Author Topic: The Solitary Lodger (TSL_NB), and 46 years of 'Backwards Menopause.'  (Read 5814 times)

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Offline TSL_NB

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Re: The Solitary Lodger (TSL_NB), and 46 years of 'Backwards Menopause.'
« Reply #140 on: April 10, 2021, 02:51:28 pm »
@SarahEL  Thanks, sis!   Things are a bit calmer today.  And, it's nice to see you back, too! :)

@RandyL  Hey Randi, thanks as well, sis!   Yeah, that's what's been interesting.  My ex couldn't stay with me, but on this level, she has been very kind.  And my kids, well, they're just awesome. :)

-Vivian
It took over 40 years to realise, and believe, that what I am NOT, is a mistake.

(Yes, I'm a Canadian who served in the US Navy....)


Offline CaelaNotKayla

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Re: The Solitary Lodger (TSL_NB), and 46 years of 'Backwards Menopause.'
« Reply #141 on: April 13, 2021, 10:47:44 pm »
I'm sorry, everyone.   It's been an emotionally trying last several days, and I've got to be off to make lunches here in a moment.

Things recently went a bad direction with some of my family (thankfully, not with my ex and the kids, but other extended members).   I'm apparently not as accepted as I was initially told.  It was really upsetting.

Anyhow, a break helps.  Breaks do help.   
I've got to go start the day now.
-Vivian

Hugs Sis! I hope things are going better for you now.  It's hard to see folks being supportive on the surface, only to talk in the shadows.  My therapist would say make sure to take a moment for yourself, and remember that your feelings are more important that those that don't understand.

Hugs,

Cae.
My Blog Thread - The Chronicles of Caela

Who knew it'd be so bright without the blindfold - Demi Lovato

Offline TSL_NB

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Re: The Solitary Lodger (TSL_NB), and 46 years of 'Backwards Menopause.'
« Reply #142 on: April 15, 2021, 03:57:56 am »
Hugs Sis! I hope things are going better for you now.  It's hard to see folks being supportive on the surface, only to talk in the shadows.  My therapist would say make sure to take a moment for yourself, and remember that your feelings are more important that those that don't understand.

Hugs,

Cae.

Hey Cae...thanks, sis! :)  Hugs back to you!

It's likely going to be a few more days before I can provide more of a proper update, but I'm hanging in there.
-Vivian
It took over 40 years to realise, and believe, that what I am NOT, is a mistake.

(Yes, I'm a Canadian who served in the US Navy....)


Offline TSL_NB

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Re: The Solitary Lodger (TSL_NB), and 46 years of 'Backwards Menopause.'
« Reply #143 on: April 15, 2021, 08:44:59 pm »
Hi everyone....I just came back from getting the two younger kids to bed.   

My ex's prior ex (my stepkids' Dad) had to go into the hospital for a pretty bad lung infection.  My ex has been there to visit over the past few days.   He's in pretty rough shape.   

I'm too emotionally fatigued to really elaborate. 

I did try to have some fun with doing a couple of selfies earlier this afternoon, as the weather was really pleasant today.  I'll likely post those in the other thread.

Otherwise, I'm done for the day.
-Vivian
It took over 40 years to realise, and believe, that what I am NOT, is a mistake.

(Yes, I'm a Canadian who served in the US Navy....)


Offline TSL_NB

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Re: The Solitary Lodger (TSL_NB), and 46 years of 'Backwards Menopause.'
« Reply #144 on: April 22, 2021, 03:37:41 am »
Hi, everyone.   I've fallen way behind in updating, I know.  Sorry about that!

It's been a rough last week.  My stepkids' dad has been in the hospital due to lung complications, so I've had to spend more time at the house after work.

The doctors apparently seem more confident about the prognosis as of yesterday, so that's good.

I'm still waiting for my name/gender marker change to come back from Service NB.   That's really beginning to matter to me a lot, lot more.   I've really tried to proactively set the expectation to others about how I need to be addressed.  It's going to make a difference once all of the documentation reflects it, too.

I did have a really good experience last Monday.  My counselor invited me to join a group session via Zoom with parents whose kids have come out, to share my experiences as a parent who also came out.   It was great to share those experiences, but more so, I'm really so thankful their kids have the support in place.  I never had this opportunity when I was their age.

Anyhow, I've got to get lunches made now.
-Vivian
It took over 40 years to realise, and believe, that what I am NOT, is a mistake.

(Yes, I'm a Canadian who served in the US Navy....)


Offline TSL_NB

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Re: The Solitary Lodger (TSL_NB), and 46 years of 'Backwards Menopause.'
« Reply #145 on: April 26, 2021, 05:11:49 pm »
Sooo....not a whole lot more to update.   

My stepkids' dad is still in the hospital, but is on the mend.  I'm not sure if they will be discharged here in the next few days, we'll see.

