Author Topic: Concern for cross dressing son  (Read 2779 times)

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Offline MeTony

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Concern for cross dressing son
« Reply #20 on: May 10, 2020, 02:04:10 pm »
I started ”cross dressing” at age 3. When I became consious about gender roles and myself. I put up a fight when mom tried to put cute dresses and tiny hats on me. I screamed and kicked until she helped me to take them off and I got to wear MY CLOTHS.

My cloths make me comfortabe, they make me feel strong in myself and my self esteem boosts. 

In cloths tht are not mine. (Women’s cloths) I feel awkward, insecure and lose faith in me.

Think about yourself. Would you wear your husband’s/dad’s/brother’s cloths and go down town to do some shopping?

Cloths are a part of our identity. Nat propably feel much more secure and has a higher self esteem.

That Nat denied wanting to be a girl does not mean that as an absolute truth. It takes time to build up confidence to come out. Even to a great mother. But I believe you opened the door a little bit.


Tony

Offline Oldandcreaky

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Re: Concern for cross dressing son
« Reply #21 on: May 10, 2020, 02:56:08 pm »
Nat, MeTony is insightful. Again. That's the way he rolls.

Janes Groove

Re: Concern for cross dressing son
« Reply #22 on: May 10, 2020, 11:53:23 pm »
Hello Nat.  Reading thru this thread the thing that kept coming to me and I haven't really heard it mentioned is something that is known in transgender culture as "The Stigma."

It refers to the view many times consciously held,  but more often than not subconsciously held that there is something inherently WRONG with being transgender.   You and your family are quite obviously dealing with it.  The fact that your child wants to go out into the world dressed as a girl, that he feels he must not do so, that you are worried about him doing so (and rightly so because transgender people face REAL danger and you as a parent quite naturally want to protect your child from danger) are all consequences of dealing with The Stigma.  It is a lifelong battle.  It's not easy. 
My own experience (I won't bore you with the gory details) is one of a lifetime struggle.
It's not easy.  And the worst part isn't even the Stigma that society lays upon us.  It is the internalization of The Stigma that does the most harm.  But at the age of 62, I would suggest, that living a life where one is constantly feeling that there is something wrong with the way one was born, and had absolutely no control over, and simply is and will be is not good.

Best of luck to you.  It won't be easy but love finds a way.

Offline Nat77

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Re: Concern for cross dressing son
« Reply #23 on: May 11, 2020, 07:59:20 am »
Nat, are you familiar with the television show, "I am Jazz."? If so, you can see how complete a transformation can be with puberty blockers and early transitioning.

Your child has some realizing to do. It's not a decision. It's realizing who you are and how you are hardwired to live. It's going to be tough for you not knowing. Tough for your child too.

I have seen some episodes of  "I am Jazz" and yes I can see the huge advantage of transitioning early. I have been looking at some books and found one called "About a Girl" which I hope will be insightful

When I first discovered this site I was looking for advice as I was worried about him coping with going back to normality after being in that female persona for such a long time, I was pretty much convinced that it was simply the clothes etc that he liked, just him being him really but now reading all your comments and advice I do wonder if I am being naive and its much deeper than that.

How many times can I ask him ?   

I started ”cross dressing” at age 3. When I became consious about gender roles and myself. I put up a fight when mom tried to put cute dresses and tiny hats on me. I screamed and kicked until she helped me to take them off and I got to wear MY CLOTHS.

My cloths make me comfortabe, they make me feel strong in myself and my self esteem boosts. 

In cloths tht are not mine. (Women’s cloths) I feel awkward, insecure and lose faith in me.

Think about yourself. Would you wear your husband’s/dad’s/brother’s cloths and go down town to do some shopping?

Cloths are a part of our identity. Nat propably feel much more secure and has a higher self esteem.

That Nat denied wanting to be a girl does not mean that as an absolute truth. It takes time to build up confidence to come out. Even to a great mother. But I believe you opened the door a little bit.


Tony

Tony everything you say makes sense and I do understand that it must be torture every day when you cant be your true self. I obviously want him to be happy.

He would have around 3 or 4 when he started borrowing his sisters things so its been in him forever really, I have had battles getting him out of girls clothes when he was younger so that we could go out shopping etc.

I sometimes think I am partly to blame that it has reached this stage, I never tried to stop him and as I said when he was younger I let him have a few things of his own but there were always rules. He grew up in an all female household as well. Its all very confusing so many elements.   

Yes I have opened the door and maybe all I can do now is leave it up to him, I just hate to think that he is sad

Nat is my name by the way not his  :)

Hello Nat.  Reading thru this thread the thing that kept coming to me and I haven't really heard it mentioned is something that is known in transgender culture as "The Stigma."

