Author Topic: FtM who wouldn't date other FtM  (Read 521 times)

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Offline Asaph

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FtM who wouldn't date other FtM
« on: October 17, 2020, 02:31:21 pm »
First of all, I don't mean to say that trans people who do not wish to date other trans people have internalized transphobia or anything, I know dating preferences is a thing and it's very personal to the individual and tbh I don't really mind since it's none of my businesses, but I was overall curious to why some trans guys wouldn't date other trans guys (assuming they're not straight). I've heard a couple of FtM folks say that they wouldn't date trans men but they didn't give me any reasons (not that they have to argue why they won't date someone, but I was just genuinely willing to understand their side better). So, if that applies to you or you've heard from a FtM who won't date other FtMs, I'd love to hear the explanation.

Thanks for your attention either way, I hope you're having a nice time wherever you are!

Offline MeTony

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Re: FtM who wouldn't date other FtM
« Reply #1 on: October 17, 2020, 03:02:49 pm »
I have no idea. Guess everyone is different.

I’m 80% gay. Alot of % pan. Actually I don’t care much about genitals. But I tend to fall in love...or rather be attrcted to other men.

If the guy has a penis or not, I don’t care. For ME it is not important.

I sometimes get attracted to women too (including trans). It has to do with personality. Not very much about the looks. And absolutely nothing to do about genitals.

So my answer is everyone is differet. You can’t help it if a penis turns you on or a set of nice boobs or if it is personality.

Offline Devlyn

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Re: FtM who wouldn't date other FtM
« Reply #2 on: October 17, 2020, 03:03:48 pm »
Some people think being in a trans/trans relationship has the potential to be triggering; not having any way to escape dysphoria.

I'm in a MTF/MTF relationship, we're doing fine.  :)
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Re: FtM who wouldn't date other FtM
« Reply #3 on: October 17, 2020, 03:31:49 pm »
Some people think being in a trans/trans relationship has the potential to be triggering; not having any way to escape dysphoria.

I'm in a MTF/MTF relationship, we're doing fine.  :)
We are??  :D ;) X

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Offline Asaph

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Re: FtM who wouldn't date other FtM
« Reply #4 on: October 18, 2020, 04:50:51 pm »
Some people think being in a trans/trans relationship has the potential to be triggering; not having any way to escape dysphoria.

I'm in a MTF/MTF relationship, we're doing fine.  :)

Idk, if they find a trans/trans relationship triggering then wouldn't they find it triggering to be in a relationship with a cis person of the same gender? (i.e. transman/cisman or transwoman/ciswoman)
(Btw I apologize if any of this sounds a bit dumb or judgmental, I'm truly just trying to understand the other side — since similar to Tony I fall in love with the personality of a person and their gender identity/genitals don't really make a difference to me)

Offline CursedFireDean

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Re: FtM who wouldn't date other FtM
« Reply #5 on: November 01, 2020, 08:30:28 am »
This no longer applies to me but I know at one point I hated my body so much that I projected that hatred onto other trans men rather than myself and that's why I could never date another pre-op trans man at the time. Every time I looked at another pre-op/non-op trans man sexually I just was reminded of what my own body looked like, but for some reason with cis men that didn't happen. I can't explain why because I don't know why other than that dysphoria is an incomprehensible beast sometimes. But it did happen with anyone with a V. Not just trans men. It was just more pronounced with trans men because I saw myself in them even more than I saw myself in, say, a cis woman.

I think if this is the case its something people need to actively work on like I did because it isn't fair to project dysphoria onto others. Once I was able to recognize my dysphoria was actually that bad and work to resolve that (I'm in the process of getting bottom surgery now), that helped me a lot to let go of the projecting onto others' bodies.





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Offline Asaph

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Re: FtM who wouldn't date other FtM
« Reply #6 on: November 14, 2020, 01:59:28 pm »
This no longer applies to me but I know at one point I hated my body so much that I projected that hatred onto other trans men rather than myself and that's why I could never date another pre-op trans man at the time. Every time I looked at another pre-op/non-op trans man sexually I just was reminded of what my own body looked like, but for some reason with cis men that didn't happen. I can't explain why because I don't know why other than that dysphoria is an incomprehensible beast sometimes. But it did happen with anyone with a V. Not just trans men. It was just more pronounced with trans men because I saw myself in them even more than I saw myself in, say, a cis woman.

I think if this is the case its something people need to actively work on like I did because it isn't fair to project dysphoria onto others. Once I was able to recognize my dysphoria was actually that bad and work to resolve that (I'm in the process of getting bottom surgery now), that helped me a lot to let go of the projecting onto others' bodies.

Thank you so much for answering! It makes a lot of sense to me know, even if it's not something I struggle with I could see it bothering someone. Sorry for the late reply, but I hope you have a nice day/night/week and that you're doing well  :D

Offline SeptagonScars

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Re: FtM who wouldn't date other FtM
« Reply #7 on: November 22, 2020, 08:19:00 am »
This doesn't really apply to me, as I'm bisexual and have always known I'm into other ftm's. I've never had any hangups about it to work on. Some are just really hot and then I'm sold, lol. One of my exes is a trans guy, and I loved him deeply. I also know I'm into cis men and cis women as kinda my default attraction. I don't really have any preference one way or the other between those three.

However, I do feel kinda uncomfortable at the idea of dating mtf's. I think it's because of how I relate to my own transitioned body, and feeling some sort of dysphoria clash with them. Like it's not about the genitals for me, or the secondary sex characteristics, or how passable they are.

As a woman who prefers a very masculine presentation myself, incluing having a beard and other male secondary sex characteristics, it's difficult for me to relate to women who are dysphoric about the very traits I'd be dysphoric without, put simply. I'd worry that I'd either be considered too manly, not woman enough, or not manly enough compared to her. However, I'm not entirely against the idea of dating an mtf, I just have a really high bar, to hopefully avoid disappointment and hurt for both people involved. If she's transitioned to a point where she's confident and can work it, is within my age group, isn't hyper-feminine, preferably non-op, and is otherwise compatible with me and into me as well, I'd give her a chance. But I have so far not yet met such a trans woman, so yeah... I'm kinda picky.

Point is, I can imagine the same but in reverse can be applied to some of those who instead feel... well, basically triggered is probably the feeling I'm trying to describe here, by the idea of dating someone who is instead "too similar" to themselves and their own dysphoria/transition, and fearing competition or jealousy of each other's looks/surgeries/hrt advancements/etc. Or just don't wanna deal with dysphoria doubled up getting in the way of intimacy. At least, all that makes sense to me.

Because not wanting to date someone/some group of people, doesn't necessarily mean you're not attracted to them. Like for example I don't wanna date vegans or people who dislike cats, no matter how attractive those people are. Because sometimes rejection comes down to other aspects of compatibility.
I started my journey to transition back in 2009, was on testosterone for 6 years in total, had top surgery in 2014. Non-op lower surgery, I'm happy with what I've got down there. Started connecting to be being female during 2018. Have since been on and off about embracing myself as a woman, but have no wish to destransition my appearance. My dysphoria was mostly caused by trauma. Some of it still remains stubborn, and I do not regret my transition. I struggle socially, and with self-acceptance, but I love my body.

I'm dating PurpleWolf <3