I had a bit of an uncomfortable moment with one of the neighbours, who I think was a bit intoxicated (mostly around trying to get too close and touchy, which I have no tolerance for).  I'm going to pay the super a visit here in a short while, to let her know about it.

Beyond that, I'm looking at a new dating site called PinkSofa.  I don't know if anyone else has had experience with it, but everyone on there is very friendly (lesbian women are the target audience, and they've been accepting of me so far, which is really nice).

Anyhow, I've got to run to the house now.
-Vivian
It took over 40 years to realise, and believe, that what I am NOT, is a mistake.

(Yes, I'm a Canadian who served in the US Navy....)


Offline TSL_NB

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Re: The Solitary Lodger (TSL_NB), and 46 years of 'Backwards Menopause.'
« Reply #146 on: May 04, 2021, 03:30:35 am »
So, I haven't updated much, but it's been a bit crazy on this end -

My stepkids' dad has still not been discharged.  The pneumonia apparently came back, and they're having to work on making sure his lungs are clear.   My ex has been making daily visits there, and I've had my younger kids here most evenings.

I would like to visit as well, but my support has to be from this end.  that's all I can do, along with prayer.

On a lighter note, I've really been welcomed in on the PinkSofa site.  It's actually been really wonderful.  Just due to where the site is hosted (it's based in Australia), the majority of members are from that region, but it is targeted worldwide.   

Alright, so now I have to pour my coffee into my gut, and get on with the morning.
-Vivian
It took over 40 years to realise, and believe, that what I am NOT, is a mistake.

(Yes, I'm a Canadian who served in the US Navy....)


Offline CaelaNotKayla

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Re: The Solitary Lodger (TSL_NB), and 46 years of 'Backwards Menopause.'
« Reply #147 on: May 05, 2021, 12:47:10 am »
Vivian-

I've been thinking of you and wanted to send my hopes and prayers for a full recovery for your stepkids' dad. I hope that despite the craziness of life around you that you are doing well too!

Hugs!

Caela
My Blog Thread - The Chronicles of Caela

Who knew it'd be so bright without the blindfold - Demi Lovato

Offline TSL_NB

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Re: The Solitary Lodger (TSL_NB), and 46 years of 'Backwards Menopause.'
« Reply #148 on: May 05, 2021, 12:05:24 pm »
Vivian-

I've been thinking of you and wanted to send my hopes and prayers for a full recovery for your stepkids' dad. I hope that despite the craziness of life around you that you are doing well too!

Hugs!

Caela

Hey Cae, good to see you, sis!   
We're just handling everything day by day....that's all we can do.   

Thanks so much!  Hugs!
-Vivian
It took over 40 years to realise, and believe, that what I am NOT, is a mistake.

(Yes, I'm a Canadian who served in the US Navy....)


Offline TSL_NB

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Re: The Solitary Lodger (TSL_NB), and 46 years of 'Backwards Menopause.'
« Reply #149 on: May 09, 2021, 05:28:29 pm »
So, just another quick update:

The older kids' Dad has improved greatly, and may be back home after this weekend, which is really nice news. :)

I've had my younger kids over here quite a lot, and they are here tonight as well.     

I've now passed my six-month mark on the patch.  And, today, while running errands, the whole 'second puberty' wave really hit in an unexpected, but magnificent way.   I had to run between Costco, Walmart, and the large mall area we have, and the adventure of being out and about was experienced in a really wonderful way.

Without getting into too much detail, I ran into someone who I didn't directly know previously (she's on my FB Friend's List), but I know her mother who lives here in my town.  And, there was just this giddy reaction I was feeling (she's already involved with someone, so I have to maintain my composure).....the HRT has been absolutely amazing, and liberating.  I had always wanted to be more social, but my dysphoria was a huge impediment.   I'm probably still coming across as awkward as ever, but I feel so free in being me, I'm not feeling held back.

I really do have a lot more confidence...it's really nice. :)
-Vivian   
It took over 40 years to realise, and believe, that what I am NOT, is a mistake.

(Yes, I'm a Canadian who served in the US Navy....)


Offline ChrissyRyan

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Re: The Solitary Lodger (TSL_NB), and 46 years of 'Backwards Menopause.'
« Reply #150 on: May 09, 2021, 05:31:59 pm »
So, just another quick update:

The older kids' Dad has improved greatly, and may be back home after this weekend, which is really nice news. :)

I've had my younger kids over here quite a lot, and they are here tonight as well.     

I've now passed my six-month mark on the patch.  And, today, while running errands, the whole 'second puberty' wave really hit in an unexpected, but magnificent way.   I had to run between Costco, Walmart, and the large mall area we have, and the adventure of being out and about was experienced in a really wonderful way.

Without getting into too much detail, I ran into someone who I didn't directly know previously (she's on my FB Friend's List), but I know her mother who lives here in my town.  And, there was just this giddy reaction I was feeling (she's already involved with someone, so I have to maintain my composure).....the HRT has been absolutely amazing, and liberating.  I had always wanted to be more social, but my dysphoria was a huge impediment.   I'm probably still coming across as awkward as ever, but I feel so free in being me, I'm not feeling held back.