It's not easy.  And the worst part isn't even the Stigma that society lays upon us.  It is the internalization of The Stigma that does the most harm.  But at the age of 62, I would suggest, that living a life where one is constantly feeling that there is something wrong with the way one was born, and had absolutely no control over, and simply is and will be is not good.

Best of luck to you.  It won't be easy but love finds a way.


Its that idea of keeping such a huge thing locked away that bothers me, as you say its not going to be healthy carrying that all your life.

Do you think the fact that he wants to go out is significant ? That along with the request for bras has had me thinking and researching, there is a difference between wearing clothes and actually presenting as a female is there not ?

Could things be moving along in his own mind but still be in denial ? Is he trying to tell me but just cant ?

Sorry if I ramble sometimes, I have so much whizzing around in my head and I tend to think aloud.
 

Offline mm

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Re: Concern for cross dressing son
« Reply #24 on: May 11, 2020, 09:44:15 am »
Cloth say so much about who you are, boy or girl independent of ones age young or older. You mentioned  that you may need to measure him/she so you can get the correct size bra.  This will probably not be a problem at all, for this is something that girls do when getting a bra.

Offline Oldandcreaky

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Re: Concern for cross dressing son
« Reply #25 on: May 11, 2020, 11:27:17 am »
Nat, he'll have to find his way to the life he feels compelled to live. In the meantime, I think you're doing all you can. I couldn't be prouder of you.

Janes Groove

Re: Concern for cross dressing son
« Reply #26 on: May 11, 2020, 10:15:14 pm »
Yes I do think that going out dressed in public as a girl is pretty significant.  So is wanting to be fitted with personal bras just meant for him.  From what you've reported it seems that there a a lot of indicators here.  But perhaps it is a good idea to have him see a qualified, non-judgmental therapist.  It may be that you are too close to this to see things that a disinterested 3rd party viewpoint can easily spot.  He may have picked up subconscious signals that make him hesitant to share his true feelings or make it difficult or impossible to talk about.  That's where a therapist is helpful.  They may be able to quickly spot behaviors that you and he are incalculable of seeing.  Because you both are too close to the situation.   A lot of these things he might just feel he can't talk about with mom.

Also, I would be checking his online history.  Is he watching transition videos on youtube?  Is he searching transgender topics?
Another thing to think about is his sexual awakenings and how that plays in.  Is he attracted to boys the way a girl is?  These are also probably things he may feel uncomfortable talking to mom about.


Offline Lyric

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Re: Concern for cross dressing son
« Reply #27 on: May 11, 2020, 10:52:56 pm »
You're at that tricky stage of parenthood between when you feel you need to control your child and relinquishing contol to them. We can be pretty certain you are not responsible for his feminine interests, though. I've never heard of it working that way at all.

I think you should try to relax a bit. Whatever he's doing with this, he's going to do it whether you participate or not. Your tolerance is wonderful. Don't worry about his increased crossdressing during this time accelarating his inclinations. If it's something he has limited interest in he will get his fill of it and taper off. If it's something of greater interest, he may do it more. I say, let him find where he's going with this himself. Give him the space and stop worrying.

I've encountered hundreds of mtf transgender people over they years though forums like this. While some show inclinations toward femininity from early childhood, many males seem to start exploring their desires at pubery. With many this may be a part of their sexual development-- and may continue in some way as part of his sexual life as a man. With others it seems to be time of recognition of a desire to change genders. Either way, the only real thing  you can do to help is tolerance. I wouldn't suggest seeking therapy unless he himself presents the matter as a problem.
"Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life." - Steve Jobs

Offline graspthesanity

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Re: Concern for cross dressing son
« Reply #28 on: May 15, 2020, 10:29:41 am »
Nat, first of all, I'd like to say that you're a caring mother!:) But sometimes you have to give him space to see what he wants to tell and before everything, we stop and question everything ourselves and him being a teen, of course it's harder to talk about it:) So just give him time.

Offline marta marques

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Re: Concern for cross dressing son
« Reply #29 on: June 10, 2020, 09:35:00 am »
NAT, you are a wonderful mother. Your son is very lucky
Did you buy the bras?

Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: Concern for cross dressing son
« Reply #30 on: June 10, 2020, 11:28:58 am »
NAT, you are a wonderful mother. Your son is very lucky
Did you buy the bras?

@marta marques
Dear Marta
    I see that this is your very first posting on the Forums.  I also see that you joined Susan's Place almost 3 Years ago back in August of 2017.   Thank you for coming back to the Forums and posting your thoughts.
   
    Please allow me to officially welcome you here.
   
    As you get more involved in exchanging comments on various posts other members will be along to offer their thoughts and comments in response to any of your specific questions and concerns..

    This is the right place for you to be to find out what others may have to say that may have been in your circumstances and with your questions and concerns.
    There are a lot of members here that will be able to identify with your situation as you feel free to share it.
 
