Author Topic: MTF body changes that made it harder for you to go out in public as male  (Read 1886 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline ChrissyRyan

  • “Have a gentle manner”
  • Family
  • *****
  • Posts: 28,701
  • Reputation: +35/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • No act of kindness, however small, is wasted.
About when during your mtf transition, did your body change to an extent that made it noticeably harder (but not impossible) for you to go out in public presenting as male?

Was this when your breasts or curves developed to the extent that it was hard to hide them?
Or when your natural hair was really too feminine to be worn that way as a guy?

Or when your face, walk, and so on became so naturally feminine that it just became so hard to be thought of as male in public, that is, when you passed so well that you looked feminine even when out dressed as a guy... that most, if not about all, people simply thought of you as a woman?  Sometimes that is called “male fail.”

Chrissy

Be a good example of good behavior.  Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that your speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.  Serve others.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

Offline Pammie

  • *
  • Posts: 2,716
  • Reputation: +18/-0
Re: MTF body changes that made it harder for you to go out in public as male
« Reply #1 on: October 24, 2020, 12:44:03 pm »
About when during your mtf transition, did your body change to an extent that made it noticeably harder (but not impossible) for you to go out in public presenting as male?

Was this when your breasts or curves developed to the extent that it was hard to hide them?
Or when your natural hair was really too feminine to be worn that way as a guy?

Or when your face, walk, and so on became so naturally feminine that it just became so hard to be thought of as male in public, that is, when you passed so well that you looked feminine even when out dressed as a guy... that most, if not about all, people simply thought of you as a woman?  Sometimes that is called “male fail.”

Chrissy
I didn’t start HRT until the day I went full time but even so I was already walking and talking differently and had no body hair so I was different but never enough to Male fail


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Online Megan.

  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 3,681
  • Reputation: +20/-0
  • Gender: Female
    • Homepage & Blog
Re: MTF body changes that made it harder for you to go out in public as male
« Reply #2 on: October 24, 2020, 12:51:59 pm »
I was full-time BEFORE starting HRT, so this wasn't an issue for me.

I was glad I was was mentally ready to go full-time without being pressured by physical changes.

This also let me understand the mental health benefits of my social transition which were easily as good as the positive effects when I finally started HRT a few months later. X

Sent from my MI 9 using Tapatalk

"Life is a travelling to the edge of knowledge, then a leap taken." - D. H. Lawrence

Offline AllieSF

  • *****
  • Posts: 858
  • Reputation: +7/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • Ain't Life Grand!!
Re: MTF body changes that made it harder for you to go out in public as male
« Reply #3 on: October 24, 2020, 12:53:29 pm »
When I was on my way with my transition but still not out to anyone, it was my hair.  However, it was never harder for me.  It actually was never hard in any sense until the repercussions after I came out.  With my longer hair, I sometimes got gendered as a female in male mode (yippee!!), once had a male come in the Men's restroom when I was washing my hands, see me and then turn around immediately to go out, and then came right back in after checking the sign on the door.  That was definitely another "Yippee!!".

Allie
HRT - February 2017
Full Time - July 2018
Orchi - January 2018
BA - September 25, 2019
FFS - January 10, 2020
GRS - TBDDD (To Be Determined, Decision and Date)

Offline Jessica_K

  • *
  • Posts: 372
  • Reputation: +2/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: MTF body changes that made it harder for you to go out in public as male
« Reply #4 on: October 24, 2020, 03:24:44 pm »
Being old, I do not have the luxury of a head or hair, but my breasts are quite noticeable as well as my painted nails and jewellery. I still present Male at times, more than I like, to placate my partner but she must notice how much harder it is now. As for a Male fail I was buying some logs a week or so ago, Male, with my pink purse in hand and a one colleague said to another that “she is waiting to be served” (the good part) followed by “he you mean, sorry sir”. I still take it as a win

I have also had a few non gendered comments where sir or madam were used for others, maybe they did not want to get it wrong?

Jessica xx

Offline ChrissyRyan

  • “Have a gentle manner”
  • Family
  • *****
  • Posts: 28,701
  • Reputation: +35/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • No act of kindness, however small, is wasted.
Re: MTF body changes that made it harder for you to go out in public as male
« Reply #5 on: October 24, 2020, 04:10:24 pm »
Being old, I do not have the luxury of a head or hair, but my breasts are quite noticeable as well as my painted nails and jewellery. I still present Male at times, more than I like, to placate my partner but she must notice how much harder it is now. As for a Male fail I was buying some logs a week or so ago, Male, with my pink purse in hand and a one colleague said to another that “she is waiting to be served” (the good part) followed by “he you mean, sorry sir”. I still take it as a win

I have also had a few non gendered comments where sir or madam were used for others, maybe they did not want to get it wrong?

Jessica xx

Jessica,

Sounds positive!

