she can best speak for herself and considers this a private matter, let me say I did share this part of me with her before we were engaged and I promised her I would not transition to being a woman for the rest of our lives together. I have also shared this with my daughters and their husbands. I am very happy to say I had acceptance from them all.
One of the best analogies I’ve heard about being transgender that could have some resonance with those of you who aren’t is about being right or left handed. For most of you, it was the way you were born. You didn’t decide to be left or right handed and if you were forced at this point in your life to switch to the opposite hand it would be a struggle that would most likely feel unnatural for the rest of your life.
As I said, I welcome you thoughts and questions.
Thank you for taking the time to read this letter. I value your friendship and I hope you still consider me a friend.