    I also want to warmly WELCOME you to Susan's Place
You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.

    As you are certainly aware you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other like-minded members.  When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....
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Please look closely at the LINKS in RED, answers are there to many questions that new members ask.

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Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: Concern for cross dressing son
« Reply #31 on: June 10, 2020, 11:30:40 am »
@marta marques
Dear Marta:

OH, another thing....  Please feel free to stop by the Introductions Forum to briefly tell more members about yourself!
 
With more exposure to more members here you will be able to get more responses to your questions and concerns.

Wishing your well as you continue to be involved in the forums.

NOTE: Now, after all of this Greeting and Welcoming stuff, I will give you and others the thread back so that the conversation can continue.


Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.
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***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
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Offline Gabrielageo

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Re: Concern for cross dressing son
« Reply #32 on: June 22, 2020, 11:34:16 am »
it´s been a while since you first posted and most states are opening up, so I guess you guys have taken some steps already, but just wanted to say a couple of things from my perspective. I think you should just wait and let your son make the decision that he sees more fit to his case, only he will know whether he´s trans, a CD or God knows what he decides; the best help you can give is to give him room and support, let him explore and find his own way.
He probably found this already, but you can always point out that there are communities where he can exchange ideas, either online, or hopefully in person, school, community support groups (depending on where you live) of course therapists are a great help.
As for dressing, how about just wearing (little by little at first if he's not ready yet) androginous clothing? I dressed almost full time for a while and at first I wore clothing that was kinda ambiguous, nice cut pants, silly t shirts, even when I was a teen I sized some of my sister's trousers so they'd fit me and wore her clogs out, again, kinda ambiguous, I knew they were feminine but the other kids just thought I was being weird.
One thing you need to make him be very aware though, he's still a child, without much experience in the real world, specially online, is not always safe out there, emphasize to him that just as much as he's trusting you with his dressing he needs to be aware that he needs to protect himself and trust your guidance when it comes to this new people he's gonna find

Offline C-Woo

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Re: Concern for cross dressing son
« Reply #33 on: September 29, 2020, 02:56:33 pm »
So he says he is happy being a boy but just wishes he could be himself all the time, he said he gets jealous of girls because they can wear whatever they like, sometimes he feels sad because he has to wear ugly clothes.
He cant explain why he likes girls clothes other than they feel nice, look nice and he likes the way they make him feel.
He said that he wished he could go out dressed but he didn't think I would let him so had never asked (thats a teen asking :) )
 

Girl, me too.
i've been going through a similar path since lockdown started. being home all day, everyday allows me to dress up all day long. i recently grew my beard back out, but prior to that, i was learning how to do my make up and going out to Starbucks on my lunch break in girl mode. it was quite liberating being able to dress how i feel out in public!!
I was doing this everyday most of the summer, and i don't know if i just got my fill of it for a while, but i stopped dressing up near as much over the last month or so now.
Hopefully all this lockdown time will give him an opportunity feel himself out and give him some more idea on which way he wants to develop :)

PS, Victoria's Secret has amazing molded cup bras that add entire cup sizes. Pick him up one or two when they have a sale. no stuffing needed!!

Offline mm

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Re: Concern for cross dressing son
« Reply #34 on: September 29, 2020, 07:19:41 pm »
Molded cup bras do let one look larger without padding, which is a great reason to buy and wear them.

Offline michele4848

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Re: Concern for cross dressing son
« Reply #35 on: October 31, 2020, 12:01:45 pm »
Nat77; Bravo on your great parenting.  I dressed in my mothers clothes and loved it and hated it.  my parents never encouraged me in anything, that was reserved for my younger brother.  I found a suitcase that had girls clothes, and had a really safe place to wear them.  like all kids we experiment with sex, and I used to play with a friend, and yes I dressed for him and loved to give him bjs and let him use me like a girl.  I put all that away for several years but the thought of being a girl was always there.  marriage #1.  2 children, work, divorce, having to be macho put a damper on my real feelings. marriage #2. child #3.  those old feelings come back (I NEED TO DRESS). we talk she seems to be ok with it, even helps with makeup and clothes, even pierced my ears and got me my first fem ear rings.  I needed more.  I found a group of crossdressers and joined them.  I felt like I needed to go farther and told the wife I wanted to transition, m2f, that was a deal breaker.  we divorced.  marriage #3. I remarry now have a step daughter and so i put my girly side in deep hiding.  15 years go by. good loving marriage, but she passes away.  now alone , (sort of) I began dressing , and wishing to be a mans  man wife, or what ever he wants.  so I want you to know, that if I had a son like yours, I would listen to what he feels. if he feels like he wants to transition, then support him.  most of all LOVE HIM/HER.  love to all michele

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