I do not have a pink purse but I have had a brown leather purse shopping in the store when out as a male.  But, I think I should probably not do that in that situation, as there might be extremely conflicting gender signals if people paid attention to them.  It could be confusing. 
I speak just for myself of course.

But, it is nice to have my purse with me in the car at least.  I put it in the trunk before going into the store, as too many cars are broken into because people leave “inviting” purses, telephones, gifts, etc. in plain view in the car.

You do not look male in any way Jessica.

Chrissy

Be a good example of good behavior.  Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that your speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.  Serve others.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

Offline Jessica_K

  • *
  • Posts: 372
  • Reputation: +2/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: MTF body changes that made it harder for you to go out in public as male
« Reply #6 on: October 24, 2020, 04:58:32 pm »
Jessica,

Sounds positive!

I do not have a pink purse but I have had a brown leather purse shopping in the store when out as a male.  But, I think I should probably not do that in that situation, as there might be extremely conflicting gender signals if people paid attention to them.  It could be confusing. 
I speak just for myself of course.

But, it is nice to have my purse with me in the car at least.  I put it in the trunk before going into the store, as too many cars are broken into because people leave “inviting” purses, telephones, gifts, etc. in plain view in the car.

You do not look male in any way Jessica.

Chrissy

Thank you so much Chrissy. I believe I pass 100% when dressed the part, but Male fail is another thing altogether specially not wearing the wig. Thin short hair, bald on top receding hairline, screams Male.

I am not quite sure what you are saying about mixed messaging, do you mean in a security way? I find it hard not to be feminine even when dressed Male so I am who I am lol
Here is my purse (UK)


Hugs

Jessica xx


Offline ChrissyRyan

  • “Have a gentle manner”
  • Family
  • *****
  • Posts: 28,701
  • Reputation: +35/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • No act of kindness, however small, is wasted.
Re: MTF body changes that made it harder for you to go out in public as male
« Reply #7 on: October 24, 2020, 07:08:45 pm »
Thank you so much Chrissy. I believe I pass 100% when dressed the part, but Male fail is another thing altogether specially not wearing the wig. Thin short hair, bald on top receding hairline, screams Male.

I am not quite sure what you are saying about mixed messaging, do you mean in a security way? I find it hard not to be feminine even when dressed Male so I am who I am lol
Here is my purse (UK)


Hugs

Jessica xx


It is just some may wonder if I was male or female if out as male but carrying my purse.

Chrissy
Be a good example of good behavior.  Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that your speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.  Serve others.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

Offline ChrissyRyan

  • “Have a gentle manner”
  • Family
  • *****
  • Posts: 28,701
  • Reputation: +35/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • No act of kindness, however small, is wasted.
Re: MTF body changes that made it harder for you to go out in public as male
« Reply #8 on: October 24, 2020, 07:09:21 pm »
Jessica,

Cute purse!

Chrissy
Be a good example of good behavior.  Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that your speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.  Serve others.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

Offline Lady Sarah

  • Yes, it's another Sarah
  • Family
  • *****
  • Posts: 1,342
  • Reputation: +9/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • I love my hubby
Re: MTF body changes that made it harder for you to go out in public as male
« Reply #9 on: October 25, 2020, 12:23:48 am »
Prior to HRT, I already had enough of a feminine figure and walk that I got teased about it a lot. It was enough that I went full time as soon as I started HRT. After about 6 months, my boobs stuck out enough that I needed looser shirts.

The real "male fail" came after I got rid of that awful Adam's apple on my neck people stared at when they called me "sir". I swear that no matter what I looked like, people only focused on that particular part of me, and figured "If it has an apple, it has a banana".

There's the paradox. When living as a male, I was ridiculed and called a girl because of my figure and walk. When living as a woman, I got judged by a lump on my throat until I got it surgically removed.
started HRT: July 13, 1991
orchi: December 23, 1994
trach shave: November, 1998
married: August 16, 2015
Back surgery: October 20, 2016

Offline Jessica_K

  • *
  • Posts: 372
  • Reputation: +2/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: MTF body changes that made it harder for you to go out in public as male
« Reply #10 on: October 25, 2020, 04:01:23 am »

It is just some may wonder if I was male or female if out as male but carrying my purse.

Chrissy
Ah, that is where I differ, I am out to everyone so if people I do not specifically know wish to wonder then that is not a problem. I just cannot go full time and keep my partner something I am working on and hope one day.

Jessica xx

Offline Oldandcreaky

  • Family
  • *****
  • Posts: 679
  • Reputation: +11/-0
Re: MTF body changes that made it harder for you to go out in public as male
« Reply #11 on: October 25, 2020, 08:06:05 am »
I wore a tie and jacket my final year in the male role, but I would still sometimes fail to project male for the same reason that actresses fail to present as convincing men when they're dressed in drag for a 1700s or 1800s-based film, which is skin tone. My skin was too soft to consistently convey masculinity.

