Author Topic: Coping with emotions during early HRT - remaining closeted  (Read 143 times)

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Offline kelly_1979

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Coping with emotions during early HRT - remaining closeted
« on: October 18, 2020, 08:48:06 am »
I don't know why I really care about it. Currently I'm still stuck in "usual" calmness/ apathy (though probably my subconscious is screaming inside, I just don't feel it).

I live with my elderly narcissistic parents and I just started HRT. I'm in the middle of a difficult project in my PhD and need to be able to really focus. The reason I started HRT was because I couldn't stand dysphoria and health issues anymore.

Currently I don't have any real privacy. Still, my parents depend on me for pretty much all the errands, at least half the cooking etc.

My mom irons my clothes though. Is it too much? Should I do this too? I really don't want her touching my fem clothes (when I buy them). (She had thrown away jeans I had bought years ago when I tried to present subtly fem).

Couple of questions. I know it's YMMV but

1) How long would it be feasible to hide changes? (I'm 41 but relatively thin - 183 cm 67 kg but kinda broad shouldered - ~16.5 inch biacromial diameter). Would it be difficult to hide breast development?

2) Should I try to hide as long as possible? At a certain point it's going to become visible.

I still have zero fem clothes (I'm skinny fat because of stress) and because of COVID it's kinda hard to shop and try clothes. I wanted to lose some stubborn butt fat and gain muscle (ideally back to what I was 2-3 years ago) but I don't know if it's feasible.

3) Any suggestions from avoiding HRT messing with my mind and my focus regarding my PhD? I need to be like 110% focused to be able to finish. Currently my memory is very bad so I didn't have any choice anyway.

4) Should I tell people I've already come out that I've started HRT? I'm heavily inclined to NOT. I don't need more drama or questions in my life right now.

Basically I want to be as stable as possible and avoid overwhelming emotions from taking the focus from my work.

Perhaps I'm overthinking it and the changes will be way more subtle then I used to wish for. I know at a point I will have to socially transition. I mean, I want to, I'm just terrified.
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Offline Devlyn

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Re: Coping with emotions during early HRT - remaining closeted
« Reply #1 on: October 18, 2020, 10:38:06 am »
I socially transitioned, then started HRT. So how you do it is entirely personal preference.  :)

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Offline lily_m

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Re: Coping with emotions during early HRT - remaining closeted
« Reply #2 on: October 18, 2020, 11:21:07 am »
I'm 6 months into HRT. No, I don't feel HRT mess with my mind other than make me feel more feminine. It won't interfere with your project as long as you stay within the right dosage. Breast growth is not a concern under clothes as long you don't get any fatter. Stop worrying and live your life. Time doesn't wait anyone. You're gonna come out of the closet eventually. It's better to come when you're still young. I've seen senior citizens finally came out at the late stage of their life cause they felt didn't have any more time left. 

When you first starting out wearing female clothes in public. You need to imagine that you are a show performer trying to entertain everyone. This summer, I was wearing nylon tank top and revealed my breast in public. I received the best reactions in Walmart and enjoyed every moment of it. When you get to my level, you no longer fear anything.

In regards to safety concerns, I suggest dress up in broad daylight. You are generally safer when more people and CCTVs are around. Avoid going out at night if you live in a crime ridden neighborhood. People tends to get intoxicated in the evening and mess with you if they think they can get away with it.

Look for inspirations on social media. Sjung, AKA barbie on this forum, is a full time university professor. She gets along with her colleagues and student just fine as a TS and this is Korea that we are talking about, a very conservative nation when just five years ago, adultry can land you 6 months in jail.

Instagramer itsmetaylornoelle, full time ER doctor with wife and kid, still married to this day as a full time TS.

« Last Edit: October 18, 2020, 12:25:14 pm by lily_m »