I really do have a lot more confidence...it's really nice. :)
-Vivian   

@TSL_NB



That sounds positive Vivian!  It feels good to be out and about.

Congratulations on your greater confidence!

Chrissy

Be a good example of good behavior.  Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that you speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.  Serve others.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  

Offline TSL_NB

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Re: The Solitary Lodger (TSL_NB), and 46 years of 'Backwards Menopause.'
« Reply #151 on: May 09, 2021, 06:13:09 pm »
@TSL_NB



That sounds positive Vivian!  It feels good to be out and about.

Congratulations on your greater confidence!

Chrissy

Hey Chrissy....thanks, sis!  :)
-Vivian
It took over 40 years to realise, and believe, that what I am NOT, is a mistake.

(Yes, I'm a Canadian who served in the US Navy....)


Offline CaelaNotKayla

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Re: The Solitary Lodger (TSL_NB), and 46 years of 'Backwards Menopause.'
« Reply #152 on: May 11, 2021, 10:58:55 am »
So, just another quick update:

The older kids' Dad has improved greatly, and may be back home after this weekend, which is really nice news. :)

I've had my younger kids over here quite a lot, and they are here tonight as well.     

I've now passed my six-month mark on the patch.  And, today, while running errands, the whole 'second puberty' wave really hit in an unexpected, but magnificent way.   I had to run between Costco, Walmart, and the large mall area we have, and the adventure of being out and about was experienced in a really wonderful way.

Without getting into too much detail, I ran into someone who I didn't directly know previously (she's on my FB Friend's List), but I know her mother who lives here in my town.  And, there was just this giddy reaction I was feeling (she's already involved with someone, so I have to maintain my composure).....the HRT has been absolutely amazing, and liberating.  I had always wanted to be more social, but my dysphoria was a huge impediment.   I'm probably still coming across as awkward as ever, but I feel so free in being me, I'm not feeling held back.

I really do have a lot more confidence...it's really nice. :)
-Vivian   

Vivian-

That's a really great experience that you had.  Confidence really is a big driver towards self-acceptance.... and running into an acquaintance and having that confidence is huge!!

Hugs!!

Caela.
My Blog Thread - The Chronicles of Caela

Who knew it'd be so bright without the blindfold - Demi Lovato

Offline TSL_NB

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Re: The Solitary Lodger (TSL_NB), and 46 years of 'Backwards Menopause.'
« Reply #153 on: May 12, 2021, 03:50:04 am »
Vivian-

That's a really great experience that you had.  Confidence really is a big driver towards self-acceptance.... and running into an acquaintance and having that confidence is huge!!

Hugs!!

Caela.

Hey Cae, thanks sis!   It really was....I felt really good about it. :)

The 'second puberty' is no joke - I'm really feeling that part now!
-Vivian
It took over 40 years to realise, and believe, that what I am NOT, is a mistake.

(Yes, I'm a Canadian who served in the US Navy....)


Offline TSL_NB

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Re: The Solitary Lodger (TSL_NB), and 46 years of 'Backwards Menopause.'
« Reply #154 on: May 13, 2021, 06:39:17 am »
So, I just wanted to share a very upsetting experience I had in relation to Pink Sofa (the lesbian dating site I signed up with, which WAS welcoming at first....).

On their Facebook page yesterday, they shared an article, asking the members' opinions of it.   
It was a horribly transphobic article written by Glenn Stanton, and full of hatred against transgender people (I'm not going to directly link the article, but the title was 'Including Queer Sexuality Actually Means Excluding Women'....you can probably see where this is going).

I wrote a strong but composed response to it, and there were a few who came to my defence.  The Pink Sofa administrator replied with an apology, saying they wanted to 'create discussion' (how many times have we heard that one?), but they asked if the could leave it up, because they liked my reply.   At first, I said yes.  But then, a growing number of people who identified as lesbians began to reply (I really don't like using the term TERF, but their posturing was exactly what that describes here), and the replies were offensive, but also, people who support us replied as well, and it turned into a brief civil war before the administrator deleted the whole thing.

Now, Pink Sofa did reach out to me on their own forum, and apologised for the hurt, so I'm hoping this was really just a badly misguided outreach to mend a rift.....but, it's really making me re-think staying on their website (which is sad, because a lot of nice people are on there). 

We have to deal with transphobia already, but to have it come from those who claim to support us (like, does everyone forget what the 'T' in 2SLGBTQIA+ means?), that's really disheartening.
-Vivian
« Last Edit: May 13, 2021, 08:36:33 am by TSL_NB »
It took over 40 years to realise, and believe, that what I am NOT, is a mistake.

(Yes, I'm a Canadian who served in the US Navy....)


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