Offline ChrissyRyan

  • “Have a gentle manner”
  • Family
  • *****
  • Posts: 28,701
  • Reputation: +35/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • No act of kindness, however small, is wasted.
Re: MTF body changes that made it harder for you to go out in public as male
« Reply #12 on: October 25, 2020, 08:25:52 am »
I wore a tie and jacket my final year in the male role, but I would still sometimes fail to project male for the same reason that actresses fail to present as convincing men when they're dressed in drag for a 1700s or 1800s-based film, which is skin tone. My skin was too soft to consistently convey masculinity.

Before handshaking seemed to go by the wayside, I often saw surprised faces when, in the male role, I was shaking hands with a man.  I assumed that was because of my soft skin. 

Chrissy
Be a good example of good behavior.  Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that your speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.  Serve others.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

Offline natasha

  • Newbie
  • **
  • Posts: 35
  • Reputation: +1/-0
Re: MTF body changes that made it harder for you to go out in public as male
« Reply #13 on: October 27, 2020, 07:11:28 am »
Ive been on hmones for over 10 years and still present as male in public.

Offline ChrissyRyan

  • “Have a gentle manner”
  • Family
  • *****
  • Posts: 28,701
  • Reputation: +35/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • No act of kindness, however small, is wasted.
Re: MTF body changes that made it harder for you to go out in public as male
« Reply #14 on: October 27, 2020, 05:09:03 pm »
Ive been on hmones for over 10 years and still present as male in public.

Wow.  Full time as male in public? 

Chrissy
Be a good example of good behavior.  Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that your speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.  Serve others.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

Offline Pammie

  • *
  • Posts: 2,716
  • Reputation: +18/-0
Re: MTF body changes that made it harder for you to go out in public as male
« Reply #15 on: October 27, 2020, 06:08:31 pm »
Ive been on hmones for over 10 years and still present as male in public.
I’m guessing that is where you want to be if after 10 years ur still presenting Male but you must have some challenges. Do you also spend time in your female self? X


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Offline natasha

  • Newbie
  • **
  • Posts: 35
  • Reputation: +1/-0
Re: MTF body changes that made it harder for you to go out in public as male
« Reply #16 on: October 27, 2020, 10:39:28 pm »
I just go about my business as I am. My hair is past my shoulders, stud earrings, and shaved legs too. Yes, I have had a few of my friends give me a hard time about my hair, and earrings, and bare legs..........honestly I dont really care.

Offline Virelai

  • *
  • Posts: 268
  • Reputation: +30/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: MTF body changes that made it harder for you to go out in public as male
« Reply #17 on: October 31, 2020, 09:36:20 pm »
I have very little presence in public due to the pandemic not making it safe for me with my health troubles, so it's not too easy for me to be able to tell public perception. Nevertheless, my therapist and mom both agree that I'll have trouble presenting as male at this point. In fact, my therapist thinks I'm past the point where I should ever use a men's restroom (which I haven't done in forever, anyway) and that I'd have no trouble presenting female from now on. She went as far as to say I should just be able to apply and get a job presenting female and everything.

The last time I went to a doctor's appointment a few weeks ago, the receptionist "ma'am"ed me, I also got "ma'am"ed on the phone around the same time.

And then there's today. One of our neighbors is getting work done on their fence that is also our fence and has a guy working. My mom stopped me from taking my dog out in my short shorts not because I'm transgender, but because the shorts are too short and my legs would show, and it's too "sexy" and it could draw attention from the guy. :o

I had never thought of that. I wear these shorts out to get the mail.  :icon_redface:



Offline SonadoraXVX

  • *
  • Posts: 382
  • Reputation: +7/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • In the here and now :)
Re: MTF body changes that made it harder for you to go out in public as male
« Reply #18 on: October 31, 2020, 10:52:25 pm »
Same here as natasha. 8 years hrt, present as male, as much as possible, wear a ball cap for my long black hair, native american look, double layer upper body to prevent obvious boobs from showing and overweight to hide feminine curves, due to my environment and job.

Sent from my SM-G955U using Tapatalk

To know thyself is to be blessed, but to know others is to prevent supreme headaches
Sun Tzu said it best, "To know thyself is half the battle won, but to know yourself and the enemy, is to win 100% of the battles".




Offline Pammie

  • *
  • Posts: 2,716
  • Reputation: +18/-0
Re: MTF body changes that made it harder for you to go out in public as male
« Reply #19 on: November 01, 2020, 01:48:41 pm »
I just go about my business as I am. My hair is past my shoulders, stud earrings, and shaved legs too. Yes, I have had a few of my friends give me a hard time about my hair, and earrings, and bare legs..........honestly I dont really care.
But are you not wanting to present female? Hope you don’t mind me asking?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Tags: