Author Topic: Transition using ladies room  (Read 1022 times)

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Offline Toni1

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Transition using ladies room
« on: October 31, 2020, 05:06:34 pm »
Over the last few months I have more and more been correctly gendered. My usual attire are slacks or leggings and t shirt, sweatshirt or sweater. Over the last month I feel awkward using the men's room as I have begun to get second looks when I do however I feel nervous to start going into the ladies room. I mentioned my awkwardness to my wife the other day telling her that when an option I use the family room. I would appreciate anyone else's experience during this phase.

Offline Pammie

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Re: Transition using ladies room
« Reply #1 on: October 31, 2020, 05:30:48 pm »
Over the last few months I have more and more been correctly gendered. My usual attire are slacks or leggings and t shirt, sweatshirt or sweater. Over the last month I feel awkward using the men's room as I have begun to get second looks when I do however I feel nervous to start going into the ladies room. I mentioned my awkwardness to my wife the other day telling her that when an option I use the family room. I would appreciate anyone else's experience during this phase.
I guess I was always simplistic - before I was full time,,when I presented female I used the ladies, if presenting Male (urgh, can’t really remember that now thank goodness!) then the men’s. I never dressed in an androgynous fashion though.


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Offline TheWomanWithinMe

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Re: Transition using ladies room
« Reply #2 on: October 31, 2020, 08:26:38 pm »
If you are presenting as a female while using the men's bathroom you will likely get raised eyebrows and a comment or two but you will unlikely find someone who will make a real fuss about it.

Going into the women's bathroom you could find yourself in an awkward situation if a woman feels uncomfortable with your presence.  If she makes a serious scene you may find yourself having to explain your presence to an authority figure who may not take your word that you are transgender or far enough along in your transition to meet their personal requirements.  Getting a doctor to write a letter attesting to your being transgender (and carrying it on your person) could prove useful in getting out of some sticky situations but there will always be some folks where that may not make any difference.

I would recommend avoiding female bathroom that serves more than one person at a time to be on the safe side. I would encourage you to survey your city to figure out where you can find family friendly bathrooms or single usage bathrooms in case of dire need.

I've had to memorize all of the available bathrooms for several large towns as 95% of the public bathrooms have been closed to the public due to Covid-19.  You might ask other transgender woman from your area how they handle bathrooms.  They may know of places you might not think of.

Offline Oldandcreaky

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Re: Transition using ladies room
« Reply #3 on: October 31, 2020, 09:54:31 pm »
Quote
If you are presenting as a female while using the men's bathroom you will likely get raised eyebrows and a comment or two but you will unlikely find someone who will make a real fuss about it.

Sage advice. When I was still presenting in the male role, but being read as female, I had a couple men glare at me and a couple more back out of the restroom to read the sign again, but no one was verbally nasty or physically threatening. Just scoot into a stall, do your business, and scoot out.

Online CaelaNotKayla

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Re: Transition using ladies room
« Reply #4 on: October 31, 2020, 10:45:38 pm »


....Just scoot into a stall, do your business, and scoot out.

I use the restroom of the gender that I am presenting as- and can say COVID has really cut down on the potential for running into other ladies.  But I've had to stand in line in the busy ones a couple of times, and @Oldandcreaky 's point is just as valid for the ladies room. I know the ones that I can stop and fix my makeup at, and otherwise just take care of business.

Hugs!

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Offline BrookieBlues

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Re: Transition using ladies room
« Reply #5 on: November 01, 2020, 03:57:24 am »
 
         I haven't really had any issues using the women's washrooms. At first it was a matter of using the buddy system. Either my wife, or a female friend would go in with me. Now I just use them freely. I might get a questioning look, but no one says anything.

Offline KathyLauren

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Re: Transition using ladies room
« Reply #6 on: November 01, 2020, 05:55:39 pm »
My first experiences being out in the world as Kathy were for support group meetings.  The building where they met had a gender-neutral washroom as well as the traditional his and hers, so I used that initially.

However, one day, I was driving home from group, still dressed as Kathy, and I had to pee.  It's an hour and a half drive, so I knew there was no way I'd make it without stopping.  Dressed as I was - skirt, top, bra, long hair (wig), makeup - going to the men's room was out of the question. 

I stopped at a gas station / convenience store along the way, and walked into the ladies room like I owned it, and did what I had to do.  Fortunately for my blood pressure, there was no one in there.  No one noticed.  I was just another lady making a rest stop.

Don't try to hide.  Don't act nervous.  If anyone looks at you, smile.  If you act like prey, you draw attention to yourself, and others will act like predators.  So, act like you've done it 1000 times before, even if it is your first time.
2015-07-04 Awakening; 2015-11-15 Out to self; 2016-06-22 Out to wife; 2016-10-27 First time presenting in public; 2017-01-20 Started HRT!!; 2017-04-20 Out publicly, beginning full-time; 2017-07-10 Legal name change; 2019-02-15 Approval for GRS; 2019-08-02 Official gender change; 2019-10-18 Phone consultation for GRS; 2020-03-11 GRS!; 2020-09-30 New birth certificate




Offline RandyL

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Re: Transition using ladies room
« Reply #7 on: November 02, 2020, 12:19:20 pm »
Kathy's last paragraph is important. Act confident and you are much less likely to be questioned. If someone does question you, put it back on them. Be puzzled and surprised that there would be an issue. Be friendly and accommodating, but the questioner is going to have to push to make their point. You are not going to make it for them.

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Offline Rachel

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Re: Transition using ladies room
« Reply #8 on: November 02, 2020, 05:22:05 pm »
At work I use the men's room for about a year in transition. Then the single stall for 2 years. When I can out at work HR called me and said I could not use the men's room or receive disciplinary action.
MTF in need of help link https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,133631.1980.html
MTF in need of help 2 link https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,251825.0.html
HRT  5-28-2013
FT   11-13-2015
FFS   9-16-2016 -Spiegel
GCS 11-15-2016 - McGinn
Hair Grafts 3-20-2017 - Cooley
Voice therapy start 3-2017 - Reene Blaker
Labiaplasty 5-15-2017 - McGinn
BA 7-12-2017 - McGinn
Hair grafts 9-25-2017 Dr.Cooley
Sataloff Cricothyroid subluxation and trachea shave12-11-2017
Dr. McGinn labiaplasty, hood repair, scar removal, graph repair and bottom of  vagina finished. urethra repositioned. 4-4-2018
Dr. Sataloff Glottoplasty 5-14-2018
Dr. McGinn vaginal in office procedure 10-22-2018
Dr. McGinn vaginal revision 2 4-3-2019 Bottom of vagina closed off, fat injected into the labia and urethra repositioned.
Dr. Thomas FemLar 10/13/2020

Offline Toni1

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Re: Transition using ladies room
« Reply #9 on: November 04, 2020, 07:48:53 pm »
Thank you everyone especially Caela, Kathy and Randy. I guess maybe part of my shyness is I do not really think I present as really feminine although I am for the most part addressed and apparently seen as so by others. So yes I guess unlike my transition which has been so gradual for this I need to when it seems safe just jump in. Next time when my wife and I are together and she needs to go I will like normal just go with her too. I know she will be surprised at this next step but she has so far been nothing but loving and supportive and even encouraging. Maybe tomorrow when I'll go to the department store I will see if I can work up the courage to go myself.
Thank you all🙋

Offline chloeleanneh

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Re: Transition using ladies room
« Reply #10 on: November 05, 2020, 05:19:09 pm »
Sage advice. When I was still presenting in the male role, but being read as female, I had a couple men glare at me and a couple more back out of the restroom to read the sign again, but no one was verbally nasty or physically threatening. Just scoot into a stall, do your business, and scoot out.
This xx

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Offline chloeleanneh

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Re: Transition using ladies room
« Reply #11 on: November 05, 2020, 05:22:11 pm »
My first experiences being out in the world as Kathy were for support group meetings.  The building where they met had a gender-neutral washroom as well as the traditional his and hers, so I used that initially.

However, one day, I was driving home from group, still dressed as Kathy, and I had to pee.  It's an hour and a half drive, so I knew there was no way I'd make it without stopping.  Dressed as I was - skirt, top, bra, long hair (wig), makeup - going to the men's room was out of the question. 

I stopped at a gas station / convenience store along the way, and walked into the ladies room like I owned it, and did what I had to do.  Fortunately for my blood pressure, there was no one in there.  No one noticed.  I was just another lady making a rest stop.

Don't try to hide.  Don't act nervous.  If anyone looks at you, smile.  If you act like prey, you draw attention to yourself, and others will act like predators.  So, act like you've done it 1000 times before, even if it is your first time.
Absolutely non

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Offline Heather A

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Re: Transition using ladies room
« Reply #12 on: November 05, 2020, 07:27:18 pm »
I actually had this exact same conversation with my therapist last week when we meet.  Her advice was the same as many of the other women here.  If you are dressed as female feel free to use the women's if your dressed as male use the men's. So far knock on wood I haven't had any issues using the restroom when out and about.  Luckily with Covid I haven't had too many encounters in the women's bathroom at all, but I still try to avoid using any public restrooms where I can.

Offline Rachel

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Re: Transition using ladies room
« Reply #13 on: November 07, 2020, 08:53:06 pm »
I remember when I was first expressing and I was very nervous. In time I relaxed more and more and now it is not even a thought. Right before I started to express (3 years HRT) guys in the men's room started to stare at me as though something was off. Maybe it was the long hair and light makeup and andro clothing.

