Topic: Advice for my teen

[Nickymum]

Hi everyone,

A little background about me, I am a mother (aged 48) from the U.K., I have an older son (David) 18 and a younger son (Luke) 13.

Recently, David has had a talk with me saying that he has been very unhappy and feels he is living a lie, expressing he feels he is the wrong gender.

It did shock me a slightly at first, but I do totally support him and I want to show my support to him. All I want is for him to be happy and I told him I would accept and support any decision he makes.

I am really coming on here so I can offer support to him, so I can educate myself and so that we (as a family) can offer him advice on his new life!

As this is new to me, I do apologise if I seem ignorant, as this is not my intention at all.

Thanks for reading everyone, love, Nicky.

[Northern Star Girl]

@Nickymum
Dear Nicky:
You have come to a good place to help you find answers and have an exchange of comments, thoughts and questions with our other members here.

I am so very glad that you joined Susan's Place and have peeked into the Forums.

Getting the right information will certainly help you to support your son David.

I wish you well in that endeavor... we have lots of subjects that are of potential interest to you and your needs.

I will be soon posting my Official Welcome message to you that will explain more about the Forums Rules.

HUGS, and best wishes to you and David.
Danielle

[Northern Star Girl]

@@Nickymum
Dear Nicky
    Please be aware that I am not trying to sidetrack your thread about an important subject to you but no doubt that you have seen other brand new members here get Official Welcome messages when they make their first posting.

    FIRST THINGS FIRST, I wish to Officially Welcome you and give you important rules and information about the Susan's Place Forums.
    I am happy to see that you have signed up as a member of Susan's Place and have submitted your first posting. 

    As you post here on the forums you will be able to exchange thoughts and comments with others that are experiencing many of the same things that you wrote about.
 
    This is the right place for you to be to find out what others may have to say that may have been in your circumstances and with your questions and concerns.
    There are a lot of members here that will be able to identify with your situation as you continue to feel free to share it.
 
    I also want to warmly WELCOME you to Susan's Place. 
You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.

    As you are certainly aware you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other like-minded members.  When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....
     ***There is a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new like-minded friends here. 

    Please come in and continue to be involved at your own pace.   Other members will be along shortly to give you their thoughts about your questions and concerns that you mentioned in your very first posting.
   
    There is information and important LINKS that I have included below.   You will find information about the site that will help you navigate around and best utilize the features here.   
Please look closely at the LINKS in RED, answers are there to many questions that new members ask.

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.
Danielle

Here are some links to the site rules and stuff that all new members should be familiar with:
 

Things that you should read

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)	Cautionary Note
Reputation rules	News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy	Membership Agreement

[Northern Star Girl]

@Nickymum
Dear Nicky:

ONE MORE THING and you can have your thread back....   If you feel so inclined please feel free to stop by the Introductions Forum to tell more members about yourself!
 
With more exposure to more members here you will be able to get more responses to your questions and concerns.

Wishing your well as you continue to be involved in the forums.

NOTE: Now, after all of this Greeting and Welcoming stuff, I will give you and your readers your thread back so you can get some answers from other members.

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.
Danielle

[Devlyn]

Welcome to Susan's Place, Nicky! Thank you for being such a supportive parent. 

Hugs, Devlyn

[SarahEL]

Hi Nickymon...  Do not worry about being shocked at first - most people tend to hide their gender issues well for quite some time..
Being a listening, non-judgmental parent... someone whom they know they can trust and will keep their confidences will be the best support you can be... and if they have not already, talking to a trained professional gender therapist will be a very good first step.
You can find these privately, or if your child visits their GP they can get an appointment with the local services near you.
Personally, from knowing the waiting times and the quality (just my experience) I would look for a suitably qualified therapist privately near by... Most do skype or zoom consultations with the current situation and so they should be able to talk to someone in a reasonable time.
Can I just say a great 'well done' to you for coming on here and showing your child such support.... I really wish more parents were so pro-active.

[Allie Jayne]

Hi Nickymum!  I also think it’s great you are seeking help to support your son, but the first thing you should do is find a gender specialist and have him assessed. It is so important to know where he is at so you can provide the right support for him. Then learn all you can about being trans, again so you know how to approach this.

Start here :  http://sitn.hms.harvard.edu/flash/2016/gender-lines-science-transgender-identity/

Hugs,

Allie

[sarahc]

You did the most important thing, which was to provide love and support. You cannot imagine how valuable it is for a gender-questioning child to know that their parent is an ally.

I know things can be challenging in the UK when it comes to getting access to health resources, but finding a gender therapist for your child is the other valuable thing you can provide at this time. Really try to get a therapist experienced with gender issues if at all possible.

Otherwise, give your child some space to work through things with the therapist and always offer your supportive and loving ear.

Sarah

[CaelaNotKayla]

Nickymom-

Hello and welcome to the community.  I know how hard this is for you- my oldest came out to me and my wife several years ago.  The first thing that you can do (and it sounds like you are) is to be supportive- even if you don't fully understand everything.  Neither is your oldest child- they are in a phase of discovery, now just a little more in the open.  Being supportive and giving them unconditional is a good start.  Talking to a qualified gender therapist is something that I would highly recommend to help them work through the process. 

Hugs!

Caela

[Nickymum]

Thanks everyone so much for the helpful support and advice. It means so much to me that everyone has been so understanding and kind.

I thinking seeking some access to health resources and talking to an expert is some great advice. I will certainly do this.

I will keep everyone updated and I hope to become a regular poster on here.

Hugs to everyone on here and thanks again xxxx