Author Topic: how can I tell if my feelings aren't just a "fetish"/"kink"?  (Read 1294 times)

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Offline Pammie

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FYI, I am a narcissist like other women.

 

https://www.amazon.com/Auguste-Toulmouche-Collection-Unframed-Reproduction/dp/B07LDJK85Y

barbie~~
Might I suggest one picture doesn’t constitute evidence
And ur trans Barbie whereas the suggestion was about cis women
I really do not think it’s a common situation with cis women as it isn’t with cis men


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Offline Lyric

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Re: how can I tell if my feelings aren't just a "fetish"/"kink"?
« Reply #21 on: November 09, 2020, 11:04:30 am »
Ah, here we are again. I've been responding to such posts for a long time and I'll keep doing it. First of all, I'd love for you to transcend belittling the idea of sexual crossdressing as "just a 'fetish"/"kink'". That is literally as narrow minded as calling gay people perverts. Sexual expression comes in many, many forms and crossdressing for sexual stimulation is simply one of them-- and as valid and worthy of respect as anything in the LGBT-etc list.

As Robyn indicated, anyone can have sexual fantasies related to gender manifestation, regardless of identity. Identity is the issue you're struggling with and it's a very different matter.

The problem people often have with this is often externally sourced. It is much easier to fit into society thinking of yourself as either a "man" or a "woman" than as a feminine appearing male. Many people have pushed themselves into hormonal or even surgical transition only to realize later that is was not for them.

How you deal with this is you don't rush. Give youself time to try things gradually and understand yourself. This is very much a matter of if in doubt, don't. Continue learning about yourself and don't feel pressured by society-- or even transgender web forums-- to fit into a cookie cutter role.
"Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life." - Steve Jobs

Offline Pammie

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Ah, here we are again. I've been responding to such posts for a long time and I'll keep doing it. First of all, I'd love for you to transcend belittling the idea of sexual crossdressing as "just a 'fetish"/"kink'". That is literally as narrow minded as calling gay people perverts. Sexual expression comes in many, many forms and crossdressing for sexual stimulation is simply one of them-- and as valid and worthy of respect as anything in the LGBT-etc list.

As Robyn indicated, anyone can have sexual fantasies related to gender manifestation, regardless of identity. Identity is the issue you're struggling with and it's a very different matter.

The problem people often have with this is often externally sourced. It is much easier to fit into society thinking of yourself as either a "man" or a "woman" than as a feminine appearing male. Many people have pushed themselves into hormonal or even surgical transition only to realize later that is was not for them.

How you deal with this is you don't rush. Give youself time to try things gradually and understand yourself. This is very much a matter of if in doubt, don't. Continue learning about yourself and don't feel pressured by society-- or even transgender web forums-- to fit into a cookie cutter role.
That is simply an excellent post - insightful and right on point


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Online Alice

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Re: how can I tell if my feelings aren't just a "fetish"/"kink"?
« Reply #23 on: November 09, 2020, 03:35:42 pm »
Ah, here we are again. I've been responding to such posts for a long time and I'll keep doing it. First of all, I'd love for you to transcend belittling the idea of sexual crossdressing as "just a 'fetish"/"kink'". That is literally as narrow minded as calling gay people perverts. Sexual expression comes in many, many forms and crossdressing for sexual stimulation is simply one of them-- and as valid and worthy of respect as anything in the LGBT-etc list.

As Robyn indicated, anyone can have sexual fantasies related to gender manifestation, regardless of identity. Identity is the issue you're struggling with and it's a very different matter.

The problem people often have with this is often externally sourced. It is much easier to fit into society thinking of yourself as either a "man" or a "woman" than as a feminine appearing male. Many people have pushed themselves into hormonal or even surgical transition only to realize later that is was not for them.

How you deal with this is you don't rush. Give youself time to try things gradually and understand yourself. This is very much a matter of if in doubt, don't. Continue learning about yourself and don't feel pressured by society-- or even transgender web forums-- to fit into a cookie cutter role.

Lyric,

I agree this is a great post. Separating out the Gender Identity and Sexual Fantasies took me a long time. In fact, it was only the external feedback constantly telling me I was more relaxed as Alice did I start to understand that I needed to separate them and deal with them separately. 

It turned out that my gender identity was the most important thing to deal with. I was so relieved that I could express and explore my identify and be accepted. This allowed myself to relax and finaly relise that maybe need to transition. I really do not like to talk about all that other stuff as I still hate the thought that is was just fetish.

Alice

Offline Pammie

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Lyric,

I agree this is a great post. Separating out the Gender Identity and Sexual Fantasies took me a long time. In fact, it was only the external feedback constantly telling me I was more relaxed as Alice did I start to understand that I needed to separate them and deal with them separately. 

It turned out that my gender identity was the most important thing to deal with. I was so relieved that I could express and explore my identify and be accepted. This allowed myself to relax and finaly relise that maybe need to transition. I really do not like to talk about all that other stuff as I still hate the thought that is was just fetish.

Alice
Im absolutely no doctor or psychologist but I’ve thought for years that getting rid of the “T” really helped me separate the two - im so happy without the clouding it was responsible for (in my mind at least)


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Offline barbie

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I really do not think it’s a common situation with cis women as it isn’t with cis men

Pammie,

Anyway, most people do not think I am a kind of common person. I do not know about cis women well, but I guess some of them are like me.

Lyric,

Thanks again for the insightful post.

barbie~~
Just do it.

Offline Pammie

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Pammie,

Anyway, most people do not think I am a kind of common person. I do not know about cis women well, but I guess some of them are like me.

Lyric,

Thanks again for the insightful post.

barbie~~
Of course, but I think you were suggesting that many cis women are narcissists but I personally no none at all yet know many cis women. I think it’s important to back up claims with stats where possible


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Offline aunatural

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Re: how can I tell if my feelings aren't just a "fetish"/"kink"?
« Reply #27 on: January 10, 2021, 08:16:34 pm »
I'm not sure, or maybe I just can't put into a coherent sentence, but something about being a submissive feminine entity in a sexual situation feels empowering and liberating in a way.
Even when those "sissy hypno" videos talk about being submissive and stuff, I tend to interpret those as actually promoting individualism in a weird way.
Its like, when you’re this feminine and submissive being, you possess something that others crave, and you have full control over how much of it they are allowed to enjoy.

Again, I don’t think I can explain it any better, and I'm sorry if that sounded contradictory and nonsensical.
   
Again, I'm not sure, but maybe it had something to do with me starting to watch YouTube videos of trans people who aren’t necessarily talking about anything sexual, and just discussing their usual life and struggles 

Part of it is probably the sense of sexual freedom I imagine I would get out of it, part of it is probably a chance to start a new life with a new identity, and a large part of it probably a big dose of "I don’t really know why". :(

not quite sure I understood this question, could you clarify a bit?

Not sure of the topic lasting beyond the communities demand, but diy life especially:

As a long time now, frustrated by sexual property... somewhere i acknowledged (however in-concretely) that guys taken aback by gals goes both ways. Certainly but with a little speculation of the gambit course, gals crave guys all the time too and the balance indicates atleast a partial view.

Its really disproportionate in society i think, or indicative of permisable behaviour in either sex, that more often then not females are associated w desire. But if any woman was banking off of her own desirability...well, somehow that seems to be a, component, itself, of anyones sex?

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