I was extremely nervous when I started using the woman's room but at some point it was just a bathroom. When I went for both sessions for hair transplants in North Carolina I had my passport, birth certificate and drivers license with me just in case. There was no issues and the airport bathrooms were very crowded.

I think during transition the switch from male bathrooms to single stall bathrooms took the pressure off.  It allowed me time to figure out clothing, may hair to continue to grow, makeup and just social differences. For example, males tend to not talk in bathrooms and females tend to talk and great each other ( if you know them) in bathrooms. It is a cultural difference.

After I had several procedures and was post op I only used the female bathroom. One time a woman cane out of a stall and basically accused me of leaving blood on the seat. I used another stall. I was confused, didn't she know I was trans? Didn't she know I do not have a period? I was stunned and speechless.
MTF in need of help link https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,133631.1980.html
MTF in need of help 2 link https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,251825.0.html
HRT  5-28-2013
FT   11-13-2015
FFS   9-16-2016 -Spiegel
GCS 11-15-2016 - McGinn
Hair Grafts 3-20-2017 - Cooley
Voice therapy start 3-2017 - Reene Blaker
Labiaplasty 5-15-2017 - McGinn
BA 7-12-2017 - McGinn
Hair grafts 9-25-2017 Dr.Cooley
Sataloff Cricothyroid subluxation and trachea shave12-11-2017
Dr. McGinn labiaplasty, hood repair, scar removal, graph repair and bottom of  vagina finished. urethra repositioned. 4-4-2018
Dr. Sataloff Glottoplasty 5-14-2018
Dr. McGinn vaginal in office procedure 10-22-2018
Dr. McGinn vaginal revision 2 4-3-2019 Bottom of vagina closed off, fat injected into the labia and urethra repositioned.
Dr. Thomas FemLar 10/13/2020

Offline Toni1

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Re: Transition using ladies room
« Reply #14 on: November 08, 2020, 11:31:36 pm »
Thanks Rachel,
That's interesting you mentioned about the perception change at around three years hrt. I am around three years hrt now myself. Yesterday I took the step. We were out to the city yesterday (we live in the province) and while there all day I used the appropriate restroom (women's) twice. The first time it was crowded but no notice or problem. While I was washing my hands and taking a towel another young woman waited a second to also get a towel. We made eye contact both with a smile even evident with us both wearing masks and went on our way. The other time the rest room was empty. I mentioned this to my wife as we previously talked about my recent awkwardness using the men's restroom. Her response was simply that that was good if that is where I felt comfortable. On a separate note on the way home we stopped at a drive through. While ordering food on the speaker I was addressed as sir. The same woman who was on the speaker was also at the pickup window and when I drove to the window without a hesitation she addressed me ma'am.
So I guess in spite if my self reservations I am seen as female.
Confidence grows day by day.



Offline TooTallAlex

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Re: Transition using ladies room
« Reply #15 on: November 19, 2020, 12:17:42 pm »
I have been using the women's restroom since I transitioned socially and publically. I occasionally get looks but no one has ever said anything. With the whole COVID mess and having to wear masks it really helps hide the face and allows you to pass a bit easier.

As others mentioned it is a good idea to have a letter that explains your situation on you in case the authorities get called and you have to deal with that mess. My counselor provided me with my letter without me even asking. I didn't know that was a thing at the time and they had suggested it.

The main thing is to have confidence. If you act as you belong there then it's harder for others to question you. Also going in pairs is helpful if possible.
HRT - July 2020

Offline RandyL

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Re: Transition using ladies room
« Reply #16 on: November 20, 2020, 02:08:41 pm »
This came up in my support group yesterday. A member was having a hard time gathering the courage. Apparently where we live in Colorado the law allows you to use the restroom you identify with as long as you are using it for its proper purpose.

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Offline Bittydrew

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Re: Transition using ladies room
« Reply #17 on: November 22, 2020, 12:18:36 pm »
This is going to be a new experience for me now dressing in skirts and dresses just can't seem to go into a mens restroom and not that passable to go into the womens but I have a friend and my wife and they want me to get into the womens restroom so they will be going with me a few times to get me use to it just don't want a scene and make anyone worried I guess I rarely use a public restroom unless its an emergency just my preference I guess but will have to go sometime to get thru this ...

Offline Pammie

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Re: Transition using ladies room
« Reply #18 on: November 22, 2020, 01:31:29 pm »
This is going to be a new experience for me now dressing in skirts and dresses just can't seem to go into a mens restroom and not that passable to go into the womens but I have a friend and my wife and they want me to get into the womens restroom so they will be going with me a few times to get me use to it just don't want a scene and make anyone worried I guess I rarely use a public restroom unless its an emergency just my preference I guess but will have to go sometime to get thru this ...
You will be fine and wonder afterwards why you worried so much. It’s a very very understandable and natural fear though and we’ve all been there! Good luck and extra hugs!


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