Community Conversation > Passing

“Passing”

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no-moose:
In thinking about transition, I’m afraid that I will never be satisfied or at peace with my body....especially if I’m seen as “a man in a dress” by the general public, strangers, etc. What I wish for is to be a girl. Period. But I’m afraid that that is not possible, that I will always have to settle for a facsimile, even if I transition.

I’m 39. Are very many transwomen my age who transition able to be seen and treated as women in public - and not as deviant or freakish? Is there any way to predict satisfaction with transition before embarking on it? It feels like such an enormous risk with no guaranteed payoff on the other side.

I’m terrified.

Probably this is my own internal transphobia coming to the surface. I’m sorry for triggering anyone. This is all so hard. Love and courage to you - and to me.


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WannaBgirl2:
I know how you feel! I'm 50 and I am a big construction worker.... My dysphoria is to the point where I don't care about my appearance, and I'm focusing on hrt for the mental aspect.... for now... We shall see how I start to feminize, and adjust accordingly.... Good luck, and baby steps are still steps!¡!!

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Pammie:

--- Quote from: no-moose on November 03, 2020, 07:15:57 am ---In thinking about transition, I’m afraid that I will never be satisfied or at peace with my body....especially if I’m seen as “a man in a dress” by the general public, strangers, etc. What I wish for is to be a girl. Period. But I’m afraid that that is not possible, that I will always have to settle for a facsimile, even if I transition.

I’m 39. Are very many transwomen my age who transition able to be seen and treated as women in public - and not as deviant or freakish? Is there any way to predict satisfaction with transition before embarking on it? It feels like such an enormous risk with no guaranteed payoff on the other side.

I’m terrified.

Probably this is my own internal transphobia coming to the surface. I’m sorry for triggering anyone. This is all so hard. Love and courage to you - and to me.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

--- End quote ---
There are many of us who have been pretty successful transitioning later than that - I was 57 when I transitioned as an example. Passing is critical for me and im mainly very successful - mainly being an important word there in my case.
There are others on here who are even more successful despite transitioning later in life. There is always hope for the future. Xx


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Oldandcreaky:

--- Quote from: no-moose on November 03, 2020, 07:15:57 am ---In thinking about transition, I’m afraid that I will never be satisfied or at peace with my body....especially if I’m seen as “a man in a dress” by the general public, strangers, etc. What I wish for is to be a girl. Period. But I’m afraid that that is not possible, that I will always have to settle for a facsimile, even if I transition.

I’m 39. Are very many transwomen my age who transition able to be seen and treated as women in public - and not as deviant or freakish? Is there any way to predict satisfaction with transition before embarking on it? It feels like such an enormous risk with no guaranteed payoff on the other side.

I’m terrified.

Probably this is my own internal transphobia coming to the surface. I’m sorry for triggering anyone. This is all so hard. Love and courage to you - and to me.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

--- End quote ---

Where I live, not many women wear dresses, so living in the female role typically means jeans or shorts or casual slacks. I haven't worn a dress for years. I still own a few, but I prefer the ease of shorts in the summer and sweatpants in the winter. Basically, the women dress pretty much like the men, so it isn't clothing that differentiates us, but hair style, size, movement, behavior, pitch, etc. and perhaps most of all, bones and skin tone.

I pass despite being an odd woman, odd in my height, at nearly six feet, and odd in the width of my shoulders. However, these generally masculine traits are offset by my fine bones, my slenderness, my hips, my abundant hair, and my relatively short arms and slender hands.

I'm only talking about myself to give you an idea of how you're likely to be read. What feminine characteristics do you have? Regarding your face, do you have the money to change your masculine features with FFS? What masculine features do you have? When the feminine features outnumber the masculine features, you're less likely to be clocked.

WannaB looks quite masculine in her photo, but when I look beyond the construction worker grizzle, I see a feminine round face and a feminine nose. Can you share your photo?

Jessica_Rose:
I was 55 when I went full time as Jessica. When I started HRT nearly a year earlier, I was certain that I would 'make one ugly woman'. I am 6ft 1in and dropped my weight from 195lbs down to 168lbs. Even before FFS, I had strangers tell me that I am beautiful. Temper your expectations, and you may be surprised at what HRT can do.

As far as being a facsimile, how do you define being a girl, or a woman? Assuming you eventually have GCS, externally you will have all of the 'correct' parts. Some women are born without ovaries or a uterus, some have them removed due to medical issues. Many women have cosmetic surgery, such as breast augmentations, rhinoplasty, facelifts. Is a cis female no longer a female is she if not 100% OEM (original equipment manufacturer)? Just because my brother has two aftermarket shoulders and an aftermarket hip, does that mean he isn't my brother?

Being a woman (or a man) isn't an equation adding up a pile of parts, it's the summation of how you act, how think, and how you respond to your surroundings. Certainly the more boxes you can check off the easier it will be for others to respond to you as a woman, but ultimately don't we define ourselves -- or do we let others tell us who we are?

It does take a leap of faith to make the decision, not knowing for sure what will be on the other side. In my case, suppressing who I was slowly drove me deeper and deeper into darkness. I was ultimately left with two choices -- ending my life, or releasing my soul from darkness. I chose to live.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

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